This is 56: Sasha Frere-Jones Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire

"...I am suspicious of (and even hostile to) how people view time and age, especially in this country."

From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”

Here, writer and musician

Sasha Frere-Jones

responds. -Sari Botton

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Sasha Frere-Jones last year, at Abraço in Manhattan.

Sasha Frere-Jones is a musician and writer from New York. He writes the Substack Newsletter S/FJ. His memoir, Earlier, will be published by Semiotext(e) on October 10th.

How old are you?

56

Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think? 

Fifteen was good—there was a lot happening on the dance floor in 1982. The age I am now feels great. I don’t think I have ever objected to an age, though I have definitely objected to twelve-month blocks of experience. Whatever I was unhappy with in those moments was not associated with my age.

Because Americans are incapable of processing death, there is a pathological fear of aging and its attendant marks, especially anything visible. It’s nuts.

Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?

I’m happy, in general, so I reckon it’s a fine age. I have no idea who my peers are or what they are up to or how they feel. I hope they are OK! As you are asking the question, in its traditional meaning, I think I feel “young for my age,” but I am suspicious of (and even hostile to) how people view time and age, especially in this country.

Because Americans are incapable of processing death, there is a pathological fear of aging and its attendant marks, especially anything visible. It’s nuts. Learning and making mistakes and learning again and getting older is not only the best game in town, it is the only game in town. The only other option is delusion. There is a sign that hangs above our table: THE WORK IS SLOW. I made a bumper sticker of the sign, and it looks exactly like the sign. The Work Is Slow became the title of the first Body Meπa album (I am in this band) so it seemed like good merch, but it's a pain in the ass to ship. I have a lot of them left. Anyway—that’s all any of us have: do the work or don’t.

As a boy in Fort Greene Park in or around 1974.

What do you like about being your age?

I wouldn’t be able to see and feel and relate to people without being who I am today, having gone through other days in the ways I did. I need my experiences, as there is no other option. I don’t know how to regret things now.

Learning and making mistakes and learning again and getting older is not only the best game in town, it is the only game in town. The only other option is delusion.

What is difficult about being your age?

I am told that there is less time than there was before. I am a dumb animal, though, and I wear my blinders when someone hands them to me.

What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?

I feel physically the same, or better, in many cases. Less amusingly, people react to me sometimes as if I cannot operate computers or recognize memes. I can deal.

As advertised.

What has aging given you? Taken away from you?

A couple of pounds have been gifted to me by the metabolism gods. Aging has taken away my anxieties, more or less. What matters seems fairly stable.

How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?

I was always cast as older characters in plays, starting in high school. My destiny has been realized.

People react to me sometimes as if I cannot operate computers or recognize memes. I can deal.

What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?

I am putting out my first book in October, which is several decades later than I expected. That said, I was putting out records and publishing writing in my teens, so there’s more than enough ego reinforcement in place. The last thing I have to take care of is exercising regularly. I love it now, when I do it, but that starter’s pistol still seems to fire outside my range of hearing.

Preorder the book.

What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?

Last week was sick.

Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?

So many! Michel Leiris was fighting the power until 89. Cicely Tyson was pretty much on fire until the last minute, and she made it a long, long way. Marshall Allen from Sun Ra's Arkestra just hit 99. There’s a lot of life in lively people. John Waters seems to get it right every time.

Somewhere between zero and one.

What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?

I have decided to ask a local tailor to help me figure out a new uniform for the next few decades. Got to adapt to that new shape and hit them with more style. Health-wise? I’m entering my fifth year of sobriety, which shapes all the other choices. I can’t really eat too much now, and sugar makes me go bananas. I might be vegan before too long—there are signs that might be the vibe. I have pretty terrible tinnitus in my right ear, but I am still playing shows and going to them. I wear ear protection but the biggest aid to serenity is habituation. As with most things, acceptance is the key.

I was always cast as older characters in plays, starting in high school. My destiny has been realized.

What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?

I simply will not wear stained clothing, no matter how comfortable the outcome.

What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?

I love birthdays, as they honor only the person in question. All other holidays are tied to the state or some bullshit commerce illusion.