I think that Deena might be my new best friend in spirit. I am her age, and I too lost a beloved and very precious son years ago. I remain attached to him, and believe he is smiling at me and proud of me because I have grown and changed for the better since his death, and I believe he helped me on my journey. He is just a breath away. I committed myself to living in a way that reflects all his best qualities. One that is by far the most important thing to me is that he was the most non-judgmental person I ever knew, and I now daily aspire to be the same. He also taught me to smile and look into the eyes of everyone I pass, and see the beautiful Divinity in each of them. May you be richly blessed each and every day, dear Deena. You are an Inspiration!
Such a moving and insightful interview. I loved what Breena said about memories: "I have a mental archive of experiences that can inform my day and I enjoy the way my memories now cascade. Flashes of images, scents, and tastes send me swirling through the people and places of my life." Inspirational.
I really appreciate Breena's honest ambivalence about aging, even as she appears to be deeply vital and thriving and loved. Being solely upbeat and philosophical about getting not just older but old smacks, always for me, as a little frantically aspirational rather than real. We are lucky to get old, and it is often difficult.
So much grace! I love Breena’s depth. My pal gifted Olderster to me a month ago and I’m smitten. Love reading the various voices of my fellows and the rich resources supplied in the answers to Sari’s questionnaire!
I found Ms Clarke's responses very interesting and amazingly similar to my own (except that I have not had any children or experienced as profound a loss). Especially the memories! At 74 I find my day enriched by sudden, unexpected, vivid memories (including sights and smells) which are delightful and remind me of how privileged I have been. I also am becoming something of a worrier which I am resisting as best I can. Meditation helps me with that one. And I exercise more than I ever have now that I'm retired. I feel so lucky to be healthy and do everything I can to stay that way! I will be checking out her books. I appreciate her honest and insightful responses.
This may be my favorite of all the Oldster questionnaires (though honestly, they are each wonderful in their own way). But this woman! Thank you for introducing me to this wise soul.
Being 72 myself I have a special affinity for Breena Clarke, but based on her responses, from the landscape changing, coming into view, with each passing year (YES!) and also her lament about her saved-up wisdom that she can't pass on to her son (sadly I've written about that in Rethinking Motherhood about an offspring who is still with me), and finally her amazing books which I've admired including her epistolary novel (my debut memoir is based on love letters to my deceased husband)--I truly wish I knew Breena, feel as if I do. Thank you such a beautiful, brutally and tenderly honest, life-affirming conversation.
Dec 21, 2023·edited Dec 21, 2023Liked by Sari Botton
So poignant. My mother also lost her son, but I lost my brother, and it's the same lifelong sense of missing important things that others have. Unlike the wise Breena, I eschewed all the rituals that could perhaps have helped a little. I also feel somewhat validated when I hear Breena and other respondents say their happiest years were early in life. There's so much pressure to be the perfect old person now -- fit and healthy, spiritual and evolved.
I’m deeply touched by Breena Clark’s responses & story, so honest and heartfelt. Aging ain’t for sissies as an old poster used to say. I particularly liked her comments on missing out on passing on her accumulated wisdom to grandkids but instead took comfort in sharing with others through her work.
What a great interview! So many are dominated by the interviewer and not the subject . This acheived the perfect balance. Good thoughtful questions and answers. I was saddened by the death of her son and she has been courageous in her path forward. An excellent read all around!
Breena you are otherwise so sensible, you couldn’t possibly be responsible for your beautiful son’s death.
Like you, I look and act younger than my age. So whenever I get asked for my DOB in health settings and get no response, I say to whoever asked “And now YOU say ‘amazing’!” In less formal settings, I say instead “Effing Amazing”.
I think that Deena might be my new best friend in spirit. I am her age, and I too lost a beloved and very precious son years ago. I remain attached to him, and believe he is smiling at me and proud of me because I have grown and changed for the better since his death, and I believe he helped me on my journey. He is just a breath away. I committed myself to living in a way that reflects all his best qualities. One that is by far the most important thing to me is that he was the most non-judgmental person I ever knew, and I now daily aspire to be the same. He also taught me to smile and look into the eyes of everyone I pass, and see the beautiful Divinity in each of them. May you be richly blessed each and every day, dear Deena. You are an Inspiration!
I think you mean Breena?
Yes, I do mean Breena! And at 72, I find Apple’s autocorrect very frustrating! 😉
You are inspirational also. Any mother who looses a child has an almost impossible path forward, but it seesms you have found a way.
Such a moving and insightful interview. I loved what Breena said about memories: "I have a mental archive of experiences that can inform my day and I enjoy the way my memories now cascade. Flashes of images, scents, and tastes send me swirling through the people and places of my life." Inspirational.
Mountaintop?
At 78 I am still hacking my way through the jungle with a machete.
Reading your interview has saved me some whacks.
My father died in 2007, at 92.
But sometimes, unexpectadly,
he pops into my head with a long distance wave.
I am certain your parenting skills are still valid, and in daily use.
Be well.
Only Love Prevails.
I can’t bring them back again
Those moments I hold fast in memory
Dear ones dancing in my dreams
Still reaching out to me
When Spring has come and gone again
And brilliant Summer pales
And Fall sets sail in frosty winds
Only love prevails
No, I can’t change the flow of time
Tho sometimes I’ve wished that I could
But my heart shall bind up all loose ends
And keep them mine for good
So let us recall some old songs
And sing them out around the fire
And hail once more our loved ones before
The hour that we retire
When Spring has come and gone again
And brilliant Summer pales
And Fall sets sail in frosty winds
Only love prevails
Malcolm McKinney 2016
I really appreciate Breena's honest ambivalence about aging, even as she appears to be deeply vital and thriving and loved. Being solely upbeat and philosophical about getting not just older but old smacks, always for me, as a little frantically aspirational rather than real. We are lucky to get old, and it is often difficult.
I am so very sorry for the loss of the author's son. This is a profound and moving questionnaire!
So many insights. This one hit me hard since I lost my BFF to cancer at age 46:
When younger, I had planned to spend my senior years with certain people who have died already. Thus, there is delight in discovering new friends.
The t-shirt kills me. 😂 I love a good pun and a silly joke to boot!
This was a sweet interview, chock full of honesty and great perspective.
I’m very sorry for the loss of your son. He was a beautiful kid with an infectious smile.
Thank you for sharing your insights and experiences with us. ❤️
LOVE LOVE LOVE the T-shirt, too!
This author's thoughtfulness, reflectiveness, and aliveness are a joy to witness. A delightful interview.
So much grace! I love Breena’s depth. My pal gifted Olderster to me a month ago and I’m smitten. Love reading the various voices of my fellows and the rich resources supplied in the answers to Sari’s questionnaire!
So glad you received Oldster as a gift and you're enjoying it!!!
I found Ms Clarke's responses very interesting and amazingly similar to my own (except that I have not had any children or experienced as profound a loss). Especially the memories! At 74 I find my day enriched by sudden, unexpected, vivid memories (including sights and smells) which are delightful and remind me of how privileged I have been. I also am becoming something of a worrier which I am resisting as best I can. Meditation helps me with that one. And I exercise more than I ever have now that I'm retired. I feel so lucky to be healthy and do everything I can to stay that way! I will be checking out her books. I appreciate her honest and insightful responses.
This may be my favorite of all the Oldster questionnaires (though honestly, they are each wonderful in their own way). But this woman! Thank you for introducing me to this wise soul.
Being 72 myself I have a special affinity for Breena Clarke, but based on her responses, from the landscape changing, coming into view, with each passing year (YES!) and also her lament about her saved-up wisdom that she can't pass on to her son (sadly I've written about that in Rethinking Motherhood about an offspring who is still with me), and finally her amazing books which I've admired including her epistolary novel (my debut memoir is based on love letters to my deceased husband)--I truly wish I knew Breena, feel as if I do. Thank you such a beautiful, brutally and tenderly honest, life-affirming conversation.
This is such a beautiful bittersweet and honest response. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.
Your strength, pragmatism and resolve is so admirable, thoughtful and inspiring. Your writing is the gift to the next generations.
Thank you, Ms Clarke
So poignant. My mother also lost her son, but I lost my brother, and it's the same lifelong sense of missing important things that others have. Unlike the wise Breena, I eschewed all the rituals that could perhaps have helped a little. I also feel somewhat validated when I hear Breena and other respondents say their happiest years were early in life. There's so much pressure to be the perfect old person now -- fit and healthy, spiritual and evolved.
So many beautiful and strong insights here. I relate to much that you’ve written, I’m 71, and learned from you as well.
Thank you Breena.
I’m deeply touched by Breena Clark’s responses & story, so honest and heartfelt. Aging ain’t for sissies as an old poster used to say. I particularly liked her comments on missing out on passing on her accumulated wisdom to grandkids but instead took comfort in sharing with others through her work.
What a great interview! So many are dominated by the interviewer and not the subject . This acheived the perfect balance. Good thoughtful questions and answers. I was saddened by the death of her son and she has been courageous in her path forward. An excellent read all around!
Breena you are otherwise so sensible, you couldn’t possibly be responsible for your beautiful son’s death.
Like you, I look and act younger than my age. So whenever I get asked for my DOB in health settings and get no response, I say to whoever asked “And now YOU say ‘amazing’!” In less formal settings, I say instead “Effing Amazing”.