This is 58: Yi Xue Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire
"I am realizing that I've never shared my age publicly until this interview. I can’t imagine doing so had I still been working in the corporate world."
From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”
Here, corporate retiree and burgeoning writer responds. -Sari Botton
P.S. A reminder that in my book, everyone who is alive and aging is considered an Oldster, and that every contributor to this magazine is the oldest they have ever been, which is interesting new territory for them—and interesting to me, the 57-year-old who publishes this. Going forward I will delete any comments that dismiss contributors’ experiences of getting older because they’re allegedly not old enough.
Yi Xue has been a classically trained pianist, an IT technologist, a business executive, a nonprofit organization advisor, and a writer who is passionate about sharing her stories.
She loves to write stories about her family of origin living through different times and from faraway places, stories about being a first-generation immigrant redefining herself, stories about being a woman of color navigating Corporate America, and stories about finding the power to make her own decisions and live life on her terms.
Through writing Yi explores ways to connect with herself and her readers; with those who are willing to embrace life with curiosity an open mind, to seek to be freed from conventional definitions of success, and those who love to read, learn, and grow. She writes the newsletter .
How old are you?
58. I am realizing that I’ve never shared my age publicly until this interview. I can’t imagine doing so had I still been working in the corporate world. That ought to tell us something, something deeply rooted in fear despite what we’d like to believe, about the world we inhabit and about ourselves.
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
Not really. I always like to think that I am forever younger today than tomorrow, this year than next year. I want to live in the present.
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
I don’t think about age often but only in terms of how much experience I have gained and how much I still look forward to learning. I don’t feel old in my heart and don’t judge myself on my appearance. Physically, I have to be honest, there are times I say to myself, “Oh I can’t pull that off anymore!”
I always like to think that I am forever younger today than tomorrow, this year than next year. I want to live in the present.
What do you like about being your age?
I am more relaxed, forgiving (to others and myself), and more capable of being introspective. And I definitely would like to think I am wiser.
What is difficult about being your age?
Being an Asian woman, I have been told many times that I don’t look my age. Well, now that I am in my late 50s, I find it difficult to know what to feel and how to react to such comments. Should I feel flattered? Exult secretly? Or second guess the commentator’s true intention?
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
That I don’t feel old, and I don’t view myself old. Not at all. But if you ask the younger me, I’d tell you 58 sounds pretty darn old. Even when I am no longer able to pull off multi-city, airport-to-hotel-to-conference rooms-to-airport trips, and no longer able to fend off jet lag with early morning gym sessions, I simply accept it as a different lifestyle for this phase of my life, and don’t view it as “old”.
I don’t like to think about “being old,” or dwell in the conventional number-based system. Instead, I want to be in tune with how I feel, physically and mentally, and hold no judgment.
How has getting older affected your sense of yourself or your identity?
Talking about age is taboo but ageism definitely exists in our society. However, I am now more aware of myself and clearer with my identity—not only how other people identify me but also how I identify myself.
I want to be a calmer version of my younger self, and in addition to being compassionate (as I believe I always have been), focus more on being empathetic, as now I understand empathy is more than just understanding where you are coming from, but also feeling what you feel. I am not fully where I want to be yet, but I am being intentional about it.
Here is something to laugh about: One afternoon recently, my husband and I were visiting a neighbor and when the grandmother of the family asked the kids to address us as “grandpa and grandma” I was so startled that out of reflex, I blurted out, “Oh no, no, call me auntie! I am not that old!” Well, am I? Ha!
Being an Asian woman, I have been told many times that I don’t look my age. Well, now that I am in my late 50s, I find it difficult to know what to feel and how to react to such comments. Should I feel flattered? Exult secretly? Or second guess the commentator’s true intention?
What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?
I guess 60?
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
45. I believe that’s an age when I was mature enough to know what I wanted, and still “young” enough to be viewed as “having growth potential.” It also happened to be the time when professionally I was given an opportunity to take on a challenge to develop and take to market something that never had been done before (in the Fortune 500 company I was working for). It was hard and it required a lot of personal sacrifices—I was flying across the country multiple times a month and called a Silicon Valley hotel my home for more than three years. But looking back, it was a deeply satisfying time during my I.T. professional career.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?
Definitely my mom. She is 89 years old, still living independently (albeit needing assistance for any outdoor activities), tends to flowers in the garden, plays piano several hours a day, plays video games in the evenings, and has her hair permed regularly. Life hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing for her, but she always keeps a positive outlook on life and counts her blessings instead of miseries.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
I’ve stopped scrutinizing my wrinkles in the mirror, planned on stopping dyeing my hair, gave away 3- and 4-inch heels, and traded HIIT for stretches and easy hikes.
One afternoon recently, my husband and I were visiting a neighbor and when the grandmother of the family asked the kids to address us as “grandpa and grandma” I was so startled that out of reflex, I blurted out, “Oh no, no, call me auntie! I am not that old!” Well, am I? Ha!
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
I don’t believe in “dress your age.” I will dress to be comfortable and feel good, but not according to conventional wisdom.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
To be honest, I have never been a birthday party girl—I don’t think I had birthday parties for either my 40th or 50th birthdays. But I have to admit being remembered on my birthdays is a nice feeling to have. Hmm, maybe also a good cake and some flowers, with family and a few close friends.
Dear Yi: Grace. You have it in spades. Must be your mother. You're the kind of person it must be lovely to age alongside of. I said good-bye to my mother just after her 89th birthday. She'd had enough, but she, too, had found grace. Even dignity. I'm still trying to get there. You are an inspiration.
I got to know Yi over substack and then we met in person, she’s beautiful inside and out with a young heart. I especially admire her for her passion in writing, music and food. 👍