19 Comments
Mar 6, 2023Liked by Sari Botton, Jennifer Barnett

Great reflection, Jennifer.

I might be tempted to try a black and white TikTok filter that makes me look like a coolly knowing teen photographed on the hood of a stranger's car outside CBGBs by David Godlis, instead of the semi-bewildered, hippie cotton swathed Hoosier dingdong I was as an actual teenager.

It's a bit poignant that these filters don't do their Dorian Gray on necks. Can you imagine the teenage reaction to THAT? (Mom! MOM!!!! Ackkk!!! Get IN here, there's something wrong with my neck! Am I dying!? Oh my GOD it's SO GROSSS!!!!")

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Mar 6, 2023Liked by Sari Botton

I have been away from social media for various personal reasons, but people connect in this world in new and different ways daily, and I am all for the positive that apps like TikTok, etc bring. I once used a face filter app to try different hairstyles, not realizing it can transform you into having more male/female features, older, younger, different hair and eye color. I saw my younger self in that app that day, and my first thought was this scenario, "It's me! I've traveled through time to slap you awake for what may come, for what you might miss. Boys don't matter, they really DO NOT. Go to Europe! Go to South America! Go now. Right now. Go on adventures and mess up. See other cultures, your parents will get over it. You don't understand how precious your vitality is right now. You can go without sleep for a couple of nights and it won't affect you like it will now, where you need a month to recover from a couple of nights staying up in a hospital while your son goes thru an appendectomy with a scary complication. Send in all the poems, the stories, your imagination is not impractical, or silly or something to dismiss. Go find your tribe, not who you think will deem you cool enough. And that boy, that stupid, arrogant, violent boy who assaulted you - you are not the names he called you or how he treated you. Go talk to someone, a counselor, now. There are so many who have gone thru what you went thru, in the late 80's early 90's, silently screaming for help. As your older self, I was shocked at how many women of all backgrounds, races, ethnicities and religions I have met and talked to who were assaulted or abused as teenage girls and thought it was their fault, just as I did. Be kind to yourself, say no to people who deep down you dread but you "don't want to be impolite." Go find what you truly believe and love to do, not what others tell you so that you can belong. Good grades aren't everything, btw. Your life is yours, no one else's, so it doesn't matter if you didn't get into a MFA, or you aren't married by a certain time. Go take up space, express yourself, find out about all kinds of people and their lives, struggles, etc., find out how you can genuinely help others, (not just because it looks good on a college application or is expected of you), but hell, please - just go as soon as you can and boys will be there in the background, not the forefront of your life. You can find out how to love yourself enough that they are just a bonus, and the real ones have your back, whether friend or potential partner. It does get better, all the confusion and embarrassment you feel now. Do you have any idea how much I love you?" I still believe my teenage self would not listen - I'd have to go back to before puberty and warn her then. I always picture my inner child as the girl I was right before puberty, because she feels the most authentic, before I cared so much what others thought. My 11 year old self was sheltered, but she was more fierce, more funny, more unapologetically dorky and constantly curious. Maybe it's the bridge between our child selves to our teen selves is the critical period - 10 yrs to 12 yrs., to stay grounded before and during when all the hormones kick in and changes start happening. I don't know. But the women's reaction to seeing their "younger" selves is relatable for sure.

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Provocative. Thanks for giving the topic some depth. I cringe when I hear people who want to look young or be young. And at the same time, you highlight an experience that brought some women a moment of emotional depth, tears, and awakening. Not what I would have expected from Tik Tok but then again, I’m not a user.

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Mar 8, 2023Liked by Sari Botton

😀

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" ... the oldest I’ve ever looked but simultaneously the youngest I’ll ever be. There I am, I said. It’s me."

This is living (and enjoying) the moment you are in! Love it! Thanks Jennifer!

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At first I felt a glimpse of nostalgia but it dissipated quickly, when I had the thought “i don’t want to go backwards I want to move forwards in life.” We’re nostalgic yes, but who truly wants to be a nearly powerless teenager again? With personalities not fully developed yet? The moment passed and ultimately I had the same reaction as you. I said “I like my sun spots better” and closed the app.

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Mar 7, 2023Liked by Sari Botton

Yeah, I tried that immediately after I found out about it. What it produced looked like a very young (pre-teen) and genderless Sean Lennon. I'll take my 66 year old face any time although to be honest, I'm looking into non-surgical procedures to filter me back to my 30s or 40s.

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I wish I had been kinder to you. So lovely and sad.

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Mar 6, 2023Liked by Sari Botton

Fascinating and strangely alluring. Also annoying: I’m tempted to download the app more than ever.

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Mar 6, 2023Liked by Sari Botton

I tried it and was unimpressed. I didn’t look like that when I was a teenager. I think we see what we want to see? I very clearly remember my teen face.

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I'm not on TikTok, so I'm unlikely to do this, though it is super tempting. When I look at pictures of my younger self now I'm mostly just overwhelmed with sadness for the years I spent convinced that I was hideous and fat, which made me willing to accept all sorts of ill treatment. But, in fact, I was actually lovely. Sad and tender. That's the feeling I get. But then I'm pulled up short realizing the amount of time I still spend telling myself that I'm odd looking or old looking or getting thick in the middle and why can't I ever be lovely? And I think, OH. I'm still doing it.

And 30 years from now, when I'm 81, I will look back on pictures of myself now and wonder why I wasted so much energy being wrong and missed the chance to love myself.

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Mar 6, 2023·edited Mar 6, 2023

As I am writing this, I am listening to NPR's Morning Edition and this story:

https://www.npr.org/2023/03/06/1161248138/tiktok-to-limit-the-time-teens-can-be-on-the-app-will-safeguards-help-protect-th

I have a low opinion of anyone who spends a lot of their time on TikTok, but then those people probably have a low opinion of themselves.

This article was interesting and only used TikTok as a starting point to discuss real stuff, and my low opinion of TikTok users does not extend to the author.

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