My aunt asked this same question to the women in my family after a holiday dinner in 1989. Everyone went around the room and answered with ages younger than their actual ones. When it was my turn, I said, "36." This got a laugh because I was 18. At 51, 36 still makes sense. I feel responsible, contributory and sassy enough that people listen when I speak. I don't feel old because I've never felt particularly young.
I feel 22 while I am 34. I am unmarried, I recently quit my well paying job,, moved back with my parents and I am trying to figure out 'What next?' with my life. I have been a late bloomer with respect to a lot of things. It was when I turned 29 that I got my first job after clearing a really difficult 8 years long course. Most of my twenties involved studying. I am enjoying my thirties. Hence I feel 22.
We are a society that hates aging and undervalues anyone older than 50 especially women. I'm proud to say I feel exactly the age I am 51. It went fast and after getting stage III cancer at 39 I'm well aware of the preciousness of each and every day. Every year I'm different because I learned new things and the culture is ever evolving. As a wise person said the past is another country and we should be present right now because that's all we ever really have.
I just turned 80 and it is impossible to believe. What am I doing here? Who thought I would ever be around this long? But the thing is, aside from increasing physical and memory issues of this age, I actually feel closer to 60. Go figure. And get back to me.
Every so often, growing up, my father would recount his own mother in old age saying, "John, inside I still feel like a little girl." I took that info in, but didn't "get it" until much later. My father died many years ago at 72, and now I've outlived him by three years. Seventy-five. It still sneaks up on me daily. Bang. Yet I'm still running up the cellar stairs, still wearing my jeans and ballcap and so on . . . I see pictures of old guys and I say Is that how I look and my wife says, Yuh, and I just shake my head. Such a profound disconnect between the inner and outer . . . though, I suppose it doesn't need to be said that way; there must be a way of saying that despite the outer the inner gives the whole a duality, or perhaps it's more like havng an armature of selfhood within . . . though [sorry, last point] the Buddhist idea of no-self has helped me a lot as I've aged. The self as hologram, a pretense we use in daily life that has no essential existence--somehow it helps with the idea of death--you just switch it off, or it's switched off for you.
Jun 8, 2023·edited Jun 8, 2023Liked by Sari Botton
At this point in my life, the discrepancy I feel is usually centered on my outer appearance. I feel like I look like I’m still in my mid-twenties, maybe early 30s. But alas, when I see a current photograph of myself, I’m taken aback...for I see my faded, greying hair, a face that is a bit puffy, and eyes that somehow seem smaller in my head. (Do eyeballs shrink as we age!?) I think “um....that almost looks like a grandma...” *gasp*! I’m “only” 47, and had a child at 39, so I’m older than some of my child’s friends’ moms...by a decade in some cases. But I feel like I’m one of them age-wise. 🤷🏻♀️ It definitely throws me into a bit of a quandary. (Am I trying to act like I’m younger, when I attempt to befriend these younger moms? Is that wrong somehow?)
Similarly, dressing “my age” has been a wonderment for me lately. There are some styles that don’t quite look right on a woman near her 50s. My arms are too flabby, the skin is less taut. (Or shall I say “screw it” and wear whatever I choose, regardless of age-appropriateness, or lack of flatter?) I bet I know your answer!😊💃🏻
Well.... I am on the cusp of 77 with little recollection how that happened. I've always looked at least 10 years younger than my age, which annoyed me no end when I WAS young. I'd think, why...? Am I not acting sophisticated...? Cultivated....? Then, as time commenced, I'd find myself flattered that I looked ten years younger. Now, I openly state my age and eagerly wait for the "you don't look a day over..." reaction. But, guess what.... More often than not, I get a pregnant pause and then a non-committal "Oh...." Oh...shit.... Then my humor, my basic optimism kicks in and I celebrate this stage of recognition of my august wisdom (when I CAN remember), my settled sense of self, blemishes and all, and my immense gratitude for the richness of my life, for the love in my life. So I look in the mirror, squarely, and see every wrinkle and wattle and I smile and say "Hi, Old Woman. You look damn good for a fat old lady. Not bad."
It's not the number, it's how you feel about it. I am 70, but my family goes on into the 90s. So 70 is young for us. But I know people in their 60s who can barely walk. I'm a yoga practitioner, I revel in the new postures I master each year. So this is what age means to me, mastery. If age means deterioration to you, you're in trouble. Is age hard? Yes! It's a challenge.
I am a planner, which means I'm always looking ahead. I will turn 49 this month, but my dad has always pushed me ahead by at least a year, and he's doing it again: Just after I turned 48 he started planning a lovely 50th birthday gift (a trip to Alaska) for half a year in advance of the actual birthday, as he also did for my 40th. My husband often tells me I am '2 years too early' on my planning for our two kids, generally getting excited about doing things with or for them that they are not quite ready for. Now I'm wondering: why all this rushing forward?
My dad, who died far too young aged 60, always said he wouldn't be at all surprised to wake up and find he was 9 and had managed to dream the intervening decades. And I do see what he means, aged 43 - I am constantly irritated by the fact my muscles don't seem to agree with either of us on this.
I am 60, but in my mind I feel 40. My body complains and sometimes doesn't fully cooperate, while in my head I am confident, curious and not taking any shit. I am discarding people and ideas that don't serve me. I miss my 11 year old self. She was adventurous and joyful and felt free. I feel too jaded by the world sometimes to let her out. I am also newly retired, and while I am grateful, I had never really gave deeper thought to this time of my life, but I am open to the possibilities.
I thought I had answered! Must be my 67 yo Brain! I feel in my early 30s but my emotional age is 12 - until I remember I am living with RA which treats me like I’m 10 and makes me ache like I am 150
I will turn 58 this year and have never been coy about my age. As a child and young person, I was always an old soul. I remember I could not wait to turn 30 -- at the time, I was a foreign correspondent in the then-newish country of Slovakia-- because I was tired of being treated as a pretty young thing and somehow thought I’d have more heft in my 30s. Except in my 30s I found out i was still older because I’d done more in my life than most people my age.
40 was good: I finally hit my no-bullshit, take-it-or-leave-it stride and had the creds to back it up. Then I got pregnant and felt like I had superpowers.
I’m still channeling the 40-year-old energy and plan to for a few more decades.
My aunt asked this same question to the women in my family after a holiday dinner in 1989. Everyone went around the room and answered with ages younger than their actual ones. When it was my turn, I said, "36." This got a laugh because I was 18. At 51, 36 still makes sense. I feel responsible, contributory and sassy enough that people listen when I speak. I don't feel old because I've never felt particularly young.
I feel 22 while I am 34. I am unmarried, I recently quit my well paying job,, moved back with my parents and I am trying to figure out 'What next?' with my life. I have been a late bloomer with respect to a lot of things. It was when I turned 29 that I got my first job after clearing a really difficult 8 years long course. Most of my twenties involved studying. I am enjoying my thirties. Hence I feel 22.
Very relatable, especially to this late bloomer. Good luck with your next steps. I'm sure you'll find your way.
We are a society that hates aging and undervalues anyone older than 50 especially women. I'm proud to say I feel exactly the age I am 51. It went fast and after getting stage III cancer at 39 I'm well aware of the preciousness of each and every day. Every year I'm different because I learned new things and the culture is ever evolving. As a wise person said the past is another country and we should be present right now because that's all we ever really have.
I just turned 80 and it is impossible to believe. What am I doing here? Who thought I would ever be around this long? But the thing is, aside from increasing physical and memory issues of this age, I actually feel closer to 60. Go figure. And get back to me.
I totally get it!
Every so often, growing up, my father would recount his own mother in old age saying, "John, inside I still feel like a little girl." I took that info in, but didn't "get it" until much later. My father died many years ago at 72, and now I've outlived him by three years. Seventy-five. It still sneaks up on me daily. Bang. Yet I'm still running up the cellar stairs, still wearing my jeans and ballcap and so on . . . I see pictures of old guys and I say Is that how I look and my wife says, Yuh, and I just shake my head. Such a profound disconnect between the inner and outer . . . though, I suppose it doesn't need to be said that way; there must be a way of saying that despite the outer the inner gives the whole a duality, or perhaps it's more like havng an armature of selfhood within . . . though [sorry, last point] the Buddhist idea of no-self has helped me a lot as I've aged. The self as hologram, a pretense we use in daily life that has no essential existence--somehow it helps with the idea of death--you just switch it off, or it's switched off for you.
At this point in my life, the discrepancy I feel is usually centered on my outer appearance. I feel like I look like I’m still in my mid-twenties, maybe early 30s. But alas, when I see a current photograph of myself, I’m taken aback...for I see my faded, greying hair, a face that is a bit puffy, and eyes that somehow seem smaller in my head. (Do eyeballs shrink as we age!?) I think “um....that almost looks like a grandma...” *gasp*! I’m “only” 47, and had a child at 39, so I’m older than some of my child’s friends’ moms...by a decade in some cases. But I feel like I’m one of them age-wise. 🤷🏻♀️ It definitely throws me into a bit of a quandary. (Am I trying to act like I’m younger, when I attempt to befriend these younger moms? Is that wrong somehow?)
Similarly, dressing “my age” has been a wonderment for me lately. There are some styles that don’t quite look right on a woman near her 50s. My arms are too flabby, the skin is less taut. (Or shall I say “screw it” and wear whatever I choose, regardless of age-appropriateness, or lack of flatter?) I bet I know your answer!😊💃🏻
Yup. Wear what you want! Thanks for letting me know you get this.
(Thanks. And, I am trying to correct my typos, and misspelling of "taut." Doh!)
OK - I was successful. :) (P.S. Love your publication; I will follow!)
Thank you!
Well.... I am on the cusp of 77 with little recollection how that happened. I've always looked at least 10 years younger than my age, which annoyed me no end when I WAS young. I'd think, why...? Am I not acting sophisticated...? Cultivated....? Then, as time commenced, I'd find myself flattered that I looked ten years younger. Now, I openly state my age and eagerly wait for the "you don't look a day over..." reaction. But, guess what.... More often than not, I get a pregnant pause and then a non-committal "Oh...." Oh...shit.... Then my humor, my basic optimism kicks in and I celebrate this stage of recognition of my august wisdom (when I CAN remember), my settled sense of self, blemishes and all, and my immense gratitude for the richness of my life, for the love in my life. So I look in the mirror, squarely, and see every wrinkle and wattle and I smile and say "Hi, Old Woman. You look damn good for a fat old lady. Not bad."
It's not the number, it's how you feel about it. I am 70, but my family goes on into the 90s. So 70 is young for us. But I know people in their 60s who can barely walk. I'm a yoga practitioner, I revel in the new postures I master each year. So this is what age means to me, mastery. If age means deterioration to you, you're in trouble. Is age hard? Yes! It's a challenge.
Mary, drop me a line at oldstermag@gmail.com — I have an idea. Thank you!
I am a planner, which means I'm always looking ahead. I will turn 49 this month, but my dad has always pushed me ahead by at least a year, and he's doing it again: Just after I turned 48 he started planning a lovely 50th birthday gift (a trip to Alaska) for half a year in advance of the actual birthday, as he also did for my 40th. My husband often tells me I am '2 years too early' on my planning for our two kids, generally getting excited about doing things with or for them that they are not quite ready for. Now I'm wondering: why all this rushing forward?
Good question.
My dad, who died far too young aged 60, always said he wouldn't be at all surprised to wake up and find he was 9 and had managed to dream the intervening decades. And I do see what he means, aged 43 - I am constantly irritated by the fact my muscles don't seem to agree with either of us on this.
I am 60, but in my mind I feel 40. My body complains and sometimes doesn't fully cooperate, while in my head I am confident, curious and not taking any shit. I am discarding people and ideas that don't serve me. I miss my 11 year old self. She was adventurous and joyful and felt free. I feel too jaded by the world sometimes to let her out. I am also newly retired, and while I am grateful, I had never really gave deeper thought to this time of my life, but I am open to the possibilities.
I thought I had answered! Must be my 67 yo Brain! I feel in my early 30s but my emotional age is 12 - until I remember I am living with RA which treats me like I’m 10 and makes me ache like I am 150
I always joke that I feel like I'm 13 inside.
Not because I am youthful and full of vigor, but mentally and emotionally, I feel as though I haven't progressed.
I'm still feeling those insecurities, doubts and longings.
I will turn 58 this year and have never been coy about my age. As a child and young person, I was always an old soul. I remember I could not wait to turn 30 -- at the time, I was a foreign correspondent in the then-newish country of Slovakia-- because I was tired of being treated as a pretty young thing and somehow thought I’d have more heft in my 30s. Except in my 30s I found out i was still older because I’d done more in my life than most people my age.
40 was good: I finally hit my no-bullshit, take-it-or-leave-it stride and had the creds to back it up. Then I got pregnant and felt like I had superpowers.
I’m still channeling the 40-year-old energy and plan to for a few more decades.
I’m 60 this year, but the last few years have been rough so my body feels much older -- but my mind says I’m 30.
I'm 58. Feel 35. Exploring more about my little self as a toddler in my latest post on 'my renaissance life'.
I totally don't feel my age. Especially the older I get. I don't see myself as old at all. Or 'older'. I feel young in body and soul.