"Missing my children"--I, too, wish I'd spent more time with my littles instead of my careers. But that's the downside of the American dream, which Donnell Alexander also points out:
"Life as a game that you can win used to be my jam. The truth is that buying that ideological construct kept me looking down the road too often."
Goals: "The Asian seniors at the gym who swim and keep lean bodies are seriously who I want to be, in the physical sense. Also, I know a legally-blind guy in Fresno who’s so interestingly happy and self-sufficient. It’s a common, quiet dignity that’s quite inspirational. I want to land the plane like that guy."
I love this interview. Instead of trying to sell us something, including a frantic sense of How Wonderful his life is, Donnell Alexander delivers truth and dignity. Thank you.
I am nourished by his relentless curiosity and openness to the world. Someone who finds every year more interesting than the last is someone who’ll never be bored. Still, I have to ask: When will a middle-aged woman contemplate her naked body in the mirror and be proud of what she sees?
I think that can happen. Ten years ago it was sad to see myself with no clothes on. I’ve seen a few nude knockouts over 50. But I do understand not prioritizing that kind of thing.
Loved reading this Donnell! It’s been a long road since our days at the SFBG. Want to read your memoir! I so hear you on the joy and satisfaction of being a middle aged athlete. Bravo! Xox
These are such cool and interesting answers -- cool and interesting life arc, too. (We overlapped in the 2010s PDX, it looks like.)
I totally get it about the 27 Club. Cobain was on my 27 list in addition to Hendrix, Janis, Jim Morrison, Brian Jones. Apparently the "27 Club" idea didn't hit pop culture until after Kurt died (?) but I was sure aware of it long before that.
Re the legally blind guy & your comment: "quiet dignity that’s quite inspirational. I want to land the plane like that guy.” I loved that observation. Publishing your book on 9/11-wow.
I am curious re your trippin during cvid & will have to read more:) As for final good-bye, a suggestion-don’t leave it to your family. We make plans for so much in life, yet not beyond. Maybe soul search & figure out before so that your children are not burdened & are aware of your wishes. I am glad my parents years before spelled out their wishes (helped on the sibling front, too:)
Final wishes: my mom had worked in a funeral home, and had her entire plan & paid for too. The music, stone, everything. It was typical controlling… but also a complete relief to us, the kids. None had stayed in the cult and were treated like trash by the Believers anyway. We were in no position to effect any changes anyway.
27 is for many reasons is an epic age. I loved age 27. Felt like a veteran educator, felt strong and allowed curiosity to lead my choices. Truly began fully participating in my own life… and so it continues at 72.
Today is so perfect for publishing this gentleman’s interview. 💚
It’s balancing out the endless ghastly parade of ever more corrupt individuals crowding the news. Can’t seem to 100% avoid that shitshow, no matter how hard I try! Auwe!
I need to keep seeing more thoughtful, open, dignified, caring, healthy and HONEST individuals every day!
I need heroes right now, and it’s lovely that they are essentially in our neighborhoods.
When one has watched the demise of many wonderful individuals (hospice work and family), just seeing that body in the mirror still breathing can be very beautiful… The bar has been lowered, closer to earth.
The first portrait is remarkable! There’s an integration or a ripe embodiment that is clearer than in the others. And the light is stunning. Nicely done. Art!
I laughed loudly at his words “but I was an entitled shit show. Consistently. I wouldn’t want to go back to “successful” me.”
Oh I so understand that. 🤦♀️ I had the metabolism of a hummingbird deep into my 40s and was roundly attacked and accused of bulimia for just having a physical job with little time or $ for heavy meals. 20 minutes and a cup of yoghurt was the norm.
I was also raised in a weird cult, that happens to be spot on about nutrition, so I did realize I was ‘successful’ by my own choices, which no doubt seemed insufferable to those addicted, pre-educated or just cursed with different circumstances. But those bitches were so mean. “Jusssssst you wait…”🐍
It’s odd that just reading about someone happy with the mirror feels startling! Why is that? How can I emulate that contentment? Sure sounds like a decent goal. Thanks Donnell. It’s OK to be OK! Beautiful to be beautiful!
Ms Botton, Mr. Alexander: Age 58 is not old, it is mature. Doesn't mean you are not able to gain perspective and improve your well-being. But calling a person age 58 an "oldster" is like calling a 17 yr old an adult. Close... but most persons and institutions designate the beginning of old age to be at least 60.
Hi. Oldster is not about "old people," it's about getting older, at every phase of life. "Exploring what it means to travel through time in a human body, at every phase of life." More about that here: https://oldster.substack.com/p/q-who-qualifies-as-an-oldster-a-everyone We're all the oldest we've ever been, and every age is surprising to us.
Loved your comment: "We're all the oldest we've ever been, and every age is surprising to us.” And enjoyed your style of questions in this article & how you framed them. Asking, “What are your plans for your body when done using it?”was perfect! (Reminded me of the Cat Steven’s song, “Miles from NoWhere.” Lyric: “Lord, my body has been a good friend. But I won’t need it when I reach the end”).
So much wisdom right here.
"I like the sense of knowledge coalescing."
"Missing my children"--I, too, wish I'd spent more time with my littles instead of my careers. But that's the downside of the American dream, which Donnell Alexander also points out:
"Life as a game that you can win used to be my jam. The truth is that buying that ideological construct kept me looking down the road too often."
Goals: "The Asian seniors at the gym who swim and keep lean bodies are seriously who I want to be, in the physical sense. Also, I know a legally-blind guy in Fresno who’s so interestingly happy and self-sufficient. It’s a common, quiet dignity that’s quite inspirational. I want to land the plane like that guy."
I love this interview. Instead of trying to sell us something, including a frantic sense of How Wonderful his life is, Donnell Alexander delivers truth and dignity. Thank you.
I am nourished by his relentless curiosity and openness to the world. Someone who finds every year more interesting than the last is someone who’ll never be bored. Still, I have to ask: When will a middle-aged woman contemplate her naked body in the mirror and be proud of what she sees?
Goals!!!
I think that can happen. Ten years ago it was sad to see myself with no clothes on. I’ve seen a few nude knockouts over 50. But I do understand not prioritizing that kind of thing.
"This will reek of cliché, but every year is more interesting to me."
Thank you for this. Not a cliche at all, as the vast majority believe the polar opposite.
I first encountered Donnell Alexander, who is my age, in the pages of the LA Weekly, where he did some great work. Good to catch up with him here.
so glad to see this
Loved reading this Donnell! It’s been a long road since our days at the SFBG. Want to read your memoir! I so hear you on the joy and satisfaction of being a middle aged athlete. Bravo! Xox
Love this dude.
These are such cool and interesting answers -- cool and interesting life arc, too. (We overlapped in the 2010s PDX, it looks like.)
I totally get it about the 27 Club. Cobain was on my 27 list in addition to Hendrix, Janis, Jim Morrison, Brian Jones. Apparently the "27 Club" idea didn't hit pop culture until after Kurt died (?) but I was sure aware of it long before that.
Sounds to me like 58 is your “Apex Age”. I’m thinking maybe 86 is mine?🤷🏽
Re the legally blind guy & your comment: "quiet dignity that’s quite inspirational. I want to land the plane like that guy.” I loved that observation. Publishing your book on 9/11-wow.
I am curious re your trippin during cvid & will have to read more:) As for final good-bye, a suggestion-don’t leave it to your family. We make plans for so much in life, yet not beyond. Maybe soul search & figure out before so that your children are not burdened & are aware of your wishes. I am glad my parents years before spelled out their wishes (helped on the sibling front, too:)
Final wishes: my mom had worked in a funeral home, and had her entire plan & paid for too. The music, stone, everything. It was typical controlling… but also a complete relief to us, the kids. None had stayed in the cult and were treated like trash by the Believers anyway. We were in no position to effect any changes anyway.
Interesting thought. Thanks so much for that.
27 is for many reasons is an epic age. I loved age 27. Felt like a veteran educator, felt strong and allowed curiosity to lead my choices. Truly began fully participating in my own life… and so it continues at 72.
Really enjoyed reading your responses Donnell😘
Today is so perfect for publishing this gentleman’s interview. 💚
It’s balancing out the endless ghastly parade of ever more corrupt individuals crowding the news. Can’t seem to 100% avoid that shitshow, no matter how hard I try! Auwe!
I need to keep seeing more thoughtful, open, dignified, caring, healthy and HONEST individuals every day!
I need heroes right now, and it’s lovely that they are essentially in our neighborhoods.
When one has watched the demise of many wonderful individuals (hospice work and family), just seeing that body in the mirror still breathing can be very beautiful… The bar has been lowered, closer to earth.
The first portrait is remarkable! There’s an integration or a ripe embodiment that is clearer than in the others. And the light is stunning. Nicely done. Art!
I laughed loudly at his words “but I was an entitled shit show. Consistently. I wouldn’t want to go back to “successful” me.”
Oh I so understand that. 🤦♀️ I had the metabolism of a hummingbird deep into my 40s and was roundly attacked and accused of bulimia for just having a physical job with little time or $ for heavy meals. 20 minutes and a cup of yoghurt was the norm.
I was also raised in a weird cult, that happens to be spot on about nutrition, so I did realize I was ‘successful’ by my own choices, which no doubt seemed insufferable to those addicted, pre-educated or just cursed with different circumstances. But those bitches were so mean. “Jusssssst you wait…”🐍
It’s odd that just reading about someone happy with the mirror feels startling! Why is that? How can I emulate that contentment? Sure sounds like a decent goal. Thanks Donnell. It’s OK to be OK! Beautiful to be beautiful!
Ms Botton, Mr. Alexander: Age 58 is not old, it is mature. Doesn't mean you are not able to gain perspective and improve your well-being. But calling a person age 58 an "oldster" is like calling a 17 yr old an adult. Close... but most persons and institutions designate the beginning of old age to be at least 60.
PS I am the person behind Oldster, and I am 59. I've been obsessed with what it means to grow older since I was 10.
Hi. Oldster is not about "old people," it's about getting older, at every phase of life. "Exploring what it means to travel through time in a human body, at every phase of life." More about that here: https://oldster.substack.com/p/q-who-qualifies-as-an-oldster-a-everyone We're all the oldest we've ever been, and every age is surprising to us.
Loved your comment: "We're all the oldest we've ever been, and every age is surprising to us.” And enjoyed your style of questions in this article & how you framed them. Asking, “What are your plans for your body when done using it?”was perfect! (Reminded me of the Cat Steven’s song, “Miles from NoWhere.” Lyric: “Lord, my body has been a good friend. But I won’t need it when I reach the end”).
Thank you, Zara!
Laughed aloud.
Mostly my audience knows the drill by now, but every once in a while I still have to bat away comments like these...