While Waiting for Brilliant Stars in the Darkness, Substitute Glitter Mashed into Slime...
Where are you finding solace, comfort, community, blessed distraction, love, and maybe even joy at this devastating moment? A Friday Open Thread...
Readers,
Like so many of you, I’m devastated by the results of Tuesday’s election. I’m inconsolable right now—heartsick, sad, angry, and terrified of what’s to come. I’m in a state of shock, a zombie with what feels like road rash on my heart.
Soon we must pull ourselves out of our funks and get to work. I was moved by the adage Vice President Harris cited in her concession speech: “‘Only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.’ Let us fill the sky with the light of a billion brilliant of stars.” I’m not there yet. I’ll get there.
Right now, in the immediate wake of what feels like a devastating blow, I’m desperately seeking glimmers of light in the form of solace, comfort, community, blessed distraction, love, and even joy. I bet many of you are, too. So I thought I’d use today’s Open Thread as a resource, where we can share with each other the things that are getting us through this. But please note:
There’s a lot of finger-pointing and excuse-making going on right now, plus a lot of Monday morning quarterbacking about what went wrong, and that is NOT what this thread is for. I’m finding it toxic; I can’t take in more of that at this moment, and I don’t want any of it, or any kind of fighting, in this comment thread. Please respect my wishes. Thank you.
I just want to know what others like me are turning to in order to hold it together, to lift their spirits, or to frankly disassociate through this early stage of deep grief. In the comments please tell me:
Where are you finding solace, comfort, community, blessed distraction, love, and even joy right now? What is helping you get through this painful moment? Exercise? Running? Yoga? Dancing? Making art? Reading books? Poetry? Writing? Reruns of old comedies? Listening to music? Playing video games? Gathering with friends? Calling loved ones on the phone or over FaceTime? Zoning out to ASMR videos where they mash glitter into slime, in the insomniac wee hours of the morning? (🙋🏼♀️) Be specific. If you’d like to, please add how old you are (given that this is a magazine centered on aging), it would add perspective.
Me?
In a note at the top of this week’s Oldster Questionnaire featuring Douglas Brouwer, I confessed that, unable to sleep in the middle of the night, I’ve been letting my mind wander by…watching reels on social media in which people decorate cakes in elaborate ways, and Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR) videos whose creators mash glitter into slime.
But my favorite ASMR videos are the “Gentle Whispering” brand on YouTube made by Maria Viktorovna. I’ve been soothing my nervous system with her videos since the first Trump presidency.
I’m a little embarrassed to admit I watch and listen to these, many of which involve her role-playing—as a haircutter, massage therapist, librarian, makeup artist, flight attendant, travel agent, and more. I don’t really care what she’s acting out, or even specifically saying. It’s all about her whispering in a way that gives me ASMR “tingles” that don’t only relax me, but also travel from my ear to the nerves in my arthritic hip, stimulating them with a bit of temporary pain relief. I know—weird! But somehow it helps.
Gathering in community has been helpful. Yesterday I got together with some writer pals at a local bar, and catching up with friends/colleagues was a balm. It reminds me of when my friends and I took turns hosting potluck dinners in our downtown Manhattan apartments in the wake of 9/11. I remember being so moved back then by New Yorkers’ warmth and kindness. I see that happening now, too, and it’s heartening.
I’ve been going for walks in the (freakishly) warm November sunshine, sometimes just in my midtown Kingston neighborhood, other times on some of the nice trails around here. I might go visit my mom on Long Beach, N.Y. soon, and take some walks on the beach and boardwalk.
Brian and I have been streaming lots of comedies that briefly put us into a different headspace—Somebody Somewhere, How to Die Alone, English Teacher, Resident Alien. We’re looking forward to the return of Bad Sisters, coming next Weds., November 13th. And we absolutely cannot wait until the return of Severance, in January.
I’m lifting my mood listening to great music playlists put together by Oldster collaborator Cliff Chenfeld and Questionnaire-taker rock critic Will Hermes.
YouTube karaoke performed between tasks—alone at my desk at home—is one of my most tried and true antidotes to emotional distress. I even have special bluetooth mics. I’ve been too distraught for this so far, but I know I’ll be back to it soon.
Focusing on work has been difficult, but a welcome distraction. More than ever I’m grateful to my subscribers to this magazine, and to
, for a way to be gainfully productive and useful.Oh! Have you tried screaming in your car? On Election Day I was so distraught, I accidentally backed into a cement block and badly scraped the bumper on my car. When I got home, I sat in the driveway for a few minutes and screamed until I blew my ears out. I couldn’t hear properly for a good 20 minutes, and it left my voice scratchy, but the release was well worth it.
I should get back to meditation. I know it helps. I don’t know why I’m so resistant to it. Going to crank up the old Insight Timer app on my phone today.
Other things…Generally I’m not a phone person, but I’ve had some heartening phone and FaceTime conversations with family and friends…I’ve also engaged in more stop-and-chat than is usual for me, out in the world, and it has helped…
I’m fortunate to have a happy, easy marriage with a like-minded partner. We have been consoling each other nonstop, with hugs and kind words. I hope you have someone with whom you can exchange hugs and kind words. Let’s just all hug each other and say nice things.
Okay, your turn. In the comments, please tell us:
Where are you finding solace, comfort, community, blessed distraction, love, and even joy right now? What is helping you get through this painful moment? Exercise? Running? Yoga? Dancing? Making art? Reading books? Poetry? Writing? Reruns of old comedies? Listening to music? Playing video games? Gathering with friends? Calling loved ones on the phone or over FaceTime? Zoning out to ASMR videos where they mash glitter into slime, in the insomniac wee hours of the morning? (🙋🏼♀️) Be specific. If you’d like to, please add how old you are (given that this is a magazine centered on aging), it would add perspective.
Thank you, as always, for reading, commenting thoughtfully, and for all of your support. 🙏💝 I couldn’t do this without you, and I am so grateful.
And while I’m expressing gratitude (which really does feel good), thank you to everyone who turned out to vote, and even more to those who volunteered to get out the vote, whether through writing postcards, or phone/text-banking, or traveling to swing states to knock on doors. 🙏
-Sari
I’m sitting shiva for my country. When it ends, I’m focusing hyper local, leaning into my communities (singing, bowling, animal shelter) and paying more attention to the vulnerable. Will also step up with the league of Women Voters (nonpartisan), who focus on voter registration and education.
Sari, you—here, a beacon. That is light. You asking us not to place blame: light, too. We are all here because we are makers of some kind—makers of words, of things, of life, of meals, of ideas. I am pledging to make one or two new things each week (words for my Substack, art to accompany the words). When fully engaged in that way, I breathe. When I breathe I become more whole. This is not turning away from the world. It is leaning in closer, to catch its whispers.