Or, how I did. PLUS, a brief interview with a silver-haired male friend. And an Oldster Magazine Friday Open Thread about your experiences with graying and hair color.
Ok, first let me say that this post motivated me to finally change my profile pic! 😂 I figured if I’m going to tell you about my gorgeous white hair, you might want evidence. My old pic was from the days of coloring my roots every three weeks. Yes, ever since I was in college. My brother and I both went solid white in our 20’s and he just rolled with it because it was very distinguished and sexy for him. But it wasn’t until recently that women started embracing the silver trend. I’m 58 now. I didn’t go quietly. I actually lost most of my hair when I got a severe case of COVID in the midst of a major depression in 2021. Yeah, worst year of my life and I’m happy to be here. But hey, the silver lining (see what I did there?) is that my hair grew back this lovely shade of snow white and there’s not a day that I don’t get at least one compliment from a stranger who “wishes they had my hair”. In all my years, no one ever wished to have my hair before. So, aging has given me this one gift. Actually, it’s given me many gifts, like grand babies and wisdom and well, those are comments for another post.
This is a timely post for me. I'm 62, and at first, liked the idea of going gray, which I started two years ago. I did so pretty easily because I was only using temporary color up to then. It was fun seeing silver hair, which was lighter than my brown wash-out color. But then I started seeing photos of myself and I didn't like how I looked at all. Let me just say that the ladies who look gorgeous with gray and silver hair, in my opinion, tend to be the ones with gorgeous hair of any color: thick and healthy. That's not me. So my gray was just one more thing that separated me from the woman I used to know, the woman I used to look like even before I ever used the wash-out stuff. I made an appointment and had an actual professional use permanent dye to do what they call gray blending. So now I have brown hair with a lot of gray highlights. And I'm sorry to say this but I prefer it on me.
Oh my goodness, I have to laugh. One day when I was having a really awful hair day, I took a selfie with the most unflattering, twisted expression I could possibly make and then sent it to my best friend, just to break the spell of the mirror. She didn't respond right away, so I thought, uh oh, she thinks I've finally gone bat-poop crazy. I had to sit with that uncomfortable feeling for a while and wonder ... have I??? Of course, she wrote back an hour later (she was in a meeting) and thought it was hilarious. My ever-shifting reflection has been a real wakeup call about what makes "me" me.
funny yes when we let go of our former "visual" it is actually liberating - I also often feel so much younger than I did when the chronological age was 20 plus What does any age look like any way? I think it is bonkers that there is a some prototype as to what is acceptable or not. I am happy that you are happy with your hair - enjoy -
I’m 58 and I’ve had silver strands in my hair since I was a teenager. Going gray early runs in my family. I cellophaned or dyed my hair all through my 20s and 30s (Red Wine-UB40 anyone?) and I decided to grow it out in my early 40s. I’d grown tired of the time spent at the salon trying to keep the increasingly silver roots from showing.
I cut my hair into a very layered long pixie/short bob and let it grow from there.
I’ve never received so many compliments on my hair before since letting my salt & pepper flag fly and cutting my hair shorter. I have always had a baby face and I think the contrast of the silver and the round face plus big eyes is a good one.
Once I was washing my hands in the restroom at a pub in Cleveland and a young woman in her early 20s asked me, “How did you dye your hair like that? It’s soooo pretty!” I replied, “It’s my own color-I’m 55.” She told me, “Really?!? I thought you were 30 years old and from New York City!”
I love that story because in my mind I AM 30 and from New York City!
My best advice for anyone who wants to go silver is to go for it and keep your hair styled in a way you like-it adds to the intentionality of your choice and lets everyone know you are proud of your silver foxiness!
In my 40-50’s I also got asked by young chicks what I did to get my hair this color! Then one day, I guess my face grew into the gray and no one asks anymore.
When I was a singer/songwriter in Nashville, I had peroxide blonde hair. I wanted it even lighter -- I wanted that glorious prematurely silver white goddess hair that Emmylou Harris has, which was and still is by far the most beautiful hair I've ever seen.
I went to my hairdresser and asked her if she could color (or I suppose remove the color) of my hair to look like Emmylou's. She laughed and said, in her gorgeous southern account, "Honey, you can't buy hair like that. You have to earn it."
Both my wife and I are 81 years old. I have gray on my temples, and she's totally silver. She doesn't color anything. When we met 20 years ago, believe it or not, she lived on "Silverfox Drive" Now I still call her the "Silver Fox". She's beautiful! Ooops! My original post said "91 years old". I hit the wrong key and added ten years to our lives. Everything else is the same.
I didn't turn a full grey until this year after several hospital visits I'm 77. I colored my hair before then only to match the hair pieces I wore due to losing so much hair. Bad gene pool. I had to stop wearing the hair pieces as they were pulling out too much hair so stopped coloring it about six months ago. I will never color it again as 1) I truly love my grey 2) it helps hide some thinning spots) and 3) most importantly, I am thrilled to have the grey as testimony to my joy to be still aging. I've earned it all!!!
My mom had the same experience. She had hairpieces to hide the hair loss which was partially caused by hairpieces (and perhaps color?) Her hair looked a lot thicker when fully white, and she had a gorgeous bob.
I was 16 the first time a stylist mentioned my grey hair. For years, I coloured it. Sometimes I'd go for browns similar to what I had as a child, but it was also hennaed, black, red, blue, purple, and, briefly, bleach blonde. Ten years ago, at 44, when the only dye that would really cover the white hair was black and my roots would show within days, I chopped off all but an inch or two. During lockdown, I grew it past my shoulders, but now it's a bob. Occasionally, I'll throw some temporary pink colour in to mix things up, but mostly I'm happy with my natural colour.
People keep telling me that I should colour my hair but it is not my bag. I earned every single gray hair. They are, to me, a sign of my journey and my experiences. There was a time where it wasn't likely that I'd be around to go gray, but here I am.
Let's see... I'm 52. I started greying noticeably in my mid-40s, though I'm a redhead historically and so I'm not "greying" to smoky grey or silver, but more a dull, yellow-ish grey, which I'm not super fond of.
My red started dulling after my kids were born, so I started to henna my hair in my 30s. But that stinks, literally. Then in my early 40s (just before the grey), I went through a mermaid hair phase-- deep red with green streaks-- which was fantastic, but had to be done professionally and was expensive. I've never been that much of a girl, so I let that go after a couple of years. Then came Overtone, which I did at home and liked a lot. When I was 49, though, I started dating a guy who was 10 years older than me and he convinced me to let my grey show. He said it was sexy, but I think it just made him look not as old in comparison. Once we broke up I started the Overtone (Orange for brown hair) again, but I'm lazy so it keeps growing out to grey before I deal with it again.
I don't mind the color of the grey as much as the texture, which is wiry and odd. Shampoo bars for grey hair help with that. What really bugs me, though, is the dulling of the red color in the rest of my hair. Red hair is an identity as much as anything and I'm not ready to give it up. So, it's all a work in progress.
I'm a natural red head turned silver fox so I completely understand!!! Well, now I am a light blonde and strangely enough, people always tell me they can't picture me with red hair. Not sure if that's a good thing or not :)
Ooh. Can you share more about the shampoo bars? My grey hair texture is a bit coarse and wiry and am curious how using the bars helps with that? Do tell! And thank you! ❤️
I don't know why or how they help. I'm assuming it's the lack of filler ingredients? They're very "clean". I will say that I like the shampoo bar better than the conditioner bar, which doesn't emulsify as easily. But I love what they do to my hair when used together.
My hair has always been one of my most noted features. At least it was and is again. Between modeling for Clairol as a teen and sporting my silver after turning 45, years of dying my hair in between often resulted in many hair color mistakes and regrets. Since going full silver I’ve never felt freer and my hair has never been happier. Again I am told almost weekly how great my hair looks. I’ve even been asked if it’s natural which I find hysterical to imagine the effort to color it this way.
I’m a natural girl. No makeup, no artificial hair color. So “going gray” is a natural part of living life. It seems to come in gradually, so basically a non-event.
Like many of us, I stopped coloring my hair during Covid. I’m 76. It came in white. Then I had it low lighted with streaks of my old color—9N for you blondes out there. Lately I’ve added a “glaze” which is a temporary color designed to pick up white. My goal was less upkeep, looking more my age, but still interesting.
Yeah, me too. I heard the glaze might protect against sun damage which causes the yellowing when you have white hair like mine. I hate the purple shampoos because they dry my hair and turn it lavender. I might try the glaze.
Interesting, did not know about the sun damage. I use purple shampoo and count on my friends to tell me if I'm looking lavender. What are these glazes? Are they in salons or do you do it yourself?
You can buy a glaze at Ulta or other places online or have it done in the salon. They use developers like color does, and that’s why I have hesitated since my hair is fragile after losing almost all of it in 2021. But there are options. They can use a gentle developer. Also you could choose a gloss instead which only lasts a few shampoos but adds that shine. Talk to your stylist and do some research. I have well water and spend a lot of time in my garden, so the yellowing is a constant battle for me. Aveda makes a wonderful clarifying shampoo that does wonders!
Glaze is a temporary color that slowly wears off in about 2+ months, depending on how frequently you wash your hair. I’ve always had it done in a salon — the process is much faster than permanent color. It gives the hair more shine and body. My hair is similar to Sari’s — a mix of my natural dark brown with gray — and i get a glaze that makes the dark more prominent, the gray more muted.
I am an international makeup and hair artist, currently 66 years old. I colored my grays briefly in my mid forties because I didn't consider that I had a choice. That lasted for a mere 2-3 trips to the hairdresser. I looked carefully at silvering women, their style, their hair color, their skin tones, and realized, ureka, that gray hair was not ugly at all, it was beautiful! Because of my profession and my evolving head of gray curls, I had the "talk" with countless women, and heard all the fears and misconceptions. The influence of social media, combined with the pandemic has brought forth a global movement of women choosing not to cover their gray. I am in the final editing stages of a new documentary that explores this timely subject. The instagram for the film, Your Roots Are Showing is @yourootsareshowing (one r) and Your Roots Are Showing on FB. This is an important conversation and a moment on the timeline of fashion and beauty history.
yes to challenging these prejudices. I know it is "hair colour" but it is indicative of a wider attitude towards beauty and aging/women. The silver fox - yay - but no to silver vixen? which actually sounds really sexy...
These prejudices are sustained by an industry that profits mightily and a patriarchy that would prefer women not to mature and share equal power with them. The women in my film challenge these prejudices around gray hair by ditching the dye, feeling free and more confident, many of them are sexy as hell!
I went from dark brunette to silver over pandemic. Suits me and although I have wobbles associated with aging and old attitudes I’ve taken to calling it Pandemic Platnium and embracing it 🩶
I developed what I thought was an allergy to hair dye -- my scalp was on fire every time I colored. My stylist suggested I had psoriasis and I was like, nah, I would know. So I stopped coloring, then went to the dermatologist a few months later for a weird torso rash and found out I have psoriasis. Now that it's treated I think I could color my hair, but I weirdly like it in its current gray-brown!
Ok, first let me say that this post motivated me to finally change my profile pic! 😂 I figured if I’m going to tell you about my gorgeous white hair, you might want evidence. My old pic was from the days of coloring my roots every three weeks. Yes, ever since I was in college. My brother and I both went solid white in our 20’s and he just rolled with it because it was very distinguished and sexy for him. But it wasn’t until recently that women started embracing the silver trend. I’m 58 now. I didn’t go quietly. I actually lost most of my hair when I got a severe case of COVID in the midst of a major depression in 2021. Yeah, worst year of my life and I’m happy to be here. But hey, the silver lining (see what I did there?) is that my hair grew back this lovely shade of snow white and there’s not a day that I don’t get at least one compliment from a stranger who “wishes they had my hair”. In all my years, no one ever wished to have my hair before. So, aging has given me this one gift. Actually, it’s given me many gifts, like grand babies and wisdom and well, those are comments for another post.
I do see what you did there! This is quite the gray (white) journey. Glad it all returned, and that you like it.
Your hair is gorgeous and if I saw you walking down the street, I'd give you, a sister of the gray/white, a thumbs up.
Beautiful❣️
A beautiful silver lining!
beautiful
This is a timely post for me. I'm 62, and at first, liked the idea of going gray, which I started two years ago. I did so pretty easily because I was only using temporary color up to then. It was fun seeing silver hair, which was lighter than my brown wash-out color. But then I started seeing photos of myself and I didn't like how I looked at all. Let me just say that the ladies who look gorgeous with gray and silver hair, in my opinion, tend to be the ones with gorgeous hair of any color: thick and healthy. That's not me. So my gray was just one more thing that separated me from the woman I used to know, the woman I used to look like even before I ever used the wash-out stuff. I made an appointment and had an actual professional use permanent dye to do what they call gray blending. So now I have brown hair with a lot of gray highlights. And I'm sorry to say this but I prefer it on me.
No need to apologize! Wear you hair how you like it!
Thank you, Sari!
Yes. I agree that looking like yourself (whatever that means) is important. Good for you.
Thanks, Christine. Losing sight of my former self is the trickiest part of this old business.
Well said: "Losing sight of my former self." Cause on the inside, we feel much the same as our young self, right?
Thank you. And yes that's exactly it. I remember my mother used to laugh at her old reflection in the mirror. I hope I can be as gracious!
Let’s laugh together! What a fun challenge… (my inner Monkey wants to somehow share photos of laughing at ourselves in the mirror) 🤣
Oh my goodness, I have to laugh. One day when I was having a really awful hair day, I took a selfie with the most unflattering, twisted expression I could possibly make and then sent it to my best friend, just to break the spell of the mirror. She didn't respond right away, so I thought, uh oh, she thinks I've finally gone bat-poop crazy. I had to sit with that uncomfortable feeling for a while and wonder ... have I??? Of course, she wrote back an hour later (she was in a meeting) and thought it was hilarious. My ever-shifting reflection has been a real wakeup call about what makes "me" me.
Okay I'm with you. But only on good hair days! 😆
In my opinion, finding what works for YOU is what it's all about. Gray highlights sound beautiful.
Yes!
Thank you❣️ And I think you're right. Also, gray highlights are way better than monotone brown so I'm pretty happy!
funny yes when we let go of our former "visual" it is actually liberating - I also often feel so much younger than I did when the chronological age was 20 plus What does any age look like any way? I think it is bonkers that there is a some prototype as to what is acceptable or not. I am happy that you are happy with your hair - enjoy -
Thank you, Lucy. Being old can be liberating!
I’m 58 and I’ve had silver strands in my hair since I was a teenager. Going gray early runs in my family. I cellophaned or dyed my hair all through my 20s and 30s (Red Wine-UB40 anyone?) and I decided to grow it out in my early 40s. I’d grown tired of the time spent at the salon trying to keep the increasingly silver roots from showing.
I cut my hair into a very layered long pixie/short bob and let it grow from there.
I’ve never received so many compliments on my hair before since letting my salt & pepper flag fly and cutting my hair shorter. I have always had a baby face and I think the contrast of the silver and the round face plus big eyes is a good one.
Once I was washing my hands in the restroom at a pub in Cleveland and a young woman in her early 20s asked me, “How did you dye your hair like that? It’s soooo pretty!” I replied, “It’s my own color-I’m 55.” She told me, “Really?!? I thought you were 30 years old and from New York City!”
I love that story because in my mind I AM 30 and from New York City!
My best advice for anyone who wants to go silver is to go for it and keep your hair styled in a way you like-it adds to the intentionality of your choice and lets everyone know you are proud of your silver foxiness!
Yes, the intentionality…
In my 40-50’s I also got asked by young chicks what I did to get my hair this color! Then one day, I guess my face grew into the gray and no one asks anymore.
When I was a singer/songwriter in Nashville, I had peroxide blonde hair. I wanted it even lighter -- I wanted that glorious prematurely silver white goddess hair that Emmylou Harris has, which was and still is by far the most beautiful hair I've ever seen.
I went to my hairdresser and asked her if she could color (or I suppose remove the color) of my hair to look like Emmylou's. She laughed and said, in her gorgeous southern account, "Honey, you can't buy hair like that. You have to earn it."
Amen!
Both my wife and I are 81 years old. I have gray on my temples, and she's totally silver. She doesn't color anything. When we met 20 years ago, believe it or not, she lived on "Silverfox Drive" Now I still call her the "Silver Fox". She's beautiful! Ooops! My original post said "91 years old". I hit the wrong key and added ten years to our lives. Everything else is the same.
OMG, I love this. 🦊
I didn't turn a full grey until this year after several hospital visits I'm 77. I colored my hair before then only to match the hair pieces I wore due to losing so much hair. Bad gene pool. I had to stop wearing the hair pieces as they were pulling out too much hair so stopped coloring it about six months ago. I will never color it again as 1) I truly love my grey 2) it helps hide some thinning spots) and 3) most importantly, I am thrilled to have the grey as testimony to my joy to be still aging. I've earned it all!!!
Yes, you did!
My mom had the same experience. She had hairpieces to hide the hair loss which was partially caused by hairpieces (and perhaps color?) Her hair looked a lot thicker when fully white, and she had a gorgeous bob.
I was 16 the first time a stylist mentioned my grey hair. For years, I coloured it. Sometimes I'd go for browns similar to what I had as a child, but it was also hennaed, black, red, blue, purple, and, briefly, bleach blonde. Ten years ago, at 44, when the only dye that would really cover the white hair was black and my roots would show within days, I chopped off all but an inch or two. During lockdown, I grew it past my shoulders, but now it's a bob. Occasionally, I'll throw some temporary pink colour in to mix things up, but mostly I'm happy with my natural colour.
The occasional pink sounds fun.
Same!
It looks really pretty, and your profile photo! You really know how to highlight it with the colors you're wearing!
Thank you! I love bright colours that make me stand out even though I'm quite introverted.
How old are you?
42.
When did you start to go gray?
Aged 19.
Did you ever cover your gray with hair colour?
Nope.
People keep telling me that I should colour my hair but it is not my bag. I earned every single gray hair. They are, to me, a sign of my journey and my experiences. There was a time where it wasn't likely that I'd be around to go gray, but here I am.
Platinum Endurance Medals.
Glad you’re here too!
Let's see... I'm 52. I started greying noticeably in my mid-40s, though I'm a redhead historically and so I'm not "greying" to smoky grey or silver, but more a dull, yellow-ish grey, which I'm not super fond of.
My red started dulling after my kids were born, so I started to henna my hair in my 30s. But that stinks, literally. Then in my early 40s (just before the grey), I went through a mermaid hair phase-- deep red with green streaks-- which was fantastic, but had to be done professionally and was expensive. I've never been that much of a girl, so I let that go after a couple of years. Then came Overtone, which I did at home and liked a lot. When I was 49, though, I started dating a guy who was 10 years older than me and he convinced me to let my grey show. He said it was sexy, but I think it just made him look not as old in comparison. Once we broke up I started the Overtone (Orange for brown hair) again, but I'm lazy so it keeps growing out to grey before I deal with it again.
I don't mind the color of the grey as much as the texture, which is wiry and odd. Shampoo bars for grey hair help with that. What really bugs me, though, is the dulling of the red color in the rest of my hair. Red hair is an identity as much as anything and I'm not ready to give it up. So, it's all a work in progress.
I think when I got more gray, it stopped being so wiry. When there were just a few, it was so weird. Very interesting about the red head identity.
Yes!! This is what I came to add. Red hair is very much an identity, I agree.
I'm a natural red head turned silver fox so I completely understand!!! Well, now I am a light blonde and strangely enough, people always tell me they can't picture me with red hair. Not sure if that's a good thing or not :)
Ooh. Can you share more about the shampoo bars? My grey hair texture is a bit coarse and wiry and am curious how using the bars helps with that? Do tell! And thank you! ❤️
I don't know why or how they help. I'm assuming it's the lack of filler ingredients? They're very "clean". I will say that I like the shampoo bar better than the conditioner bar, which doesn't emulsify as easily. But I love what they do to my hair when used together.
https://humbyorganics.com/products/purple-rain-shampoo-conditioner-bundle?tw_source=google&tw_adid=691523449135&tw_campaign=19068309094&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwvvmzBhA2EiwAtHVrb3w-UYxUv3HIRVJyZ1gSU9yoxrcPEpTlXf6nq1Qm2sXY0ures3iT3xoCcewQAvD_BwE
My hair has always been one of my most noted features. At least it was and is again. Between modeling for Clairol as a teen and sporting my silver after turning 45, years of dying my hair in between often resulted in many hair color mistakes and regrets. Since going full silver I’ve never felt freer and my hair has never been happier. Again I am told almost weekly how great my hair looks. I’ve even been asked if it’s natural which I find hysterical to imagine the effort to color it this way.
You have really good gray, Eve!
I’m a natural girl. No makeup, no artificial hair color. So “going gray” is a natural part of living life. It seems to come in gradually, so basically a non-event.
Like many of us, I stopped coloring my hair during Covid. I’m 76. It came in white. Then I had it low lighted with streaks of my old color—9N for you blondes out there. Lately I’ve added a “glaze” which is a temporary color designed to pick up white. My goal was less upkeep, looking more my age, but still interesting.
I've heard good things about those glazes.
Yeah, me too. I heard the glaze might protect against sun damage which causes the yellowing when you have white hair like mine. I hate the purple shampoos because they dry my hair and turn it lavender. I might try the glaze.
Interesting, did not know about the sun damage. I use purple shampoo and count on my friends to tell me if I'm looking lavender. What are these glazes? Are they in salons or do you do it yourself?
You can buy a glaze at Ulta or other places online or have it done in the salon. They use developers like color does, and that’s why I have hesitated since my hair is fragile after losing almost all of it in 2021. But there are options. They can use a gentle developer. Also you could choose a gloss instead which only lasts a few shampoos but adds that shine. Talk to your stylist and do some research. I have well water and spend a lot of time in my garden, so the yellowing is a constant battle for me. Aveda makes a wonderful clarifying shampoo that does wonders!
Glaze is a temporary color that slowly wears off in about 2+ months, depending on how frequently you wash your hair. I’ve always had it done in a salon — the process is much faster than permanent color. It gives the hair more shine and body. My hair is similar to Sari’s — a mix of my natural dark brown with gray — and i get a glaze that makes the dark more prominent, the gray more muted.
this is what I need. I will have to find it.
I am an international makeup and hair artist, currently 66 years old. I colored my grays briefly in my mid forties because I didn't consider that I had a choice. That lasted for a mere 2-3 trips to the hairdresser. I looked carefully at silvering women, their style, their hair color, their skin tones, and realized, ureka, that gray hair was not ugly at all, it was beautiful! Because of my profession and my evolving head of gray curls, I had the "talk" with countless women, and heard all the fears and misconceptions. The influence of social media, combined with the pandemic has brought forth a global movement of women choosing not to cover their gray. I am in the final editing stages of a new documentary that explores this timely subject. The instagram for the film, Your Roots Are Showing is @yourootsareshowing (one r) and Your Roots Are Showing on FB. This is an important conversation and a moment on the timeline of fashion and beauty history.
yes to challenging these prejudices. I know it is "hair colour" but it is indicative of a wider attitude towards beauty and aging/women. The silver fox - yay - but no to silver vixen? which actually sounds really sexy...
These prejudices are sustained by an industry that profits mightily and a patriarchy that would prefer women not to mature and share equal power with them. The women in my film challenge these prejudices around gray hair by ditching the dye, feeling free and more confident, many of them are sexy as hell!
Also can’t wait for this! And your curls look great.
Gina, your gray curls are gorgeous and aspirational!
I can’t wait to check it out!
Oh, I’m excited for the documentary! Would you email me about it at oldstermag@gmail.com? Thank you.
I went from dark brunette to silver over pandemic. Suits me and although I have wobbles associated with aging and old attitudes I’ve taken to calling it Pandemic Platnium and embracing it 🩶
“Pandemic Platinum” is briliant.
Gray is wisdom. Gray in a woman is wisdom plus beauty. Simple as that.
Can we clone you and your perspective, wise sir?
Clone me but don’t own me.
You own yourself, Sir. And your clones do, too :)
I like the former Mam, but the latter sounds pretty creepy. 😵
I developed what I thought was an allergy to hair dye -- my scalp was on fire every time I colored. My stylist suggested I had psoriasis and I was like, nah, I would know. So I stopped coloring, then went to the dermatologist a few months later for a weird torso rash and found out I have psoriasis. Now that it's treated I think I could color my hair, but I weirdly like it in its current gray-brown!
Nothing weird about that! My mom stopped coloring her hair because of allergies, and she wound up preferring her gray. She looks amazing at 83.