This is 91: Performer Sally-Jane Heit Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire
"It only took me 90 years to realize that the milestone I am looking forward to now is my next breath. The party, the celebration, is that next breath. I do not need one more thing."
From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”
Here, lifelong performer and recent memoirist responds. - Sari Botton
Sally-Jane Heit’s showbiz journey kicked off before she even saw the light of day in 1933. Over the past 90 years, she's been a relentless force on stage, in song, dance, and the written word—all with one clear goal: to be a Star.
Navigating nine decades wearing many hats—woman, daughter, wife, mother, friend, mentor, and entertainer— through personal, professional, and world chaos has shown her a thing or two thousand about her own and humanity's fears, hopes and values.
From the Great Depression to global conflicts, women's liberation to political rollercoasters, tech takeover to climate crises, and the turmoil threatening democracy today— her ambition hasn't flickered. Instead, it's fueled her. With her signature blend of wit, wisdom, humor, and a touch of irreverence, she's on a quest to unravel every aspect of the human experience.
At 91, Sally-Jane Heit recently published her memoir, Not Yet!: Tales From A 90-Year-Old Broadway Diva You Should Have Known, including narrating it on audiobook. The highly acclaimed book chronicles a life spent chasing dreams and uncovering the intricacies of what it means to be human. She writes the newsletter .
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How old are you?
91
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
I try not to think about numbers. If I don’t look in a mirror, I think I am younger than I am. When I look in the mirror, I wonder who that is looking back at me. I try not to think about aging until I’m forced to. You know, like when I try to tie my shoelaces.
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
Like I said, I try not to think about numbers. I am not very good at counting. I use my fingers and toes, so getting to 91 is impossible. I don’t know a lot of nonagenarians who stayed around to write a book. Does that make me out of step with my peers???
What do you like about being your age?
Freedom. The freedom to be exactly who I am. I hope that’s pleasing. But if it isn’t, at 91, I am thrilled to be able to say and mean it…c’est la vie.
By the powers that be (the world of authority), if I was a good little girl and did what I was told, I would be rewarded. For the first several decades of my life, I sang someone else’s tune. Somewhere around my fifth decade, I finally awoke singing my own song. I am the power to be in my own life…therein lies the reward. Hallelujah!
What is difficult about being your age?
The increasing physical improbabilities. Climbing a mountain, dancing till 3am, traveling around the world, tying my shoelaces.
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
By the powers that be (the world of authority), if I was a good little girl and did what I was told, I would be rewarded. For the first several decades of my life, I sang someone else’s tune. Somewhere around my fifth decade, I finally awoke singing my own song. I am the power to be in my own life…therein lies the reward. Hallelujah!
What has aging given you? Taken away from you?
Aging added three very important words to my lifestyle: “I don’t know.” I couldn’t wait to grow up because I thought I would finally have all the answers. To me, answers meant I was safe. I’m almost fully grown (sue me…I’m a late bloomer), and I realize how much I don’t know. It’s such a relief that I don’t have to bring the sun up every morning. That was exhausting. Today, questions are my safety net. Will I stop questioning? Never.
Accepting the physical limitations of aging is a bummer, but better a long, limited life than the alternative. Right??? Of course, right!!!
How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?
I had been born into an absurd world. It felt natural to me to identify with the Marx Brothers and Charlie Chaplin, later Lily Tomlin, and others who had an exaggerated take on reality. As I aged, I began to write and perform my own version of that insanity.
From the ’90s to 2018, I traveled the world with a one-woman show about my doppelganger, Harriet Ferment, the perfect wife, mother, lawyer, and woman who had all the answers before you even asked the questions. I surrounded her with characters that made me laugh and cry. Marsha, the closet lesbian who sounded like a truck driver and denied she was in love with her father; Dork Grossman, the lawyer who wanted to bed Harriet and settled parking tickets in exchange for a roll in the hay with anyone; Carmen, Harriet’s pretty size-5 sister, who had five unconsummated marriages and ran away with many men, eventually including her sister Harriet’s husband, Franklyn. My mind and soul were open to the absurdities of the human condition, especially my own.
I try very hard not to take myself too seriously. If I can’t laugh at myself, I’m not having any fun. What good is a banana peel if you can’t slip on it?
Aging added three very important words to my lifestyle: “I don’t know.” I couldn’t wait to grow up because I thought I would finally have all the answers. To me, answers meant I was safe. I’m almost fully grown (sue me…I’m a late bloomer), and I realize how much I don’t know. It’s such a relief that I don’t have to bring the sun up every morning. That was exhausting. Today, questions are my safety net. Will I stop questioning? Never.
What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?
Alright, already. I believe cultural expectations created my 70th at the Algonquin Hotel in NYC, my 80th at the Guthrie Center, and my 90th at Edith Wharton’s mansion, The Mount in Lenox, Massachusetts. I confess: Just like my wedding 70 years ago, I loved starring and performing at each Biblical Extravaganza. Never take a standing ovation for granted, even if you’re paying for it. It only took me 90 years to realize that the milestone I am looking forward to now is my next breath. The party, the celebration, is that next breath. I do not need one more thing.
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
I can’t think of a favorite because every year of my life so far has had its fair share of yin/yang. It reminds me of some words the character of Emily speaks in Thornton Wilder’s play Our Town: “Oh earth, you’re too wonderful for anyone to ever realize you. Do any human beings realize life while they live it? Every, every minute?”
I don’t think we do. But I know I don’t want to go back. I know what happened in the past. It’s the surprise of not knowing what the present and future hold that I love and look forward to.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?
They are all dead. Martha Graham, Doris Lessing, Eleanor Roosevelt, Martin Luther King, Jr., Amadeus Mozart, and Billie Holiday are role models for me, to name only a few. But while they were alive, they lived with purpose, intelligence, humor, questions, and a zest for life that still informs mine.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
Dick van Dyke (age 98) advises, “Keep moving.” So that’s what I do.
I still get my hair done once a week, go to pilates twice a week, swim every day, go shopping, eat cookies, and keep moving.
I will accept the senior discount, but I will not be discounted. Do not tell me and other men and women of a certain age we are irrelevant. You better believe our life experience counts for something, or else I’ll tell my big brother where to find you. At 93, he’s still pumping iron.
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
I will accept the senior discount, but I will not be discounted. Do not tell me and other men and women of a certain age we are irrelevant. You better believe our life experience counts for something, or else I’ll tell my big brother where to find you. At 93, he’s still pumping iron.
What turn of events had the biggest impact on your life? What took your life in a different direction, for better or worse?
I refer to the Prologue of my memoir for this one!
I was being released from the hospital. As the nurse removed the bells and whistles of my hook-up, I looked up at the door of my hospital room:
Fall precautions
Fluid Restrictions
Heart
WHAT??
While I was still alive and breathing, the medical establishment was counting me out! Like a horror movie, I wasn’t even dead yet and they were burying me.
I needed to stay alive. Why? Because any minute I am going to be discovered.
Sally-Jane! Get your ass out of this bed, now!
What is your number one regret in life? If you could do it all over again, what is the biggest thing you’d do differently?
I am tempted to say I wish I had been a better mother to my three daughters, not the overbearing know-it-all they grew up with. But, somehow, they survived my mothering and developed into intelligent, loving, accomplished women with families of their own. Is that nature/nurture? I’ll never know. What I do know is that contrary to popular myth, I didn’t do the best I could because I had no idea what my best was. And I still don’t know. It hasn’t stopped me from going for the gold.
I wanted to be a star. I still want to be a star. Age has more clearly defined the one obstacle preventing me from achieving this goal. Death! Death might arrive before I’m discovered. It is fortunate for me that I had so many decades in my life because I needed every one of them to understand it’s not the years in my life but it’s the life in my years that matter. Of course, I still want to be discovered, but if I am not, I am beyond grateful for the continued yin/yang of the good life.
What is high up on your “bucket list?” What do you hope to achieve, attain, or plain enjoy before you die?
I believe life is an improvisation so I think bucket lists are limiting.
But I do want to share something with you. It’s a good thing I am not superstitious, but just in case, knock on wood, throw a little salt over your shoulder, and don’t walk under a ladder, please.
At the book launch of my memoir, I read some excerpts. After the reading, some members of the audience spoke to me about their own related yet different memories stirred by the excerpts. Epiphany!!!! Could my memoir be the catalyst to unlock stories we all have and want to share?
It’s a new idea in its birthing stages. I’d like people to come together, whether virtually or actually, so I can tell my story and they can tell me theirs. By coming together and sharing our stories we can scratch the surface to discover the sameness in our differences.
That is what I want to do with whatever is left of my life.
I am so grateful for what I have been given in this life. It is time to give back.
Is there a piece of advice you were given, that you live by? If so, what was it, and who offered it to you?
After my divorce and a relationship breakup, I asked my composer friend, Bob, why everyone says “I love you,” and they really believe that they do, but it’s always just before they pull the rug out from under you. It boggles the mind because they really believe they do love you. What is that all about? And why is that love not enough to keep the rug where it is? Why isn’t love enough?
This is an abridged version of the song, “Love Is” that Bob (Robert Bendorf) wrote. When it is darkest before the dawn, this is where you will always find me.
Love is. That simple. Love is. That’s all. How could it take me all this time to recall?
Those tiny moments that mean so much. An unexpected smile. A glancing touch.
Love is. That says it. Love takes the chance. Instead of sitting all alone, join the dance.
For it’s a music much too lovely to ignore. I will remember. It’s all so easy. Love is. Love is. There isn’t anymore.
What are your plans for your body when you’re done using it? Burial? Cremation? Body Farm? Other? And what do you expect to happen to your “soul” or “spirit” after you die?
I am going to be cremated because I don’t want to take up any more space on this crowded planet. Hopefully, the soul and spirit of who I am, in whatever form it takes, will reside in the people whose lives have been touched by my life and my work.
I am tempted to say I wish I had been a better mother to my three daughters, not the overbearing know-it-all they grew up with. But, somehow, they survived my mothering and developed into intelligent, loving, accomplished women with families of their own. Is that nature/nurture? I’ll never know. What I do know is that contrary to popular myth, I didn’t do the best I could because I had no idea what my best was.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
I wanted to be a star. I still want to be a star. Age has more clearly defined the one obstacle preventing me from achieving this goal. Death! Death might arrive before I’m discovered. It is fortunate for me that I had so many decades in my life because I needed every one of them to understand it’s not the years in my life but it’s the life in my years that matter. Of course, I still want to be discovered, but if I am not, I am beyond grateful for the continued yin/yang of the good life.
You’ve read about the fabulous parties I had for my 70th, 80th, and 90th birthdays, so you and I know that I have been brilliantly celebrated.
91, amazing. "I don’t want to go back. I know what happened in the past. It’s the surprise of not knowing what the present and future hold that I love and look forward to."
Speaking of aging role models, you'll do very nicely, thank you very much! I especially like your remark about bucket lists. Could never quite get my mind around that one either.