This is 52: Neko Case Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire

"I dye half of my hair. I like the silver at the front, but I missed the red so I compromised."

From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”

Here, musician, music producer, and writer, and

Entering The Lung

newsletter writer

Neko Case

responds. -Sari Botton

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Neko Case. “A photo on tour below my birth year.” Photo by Mike Bulington

Neko Case’s bio, in her own words: “American Musician, Music Producer, Writer, Ding-Dong” (Editor’s note: You guys, she’s a rock star.)

How old are you? 

52

Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?  

19. I think it’s because I always have the feeling like I’m at the brink, or the crossroads of something happening. Like I’m that age that’s about to go off to college or into the military and anything could happen. 

I don’t recognize myself sometimes. I think that’s to do with perimenopause, which is only acknowledged by about five people. I feel like a bit of a werewolf. 

Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?

I feel very young for my age. I’m in step with older and younger people but I feel like I have a real shortage of peers other than my bandmates. Likely because I live in a rural place and my job doesn’t allow for a lot of socializing. ( Very unlike the myth of being a musician. Haha!) It’s a TON of work so there’s not a lot of extra time lying around. 

Left, “Me preparing for the Women’s March with my homemade Amazon Wolf hat.” Photo by Diane Butler; Right, a selfie.

What do you like about being your age?

Having the confidence to say “no,” and really meaning it without guilt or trepidation. (I even experience a bit of thrill now and again. Haha!)

What is difficult about being your age?

I don’t recognize myself sometimes. I think that’s to do with perimenopause, which is only acknowledged by about five people. I feel like a bit of a werewolf. 

I’m not experiencing age-based “feebleness” I mistakenly associated with being my age back when I was 25. That was a bit of an age-biased myth I believed.

What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?

I’m a stronger singer at 52 than I have ever been. I think it’s because I have paid attention to my body and know what I need to do to keep it going. Thank goodness! I shout it to everyone I know who plays music. You don’t have to retire at 40. Granted, I do realize I am privileged to be in good health, and do not hold myself above other people for it. Anything could happen at any time.

Left, “My first and ONLY bikini”; Center, “Malnourished vampire bar wench monster?”; Right, “An unfortunate hair choice; A perm AND bangs!”

What has aging given you? Taken away from you?

I have come to terms with my very poor education in regard to money and staying afloat. I am ill-equipped and I have gone through so many catastrophes I’m now very interested in learning how to go slower and set myself up. I have a very bad relationship with money because I don’t respect it. As in, I think it’s corrupting. I am ready to find a way to “respect” it in a way that does not compromise me or my values, but I will hopefully know where my next meal is coming from? Does that make sense? 

Being 52 has really shone a spotlight on how much of my life was wasted in the tractor beam of the male gaze. I mourn that loss of time and experience and freedom like mourning the passing of a loved one. 

How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?

I care less about my appearance, which is something I pretended to do for so long! And I find my physicality much funnier. Human bodies have always been funny to me in an affectionate way. The things we expect of our bodies is ridiculous. Now that the curtain is kind of falling away it gets funnier and I love myself more, like my body is an older dog who is my favorite companion. I treat my body with much more affection.

What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations? 

I didn’t get to have a 50th birthday party. I’m not one for birthdays but that would be a nice party to have. 50 years on this Earth is really a gift! There would be cake and pie!

Being 52 has really shone a spotlight on how much of my life was wasted in the tractor beam of the male gaze. I mourn that loss of time and experience and freedom like mourning the passing of a loved one. 

What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?

35 was really good. I was in good physical shape and doing all kinds of things. I wouldn’t go back though because 35 was a small island between really hard lessons and pain I’d just have to go through all over again. I definitely would not end up where I am now which would be a tragedy as I have such a great partner and a daughter whom I love so very much. I ended up with a real family, which I would not trade for anything. 

“At work.”

Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?

The women in my neck of the woods in eastern Vermont are professional agers. They do it with great style and can do more chin-ups than I will ever be able to. Well, at least until I’m 70… I have something to work toward! I don’t have a particular aging idol but I have noticed that people with animals or a gardening habit often keep their activity higher and that is just so good for you and your body and your dog or horse or llama. People are meant to interact with the world, we aren’t just some blessed species for whom all else are secondary. We are healthiest when we are a part of the whole. We need and are needed by the earth, this reciprocity is crucial. 

Also: Angela Bassett!

(Editor’s note: I stumbled upon this conversation about songwriting between Rosanne Cash and Neko Case at Rodney Crowell's "It Starts With a Song" Songwriting Camp on August 27, 2022, in Nashville, TN, and I had to share it with you:)

What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?

I dye half of my hair. I like the silver at the front, but I missed the red so I compromised. I don’t really know where I’m at style-wise. I feel like I have never really “found it.” I have always been a bit liquid in that regard. It would be a hell of a lot easier if I did have a particular style! It took me 42 years to figure out I hated wearing dresses! I have always eaten pretty healthy, but staying off sugar and bread seem to do me the most good. I have a weaker resolve since covid though, so I have to build it back up again. 

“At work.”

What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?

I refuse to say I’m “old,” even if I’m just joking around. I have not earned that. It is a term of respect used as a slight and I want to use it sparingly and with the gravity it deserves. I am not yet an elder, but I sure hope to be a good one one day. 

The women in my neck of the woods in eastern Vermont are professional agers. They do it with great style and can do more chin-ups than I will ever be able to. Well, at least until I’m 70…

What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?

I don’t really care too much about birthdays. I’m more of a celebrate good things as they come person. But as I said before, I still plan to have a 50th birthday party. Maybe when I’m 60 I’ll have time. Haha!