My older sister thought it morbid that our mother liked to read obituaries. But as a newspaper reporter who proofread them, I found them fascinating. Writing one's own obit might be the ultimate gift to family and friends, but having someone else do a "developmental edit" could lend genuineness to the task. Bob's book sounds like a great place to start!
Writing ones own obituary at any age is useful. If you are young, what would you like your obituary to say - and then go out and make that reality. If you are older, what gaps would be in your obituary that you would like to fill?
“I’d like to sit down by a fire, with a beer and maybe some sad music, and have a chat with everyone in the world, one at a time, about what they are trying to do with their lives, and why, and how that’s working out.” Complete agreement, favorite vocation. There should be a cafe for this, filter in and out, tell each other stories. It’s a whole jam.
This stood out for me as well! I forget who said it, but they said a lot of people are good listeners but not many people are curious. What a wonderful trait and what a gift to others! I too would love to know this about everyone!
Okay, for example I make ethical decisions based on a hierarchical kind of personal rubric. How do other people do it? Is it gut? Do they just know? Could they write it down or do other people also have a flowchart type process?
And like Bob Hagerty said: how’s it working for you - whatever method is in use?
Loved this, especially, "If you feel sad and discouraged, do something kind for someone else, no matter how trivial, and you’ll magically feel a bit better." Wise words. Thank you for the reminder, Bob!
‘Writing your story may be the best gift you ever give to loved ones. It’s a gift only you can give. And if you don’t give it, when you die, it’s gone.´ Yes, exactly! Thanks for this fascinating piece, James and Sari.
When I was in middle school, we did a tour of the New York Times. I was fascinated by the obituary department. It was like a small historical library of the lives of prominent New Yorkers. A well written obituary is a form of art. Such an interesting interview. Thank you.
I remember when I was coming up in journalism learning that so many obituaries of luminaries are written in advance. Also, that all the articles and photos about those people were stored in a part of the newsroom called "The Morgue."
I'm totally into this: "Figuring out how to be a helpful but not overbearing father to adult children who may wonder why I brought them into such a frightening world."
I'm curating a collection of letters to adult children for my 2025 Substack. Have you written any Bob? Would you send me one? Do you do New Year's missives to your kids?
A great job. Do you ever fantasize that you are. “doorperson” outside a really cool (or really hot) dance club deciding who gets in and who doesn’t? I’m sure you work hard at not being judgmental but for me that would be hard to resist. Good your name isn’t “Peter”.
Thank you for this (what shall we call it? An article?). I enjoyed sitting with you as I "read" it. I'm 80 three months ago. I found my 70s easier than my 60s, and now am noticing some differences in my 80s. I am slower to speak, but seem to get my points across to those I am speaking with faster than I can account for. The "affective" dimensions of life are absolutely more present and important than the "rational." Children and grandchildren are spectacular, but then nearly everyone is younger than I now, and I (still working full time with people across the planet) am in a mood of embracing almost everyone with a hug of affection and care. Life is the greatest good (Thank you Roberto Unger) and at the same time life is challenging!
Your interview was entertaining and appreciated. I read obituaries every day in the paper. I'm intrigued to get your book. A couple weeks ago [now age 74], I wondered about writing my obituary, feeling slightly spooked by the prospect but you've given me courage.
Tell your own story? What’s left of my relatives wouldn’t care in the least. But it seems like a life affirming project, probably has similar benefits as journaling? (Don’t do) It’s a nice nudge, and also validating too. Another ‘should’ for the list…
In the days when we had a decent paper paper, the obituaries were a wonderful place to find unexpected humor, usually initiated by the deceased. I always felt I missed out that they were already gone.
Having recently moved and forced to radically downsize, I found all kinds of joyous items that I had forgotten. Some were talismans of real achievements too! I have begun to appreciate the arc of my life more, after 70, seen from perspective.
The line to take away from this one: "I now have so many things to say that I risk becoming a terrible bore. So I need to restrain myself." Yes! Me, too. Thanks!
My older sister thought it morbid that our mother liked to read obituaries. But as a newspaper reporter who proofread them, I found them fascinating. Writing one's own obit might be the ultimate gift to family and friends, but having someone else do a "developmental edit" could lend genuineness to the task. Bob's book sounds like a great place to start!
Writing ones own obituary at any age is useful. If you are young, what would you like your obituary to say - and then go out and make that reality. If you are older, what gaps would be in your obituary that you would like to fill?
Thank you!
“I’d like to sit down by a fire, with a beer and maybe some sad music, and have a chat with everyone in the world, one at a time, about what they are trying to do with their lives, and why, and how that’s working out.” Complete agreement, favorite vocation. There should be a cafe for this, filter in and out, tell each other stories. It’s a whole jam.
This stood out for me as well! I forget who said it, but they said a lot of people are good listeners but not many people are curious. What a wonderful trait and what a gift to others! I too would love to know this about everyone!
I’ve been reading about the death cafe movement. Fascinating! Practical.
It seems like a more focused type of the same thing.
There’s so much storytelling online: PBS, TEDx, surely live venues would be welcome. What would you share? I’m all ears 👂
Okay, for example I make ethical decisions based on a hierarchical kind of personal rubric. How do other people do it? Is it gut? Do they just know? Could they write it down or do other people also have a flowchart type process?
And like Bob Hagerty said: how’s it working for you - whatever method is in use?
I love that you asked. TY!
How to weave that into a storytelling form? Hope to hear/read it sometime.
Happy New Year!
I'm getting that book. In fact, I'll buy a few copies to have on hand for gifts.
Loved this, especially, "If you feel sad and discouraged, do something kind for someone else, no matter how trivial, and you’ll magically feel a bit better." Wise words. Thank you for the reminder, Bob!
That part got me too--so easy and so wise.
It suddenly occurs to me that us older guys? we’re pretty much all alike.
‘Writing your story may be the best gift you ever give to loved ones. It’s a gift only you can give. And if you don’t give it, when you die, it’s gone.´ Yes, exactly! Thanks for this fascinating piece, James and Sari.
Glad you enjoyed it!
When I was in middle school, we did a tour of the New York Times. I was fascinated by the obituary department. It was like a small historical library of the lives of prominent New Yorkers. A well written obituary is a form of art. Such an interesting interview. Thank you.
I remember when I was coming up in journalism learning that so many obituaries of luminaries are written in advance. Also, that all the articles and photos about those people were stored in a part of the newsroom called "The Morgue."
My favorite assignment is writing something for that morgue
I'm totally into this: "Figuring out how to be a helpful but not overbearing father to adult children who may wonder why I brought them into such a frightening world."
I'm curating a collection of letters to adult children for my 2025 Substack. Have you written any Bob? Would you send me one? Do you do New Year's missives to your kids?
Thank you, Avivah. I have not written any such letters. Not sure they would be appreciated! But maybe I'll give it a try.
I agree. I've already written my obituary, since I'm verging on 80.
Thank you. That was fun.
A great job. Do you ever fantasize that you are. “doorperson” outside a really cool (or really hot) dance club deciding who gets in and who doesn’t? I’m sure you work hard at not being judgmental but for me that would be hard to resist. Good your name isn’t “Peter”.
Ha.
Thank you for this (what shall we call it? An article?). I enjoyed sitting with you as I "read" it. I'm 80 three months ago. I found my 70s easier than my 60s, and now am noticing some differences in my 80s. I am slower to speak, but seem to get my points across to those I am speaking with faster than I can account for. The "affective" dimensions of life are absolutely more present and important than the "rational." Children and grandchildren are spectacular, but then nearly everyone is younger than I now, and I (still working full time with people across the planet) am in a mood of embracing almost everyone with a hug of affection and care. Life is the greatest good (Thank you Roberto Unger) and at the same time life is challenging!
I call it an "interview." Glad you enjoyed this, Chauncey.
I like this guy. Cool perspective, cool job.
Your interview was entertaining and appreciated. I read obituaries every day in the paper. I'm intrigued to get your book. A couple weeks ago [now age 74], I wondered about writing my obituary, feeling slightly spooked by the prospect but you've given me courage.
Tell your own story? What’s left of my relatives wouldn’t care in the least. But it seems like a life affirming project, probably has similar benefits as journaling? (Don’t do) It’s a nice nudge, and also validating too. Another ‘should’ for the list…
In the days when we had a decent paper paper, the obituaries were a wonderful place to find unexpected humor, usually initiated by the deceased. I always felt I missed out that they were already gone.
Having recently moved and forced to radically downsize, I found all kinds of joyous items that I had forgotten. Some were talismans of real achievements too! I have begun to appreciate the arc of my life more, after 70, seen from perspective.
Going to try chia seeds in my oatmeal. Thanks
Bob.
Beautiful!
The line to take away from this one: "I now have so many things to say that I risk becoming a terrible bore. So I need to restrain myself." Yes! Me, too. Thanks!