As a wheelchair user, I always feel a little funny about people bragging about not using mobility aids. Though at the same time I understand what they represent to most people and especially most people above a certain age: lack of independence and freedom and perhaps even failure. My wheelchair is a tool of freedom but I know not everyone would feel that way. I’ve noticed similar comments in other Oldster interviews too, this pride in not being disabled. I don’t think this perspective should be censored or taken out! This is how people really feel! But it can be questioned, especially because it aligns with dominant societal messaging about disability. And I just wanted to note here that it makes me uncomfortable to read. A walker or wheelchair is nothing to be ashamed of. And it’s possible to live a rich, full, satisfying life with a disability and a mobility aid. I do. My life is really difficult but really beautiful.
Otherwise, though, this was a delightful interview! Elaine, wishing you many more years of achieving goals and swimming and running book clubs. I hope you do find a sweetheart to travel the world with you 😊
Thank you for your thoughtful, measured, kind response. I'm going to try to keep it in my heart and mind when my emotions want to lash out in anger to something that makes me feel unheard and unseen. And thank you for the line, "My life is really difficult, and really beautiful". So important to acknowledge they are not mutually exclusive. Finally, I agree with you the interview was delightful, and I hope Elaine finds her swain!
Valerie, this comment made my day. Thank you for listening and for sharing your valuable thoughts 💕 I hope it is exceedingly rare to feel unheard and unseen from this moment forward and that your life holds much more beauty than difficulty. That is my wish for you!
Pretty much everyone I know who lives long enough eventually has ended up in a wheelchair or with a walker. People can do amazing things and be in wheelchairs even at advanced ages -- obviously younger people in chairs always have -- and certainly with walkers. I've learned not to try to "make things easier" for my 97yo father who's been using a walker for the past 18 months because he prefers to do it himself. I look forward to living long enough to use canes, a walker and a wheelchair. If you have a chance to practice being in a wheelchair, I recommend it.
I feel overall that Soloway seems AWESOME but also seems like she is maybe in some kind of "toxic positivity denial." Aging has taken NOTHING from you? Really? How about at least the loved ones who have died along the way? That's a major part of aging that TAKES from you. I think it's OK to say you're doing great and loving life while ALSO acknowledging that it isn't ALL roses and cannot possibly be. Soloway (again, she seems lovely and I'd love to have a cup of coffee with her) just seems to be one of those people who does not want to acknowledge the difficulties of life and MAY even make a person feel bad for trying to talk about a tough time they are going through. It just gives off that vibe of: "No, nothing is tough, it's all wonderful, aging is 100% great and no one should ever touch on the hard parts! And if you do, you are weak!"
But it doesn't make you weak to acknowledge what is hard. It actually makes you stronger.
Sorry, but everyone gets to focus on whatever they want in their questionnaire. It's not any respondent's job to cover what you want. Some people have better experiences than others with getting older, or different outlooks. To each his/her/their own.
I get that, but you do ask a wide range of questions that would typically elicit a wide range of responses. To hear that aging, at the age of 85, has taken "NOTHING" from you just doesn't seem honest in any way. LIFE takes things from us, no matter our age, all the damn time. To answer "NOTHING" just seems to be a form of denial.
I was thinking the same thing. No shame in using mobility aids: it seems self righteous to brag about it. Thank the universe for your good fortune, perhaps i stead?
Thankfully Elaine responded to my comment and said she’s going to rethink her perspective! I think celebrating the good fortune of not using a mobility aid would very much still rub me the wrong way... as my general point is that there’s nothing wrong/bad/worse about living life in a wheelchair! It wasn’t the bragging that bothered me; it was the implication that mobility aids are a bad thing. Our culture enforces that narrative at every turn but I reject it! It’s taken lots of inner work to create my own stories around wheelchair use (freedom, elegance, beauty) but so important to my enjoyment of my own singular life ❤️
My late husband used to say that I'm not his mother, therefore, he did nothing for me on Mother's Day. This always pissed me off, when his mother was alive I was always at her home with a Mother's Day token. He made no effort. For many years he defended her against anything I said. She was a spiteful and selfish person and a terrible mother. She simply did not. Later in life he acknowledged how messed up it had been growing up ignored or put down. But our kids did wonder as he made no effort to help them do Mother's Day in a traditional manner. So yes, screw Mother's Day. It's just a Hallmark Holiday.
Ms. Soloway is another inspiring example of how it is possible to keep thinking, doing, and enjoying life well passed the normal due date. For me, how she continues to try new things and to learn new skills is very motivating.
However, she really can’t give any real insight into how she has remained so fit, healthy, and sharp at 84. Perhaps she feels as much pain and stiffness when she gets out of bed that most people feel at her age, but she doesn’t mention that. She doesn’t mention how she deals with the losses of her friends and family which must affect her emotionally.
It’s great and hopeful to read about her current life and activities, but let’s keep it real. 80% of men are dead at her age. I’m sure that staying active, having a purpose, and having fun have contributed to her longevity, but really, it’s 50% genetic and 25% luck.
Still, good for her. She seems as if she will keep going to 105. She is making the best of the opportunity she has been given.
Dear Old, thank you for responding. I have written about losses. My book, Green Nails and Other Acts of Rebellion: Life after loss” contains essay about the illness of my second husband, caring for him, and handling widowhood. Thank you for reminding me of this time I consider a blessing. E.
I'm starting to handle widowhood, I was first called a widow about 3 weeks after I became one and it caught me by surprise, and oh the denial! But I am and I can and I miss him more than words can say. My mind keeps bringing up the not so pleasant aspects of our life though, seemingly to keep me from romanticizing the past too much. I don't get that.
Elaine: your habits are wonderfully life-affirming, especially the swimming and the tech savviness. I am a swimmer, have been for many years, and it's both a form of therapy and fitness. It is also mind-blowing, a full-out inner experience. I'm 71, and I swim miles every week, outdoors in the summer in my bikini. Doing so makes me feel so alive. But you learned at 80! What courage!
It's crucial to be able to navigate the world of tech. Too many people in their 60s and 70s and beyond do not have the capacity, and they cannot keep up. It's not an option, and younger people are too content for their elders to slip off the grid this way.
Very good points. I swim at our Y with other like minded women who are mostly in their 60's and up. We were talking about the healing properties of the free swim time, where we just swim as we wish in the deep pool and talk to each other about just anything that comes to mind. I love these women. They are so positive and caring. We are all well past caring about our looks in the bathing suit category, it's very liberating. But Judith, no one can rock a bikini lol! I also get the younger people content to let their elders slip off the grid comment. My daughter "tsks" me when she helps me out, but she does help me out.
I also need to learn how to swim, thanks Elaine for the inspo. I loved the bit about South Commons, a planned community designed to integrate Black and White people. I live in a similar planned community from the 60s, Reston, and it does change you. Different housing for low and high income families within blocks of each other, 50 miles of walking paths, etc. everywhere should be like this.
How you delight me! Chicago dream of a neighborhood, mother to accomplished children, learning to swim and Spanish at 80 and the wisdom that we might not dance our new adventures with perfection but surely with interest and intention. And then there is your writing. Thank you.
What a beautiful story. I adore your spirit Elaine and your fabulous look!!! Age is just a number and what goes on in our mind and heart makes all the difference! 🫶🏻
I’m 51 and am about to go back to school to (finally) finish my bachelors! I have honestly wrestled with the decision a bit, wondering if i should bother since I don’t “need” it, but reading about Elaine was just the inspiration I needed! I have dreams and it’s not too late to chase them! Thank you, Elaine!
As a wheelchair user, I always feel a little funny about people bragging about not using mobility aids. Though at the same time I understand what they represent to most people and especially most people above a certain age: lack of independence and freedom and perhaps even failure. My wheelchair is a tool of freedom but I know not everyone would feel that way. I’ve noticed similar comments in other Oldster interviews too, this pride in not being disabled. I don’t think this perspective should be censored or taken out! This is how people really feel! But it can be questioned, especially because it aligns with dominant societal messaging about disability. And I just wanted to note here that it makes me uncomfortable to read. A walker or wheelchair is nothing to be ashamed of. And it’s possible to live a rich, full, satisfying life with a disability and a mobility aid. I do. My life is really difficult but really beautiful.
Otherwise, though, this was a delightful interview! Elaine, wishing you many more years of achieving goals and swimming and running book clubs. I hope you do find a sweetheart to travel the world with you 😊
Thank you for pointing this out, Ariana. And for your equanimity in doing so. <3
Ariana, thank you for your reply. I certainly will be more sensitive. You were kind to take the time to teach me.
<3
Thank you Elaine and Sari for your openness and graciousness in response to my comment! Another reason to admire you both ❤️
<3
Thank you for your thoughtful, measured, kind response. I'm going to try to keep it in my heart and mind when my emotions want to lash out in anger to something that makes me feel unheard and unseen. And thank you for the line, "My life is really difficult, and really beautiful". So important to acknowledge they are not mutually exclusive. Finally, I agree with you the interview was delightful, and I hope Elaine finds her swain!
Valerie, this comment made my day. Thank you for listening and for sharing your valuable thoughts 💕 I hope it is exceedingly rare to feel unheard and unseen from this moment forward and that your life holds much more beauty than difficulty. That is my wish for you!
Pretty much everyone I know who lives long enough eventually has ended up in a wheelchair or with a walker. People can do amazing things and be in wheelchairs even at advanced ages -- obviously younger people in chairs always have -- and certainly with walkers. I've learned not to try to "make things easier" for my 97yo father who's been using a walker for the past 18 months because he prefers to do it himself. I look forward to living long enough to use canes, a walker and a wheelchair. If you have a chance to practice being in a wheelchair, I recommend it.
Well said, Richard.
I feel overall that Soloway seems AWESOME but also seems like she is maybe in some kind of "toxic positivity denial." Aging has taken NOTHING from you? Really? How about at least the loved ones who have died along the way? That's a major part of aging that TAKES from you. I think it's OK to say you're doing great and loving life while ALSO acknowledging that it isn't ALL roses and cannot possibly be. Soloway (again, she seems lovely and I'd love to have a cup of coffee with her) just seems to be one of those people who does not want to acknowledge the difficulties of life and MAY even make a person feel bad for trying to talk about a tough time they are going through. It just gives off that vibe of: "No, nothing is tough, it's all wonderful, aging is 100% great and no one should ever touch on the hard parts! And if you do, you are weak!"
But it doesn't make you weak to acknowledge what is hard. It actually makes you stronger.
Sorry, but everyone gets to focus on whatever they want in their questionnaire. It's not any respondent's job to cover what you want. Some people have better experiences than others with getting older, or different outlooks. To each his/her/their own.
I get that, but you do ask a wide range of questions that would typically elicit a wide range of responses. To hear that aging, at the age of 85, has taken "NOTHING" from you just doesn't seem honest in any way. LIFE takes things from us, no matter our age, all the damn time. To answer "NOTHING" just seems to be a form of denial.
You have your experience and your focus, and she has hers. It's not her job to touch on what you want her to touch on.
great answer! Mic drop!
I was thinking the same thing. No shame in using mobility aids: it seems self righteous to brag about it. Thank the universe for your good fortune, perhaps i stead?
Thankfully Elaine responded to my comment and said she’s going to rethink her perspective! I think celebrating the good fortune of not using a mobility aid would very much still rub me the wrong way... as my general point is that there’s nothing wrong/bad/worse about living life in a wheelchair! It wasn’t the bragging that bothered me; it was the implication that mobility aids are a bad thing. Our culture enforces that narrative at every turn but I reject it! It’s taken lots of inner work to create my own stories around wheelchair use (freedom, elegance, beauty) but so important to my enjoyment of my own singular life ❤️
Small or tall, anyone who hates Mother’s Day (or Father’s for that matter) without explanation is A-OK in my book!
My late husband used to say that I'm not his mother, therefore, he did nothing for me on Mother's Day. This always pissed me off, when his mother was alive I was always at her home with a Mother's Day token. He made no effort. For many years he defended her against anything I said. She was a spiteful and selfish person and a terrible mother. She simply did not. Later in life he acknowledged how messed up it had been growing up ignored or put down. But our kids did wonder as he made no effort to help them do Mother's Day in a traditional manner. So yes, screw Mother's Day. It's just a Hallmark Holiday.
Sari, thank you for introducing me to your readers. I now feel 10 feet tall. xoxo
💝
Ms. Soloway is another inspiring example of how it is possible to keep thinking, doing, and enjoying life well passed the normal due date. For me, how she continues to try new things and to learn new skills is very motivating.
However, she really can’t give any real insight into how she has remained so fit, healthy, and sharp at 84. Perhaps she feels as much pain and stiffness when she gets out of bed that most people feel at her age, but she doesn’t mention that. She doesn’t mention how she deals with the losses of her friends and family which must affect her emotionally.
It’s great and hopeful to read about her current life and activities, but let’s keep it real. 80% of men are dead at her age. I’m sure that staying active, having a purpose, and having fun have contributed to her longevity, but really, it’s 50% genetic and 25% luck.
Still, good for her. She seems as if she will keep going to 105. She is making the best of the opportunity she has been given.
Every respondent to the questionnaire is entitled to include whatever they want to focus on...
Dear Old, thank you for responding. I have written about losses. My book, Green Nails and Other Acts of Rebellion: Life after loss” contains essay about the illness of my second husband, caring for him, and handling widowhood. Thank you for reminding me of this time I consider a blessing. E.
I'm starting to handle widowhood, I was first called a widow about 3 weeks after I became one and it caught me by surprise, and oh the denial! But I am and I can and I miss him more than words can say. My mind keeps bringing up the not so pleasant aspects of our life though, seemingly to keep me from romanticizing the past too much. I don't get that.
<3
So good! This is the way I want to live and feel in my 80s. Thanks for sharing, and please keep being bold and unconventional and wild and free :)
I am 70 and more than a foot taller than you. I am inspired by this tiny joyful whirlwind of a person. Wow!
Elaine: your habits are wonderfully life-affirming, especially the swimming and the tech savviness. I am a swimmer, have been for many years, and it's both a form of therapy and fitness. It is also mind-blowing, a full-out inner experience. I'm 71, and I swim miles every week, outdoors in the summer in my bikini. Doing so makes me feel so alive. But you learned at 80! What courage!
It's crucial to be able to navigate the world of tech. Too many people in their 60s and 70s and beyond do not have the capacity, and they cannot keep up. It's not an option, and younger people are too content for their elders to slip off the grid this way.
Very good points. I swim at our Y with other like minded women who are mostly in their 60's and up. We were talking about the healing properties of the free swim time, where we just swim as we wish in the deep pool and talk to each other about just anything that comes to mind. I love these women. They are so positive and caring. We are all well past caring about our looks in the bathing suit category, it's very liberating. But Judith, no one can rock a bikini lol! I also get the younger people content to let their elders slip off the grid comment. My daughter "tsks" me when she helps me out, but she does help me out.
I also need to learn how to swim, thanks Elaine for the inspo. I loved the bit about South Commons, a planned community designed to integrate Black and White people. I live in a similar planned community from the 60s, Reston, and it does change you. Different housing for low and high income families within blocks of each other, 50 miles of walking paths, etc. everywhere should be like this.
I want Elaine to adopt me. xo
Love it.
I'm here for your boasting! I love it!
Me, too. <3
What an inspiration! May I be as active and engaged as Elaine at 85!
How you delight me! Chicago dream of a neighborhood, mother to accomplished children, learning to swim and Spanish at 80 and the wisdom that we might not dance our new adventures with perfection but surely with interest and intention. And then there is your writing. Thank you.
Elaine, sharing an elevator with you would teach me how to soark so ething good in 20 seconds. Wouldn’t that be fun!
What a beautiful story. I adore your spirit Elaine and your fabulous look!!! Age is just a number and what goes on in our mind and heart makes all the difference! 🫶🏻
Wow. So inspiring.
I’m 51 and am about to go back to school to (finally) finish my bachelors! I have honestly wrestled with the decision a bit, wondering if i should bother since I don’t “need” it, but reading about Elaine was just the inspiration I needed! I have dreams and it’s not too late to chase them! Thank you, Elaine!
Awesome. Good luck!
You go girl!