"Like hundreds of thousands of men in their early 60s across the country, I was forced to start to get used to the idea that the marketplace may be deciding that I am 'done.'”
Heartwrenching and relatable, reading this essay. Ray Suarez you are a revered figure for me, as a longtime PBS Newshour viewer. So many layers to all this. I am going on 63, and I hear you. Some of it is corporate greed for sure. We are the last year of the baby boomers set, and unique in that we were shaped by the post-War values and sense of prosperity and endless American greatness, yet came of age in the late 1960s and 1970s, we so absorbed the art and counter culture ethos without being drafted to Vietnam. We entered a workforce that seems unprecendented in terms of requiring 24/7 work, but we did it. I am an editor, doing freelance by choice, and knowing that if I took on full time work it would require far too much. I had seniority and clout by the time I became a mom, but even then I saw that to reach top salaries in publishing world would take too much away from my family. This is a travesty that is too common in this country. Two of my brothers are doctors/surgeons and their careers were punishing. Business schools, med schools, media empires, insurance companies all set up to make only a few rich. High schools do need to teach financial literacy, that's one small piece of the pie here. As I look at my college and career friends and how they are faring, and my own status, I see how it's hard to be true to yourself and your dreams and be cunning about money. It shouldn't be that tough, though. This country is so in need of fixing.
This is SO important! I did not have the career Mr Suarez had, but l have worked on the PBS side of media for nearly three decades. I also graduated two children from college without any debt on their shoulders. Once I got to my 60s, however, it was quite a shock to crunch the numbers and realize I couldn't afford to live in the US once I stopped working even with Social Security. Life is different, indeed.
“The drop in living standards and rise of money worries are real enough. Less tangible, but only slightly less daunting is a sudden insecurity about self-worth, status, and place in the world” - this is my struggle as well. Thank you for your words. So often I feel it’s my own failures that have put me in this situation.
Yes, thank you for sharing these poignant truths indeed. The tears I’m clearing to write this reflect my empathy. Repaving our driveway and pouring a new walkway to our front door have been on hold for several years. I am ever watchful at 69 of every expense. We have been taught to live healthy and live long- but where is the companion teaching on how to pay for it?
After I crossed the 50 line, my NYC office job got outsourced during the 2009 economic collapse, and yeah, it was hell. I went back to Texas to try and get a job as a public school teacher, but no dice - there were simply so few jobs available, and the ones that came up went to young women. They let me substitute teach and tutor though (~$10/hour) and that's when I experienced the irony of substitute teaching in an advanced English class where I realized the teacher had taught an anthologized short story I'd written years earlier, yet I still couldn't get a job there. Through a few leads I started consulting writers and picking up freelance editing jobs. I also took a part-time job in a grocery store (they wouldn't give full-time because then they'd have to give me insurance) and kept substitute teaching on days off. I worked 7-days a week while I was slowly building up writing clients, until, magically it seemed when I was at a point of exhaustion a couple years later, I was able to let go of the grocery job and the substituting.
I guess my advice - and it's definitely easier for me to say because I'm single and my life is less complicated - is to hold onto your job if you can, but if you lose it, to imagine something "outside of the box" (I hate this cliche, but it fits here). The thing about having years under your belt is that you have a unique set of experiences that those years have given you. You really do have something unique to offer, so try and figure out what that is and move in that direction while you keep yourself afloat as well as you can. There might be something there for you. More teacher irony - I'm sure I could easily get a public school teaching job now as they're so desperate for teachers, but I
I remember saying to my wife some years ago as I was leaving the active workaday world, "ageism is alive and well" as I began to encounter the board room bias in hiring anyone over 70 Yes, 70! I had been in the busirness of executive recruiting and I heard the private conversations that were seldom heard in public that were clear cut cases of discrimination because of age. Or was it fear? Then it hit me as I was put aside for a position for which I was eminently qualified in favor of a younger candidate with less experience and fewer credentials. By that point, financial security was not a big concern although health care and insurance took a chunk out every month with no dental or vision coverage. As we get older, those concerns increase as do the expenses. By 75, I "retired" from my private practice with the exception of a few clients and by 80, I was ready to quit working completely. Now, at 86, almost 87, most of my "work" is pro bono and I am glad to be able to give back and to be listed as "of counsel" or some other honorary title. The most recent accord was from some of my former colleagues who awarded me the "Resident Rebel" title and I wear it with pride. I am not done and along with Yogi Berra, I believe it's not over until it's over. To hell with the marketplace!
Thank you for writing so honestly, Mr. Suarez. Your voice on this is needed, and I hope that you’ll find work that will allow it to shine again. Ready to buy your new book! And I hope you’ll write more about the issues in this article — so many are feeling this, and it really helps to have it clearly pointed out that it’s the system we’re living in, not anything an individual has done or can change about themselves. Sari, thanks for sharing this.
This is such an important essay which I will share with others. I applaud Mr. Suarez for his rock gut honesty. I do believe that as we share our fears around a subject that is impacting so many of us, new pathways will unfold. There will be options to explore to gain some traction for retirement angst.
It seems to me the trouble is capitalism and patriarchy as much as ageism. The idea that men get their value and worth from being a "good provider". The idea that all of us, regardless of gender, get much of our sense of worth from what we own. Both are a trap in their own ways, putting our sense of self-worth and purpose outside of ourselves.
I've never in all my life gotten any higher on the economic totem pole than lower middle class, so I'll admit I can't relate to taking issue with making low rather than mid-six figures in income. With multiple jobs I think the most I've ever made was $65K, and I felt FLUSH. Like all my bills got paid on time and I could cover a week of vacation at the lake for me and my kids. I didn't stress when I went to the grocery store.
I'm Gen X, and I think we were the first generation that didn't automatically expect to do better than our parents. And I haven't, but I've done alright. I wish what was prompted by all of this wasn't despair at the inability of people to make fat money until they're ready to retire, but a discussion of how we can all approach downsizing and simplifying our lives and expenses as we get older so that we can joyfully live on significantly less. Also, universal healthcare would be a HUGE help.
I commend Ray, not only for his career but for the way he's taken care of his family. I hope he and his family can now collectively figure out how to take care of each other in a way that brings them all deeper connection and joy, which doesn't necessarily require anyone to have a six-figure income.
This is terrifying. My husband and I are 56. He's in tech, an industry notorious for skewing young. He got a job in a big company a few years ago and we're praying he can hide out there until retirement. If he gets laid off in the next few years we both assume he won't be able to get another job. We have an adult disabled child so my career was put on hold to raise her. I've now got a part time minimum wage job. I've got a master's degree but more importantly to companies is that I'm old at 56. We have been saving a lot and if we can make it to 67 between social security-assuming it's still there - and our retirement withdrawals we'll be good. But if we have a forced retirement 10 years early it's going to be stressful. We want to save as much of our retirement money for our disabled kid and so dread having to maker withdrawals early to live on.
My husband was forced into early retirement due to chronic illness at 54. Naturally, contributions to his retirement account also stopped when he was no longer able to work. That's all on me now--as is providing our health insurance through my employer. People are constantly asking "Why don't you retire early and focus on caregiving full time?" The fact of the matter is, I live in terror of losing my job. I know how difficult it would be to find another one now, at 60, and our medical expenses would quickly become catastrophic without insurance.
Fascinating story! Lot's to unpack here. The paragraph that took me down memory lane was this one: "There is an accumulating, insulating impact of decades of high-paid work. Running around the country and the world also ushered me into a pampered class of business travel, met at airports by drivers holding a sign with my name, who whisked me to a hotel where I was thanked for my travel status at the front desk, and often enough, offered a room upgrade." The 65-year-old me has this advice for the 30-year-old me: Enjoy every minute of that pampered class and while there, notice you have quiet, isolated time in that fancy suite to work on your path forward and strategy for when this is over and a different kind of adventure calls you. What made you brilliant and an exceptional, sought-after talent at 30 is still in you. You will need to redirect it to a new story for 40 and then, again, another new story for 50. And, here's the reality you need to know sooner than later. There is no such thing as retirement. You'll need a purpose and income streams your entire life, so diversify now and invest emotionally and heavily in relationships and support systems.
I relate. I've been trying to explain to multiple people that by the time I am no longer an (unpaid) caregiver for my elderly mom, the full time jobs available to me will be fewer and less well-paid. And for all I know, I may not even be free before the age of 62, when I can take my social security checks (though it would be better to wait, if I could). I've watched many very gainfully employed friends get laid off for obviously ageist reasons and my only consolation is that I've been a freelancer all my life and didn't devote myself to an employer that would have betrayed me that way. We definitely need GAI for anyone whose job options are as bad as they are these days. People who work should be able to pay rent and have dental and medical coverage. For that matter, so should people who can't work, for whatever reason. What kind of a world is this?
So far, my only options for living on my social security check someday involve trying to get Ecuadorian citizenship through my grandmother, and moving there, but I am sure I'll just be participating in an international version of gentrification, which distresses me even further.
Wow. As a 60 year old woman who has always been freelance I can see how this would be a really hard adjustment. I feel your pain. This article made me grateful that I’ve never depended on a job for security. It’s sobering to realize that “security” is an illusion. We never know what’s coming. And ageism is real. And all I can say is, it’s okay not to fix everyone that goes wrong on your nice house. It’s okay to not have as much retirement savings as you want. It’s okay to get on Medicare. It’s okay to be less affluent than you once were. I would be proud of paying for my kids college if I could do that. And proud of all my achievements. And then I would humbly accept a more modest lifestyle and be grateful for all the resources I have and continue to have. The friends. The community. The family. The hard won work and life experience. Lamenting the losses is okay too. But as someone who has never felt very secure financially, all I can say is, you’ll get used to it and it’s going to be okay.
I remember when I talked my mom into moving to the same state I lived in at the time and she began to look for work. We assumed it would be easy. She was only 51 years old. She couldn't get hired. I also remember when my husband, at forty-six, worried if he left a job he despised he wouldn't get hired at another...because he was "too old." I don't think it's that bad now but ageism is a thing and it's counterintuitive for all the reasons you wrote about.
Thank you, Ray Suarez, for telling the truth of the lives of many of us. I was forcibly retired at 58, and had to rely on family help to supplement until 62. I also have a disabled adult child who will never leave the nest. My shock was compounded by the fact that this happened in the field of gerontology, which I would have thought knew a thing or two about ageism. I remember being asked by a bureaucrat at the Unemployment Office (ironically called the Employment Security Office!) about the length of my last employment. I was rendered speechless. All I could say was “Twenty-seven years.”
Heartwrenching and relatable, reading this essay. Ray Suarez you are a revered figure for me, as a longtime PBS Newshour viewer. So many layers to all this. I am going on 63, and I hear you. Some of it is corporate greed for sure. We are the last year of the baby boomers set, and unique in that we were shaped by the post-War values and sense of prosperity and endless American greatness, yet came of age in the late 1960s and 1970s, we so absorbed the art and counter culture ethos without being drafted to Vietnam. We entered a workforce that seems unprecendented in terms of requiring 24/7 work, but we did it. I am an editor, doing freelance by choice, and knowing that if I took on full time work it would require far too much. I had seniority and clout by the time I became a mom, but even then I saw that to reach top salaries in publishing world would take too much away from my family. This is a travesty that is too common in this country. Two of my brothers are doctors/surgeons and their careers were punishing. Business schools, med schools, media empires, insurance companies all set up to make only a few rich. High schools do need to teach financial literacy, that's one small piece of the pie here. As I look at my college and career friends and how they are faring, and my own status, I see how it's hard to be true to yourself and your dreams and be cunning about money. It shouldn't be that tough, though. This country is so in need of fixing.
This is SO important! I did not have the career Mr Suarez had, but l have worked on the PBS side of media for nearly three decades. I also graduated two children from college without any debt on their shoulders. Once I got to my 60s, however, it was quite a shock to crunch the numbers and realize I couldn't afford to live in the US once I stopped working even with Social Security. Life is different, indeed.
“The drop in living standards and rise of money worries are real enough. Less tangible, but only slightly less daunting is a sudden insecurity about self-worth, status, and place in the world” - this is my struggle as well. Thank you for your words. So often I feel it’s my own failures that have put me in this situation.
Yes, thank you for sharing these poignant truths indeed. The tears I’m clearing to write this reflect my empathy. Repaving our driveway and pouring a new walkway to our front door have been on hold for several years. I am ever watchful at 69 of every expense. We have been taught to live healthy and live long- but where is the companion teaching on how to pay for it?
After I crossed the 50 line, my NYC office job got outsourced during the 2009 economic collapse, and yeah, it was hell. I went back to Texas to try and get a job as a public school teacher, but no dice - there were simply so few jobs available, and the ones that came up went to young women. They let me substitute teach and tutor though (~$10/hour) and that's when I experienced the irony of substitute teaching in an advanced English class where I realized the teacher had taught an anthologized short story I'd written years earlier, yet I still couldn't get a job there. Through a few leads I started consulting writers and picking up freelance editing jobs. I also took a part-time job in a grocery store (they wouldn't give full-time because then they'd have to give me insurance) and kept substitute teaching on days off. I worked 7-days a week while I was slowly building up writing clients, until, magically it seemed when I was at a point of exhaustion a couple years later, I was able to let go of the grocery job and the substituting.
I guess my advice - and it's definitely easier for me to say because I'm single and my life is less complicated - is to hold onto your job if you can, but if you lose it, to imagine something "outside of the box" (I hate this cliche, but it fits here). The thing about having years under your belt is that you have a unique set of experiences that those years have given you. You really do have something unique to offer, so try and figure out what that is and move in that direction while you keep yourself afloat as well as you can. There might be something there for you. More teacher irony - I'm sure I could easily get a public school teaching job now as they're so desperate for teachers, but I
prefer what I ended up with.
I remember saying to my wife some years ago as I was leaving the active workaday world, "ageism is alive and well" as I began to encounter the board room bias in hiring anyone over 70 Yes, 70! I had been in the busirness of executive recruiting and I heard the private conversations that were seldom heard in public that were clear cut cases of discrimination because of age. Or was it fear? Then it hit me as I was put aside for a position for which I was eminently qualified in favor of a younger candidate with less experience and fewer credentials. By that point, financial security was not a big concern although health care and insurance took a chunk out every month with no dental or vision coverage. As we get older, those concerns increase as do the expenses. By 75, I "retired" from my private practice with the exception of a few clients and by 80, I was ready to quit working completely. Now, at 86, almost 87, most of my "work" is pro bono and I am glad to be able to give back and to be listed as "of counsel" or some other honorary title. The most recent accord was from some of my former colleagues who awarded me the "Resident Rebel" title and I wear it with pride. I am not done and along with Yogi Berra, I believe it's not over until it's over. To hell with the marketplace!
Thank you for writing so honestly, Mr. Suarez. Your voice on this is needed, and I hope that you’ll find work that will allow it to shine again. Ready to buy your new book! And I hope you’ll write more about the issues in this article — so many are feeling this, and it really helps to have it clearly pointed out that it’s the system we’re living in, not anything an individual has done or can change about themselves. Sari, thanks for sharing this.
This is such an important essay which I will share with others. I applaud Mr. Suarez for his rock gut honesty. I do believe that as we share our fears around a subject that is impacting so many of us, new pathways will unfold. There will be options to explore to gain some traction for retirement angst.
It seems to me the trouble is capitalism and patriarchy as much as ageism. The idea that men get their value and worth from being a "good provider". The idea that all of us, regardless of gender, get much of our sense of worth from what we own. Both are a trap in their own ways, putting our sense of self-worth and purpose outside of ourselves.
I've never in all my life gotten any higher on the economic totem pole than lower middle class, so I'll admit I can't relate to taking issue with making low rather than mid-six figures in income. With multiple jobs I think the most I've ever made was $65K, and I felt FLUSH. Like all my bills got paid on time and I could cover a week of vacation at the lake for me and my kids. I didn't stress when I went to the grocery store.
I'm Gen X, and I think we were the first generation that didn't automatically expect to do better than our parents. And I haven't, but I've done alright. I wish what was prompted by all of this wasn't despair at the inability of people to make fat money until they're ready to retire, but a discussion of how we can all approach downsizing and simplifying our lives and expenses as we get older so that we can joyfully live on significantly less. Also, universal healthcare would be a HUGE help.
I commend Ray, not only for his career but for the way he's taken care of his family. I hope he and his family can now collectively figure out how to take care of each other in a way that brings them all deeper connection and joy, which doesn't necessarily require anyone to have a six-figure income.
This is terrifying. My husband and I are 56. He's in tech, an industry notorious for skewing young. He got a job in a big company a few years ago and we're praying he can hide out there until retirement. If he gets laid off in the next few years we both assume he won't be able to get another job. We have an adult disabled child so my career was put on hold to raise her. I've now got a part time minimum wage job. I've got a master's degree but more importantly to companies is that I'm old at 56. We have been saving a lot and if we can make it to 67 between social security-assuming it's still there - and our retirement withdrawals we'll be good. But if we have a forced retirement 10 years early it's going to be stressful. We want to save as much of our retirement money for our disabled kid and so dread having to maker withdrawals early to live on.
My husband was forced into early retirement due to chronic illness at 54. Naturally, contributions to his retirement account also stopped when he was no longer able to work. That's all on me now--as is providing our health insurance through my employer. People are constantly asking "Why don't you retire early and focus on caregiving full time?" The fact of the matter is, I live in terror of losing my job. I know how difficult it would be to find another one now, at 60, and our medical expenses would quickly become catastrophic without insurance.
Fascinating story! Lot's to unpack here. The paragraph that took me down memory lane was this one: "There is an accumulating, insulating impact of decades of high-paid work. Running around the country and the world also ushered me into a pampered class of business travel, met at airports by drivers holding a sign with my name, who whisked me to a hotel where I was thanked for my travel status at the front desk, and often enough, offered a room upgrade." The 65-year-old me has this advice for the 30-year-old me: Enjoy every minute of that pampered class and while there, notice you have quiet, isolated time in that fancy suite to work on your path forward and strategy for when this is over and a different kind of adventure calls you. What made you brilliant and an exceptional, sought-after talent at 30 is still in you. You will need to redirect it to a new story for 40 and then, again, another new story for 50. And, here's the reality you need to know sooner than later. There is no such thing as retirement. You'll need a purpose and income streams your entire life, so diversify now and invest emotionally and heavily in relationships and support systems.
I relate. I've been trying to explain to multiple people that by the time I am no longer an (unpaid) caregiver for my elderly mom, the full time jobs available to me will be fewer and less well-paid. And for all I know, I may not even be free before the age of 62, when I can take my social security checks (though it would be better to wait, if I could). I've watched many very gainfully employed friends get laid off for obviously ageist reasons and my only consolation is that I've been a freelancer all my life and didn't devote myself to an employer that would have betrayed me that way. We definitely need GAI for anyone whose job options are as bad as they are these days. People who work should be able to pay rent and have dental and medical coverage. For that matter, so should people who can't work, for whatever reason. What kind of a world is this?
So far, my only options for living on my social security check someday involve trying to get Ecuadorian citizenship through my grandmother, and moving there, but I am sure I'll just be participating in an international version of gentrification, which distresses me even further.
Wow. As a 60 year old woman who has always been freelance I can see how this would be a really hard adjustment. I feel your pain. This article made me grateful that I’ve never depended on a job for security. It’s sobering to realize that “security” is an illusion. We never know what’s coming. And ageism is real. And all I can say is, it’s okay not to fix everyone that goes wrong on your nice house. It’s okay to not have as much retirement savings as you want. It’s okay to get on Medicare. It’s okay to be less affluent than you once were. I would be proud of paying for my kids college if I could do that. And proud of all my achievements. And then I would humbly accept a more modest lifestyle and be grateful for all the resources I have and continue to have. The friends. The community. The family. The hard won work and life experience. Lamenting the losses is okay too. But as someone who has never felt very secure financially, all I can say is, you’ll get used to it and it’s going to be okay.
I remember when I talked my mom into moving to the same state I lived in at the time and she began to look for work. We assumed it would be easy. She was only 51 years old. She couldn't get hired. I also remember when my husband, at forty-six, worried if he left a job he despised he wouldn't get hired at another...because he was "too old." I don't think it's that bad now but ageism is a thing and it's counterintuitive for all the reasons you wrote about.
Thank you, Ray Suarez, for telling the truth of the lives of many of us. I was forcibly retired at 58, and had to rely on family help to supplement until 62. I also have a disabled adult child who will never leave the nest. My shock was compounded by the fact that this happened in the field of gerontology, which I would have thought knew a thing or two about ageism. I remember being asked by a bureaucrat at the Unemployment Office (ironically called the Employment Security Office!) about the length of my last employment. I was rendered speechless. All I could say was “Twenty-seven years.”