This is (Almost) 73: John Lovie Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire
"For all its downsides, I love being alive in the age of the internet. I'm a lifelong learner. Having so much information at my fingertips is a dream come true."
From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”
Here, responds. -Sari Botton
is an islander, a water lover, and a recovering award-winning serial non-profit volunteer. Born in England, he's also lived in Holland and on both coasts of the United States. He writes Mostly Water, a newsletter that, like the human body and the earth's surface, is mostly, but not entirely, water.
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How old are you?
I'm 72. I’ll be 73 on September 28th.
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
Yes, 17. My 17th birthday was in 1968, at the peak of the sixties, a period that defined me in many ways. I still have the same taste in music and the same idealism. The following summer, still 17, I finished high school and left home to head off to university.
It was a heady time, a period of great progress and optimism, when every year brought more personal and societal freedoms, and it felt as if it would be that way forever.
My 17th birthday was in 1968, at the peak of the sixties, a period that defined me in many ways. I still have the same taste in music and the same idealism. The following summer, still 17, I finished high school and left home to head off to university. It was a heady time, a period of great progress and optimism, when every year brought more personal and societal freedoms, and it felt as if it would be that way forever.
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
I feel young for my age. I keep physically fit through cycling, hiking, swimming, kayaking and running, and generally trying to keep up with my triathlete wife. We're blessed to live in a place and in a community that supports an active lifestyle. I keep my brain young with community work and writing. I'm a voracious reader. My mother suffered from dementia for the last ten years of her life. I don't want to go down that path.
My wife and most of our friends are ten years younger and active, so I feel like a fit 62 until I look in the mirror and realize I'm actually the same age as older people!
During my later freelance working life and in my activism since then, I've worked a lot with younger people, especially women. That's left me somewhat out of step with my age peers, particularly the men. They seem to move more slowly, as their worldview becomes narrower, more conservative, and more patriarchal.
What do you like about being your age?
After being self-employed for most of my working life, I'm enjoying the freedom that comes from being financially independent. It also means my interactions with others are more relational than transactional, which suits me much better. After winding down work, I initially threw myself into activism through boards and committees, too many of them. A couple of years ago, I decided to embrace "going to the forest," handing over the day-to-day responsibilities to the next generation and becoming an adviser and a teacher, and in my case, a writer.
I love the decades of accumulated knowledge and experience that pass for wisdom. I enjoy having the time to cultivate deeper friendships and community and the way we look after each other as we age.
For all its downsides, I love being alive in the age of the internet. I'm a lifelong learner. Having so much information at my fingertips is a dream come true.
It's getting harder to maintain optimism. I'm old enough to have seen first hand the revolutionary progress in the sixties and early seventies on civil rights, women's rights, and the environment. We didn't expect that our grandchildren would have to fight the battles we though we'd won. It’s hard to see it all stop and go into reverse in my lifetime, at a time when we need it more than ever. Here's hoping we change direction again soon.
What is difficult about being your age?
The gradual physical decline is hard. I can still do most of the things I want to do, although a little more slowly, but injuries are easier to get and much harder to recover from. If I'd known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself!
It's also getting harder to maintain optimism. I'm old enough to have seen first hand the revolutionary progress in the sixties and early seventies on civil rights, women's rights, and the environment. We didn't expect that our grandchildren would have to fight the battles we though we'd won. It’s hard to see it all stop and go into reverse in my lifetime, at a time when we need it more than ever. Here's hoping we change direction again soon. No one expected the revolution the first time!
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
Despite everything in the last paragraph, I'm the happiest, or perhaps better said, the most content, that I have ever been. I'm also the least lonely. I have the most friends, and the greatest sense of community of any time in my life.
I also have the strongest sense of purpose. I feared losing relevance, for want of a better word, when I stopped working, and again when I let go of all the boards and committees, but that hasn't been the case at all. I'm busier than ever, but in a very good and sustainable way.
What has aging given you? Taken away from you?
It’s given me the opportunity to manifest the life I always wanted, to try to live more fully in alignment with my own values. It's given me patience, something that I feel I lacked for most of my life.
Aging has taken away some things I'd rather have kept, like loved ones and physical ability, and a whole bunch of stuff I should have let go of a long time ago, mostly fitting under the loose heading of ego. I wish it would also take that pile of crap in the garage!
How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?
It's been immensely positive.
A large part of that has been a late-in-life recognition that I'm somewhat autistic (thank you
!), and that trying to fit in and be like everyone else is a recipe for cognitive dissonance and distress. I've come to realise that being patient with myself, making choices that work for me, and advocating for my needs is not being selfish, it's enabling me to put my best self out there and ultimately be a better colleague, friend, partner, and parent. It seems to be working.
What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?
There's only one big milestone left, and it's not one we typically think about looking forward to! I've survived a near death experience through illness, and I believe the experience helped me. I intend to continue to work on coming to terms with my own mortality. I guess I could frame it as looking forward to losing my fear of death.
What else? I'm not a grandparent, but I don't feel that's really my milestone!
Although I do have the opportunity for some bucket list travel, much of the travel I want to do is internal.
I’ve had a late-in-life recognition that I'm somewhat autistic (thank you Katherine May!), and that trying to fit in and be like everyone else is a recipe for cognitive dissonance and distress. I've come to realise that being patient with myself, making choices that work for me, and advocating for my needs is not being selfish, it's enabling me to put my best self out there and ultimately be a better colleague, friend, partner, and parent.
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
Seventeen is the age that formed me, but I wouldn't go back, I was way too angsty to appreciate it! My age now is the best so far, and it keeps getting better each year.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?
I think of environmentalists like Wendell Berry and Gary Snyder; and Buddhists like Pema Chödrön and Joan Halifax. They are all aware of being part of something larger than themselves.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
Style-wise, I wear shorts and a T-shirt when it's warm and jeans and a hoody when it's not. I'm likely still rebelling against school uniforms and all those years wearing a jacket and tie to work.
Beauty-wise, I live, deliberately, in a rural area where beauty is in the natural environment and on the inside! I keep my hair longer to honor my inner 17-year-old. I no longer shave, because it irritates my skin, but I keep my beard closely trimmed.
Health-wise, I switched seven years ago to a vegan diet. I exercise regularly. I take rather more meds than I'd like and seeing doctors and physical therapists has become routine. I choose my doctors carefully and work to build relationships with them. It's the only way to get good care in a broken system. Overall, I try to live a "Blue Zones" life, including diet, exercise, and maintaining a social network. We also moved to a single-story house which my two broken ankles over the last ten years really appreciated!
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
There are so many that it's a list! Joining a country club, playing golf or pickleball, or going on a cruise. I've also avoided the mobile home, second home, and nursing home, although there'll be no avoiding the funeral home. I refuse to color my hair. I've promised myself an e-bike for my 80th birthday, but only if I need one. Oh, and I haven't owned a TV since 1996, and have no plans to get one!
I guess the why is that I simply haven't felt the need or the attraction.
I've survived a near death experience through illness, and I believe the experience helped me. I intend to continue to work on coming to terms with my own mortality. I guess I could frame it as looking forward to losing my fear of death.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
My philosophy is one of gratitude that we made it through another year, and that everyone should celebrate that way they prefer.
My birthday falls at the end of September, just after the fall equinox. It's always been my favorite month. Temperatures are cooling from the heat of the summer, but the water is still warm, and hiking is at a peak. Since my school days, when September marked the beginning of a new school year, it's been a time of new beginnings and new projects, of getting back to work after the summer break. A time to look forward, then, in both time and promise.
It's also harvest time, when we bring in the bounty of summer, and look back and take stock of what we've sown and what we harvested.
All that makes it for me a turning point, a time for reflection, to look backward as well as forward, inward as well as outward.
As for celebration, there might be a small gathering of friends and phone calls from family. I marked my 70th birthday with seven activities with a seven in them, such as a 70-mile bike ride and a 7-mile run, although not all in one day. Let's see what the next year brings.
Thank you for interviewing John! He seems like a good spirited fella and kind hearted guy :) I am only 31 this year but I feel inspired and cheered about my own future aging by this interview :)
I identify with almost everything here, though I haven't gone the Vegan route. At 81, I am having more medical visits than I ever did, and certainly more than I wish I had, but I've got one tip for anyone who is doc-shopping. FIND A WOMAN DOCTOR! When I signed on with my first, I soon recognized her difference from prior GPs of my gender: they were always in a rush to "fix it," whatever it was. She , on the other hand, wanted the whole picture: how was I living, what was keeping me content or otherwise, how my family was doing, etc. I remember asking early on why she was asking questions related to all this and more, and she simply replied, "This is all part of health care." When she retired about a decade ago, I mused, "Well, I might as well die now, because I will never find so brilliant a diagnostician and so fine a human being as she." My "new" woman doctors, however, shares all her predecessor's qualities. So does my female cardiologist, and all the other female specialists I have sought out and visited.