This is 70: "Accidental Icon" Lyn Slater Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire
"I feel sad when I see women my age being in distress about being old."
From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”
Here, writer, social worker, former professor and “reformed influencer” responds. -Sari Botton
Lyn Slater PhD is a writer, social worker, former professor and reformed influencer. She launched Accidental Icon in September of 2014 and has since garnered a loyal fan base of almost a million followers across platforms. She is the author of the book How to Be Old: Lessons in Living Bodly from The Accidental Icon, and she publishes the newsletter . You can also find her on Instagram at @IconAccidental.
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How old are you?
70
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
I experience my internal age as very fluid, containing all the ages I have ever been. An age can be triggered by a song, a garment, an old friend. I can be a bratty adolescent one day and a contained matriarch on another.
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
I have found that the process of aging involves different layers of acceptance. I have a different level of acceptance now at 70 that I did at 60 or 65. I think I started the last decade feeling very young and ended it feeling old, but in a good way. Currently I am loving the fact that my age feels just right. I’ve been gravitating towards peers who also enjoy that level of acceptance. I feel sad when I see women my age being in distress about being old.
What do you like about being your age?
When I face a challenge, I have a huge toolbox accumulated over the years filled with experiences, skills and creativity that I can apply. In my 20’s I pretty much had a hammer and a nail. Each decade I accumulated more of what I needed to problem solve. There’s not much I haven’t dealt with before.
What is difficult about being your age?
Not having the same amount of unlimited energy, I once had.
When I face a challenge, I have a huge toolbox accumulated over the years filled with experiences, skills and creativity that I can apply. In my 20’s I pretty much had a hammer and a nail. Each decade I accumulated more of what I needed to problem solve. There’s not much I haven’t dealt with before.
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
My mother and grandmother never complained about being old, so I never saw it as a negative. However, my generation seems to be doing aging differently than previous generations did and by that, I mean we are staying engaged in the larger world longer, working longer and letting ourselves rediscover deferred dreams.
What has aging given you? Taken away from you?
Wisdom, serenity, self-acceptance.
It’s taken away a functioning metabolism, lol.
How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?
I feel it is the same but different than any other time in my life because I have always pursued personal growth and self-development.
I am someone who always sees themselves becoming. What I love about that now is that it happens simply for its own sake; I’ve given up what I call “the striving.” Now it’s just evolving for the joy of the discovery not for any outcome.
What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?
Well, my mother lived until she was 95, so I’m using that as a ballpark death number since I am very much like her in many ways. I’ve not been using my age markers but rather events in the lives of my grandchildren. Like graduating from high school, being a great grandparent if that’s in the cards. I’d love to see them both settled into young adulthood being happy and healthy.
My mother and grandmother never complained about being old, so I never saw it as a negative. However, my generation seems to be doing aging differently than previous generations did and by that, I mean we are staying engaged in the larger world longer, working longer and letting ourselves rediscover deferred dreams.
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
I think it was age 40 when I got divorced, moved to NYC, found out who I was (probably should have done that before I got married), got a rebel tattoo, went salsa dancing on the weekends and started to see myself as a creative person. I really started to bloom after that including ending that decade by studying for my PhD.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?
Patti Smith is a great example and inspiration. She continues to work at her crafts, has aged naturally and conveys massive amounts of self acceptance, remains engaged in the world in an activist way and uses her art to make the world a better place.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
Putting health number 1, making time for exercise, healthy eating, getting enough sleep and keeping the stress level low. Style and beauty not so much these days,as living slow and sustainably is important to me. I gave away most of my clothes from the influencer days. My lifestyle requires sunscreen, overalls, denim and really comfortable sneakers to accommodate my bunions!
I am someone who always sees themselves becoming. What I love about that now is that it happens simply for its own sake; I’ve given up what I call “the striving.” Now it’s just evolving for the joy of the discovery not for any outcome.
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
I am determined to age in place, die in my new/old house, in my community so any age related adjustment that someone wants me to make that would disrupt my plan I will find every way to reject if I can.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
Generally low key. Dinner surrounded by family and friends. I have never cared for a big celebration, not because I am not happy about being older, but more I don’t like a big fuss.
There is so much I love about this. I didn't discover Lyn until after she'd moved out of the Icon era, and I am loving her wisdom post-being an influencer. There's a sense for me that all this extra dross has been burned off and what is left is true and elegant.
"When I face a challenge, I have a huge toolbox accumulated over the years filled with experiences, skills and creativity that I can apply. In my 20’s I pretty much had a hammer and a nail." YES. I feel this in my bones. How limited and blunt an instrument I was, and how much I love the nuance and possibility of the current iteration of myself.
"I am someone who always sees themselves becoming. What I love about that now is that it happens simply for its own sake; I’ve given up what I call “the striving.” Now it’s just evolving for the joy of the discovery not for any outcome." And yes, again. What joy it is to be in the river just going along, enjoying what comes. I feel like I'm just starting to touch on that feeling, and I'm eagerly anticipating spending more and more time there.
When I turned 65, I started a project called “Accidental Mentors” (https://www.annettemarquis.com/s/accidental-mentors) where I wrote about 65 women who shaped my life, so I feel a kinship with Lyn’s concept of being an “Accidental Icon.” Sometimes just being yourself changes people around you. Thanks, Lyn, for finding your way into old age with grace and helping the rest of us find our way.