"Even though I’ve deprioritized dating, I still have those down moments where I worry I’m not going to meet the love of my life and that I’m running out of time to do so."
I didn't meet the love of my life til I was 45. It's a calm, sane age to meet someone. I have felt so present for all of it unlike I would have in my 20's or 30's. The best it yet to come!
Yes! I met and married Brian when I was nearly 40. And I know so many people who first really partnered later in life, who came to it from a much more chill place than that harried quick-I've-got-to-find-someone place of the late 20s to late 30s.
Oct 11, 2023·edited Oct 11, 2023Liked by Sari Botton
Yes, same here! Finding each other later in life can feel like a homecoming because you've felt around and wandered a bit. As Minda said, you come to treasure yourself. That can take time. It will happen!
TMI -- I started going through perimenopause at 37 and was fully through menopause by 45 -- as people have started to point out, there is almost zero info available to women on these changes. Another great interview -- I notice the one thing almost all of your subjects have is the desire for an intentional life.
Love this! Looking forward to checking out the book. I am 55 and single, so I don’t have a great, inspiring story of love after 40 to add to the mix, but now that I am so far past that age, I always want to say to single women in their late 30s… it’s the worst time to be a single straight woman! You’re not imagining it. It really is tough. It’s a weird transitional time.
Yes!!! The 30s are so hard for single women. It's so hard to know what you really want, and there's so much pressure to know before "it's too late." And I know people who have met their first true loves much later in life. People meet when they meet. There's no deadline. <3
What really struck me here was your answer about the age you most identify. I had never thought about the pandemic in terms of feeling stuck in time, but as I read this, I realized how much that feels true for me, too. That pause, I think, that requirement to stop "business as usual" and reassess, then figure out how to continue, is an indelible marker that - at least for me - will likely remain an identity point that I still adhere to for... who knows how long?
Oct 11, 2023·edited Oct 11, 2023Liked by Sari Botton
Lately I've been thinking about Soren Kierkegaard's point that (paraphrased!) life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forwards. Reading Minda's thoughts reminds me SO MUCH of when I was in my late 30s -- I was longing for something I couldn't really put my fingers on. Little did I know great things were going to happen! Offering one small piece of unsolicited advice, though -- Minda, you're looking forward to retirement, yet you're worried about finances. Really work to educate yourself about money now -- the power of compound interest can still work in your favor!
As a 58-year-old with not nearly enough in my retirement account, I second what Bette says about learning about money now. (And I know I need to buck up and learn, too.)
Minda, there's something wonderful about aging in that you run out of fux to give, and I think your fux bucket was already shallow to start with, which I love! You're way ahead of the game in so many respects. Re-read your last paragraph -- that's just dripping with facts and wisdom -- if you're ever in doubt of that. It will all come to you as it should. Just stay open and your wonderful self. It's all yours to have. xo
2 things. 1. As I wrote on another Substack where Minda appeared, Minda was the name of my step- Grandmother. There must be a story behind the name of this lovely woman with a Jewish Grandma name! And 2) Minda sweetie, don’t fret about finding the love of your life. They are out there. Just make yourself open to receiving and deserving them. I met my husband when I was 45! We are together 15 years now. It happens! I look forward to reading your book and all your books to come.
My late 60s Mom met the true love of her life after three inappropriate disasters. Charmingly, their eyes met across a gallery of driftwood sculptures. I adored that grumpy generous Mountain Man that took her frail self bumping all over the gravel mountain roads that we all love so much. She told all her prurient church biddies to FO and moved his hospital bed into her wee living room at his end of life.
Happy tears! Thanks for the memory prompt. I treasure his wooden sculptures that I found in the move. So grateful to know him!
Now that I’m tickling 70, unattached, I can stay open to possibility because I know that the ‘spark’ ever smolders in good hearts.
What a great read. And I’m going to buy Mindy’s book once I get another paid subscriber. Looks like the perfect book to breakup my steady diet of history, tech, and Black history books
"Getting older has granted me authority over my identity. I get to decide who I am, who I want to be and what that means, versus seeking definition externally. WOW is that freeing!" - for me, this was one of the best realizations that I also started having somewhere near your age, Minda. Really enjoyed this one. Thanks so much for sharing!
“When I treasure myself, I’m less likely to allow others to be reckless with me.” BOOM 🎤🙌
Yes! I loved that last line, too.
Was coming here to post that 💖
I didn't meet the love of my life til I was 45. It's a calm, sane age to meet someone. I have felt so present for all of it unlike I would have in my 20's or 30's. The best it yet to come!
Yes! I met and married Brian when I was nearly 40. And I know so many people who first really partnered later in life, who came to it from a much more chill place than that harried quick-I've-got-to-find-someone place of the late 20s to late 30s.
Me too! I just wrote that below. Yeah meeting our mates late-ish!
Yes, same here! Finding each other later in life can feel like a homecoming because you've felt around and wandered a bit. As Minda said, you come to treasure yourself. That can take time. It will happen!
<3
TMI -- I started going through perimenopause at 37 and was fully through menopause by 45 -- as people have started to point out, there is almost zero info available to women on these changes. Another great interview -- I notice the one thing almost all of your subjects have is the desire for an intentional life.
Love this! Looking forward to checking out the book. I am 55 and single, so I don’t have a great, inspiring story of love after 40 to add to the mix, but now that I am so far past that age, I always want to say to single women in their late 30s… it’s the worst time to be a single straight woman! You’re not imagining it. It really is tough. It’s a weird transitional time.
Yes!!! The 30s are so hard for single women. It's so hard to know what you really want, and there's so much pressure to know before "it's too late." And I know people who have met their first true loves much later in life. People meet when they meet. There's no deadline. <3
Exactly! I have a good friend here in LA who met the right person at 50.
I love that. <3
You have inspired me to go out this weekend in a crop top and short shorts! Seriously! And Iʻm past 67 but why not?
Do it!
Too bad I canʻt send everyone the photo! LOL
What really struck me here was your answer about the age you most identify. I had never thought about the pandemic in terms of feeling stuck in time, but as I read this, I realized how much that feels true for me, too. That pause, I think, that requirement to stop "business as usual" and reassess, then figure out how to continue, is an indelible marker that - at least for me - will likely remain an identity point that I still adhere to for... who knows how long?
Yes, I feel similarly!
Stellar aging idols!
Lately I've been thinking about Soren Kierkegaard's point that (paraphrased!) life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forwards. Reading Minda's thoughts reminds me SO MUCH of when I was in my late 30s -- I was longing for something I couldn't really put my fingers on. Little did I know great things were going to happen! Offering one small piece of unsolicited advice, though -- Minda, you're looking forward to retirement, yet you're worried about finances. Really work to educate yourself about money now -- the power of compound interest can still work in your favor!
As a 58-year-old with not nearly enough in my retirement account, I second what Bette says about learning about money now. (And I know I need to buck up and learn, too.)
To think I used to quarter my age back in the day! I remember 37.75, 42.75 and lots of others! 🤣
You're still very young (if I may say so), so don't give up on the idea that life is an adventure. Even at ninety, it's that way for me.
I love that even at 90 life is still an adventure for you, Paul. 💕
Enjoyed this one! We are the EXACT same age <3
Oh, good!
Minda, there's something wonderful about aging in that you run out of fux to give, and I think your fux bucket was already shallow to start with, which I love! You're way ahead of the game in so many respects. Re-read your last paragraph -- that's just dripping with facts and wisdom -- if you're ever in doubt of that. It will all come to you as it should. Just stay open and your wonderful self. It's all yours to have. xo
2 things. 1. As I wrote on another Substack where Minda appeared, Minda was the name of my step- Grandmother. There must be a story behind the name of this lovely woman with a Jewish Grandma name! And 2) Minda sweetie, don’t fret about finding the love of your life. They are out there. Just make yourself open to receiving and deserving them. I met my husband when I was 45! We are together 15 years now. It happens! I look forward to reading your book and all your books to come.
I love the stories people are telling here about meeting their partners a little (or a lot) later in life! Thanks, Susan.
My late 60s Mom met the true love of her life after three inappropriate disasters. Charmingly, their eyes met across a gallery of driftwood sculptures. I adored that grumpy generous Mountain Man that took her frail self bumping all over the gravel mountain roads that we all love so much. She told all her prurient church biddies to FO and moved his hospital bed into her wee living room at his end of life.
Happy tears! Thanks for the memory prompt. I treasure his wooden sculptures that I found in the move. So grateful to know him!
Now that I’m tickling 70, unattached, I can stay open to possibility because I know that the ‘spark’ ever smolders in good hearts.
What a great read. And I’m going to buy Mindy’s book once I get another paid subscriber. Looks like the perfect book to breakup my steady diet of history, tech, and Black history books
Fantastic. So glad you enjoyed this!
Minda’s book that is
Yes, I figured!
"Getting older has granted me authority over my identity. I get to decide who I am, who I want to be and what that means, versus seeking definition externally. WOW is that freeing!" - for me, this was one of the best realizations that I also started having somewhere near your age, Minda. Really enjoyed this one. Thanks so much for sharing!
“I can drop it like it’s hot but getting back up is not a given” 😆 What a great line!