At 62, Judy Bolton-Fasman sends encouragement to her inner first-grader, whose love for Wednesday Addams and dancing badly helped her survive racist bullying.
Jul 10, 2023Liked by Sari Botton, Judy Bolton-Fasman
Judy Bolton-Fasman, your essay is amazing. I am 62 and grew up in Connecticut, where the Ct. River hits Long Island Sound. Different culture but same anxious growing up and complex family. Brava that you evoked so much in so few words and delivered fresh insights in a sea of reflective essays about growing up. I'm gonna remember this one forever. Thank you.
I think a lot about the anxiety passed down from my mom and nonna. These lines gutted me, “Like your mother and mother's mother, you were deathly afraid of dogs; it was among the fears passed they down to you. Given the anxiety you desperately harbored, it's a miracle you only wet the bed.”
Hi Judy! I loved it. That notion of inherited / passed down anxiety from the mothers is something I have had the most trouble writing about. It's the thing that feels like sheet metal inside my chest some days. The temper bit earlier in that paragraph hits home too. xx
How much better the reader now understands their affinity for Wednesday Addams! I’m so glad you are/were weird, Judy. My 12 year old self prioritized acceptance over originality. Here I am at 37, looking to be surrounded by as many weirdos as possible. A beautiful piece that touched my heart. Thank you.
OH MY GOODNESS HI JUDY! It's Rachel from Shuchi's Advanced Essay class 😊. I read Oldster regularly and imagine my surprise and delight when I saw your name pop up today! It was so wonderful to be back with your voice--lyrical and compelling just as I remember.
This is a lovely piece. It's got me to thinking what I would say to my insecure, driven, and focused 15 year-old me who never really learned to play. Though at 83, I am working on it.
As a fellow 62 years old, a life long fan of Wednesday Addams, and someone who’s always been on the weird side, I related to and enjoyed your essay and the accompanying photos very much. You’ve got me pondering passed on anxieties now.
Just wanted to say I appreciate your sharing and doing the self work and reflection to connect to your founder self. This inspires me to do something similar. Hugs to all ages of you.
Oh Judy! I am a Jewban too! My Cuban Jewish mom married a Catholic. And your upbringing is not so different from mine. We loved Benny Moré. My dad was a mambo king. He was a mamber of "la Sonora matancera" Friday nights our parent's friends would come over and their kids and we would dance past midnight, eat party food from my mom's catering business. My sister and I would dance the hustle, salsa and merengue with the other kids and our parents would give us all death glares if we danced too close. Lol. We were weird little teens that in a few years would move out to the east village discover danceteria and the Mudd club. And all looked like Wednesdays and Madonna.
Beny! I love this! My father was much older and an American. We danced when he mostly wasn't around. But danced we did. Thanks so much for commenting. J
We all have to start somewhere. Life is a difficult maze, and kids often have to realize this themselves because no one tells them. What is just as difficult is that we each have to figure out what kind of cheese we are trying to find, and what we would do if we find it. Enjoy the search. Many people find it better to have someone wandering the maze with them, but even that is not true of everyone.
Weird kids make the best adults. Thank you for this, Judy. xo
They sure do. You made me smile! J
Love this.
Thank you!
Judy Bolton-Fasman, your essay is amazing. I am 62 and grew up in Connecticut, where the Ct. River hits Long Island Sound. Different culture but same anxious growing up and complex family. Brava that you evoked so much in so few words and delivered fresh insights in a sea of reflective essays about growing up. I'm gonna remember this one forever. Thank you.
Thank you for reading, Wendy, and taking the time to comment.
This is so beautiful. This is a phrase I would send to my yonger self, too: "weird is impressive."
Weird IS impressive. Thank you for reading so thoughtfully.
Judy
Me, too!
I think a lot about the anxiety passed down from my mom and nonna. These lines gutted me, “Like your mother and mother's mother, you were deathly afraid of dogs; it was among the fears passed they down to you. Given the anxiety you desperately harbored, it's a miracle you only wet the bed.”
Lex -- I'm a fan of yours and so honored you read my essay.
xx
J
Hi Judy! I loved it. That notion of inherited / passed down anxiety from the mothers is something I have had the most trouble writing about. It's the thing that feels like sheet metal inside my chest some days. The temper bit earlier in that paragraph hits home too. xx
How much better the reader now understands their affinity for Wednesday Addams! I’m so glad you are/were weird, Judy. My 12 year old self prioritized acceptance over originality. Here I am at 37, looking to be surrounded by as many weirdos as possible. A beautiful piece that touched my heart. Thank you.
And your comment has touched my heart. J
OH MY GOODNESS HI JUDY! It's Rachel from Shuchi's Advanced Essay class 😊. I read Oldster regularly and imagine my surprise and delight when I saw your name pop up today! It was so wonderful to be back with your voice--lyrical and compelling just as I remember.
Hi Rachel — Thank you for reading and commenting. How are you? X
This is a lovely piece. It's got me to thinking what I would say to my insecure, driven, and focused 15 year-old me who never really learned to play. Though at 83, I am working on it.
Diana --
I'm working on it too. Thank you for reading.
J
Among aging's greatest gifts is perspective and how it widens so that its angles widen away the sharpness. A lovely piece.
Thank you for reading. J
As a fellow 62 years old, a life long fan of Wednesday Addams, and someone who’s always been on the weird side, I related to and enjoyed your essay and the accompanying photos very much. You’ve got me pondering passed on anxieties now.
Thank you so much for writing Julianne. Here's to weirdness! We rock! J
Beautifully done.
Thank you for reading my essay.
Judy
i wondered why your father was utterly invisible in your narrative.
My mother was larger than life. Thank you for reading.
J
Bravo! Bravo for weird and growing wiser as we age.
*your younger self - oops
Just wanted to say I appreciate your sharing and doing the self work and reflection to connect to your founder self. This inspires me to do something similar. Hugs to all ages of you.
Oh Judy! I am a Jewban too! My Cuban Jewish mom married a Catholic. And your upbringing is not so different from mine. We loved Benny Moré. My dad was a mambo king. He was a mamber of "la Sonora matancera" Friday nights our parent's friends would come over and their kids and we would dance past midnight, eat party food from my mom's catering business. My sister and I would dance the hustle, salsa and merengue with the other kids and our parents would give us all death glares if we danced too close. Lol. We were weird little teens that in a few years would move out to the east village discover danceteria and the Mudd club. And all looked like Wednesdays and Madonna.
Beny! I love this! My father was much older and an American. We danced when he mostly wasn't around. But danced we did. Thanks so much for commenting. J
We all have to start somewhere. Life is a difficult maze, and kids often have to realize this themselves because no one tells them. What is just as difficult is that we each have to figure out what kind of cheese we are trying to find, and what we would do if we find it. Enjoy the search. Many people find it better to have someone wandering the maze with them, but even that is not true of everyone.
The search is ongoing! J