This is 68: Celeste Lecesne Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire
"Ever since I was a child, I had a sense that my life would really take off when I was in my 60s. And this has turned out to be true."
From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”
Here, writer, actor, storyteller, and LBGTQ+ youth activist Celeste Lecesne responds - Sari Botton
Celeste Lecesne is a writer, actor, storyteller, and LBGTQ+ youth activist. Lecesne founded The Trevor Project and The Future Perfect Project, and wrote the script for the celebrated short 1994 film Trevor.
How old are you?
68
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
I don't have an exact age, but I'd say that I have a general feeling of being somewhere between 40 and 50. Perhaps this is because those years were formative for me in terms of understanding who I was, who I was never going to be and the person that I wanted to become. When I dream, however, I’m always in my early 30’s, the age when I first began to understand that one day I too would most certainly die.
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
When I look around at my contemporaries, I'm aware that my generally positive outlook and my fierce determination to live a meaningful life in service to others is not the norm. And what was once perceived as naivety in my younger years I now consider a form of wisdom. This ability to be hopeful despite the evidence is something I've cultivated and espoused over the years; and I believe that it is the key ingredient allowing me to feel younger than my years.
I was born into a world in which homosexuality was a crime, a mental disease and a sin, and I've been fortunate to have played a part in changing that narrative for generations of queer people who came after me.
What do you like about being your age?
Wisdom. It's only through our lived experiences that we begin to perceive the patterns and learn the lessons that lead to self-knowledge. The more experiences, the more wisdom.
What is difficult about being your age?
At this point, there is nothing I can think of that's difficult for me about being my age. I actually love being exactly old enough to know better, and yet still young enough to get around and live a full-out life. I know who I am and what I like, and I’m still able to be curious about what I don't know and all that’s yet to be. That said, I am aware that the world as I've known it for most of my life is changing and becoming something that I don't fully recognize, and this can sometimes feel disorienting in a way that is unfamiliar.
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
I've always rejected the idea of retirement or the notion that people become less than themselves as they age. In fact, ever since I was a child, I had a sense that my life would really take off when I was in my 60’s. And this has turned out to be true. I’m happier now than I've ever been, and I look forward to more of that. I am certainly more active and alive than my parents and grandparents were at my age. I know there will most likely be challenges ahead as there are for every human being, but using this time to learn how to create value no matter what seems the best preparation for aging and dying that I can think of.
This ability to be hopeful despite the evidence is something I've cultivated and espoused over the years; and I believe that it is the key ingredient allowing me to feel younger than my years.
Also, no one ever told me that changing the past is a possibility That is the biggest surprise, and I consider this to be the most important superpower available to every elder. Through careful and courageous introspection, a willingness to take 100% responsibility for my own life and developing the humility to hear an altogether different story, I’ve been able to morph the events of the past and reveal a deeper, truer story of my life. It's like a form of magic that is worth living for. Only after years of practice, however, are we able to experience the big Tah-Dah.
What has aging given you? Taken away from you?
Aging has given me a deep and abiding respect for diversity and the value of being in the mix with others who are unlike me. At the same time, exposure to a diverse mix of humanity has allowed me the opportunity again and again to see the common threads that run through every single person and holds us all together. As an older person, I've also learned to love the natural world in a way that once did as a small child. What aging has taken away from me is the tendency to see myself as separate from anyone or anything outside myself. We are all in this together.
How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?
I was born into a world in which homosexuality was a crime, a mental disease and a sin, and I've been fortunate to have played a part in changing that narrative for generations of queer people who came after me. For me to be able to finally live a full queer life without shame or stigma has been as much the result of my personal efforts as it has been of the result of the political changes that have occurred in my lifetime. This has been a profound advantage of getting older as a queer person in the late 20th Century and the early 21st century. We are now as free as we can allow ourselves to be.
No one ever told me that changing the past is a possibility…Through careful and courageous introspection, a willingness to take 100% responsibility for my own life, and developing the humility to hear an altogether different story, I’ve been able to morph the events of the past and reveal a deeper, truer story of my life.
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
The age I am now. This has always been true for me and I see no reason to alter that decision. In other words, I am right where I am.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?
There have been so many elders I've known who have inspired me to live not only a longer life, but also one that is better and deeper and truer. Perhaps my greatest example was my dear friend and social justice warrior, Edie Windsor. I met Edie when she was already in her 80’s, but despite our age difference we became friends. I was inspired by her fierce determination to make a difference in the lives of her fellow queers and her faith in the power of love. In 2013 she became the lead plaintiff in the Supreme Court case United States v. Windsor, which overturned Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act and was considered a landmark legal victory for the same-sex marriage movement in this country. As a result of her insistence on marriage equality for LGBT people, the Obama administration and federal agencies extended rights, privileges and benefits to married same-sex couples in 2017. She was 84 years old when the case was decided, but even afterwards, she continued to campaign for LGBT rights never failing to remind us that it is love that wins. Always. Edie taught me that one person’s fights for justice is a fight for everyone everywhere.
I lived through the AIDS crisis in New York City and while so many of my friends and colleagues died during that time, I somehow lived. It seemed a miracle to me, and the best way that I can honor the many who did not make it is to never complain about getting older and to celebrate every year of my life to the best of my ability.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
I take better care of my skin and teeth and I'm more conscious of eating healthy food. My spiritual practice means more to me these days and I turn to it regularly as a way of improving my spiritual, mental, physical and emotional health.
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
I am now old enough to know that aging is a lifelong process of adjusting expectations to meet the moment, and it's best to do so with grace, dignity and a sense of humor. It is also essential to live with the understanding that we will all be asked to one day make the most massive adjustment possible—to give up everything. Everything. With that in mind, I find it’s best to not hold too tightly to ideas of who I was and adjust my expectations to accommodate the unknown.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
I lived through the AIDS crisis in New York City and while so many of my friends and colleagues died during that time, I somehow lived. It seemed a miracle to me, and the best way that I can honor the many who did not make it is to never complain about getting older and to celebrate every year of my life to the best of my ability.
What a beautiful, inspiring soul you are. At 70, I am gathering your words to make a better life for myself. Thank you.
May I just address Celeste’s simply magnificent style