“The invisibility thing that I hear older women talk about. It shocked me. But it also was not acceptable to me. […] I just refused to own it. People don’t take your power or make you invisible. You do that.”
I’ve been saying this for years, and all I ever got was either crickets or “well you’re a model” (which I’m not).
It’s an internalization of patriarchal misogyny. It’s a self-denigrating acceptance of the regard of the oppressor and not of those who can actually nourish and support you.
Dec 30, 2021·edited Dec 30, 2021Liked by Sari Botton
I did a year with every mirror covered, once, only allowing a small mirror for flossing my teeth or getting something out of my eye. It was very nice. I didn’t pluck anything or have any haircuts. (I worked from home, obv). I had been wanting to see what I “really” looked like after years of trying to look like what others wanted to see, in the fashion industry.
I loved it, and was nostalgic about that period ever after when I had to go back to work in the industry and shave and pluck and put on makeup again, but it was nice to know the me beneath the illusion. I think it grounded me, mentally, and made me stronger in a rather cruel and superficial world.
Nice write up. I’m 66 and agree I have nothing to prove to anyone. Except myself. Still working on that. Not terribly impressed with the list of women she looks up to. Yeah some of them use their power. Sadly in corrupt and deceitful ways. But we can disagree on that and still be in sync on many other things.
I love everything about this interview. I will carry your words about invisibility with me into the new year. I'm 65 like you and I don't want to participate in my erasure.
The other thing that feels important is the stillness that has come with the pandemic. I didn't know how necessary that was but initially it frightened me. I wonder if it frightened others? That feeling of being older, viewed as older, and suddenly quieted. I was happy to read about your experience.
“The invisibility thing that I hear older women talk about. It shocked me. But it also was not acceptable to me. […] I just refused to own it. People don’t take your power or make you invisible. You do that.”
I’ve been saying this for years, and all I ever got was either crickets or “well you’re a model” (which I’m not).
It’s an internalization of patriarchal misogyny. It’s a self-denigrating acceptance of the regard of the oppressor and not of those who can actually nourish and support you.
Well said.
I love stories of people who prove that growing older doesn't mean you stop growing.
Me, too.
I am fascinated by the not looking in the mirror experiment. Please write more about that!!!
I did a year with every mirror covered, once, only allowing a small mirror for flossing my teeth or getting something out of my eye. It was very nice. I didn’t pluck anything or have any haircuts. (I worked from home, obv). I had been wanting to see what I “really” looked like after years of trying to look like what others wanted to see, in the fashion industry.
I loved it, and was nostalgic about that period ever after when I had to go back to work in the industry and shave and pluck and put on makeup again, but it was nice to know the me beneath the illusion. I think it grounded me, mentally, and made me stronger in a rather cruel and superficial world.
thanks for this... wonderful interview.. I however would LOVE to go through the drama of my 30s again!
😂
Nice write up. I’m 66 and agree I have nothing to prove to anyone. Except myself. Still working on that. Not terribly impressed with the list of women she looks up to. Yeah some of them use their power. Sadly in corrupt and deceitful ways. But we can disagree on that and still be in sync on many other things.
I love everything about this interview. I will carry your words about invisibility with me into the new year. I'm 65 like you and I don't want to participate in my erasure.
The other thing that feels important is the stillness that has come with the pandemic. I didn't know how necessary that was but initially it frightened me. I wonder if it frightened others? That feeling of being older, viewed as older, and suddenly quieted. I was happy to read about your experience.