This is 61: Susan Weis-Bohlen Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionniare
"I feel strong (thank you, Pilates and estrogen), confident, and resilient in a more authentic way than when I was sometimes faking it when I was younger."
From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”
Here, writer responds. -Sari Botton
Susan Weis-Bohlen grew up in a secular Jewish home in a Jewish neighborhood, where they were the only Jews who celebrated Christmas for no apparent reason. The last daughter of three, of two German Jews (one from Baltimore and one from Germany), she decided to move to Israel, also for no apparent reason, in 1985, when she was 22 years old. Susan spent nearly a decade there, working as a reporter and columnist for The Jerusalem Post, as a freelance writer, and as a publicist on foreign films made in Israel. She excelled at sitting in cafes, smoking Time cigarettes, and drinking café hafouch (think lattes). In 1987 she narrowly escaped working for the Mossad, when they cut her from the program for “being too independent-minded”.
In 1997, after a few years working in the Press Office of the Israeli Embassy in D.C., she moved back to Baltimore and used the inheritance of the aforementioned parent from Germany, who died in 1996, to open a new age bookstore, in 2004. Four years after opening the store, she met the man who would become her husband when he walked into the shop (Breathe Books). Susan closed the store in 2014, and they live happily ever after in the woods in Reisterstown, MD, with their dogs.
Susan wrote her first book when she was 55 years old. She continues to write, teaches creative writing, leads retreats and trips around the world. She is the author of the best-sellers Ayurveda Beginner’s Guide: Essential Ayurvedic Principles and Practices to Balance and Heal Naturally (Sourcebooks); Seasonal Self-Care Rituals: Eat, Breathe, Sleep and Move Better According to Your Dosha (Simon & Schuster); and The Beginner’s Guide to Ayurvedic Home Remedies, Ancient Healing for Modern Life (Quarto). She is also a contributor to the Llewellyn Eight Chakra book series Energy Centers Simplified and Applied. Susan also writes for the AARP online publication The Ethel and in her Substack newsletter .
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How old are you
61
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
I often feel like I’m 41, when I was about to quit my job and open a bookstore. It felt powerful to walk away from the known (a salary, a fax machine) and go off to create a new world from scratch (inventory, bookshelves, a fax machine).
After returning to Baltimore from Israel in 1997, I worked at Barnes & Noble and a local indie bookstore doing events and marketing, then I went into PR. In 2002, I was in West Hollywood for a client when I walked into The Bodhi Tree Bookstore. My mind was blown. Standing in front of the reincarnation section, I thought, I don’t need to work for anyone else ever again. I can have a bookstore with a reincarnation section.
It felt like a huge relief to so completely know what I wanted to do. I have carried that feeling of certainty and trust in my intuition with me for the past 20 years.
I have never been in step with my peers so I’m happily out of step. When they were getting married and having kids, I was living overseas and sleeping with anyone I wanted to. When I got married, many of them were getting divorced and maybe just then, sleeping with anyone they wanted to. Now I just sleep with one guy and couldn’t be happier.
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
I feel amazing and it has nothing to do with age. It’s just a state of being. I have never been in step with my peers so I’m happily out of step. When they were getting married and having kids, I was living overseas and sleeping with anyone I wanted to. When I got married, many of them were getting divorced and maybe just then, sleeping with anyone they wanted to. Now I just sleep with one guy and couldn’t be happier.
What do you like about being your age?
Just about everything. I love having experience and perspective. I love the self-acceptance. I may be shocked once in a while when I glimpse my gray hair in a reflection, but mostly I’m cool with it. I feel strong (thank you, Pilates and estrogen), confident, and resilient in a more authentic way than when I was sometimes faking it when I was younger.
What is difficult about being your age?
I’m a little bit sad that I only have about 30 or 40 years left. It’s been such a fun ride.
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
I think they forgot to tell me about expectations (the parents, teachers, etc.), especially about growing old. 61 has snuck up on me. The surprise is that it’s fantastic and I only see it getting better. I would have never imagined being married and living in the suburbs, but it suits me. I see the pleasure and joy in small, everyday moments, the dogs snoring, hummingbirds on the feeders. When I was younger, I forced experiences, now they just happen. I’m also surprised by my writing. I’m working on a memoir of my life from 20 to 32, mostly Tel Aviv years. I could not have made sense of this time until now, and I didn’t even know it needed making sense of!
I fell through a glass shower door when I was 13 years old, in 1976. I severed my left arm, my back, and leg. Serious injuries that left me near death. Not knowing anything at that age about NDEs (near-death experiences), I had a very pure near-death journey that changed the course of my life. It was such a pleasant, beautiful experience that upon coming back and reentering my body, nearly all fear was wiped from my mind. When one doesn’t have a fear of death, everything is so joyful.
What has aging given you? Taken away from you?
Aging has given me the gift of perspective. I can look back 30 years ago and have some thoughts like, huh, that’s really interesting. Let’s explore it. It’s not that it feels like it was a different life, but the then-Susan only had those accumulated experiences to make decisions from. The now-Susan doesn’t have enough to go on yet to truly figure out what’s going on currently. 30-60 is not yet ready for that kind of exploration. I’m still too close. I guess I’ll write that book at 90. Age hasn’t taken anything away from me. It’s been so generous.
How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?
Honestly, it’s only deepened it, made me feel more secure. I am so aligned with who I have become, so open and curious, and in “don’t know mind” as I studied in Buddhism decades ago. I’ve learned that I don’t need to know everything and can confess to that.
What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?
This is a hard question, or maybe a trick question! I never had kids, but I don’t miss that at all, quite the opposite. I’m thrilled that I’ve been so free. So I’m not going to try and reach that milestone! I guess my whole life has been “off-schedule” on cultural expectations, but quite on time for me. I haven’t worked for anyone since I was 41 years old. I got married when I was 47. I published books at 55, 57 and 59. I just make it up as I go along and it’s been working so far!
Aging has given me the gift of perspective. I can look back 30 years ago and have some thoughts like, huh, that’s really interesting. Let’s explore it. It’s not that it feels like it was a different life, but the then-Susan only had those accumulated experiences to make decisions from. The now-Susan doesn’t have enough to go on yet to truly figure out what’s going on currently.
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
There was a moment when I was in my mid-20s, living in Tel Aviv. It was evening and the sunset was seeping into my flat from the Mediterranean Sea, a few blocks away. In that golden light I saw myself in the mirror and I thought, I might never be this beautiful or bold again. My skin was deep olive, my hair dark and wild, eyebrows thick, and green eyes illuminated. I felt like I stepped out of my body and was gazing at this girl, who traveled thousands of miles away from home, learned a new language, got a good job, made some money, many friends and lovers, created a full, rich life. The hutzpah! I really admire that girl. She was amazing.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?
How can I not say my mom? At 90, she reads several books a week, stays on top of current affairs. Reports the weather to us (me and my two sisters) daily! She drives herself to the grocery store and the library. Lives on her own after two marriages. I really admire her.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
At a professional photo shoot to commemorate my 60th, I discovered the art of darkening my eyebrows when the makeup artist waved a little wand. That tweak created a contrast I had been missing and didn’t even know! A search at Target turned up a dozen wands to do the job. And I love a little sparkle. Laura Mercier and Jones Road are my favorite brands.
Estrogen and progesterone are the icing on the cake. I also had my size 38F breasts reduced to a 36C, last year. No more back, neck or shoulder pain and feel incredibly free.
I never had kids, but I don’t miss that at all, quite the opposite. I’m thrilled that I’ve been so free. So I’m not going to try and reach that milestone! I guess my whole life has been “off-schedule” on cultural expectations, but quite on time for me. I haven’t worked for anyone since I was 41 years old. I got married when I was 47. I published books at 55, 57 and 59. I just make it up as I go along and it’s been working so far!
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
When I was younger, I wore a lot of colorful Indian yoga pants or polka dot leggings, gauzy tops, dresses with big pockets, and large hoop earrings. I still do. Favorites include Flax and Gudrun Sjoden. I love wildly bright scarves in pink, orange, blue, and green, many of which I’ve picked up in India and Bhutan. I don’t know what older people are supposed to wear but if there is such a thing I don’t do it. And I don’t color my hair. It’s toxic and a waste of time and money.
What turn of events had the biggest impact on your life? What took your life in a different direction, for better or worse?
I fell through a glass shower door when I was 13 years old, in 1976. I severed my left arm, my back, and leg. Serious injuries that left me near death. Not knowing anything at that age about NDEs (near-death experiences), I had a very pure near-death journey that changed the course of my life. It was such a pleasant, beautiful experience that upon coming back and reentering my body, nearly all fear was wiped from my mind. When one doesn’t have a fear of death, everything is so joyful. Miraculously (it all was) my arm was reattached and I have only minor issues (but a lot of scars!). Dying magnified living.
I wish I had known I didn’t need to struggle to find a healthy weight. If I had known that dieting would lead to bulimia every time I lost weight, I would have never stepped into a Diet Workshop (in junior high), Weight Watchers (high school) or Miri Belkin (a weight loss program in Tel Aviv in my 20s and 30s). I hope to pass on this information to others.
What is your number one regret in life? If you could do it all over again, what is the biggest thing you’d do differently?
Even when I wasn’t fat, I thought I was fat. But then I did get fat, over 220 pounds in my early 20s.
If I could have a redo, I would not have let being fat define me in my 20s and 30s. I was defiant, nonconformist, and stubborn when I could have been easier on myself and more accepting of love from others. I could have just been fat without the attitude. I also kind of sort of regret not losing the weight for good until I was 44 years old. I lost over 50 pounds when I began practicing Ayurveda and it’s stayed off all these years. I wish I had known I didn’t need to struggle to find a healthy weight. If I had known that dieting would lead to bulimia every time I lost weight, I would have never stepped into a Diet Workshop (in junior high), Weight Watchers (high school) or Miri Belkin (a weight loss program in Tel Aviv in my 20s and 30s). I hope to pass on this information to others.
What is high up on your “bucket list?” What do you hope to achieve, attain, or plain enjoy before you die?
There isn’t a bucket list because I just do things as they come to mind. As for “plain enjoy,” it’s my marriage. I got married when I was 47, so I hope to have decades more with my husband to make up for not knowing each other sooner.
There was a moment when I was in my mid-20s, living in Tel Aviv. It was evening and the sunset was seeping into my flat from the Mediterranean Sea, a few blocks away. In that golden light I saw myself in the mirror and I thought, I might never be this beautiful or bold again. My skin was deep olive, my hair dark and wild, eyebrows thick, and green eyes illuminated. I felt like I stepped out of my body and was gazing at this girl, who traveled thousands of miles away from home, learned a new language, got a good job, made some money, many friends and lovers, created a full, rich life. The hutzpah! I really admire that girl. She was amazing.
Is there a piece of advice you were given, that you live by? If so, what was it, and who offered it to you?
“Accept what people offer. Drink their milkshakes. Take their love.” From Wally Lamb’s 1997 novel, She’s Come Undone
What are your plans for your body when you’re done using it? Burial? Cremation? Body Farm? Other?
Donate every last bit of it to medical science. Take all the organs that still function and donate them to people. Then, toss me in the dirt. (Green Burial, wrapped in compostable material). A little Jewish Star on a stone would be nice. “Here lies the least religious, most Jewish girl you ever met”
What do you expect to happen to your “soul” or “spirit” after you die?
I already know this! There is a beautiful, peaceful afterlife that I had a taste of 49 years ago. I might be reincarnated but I’ve been told this is the last incarnation so I hope I’m making the best of it.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
I absolutely love birthdays, and if my husband doesn’t say happy birthday to me immediately upon waking on May 10th, I get a little sullen. I want to celebrate all day long. I adore birthdays. We usually celebrate by visiting a fun place together and enjoying an amazing meal. Simple and lovely.
Susan's happiness is inspiring. May she (and her mom!) keep going for a long time!
Happy people confuse me. Just kiddin Ms. Weis-Bohlen sounds like she's synchronized her life beautifully.