This is 62: Magazine Legend Jane Pratt Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire
"If older women can look at and read about issues related to younger people constantly, why can't that happen in reverse?"
From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”
Here, —founder of Sassy Magazine, Jane Magazine, XO Jane, and now on Substack—responds. - Sari Botton
Jane Pratt started Sassy magazine when she was 24, then went on to launch Jane magazine and the online publication XoJane. Now she is spending all of her time (aside from any with friends, dogs, daughter) on her fourth publication, AnotherJanePrattThing.com.
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How old are you?
62!
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
I have always said that I got emotionally stuck at the age of 15, when I went away to boarding school and went through the most traumatic, difficult time in my life there. Partially based on this, I've developed a party trick where I can tell people their "emotional ages,” which often correlate with a traumatic incident that they never quite got past. It's amazing how accurate these "readings" are, but my only qualification is that I went through it myself. I've also been tested for ESP as a kid and gotten some high scores on it, but that's another long winded story.
So I do still feel 15 emotionally in many ways, but being chronologically 62 and having had all those extra years to get used to these feelings sure takes the edge off of them. I am way less insecure, of course. Maybe the most insecure and trying period was when I was in my 20s. That was harsh.
I've developed a party trick where I can tell people their "emotional ages,” which often correlate with a traumatic incident that they never quite got past. It's amazing how accurate these "readings" are, but my only qualification is that I went through it myself. I've also been tested for ESP as a kid and gotten some high scores on it, but that's another long winded story.
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
I feel aligned with people my age but also with people much older and younger. Most of my best friends are people I have known for at least two-thirds of my life, so we have all grown and aged together at roughly the same pace, I think. We all think we are young for our ages, and I think most people do, right? (You would know more than me!)
What do you like about being your age?
I love, love, love the not caring parts of being this age. I have always been someone who just blurts out whatever I'm thinking, and is considered inappropriate often because of it. But now that I look more the part, I think (at least I hope) that people look at me and think that I have earned the right to be that way. So I run with that all the time. It has always felt freeing to just say it, and now even more so. You feel almost impenetrable, but not in a sad lonely way. It's like the only people that can get to you at this age are the people you are actually close to and care about. Hallelujah.
What is difficult about being your age?
There's definitely physical stuff that surprises me. I tend to overdo everything, so I was a runner for most of my life, but I had to push it and run marathons, which for me took a toll. Now unless I want to get injured, I have to walk instead if I want to get that type of movement. I was also a dancer for a long time and squeezed myself into ill fitting pointe shoes (which I had no business wearing anyway because I didn't have all the skills), and danced on broken toes that still look like hell (my feet scare small children, seriously) and don't function well. I definitely feel like I have been hard on my body, just as I am on my clothes, but that I've enjoyed every moment of it, so I don't regret it. I just have to keep changing up what I do physically to accommodate the limitations that come up. But I feel like that has been happening my whole life, so it doesn't feel particularly aging related.
So I do still feel 15 emotionally in many ways, but being chronologically 62 and having had all those extra years to get used to these feelings sure takes the edge off of them. I am way less insecure, of course. Maybe the most insecure and trying period was when I was in my 20s. That was harsh.
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
What a great question. From what I heard about being in your 60s, I thought that it would be a lot harder than it is—both physically and emotionally. (It reminds me of childbirth and how you hear so much about how painful it is, when actually, I found it joyous and not as hard as I had been told—granted, my baby was on the smaller side.) Being older feels pretty easy breezy, I have to say. I don't have the anxieties and mood swings and insecurities I used to have and just the level of confidence from having been around this long is really calming. I love the idea (and phrase) resting on one’s laurels and I always think I will do that one day. I'm partially there and it is such a relief, especially if you're someone who has been fairly driven and a striver from a young age.
What has aging given you? Taken away from you?
Aging has given me absolutely everything good that I have. I love being this age. And it's really fun to say it too – I'm 62!! Aging, has taken away insecurities and anxieties, and has POSSIBLY taken away my ability to do some of the extreme physical daredevil things I have loved to do my whole life—from rock climbing to trapeze to skydiving to parasailing—but I can't even say that yet because I plan to still keep trying, and I can let you know how it all goes.
I love, love, love the not caring parts of being this age. I have always been someone who just blurts out whatever I'm thinking, and is considered inappropriate often because of it. But now that I look more the part, I think (at least I hope) that people look at me and think that I have earned the right to be that way. So I run with that all the time. It has always felt freeing to just say it, and now even more so. You feel almost impenetrable, but not in a sad lonely way.
How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?
I feel like the exact same person. But I feel calmer about being that person.
What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?
There are so many things I have never done, like gotten a tattoo or gotten married. But I don't know whether those are things I even want to do, so I doubt that I will (unless my daughter wants me to get a tattoo with her, or if my Another Jane Pratt Thing readers want to do it with me, as they just said in the comments that they did, in which case I will). I would still like to go to med school and get involved in public health. I could definitely see doing that down the road.
We have a lot of longevity in my family—my grandfather died at 96 and my grandma at 108. My mom is 85 and looks an acts like she's 35. A doctor just told her that she has another good 20 years and I think it's going to be even longer than that. So I fully expect to live into my hundreds, and I look forward to every single one of those milestones. I can't wait to see what it's like to be 75. And 90. Etc.!
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
My favorite age is right now—and I think I always would have said that at every age except when I was in my middle teen years and in my early to mid-20s. Those were really hard. I think it's hard to be the ages when everyone treats you like you should be having the time of your life. Now the expectations for this age are not so great and I feel much better and more solid than at those supposedly great ages. So I will take 62 happily. And beyond.
I definitely feel like I have been hard on my body, just as I am on my clothes, but that I've enjoyed every moment of it, so I don't regret it. I just have to keep changing up what I do physically to accommodate the limitations that come up. But I feel like that has been happening my whole life, so it doesn't feel particularly aging related.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you?
My mom, as I said, is the most incredible example of aging amazingly beautifully. Some people would say she is not aging, and that is also true in a lot of ways. She has this energy where she's constantly moving and smiling and laughing and jumping up and down to tell a story, so she doesn't even stay still long enough for you to see any wrinkles if you wanted to. She looks and acts exactly how I would hope to at her age. Plus, she is an artist, so I think her love for painting and being able to consistently do that keeps her at her perfect emotional state and age. She's amazing. I got so lucky to have her as a mom—and believe me, I still need and call her frequently for all the reasons I always have.
Who is your aging idol and why?
There are so many women in the public eye and who you just see around who are aging so beautifully. My favorite aging look was actually based on a Walker Evans photograph I had in my room growing up of a sharecropper, Ali Mae Burroughs. Now I realize she was probably 30 years old and weathered, but at the time to me as a kid, she read as old. Anyway, that's the look that I absolutely love. Strong fine bone structure with skin that has hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of lines all running through it. There was a picture in the New York Times recently of Jane Goodall that was a close-up and that looks-wise would be my aging idol.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
I do get confused about what I want to wear these days. I still have all my same old clothes from forever because I never clean out my closet, but I don't wear a whole lot of them. Some of it is for comfort reasons, like I can't believe that for so many years I ran around all the time in extremely high, often stiletto heels, whereas now I rarely wear heels period. But I have yet to think that there's something I "can't" wear or “couldn't” do beauty wise. I will just keep doing them all and let other people tell me if they think it looks horrible. Then I may listen to them.
Healthwise, my friends and my mom get mad at me because I do not adjust my lifestyle based on my age. And it does lead to problems. For example, I've had maybe five or six broken bones requiring surgery in the last few years because I take all kinds of risks and forget that my bones are not what they used to be.
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
Everything. It is often to my detriment physically, but I don't make adaptations based on age until I have to (like stopping running because of a broken leg—which I actually tried to keep running on and made it a half mile at least!).
I do get confused about what I want to wear these days. I still have all my same old clothes from forever because I never clean out my closet, but I don't wear a whole lot of them. Some of it is for comfort reasons, like I can't believe that for so many years I ran around all the time in extremely high, often stiletto heels, whereas now I rarely wear heels period. But I have yet to think that there's something I "can't" wear or “couldn't” do beauty wise. I will just keep doing them all and let other people tell me if they think it looks horrible. Then I may listen to them.
What turn of events had the biggest impact on your life? What took your life in a different direction, for better or worse?
What a great question. I've had plenty of things happen that would be more universally considered tragic than this, but the true answer is: Going away to boarding school at Andover, fully unprepared for what it would be like to be a full scholarship kid from the south, who knew nobody, and how hard and isolating that would be socially. Nothing in my life will ever feel that hard and insurmountable again.
What is your number one regret in life? If you could do it all over again, what is the biggest thing you’d do differently?
Really nothing because it's all intertwined and because I just love experiences and tend to pursue them all. The only exception is that there were a few romantic relationships where I wish I had felt more confident at the time and not cut them off because I didn't believe that the other person could actually want to stay with me long-term. But I'm not going to say too much about those regrets because the people I am talking about are still alive and there's still hope!
What is high up on your “bucket list?” What do you hope to achieve, attain, or plain enjoy before you die?
I started a bucket list without calling it that when I was 15 and wrote down the list of things I wanted to do during my lifetime in my journal. So I've consistently checked those things off as I have lived. One that was on there that I didn't get to do was sleep with Prince, but that won't happen now. Let me think of others: more and more physical daredevil activities in the sky along the lines of skydiving and parasailing (which I've already done). I'd like to keep doing those and try them all. An experience I've never had is to just purely enjoy relaxing in life without working. I don't feel ready for that one yet though, if ever. And I've never been to Greece or India, so those would be on the list also.
What are your plans for your body when you’re done using it? Burial? Cremation? Body Farm? Other? And what do you expect to happen to your “soul” or “spirit” after you die?
I would say cremation out of the choices that I've been aware of most of my life . The only one I emotionally don't like the idea of is burial. And what is that method I heard about recently where they can basically turn you into fumes or something to nourish the ground? (Is that body farming?) I have to go look that one up, but something like that, that is environmentally friendly and seems kind of no-fuss sounds appealing. Most of all, I just have one child, so I would be happy with whatever makes her feel the best. For example, if she wants to keep me in an urn, great—I would be so happy there!
I know for absolute certain that I will still be around. I have great long-term relationships with people that are not here in their physical bodies anymore (and some people who still come around to bug me even though they're dead), and I'm not planning on leaving the people that I love other than physically either.
I started a bucket list without calling it that when I was 15 and wrote down the list of things I wanted to do during my lifetime in my journal. So I've consistently checked those things off as I have lived. One that was on there that I didn't get to do was sleep with Prince, but that won't happen now. Let me think of others: more and more physical daredevil activities in the sky along the lines of skydiving and parasailing (which I've already done). I'd like to keep doing those and try them all.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
I expect everyone to be really nice to me and I don't plan anything in advance, but the perfect thing inevitably ends up happening. I used to plan parties or have them planned for me, but this way is easier and more fun for me. On my 50th birthday, however, I was convinced that all of my friends had planned a huge surprise party bash, flying in from all over the place for it, and that my friend who said to come a little later because he was late at the gym was actually trying to stall me while they got everything set up, the band, the chef, the many many hiding guests. So when I walked in the door arms wide and with a big thank you smile on my face and saw it was actually just my friend who was late from the gym, I was shocked.
Is there anything else you’d like to tell us about your philosophy around aging?
The fact that the Oldster community so proudly and readily announce their ages is both revolutionary and so healing. Having had a lot of unnecessary emphasis put on my young age in the past (as the youngest editor-in-chief of a national magazine at 24), I now have friends and professional colleagues telling me on a very regular basis not to disclose my current age, because it could cause potential members of my growing new (
) community to be turned off from even joining. Of course, I have not followed that advice!I have set a policy there and in all my work and personal life, though, not to mention anyone's age unless it is relevant to what we are writing about. Because I think that most everywhere in the press (except for Oldster!), ageism is still being fueled by mentions of people's ages when they are not at all relevant to why those people are being discussed. Chronological age does not need to signify anything, necessarily, and I think it is strongest when we proudly announce it ourselves, as your community does, rather than having it be mentioned as an indicator of "weak, frail, fragile, not as able, not as with-it." Like, every news story that starts, "A woman, 62, was crossing the street…" which is meant to make the reader feel a certain way about this person, often a victim, that you wouldn't feel if it said, "a man, 35, was crossing the street…" I am ready for that type of ageism to end and I'm excited to be part of eradicating it! That's been a big impetus behind me wanting to start this new publication.
Simultaneously, I've had many people mention that publishing stories on topics like menopause may cause us to lose the younger end of our audience. But I say that if older women can look at and read about issues related to younger people constantly, why can't that happen in reverse? So we cover menopause and first menstruation in the same publication and so far, the response to that has been great. Hallelujah!
"I feel like the exact same person. But I feel calmer about being that person." Can relate. Excellent interview!
Omg! She is a legend! One of my idols when I was a magazine editor! Love every bit of this one!