Beautiful piece, Meredith! Hair has been meaningful in my life, too!
In the late 70’s and early 80’s hair was one way punks found each other. I remember my first show and being floored by the variability and creativity- Mohawks and triple Mohawks and hair spikes and every color of the rainbow! It shocked and delighted my teenaged self, driven home by sound that raised my heart rate for the first time!
At underground gothic clubs I fell in love with brooding music and jewel toned velvets and long black hair…and sometimes - with blue-green hair, or white, or deep garnet fire. I loved my own rose red hair, my deep crayon purple hair. (My dad threatened to shave my head but didn’t.) I loved my long white wig. My long black wig. My various hair pins and jewels.
In the Nineties I expressed appreciation for 40’s glamour with glossy black curls, rolls, waves, snoods and flowers. Updos, with fabulous hats. I never fell out of love with that- I’m so glad I got pictures.
Same as you, Meredith, I have loved experiencing the hair of my lovers. The softness and fullness of it. The differences in texture. God save me from hairspray and hair gel. (Whyyy!!!!) The feel of my hand sliding up their nape and splaying to rub the soft stands between my fingers…to massage their scalp and feel them relax. My fingers closing with a gentle twist to bring them in for a kiss.
Hair is connection. You’re only allowed to touch the hair of your closest family and intimates. Dyeing my moms silky fine hair as she aged. I wish i could do it again. Combing and cutting my dads grey strands, which allows me to touch him with care. This is a man I had to teach hello and goodbye hugs and how to say “I love you, too.”
I have LOVED seeing bright unnatural hair colors come back and be done with such flair and beauty!!! It has made me want to put color in my own again, like an old dog that wants to romp with the puppies! D
The thing I didn’t expect was hair loss, which is more common in women than I ever knew. Covid and stress and perhaps all that boxed black hair dye in the middle years! Now I’m trying to treat what I have with loving respect. To buy better product or have it done for me. To lay off the severe pony tails. To consider whether I am too young to let the gray come and stay. (If I did- the bright colors would really show! )
I’m glad my hair is still something I get to play with and that how I choose to as I age continues to be a form of artistic expression.
Thank you for this thoughtful piece, weaving hair into your personal journey of growing up to become yourself. You’ve hit on something. I bet this could be a collaborative book with people sharing pics of them and their hair at various points, explaining what it meant and why it mattered. :)
Wonderful writing about the delight of femme and hair. The young are leaders into a much more fluid identity world. They have so little fear and so completely accept the identity of others - Wheeeeee!.
Age does matter - age matters deeply to people and doesn't seem as malleable as the acceptance of sexual variation. But a woman's age? Multiply by 10.
I'm 67 years old too. 28 years ago I was punished intensely for having a boyfriend 7 years younger than me - the true punishments centering around the court battles with my ex husband and sexist judges.
These days my handsome lover looks a little older than I do - therefor no trouble on that score at all now. But, I have no doubt that if John continued to look younger than me that it would come up often in conversation.
Maybe I'm slightly surprised that within the world of woman loving woman that age is so important...but maybe I'm not so surprised...
Wow, fascinating response, Jennie--thank you. I guess I can stop feeling like the only crone who feels and/or is punished for being sexual and celebrating it. Remember, wimmin-loving-wimmin were raised in the same culture as men-loving-women, so we have the same prejudices and suffer the same punishments...I really appreciate your writing back. Thanks!
It’s so long, right?! Ha! Half way through I thought-! “I have a lot to say on this! Should I keep going, or cut it back to “Great piece!l!” Thanks for getting me thinking with something so thoughtfully written :).
Beautiful writing. Read the memoir last year (well listened to it) and thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you from a 50 something with too long and sometimes too wild hair.
The very thing I most hoped to hear! I've spent more time lately on the quality of the writing and it really helps to hear that it's worth it! Thank you Christy.
absolutely fuckin wonderful. Kudos to Hanoi Jane on CNN last night letting her freak flag be gray. thinking of coloring mine Snow White for fun! Cant wait for your book. thinking of calling mine "dirty old lady"!
What a beautifully written essay. I am 35 and haven't done much genuine aging yet. I never saw those hippie years. Even still this piece was captivating. Your juicy descriptions brought me into a world that is not mine (though aspects of it will become mine, will become everyones). Thanks for your work!
Oh, this makes me so happy, Rae! If I was only talking to the "real" Oldsters, 70 and up, who remember Woodstock because they were there, it would be so disappointing. Thank you!
at 77 i've wondered if i would live long enough to have white hair like my parents and brother had. mine has always been an much-envied ash blonde. so i've dyed it silver and love it!
I read your first book when it first came out and your voice, thoughts and observations have stayed with me all this time. The Semitic hair…big, curly, thick, uncontrollable….is now half of how I’ve identified myself my entire life.
I turn 60 in June.
I’m not fond of the fact that there are necessary losses I have to endure, manage, compartmentalize and let go of as I the years go by.
There are sharp AHA! moments when I realize the story I’ve been telling myself for my entire life are possibly WRONG! I made up MY perspective of myself, built a life around those be
beliefs and now I’m SHOCKED by the ‘possibility’ I’ve been wrong this whole time.
Fuck, I get it. I couldn’t see this anytime except right now. No going back, reliving, retelling or responding differently now.
Today my new awareness provides me the opportunity to make choices that haven’t been available to me…..because of ME!
OY….
No if only’s, no coulda or shoulda.
Accept, be grateful and choose mindfully.
Thank you for sharing your experiences that I’ve kept alive inside me all this time♥️
I always tell my 26 year old how lucky their generation is now that that there are at least some places where gender identity has become more fluid. Long hair. Short hair. Lace and satin one day, black leather and badass another day. Maybe both at the same time. Whatever you want to be, however you want to present your self and your body. Life in a female body can be perilous at times but we can hope for a time of full freedom for all.
I love the fierceness in your writing.
Thanks for saying so, Amalia!
Beautiful piece, Meredith! Hair has been meaningful in my life, too!
In the late 70’s and early 80’s hair was one way punks found each other. I remember my first show and being floored by the variability and creativity- Mohawks and triple Mohawks and hair spikes and every color of the rainbow! It shocked and delighted my teenaged self, driven home by sound that raised my heart rate for the first time!
At underground gothic clubs I fell in love with brooding music and jewel toned velvets and long black hair…and sometimes - with blue-green hair, or white, or deep garnet fire. I loved my own rose red hair, my deep crayon purple hair. (My dad threatened to shave my head but didn’t.) I loved my long white wig. My long black wig. My various hair pins and jewels.
In the Nineties I expressed appreciation for 40’s glamour with glossy black curls, rolls, waves, snoods and flowers. Updos, with fabulous hats. I never fell out of love with that- I’m so glad I got pictures.
Same as you, Meredith, I have loved experiencing the hair of my lovers. The softness and fullness of it. The differences in texture. God save me from hairspray and hair gel. (Whyyy!!!!) The feel of my hand sliding up their nape and splaying to rub the soft stands between my fingers…to massage their scalp and feel them relax. My fingers closing with a gentle twist to bring them in for a kiss.
Hair is connection. You’re only allowed to touch the hair of your closest family and intimates. Dyeing my moms silky fine hair as she aged. I wish i could do it again. Combing and cutting my dads grey strands, which allows me to touch him with care. This is a man I had to teach hello and goodbye hugs and how to say “I love you, too.”
I have LOVED seeing bright unnatural hair colors come back and be done with such flair and beauty!!! It has made me want to put color in my own again, like an old dog that wants to romp with the puppies! D
The thing I didn’t expect was hair loss, which is more common in women than I ever knew. Covid and stress and perhaps all that boxed black hair dye in the middle years! Now I’m trying to treat what I have with loving respect. To buy better product or have it done for me. To lay off the severe pony tails. To consider whether I am too young to let the gray come and stay. (If I did- the bright colors would really show! )
I’m glad my hair is still something I get to play with and that how I choose to as I age continues to be a form of artistic expression.
Thank you for this thoughtful piece, weaving hair into your personal journey of growing up to become yourself. You’ve hit on something. I bet this could be a collaborative book with people sharing pics of them and their hair at various points, explaining what it meant and why it mattered. :)
Wow, such an amazing response--an essay in itself. Love love! Thank you, Mary!
Wonderful writing about the delight of femme and hair. The young are leaders into a much more fluid identity world. They have so little fear and so completely accept the identity of others - Wheeeeee!.
Age does matter - age matters deeply to people and doesn't seem as malleable as the acceptance of sexual variation. But a woman's age? Multiply by 10.
I'm 67 years old too. 28 years ago I was punished intensely for having a boyfriend 7 years younger than me - the true punishments centering around the court battles with my ex husband and sexist judges.
These days my handsome lover looks a little older than I do - therefor no trouble on that score at all now. But, I have no doubt that if John continued to look younger than me that it would come up often in conversation.
Maybe I'm slightly surprised that within the world of woman loving woman that age is so important...but maybe I'm not so surprised...
Wow, fascinating response, Jennie--thank you. I guess I can stop feeling like the only crone who feels and/or is punished for being sexual and celebrating it. Remember, wimmin-loving-wimmin were raised in the same culture as men-loving-women, so we have the same prejudices and suffer the same punishments...I really appreciate your writing back. Thanks!
Oh so much here! What a fabulous essay. My Jewish hair and hairy armpits rejoice.
hahaha! Thanks, Susan!
It’s so long, right?! Ha! Half way through I thought-! “I have a lot to say on this! Should I keep going, or cut it back to “Great piece!l!” Thanks for getting me thinking with something so thoughtfully written :).
Beautiful writing. Read the memoir last year (well listened to it) and thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you from a 50 something with too long and sometimes too wild hair.
How can your hair be too long or too wild? Thanks for your kind words, Nell!
Wow. Fantastic writing.
The very thing I most hoped to hear! I've spent more time lately on the quality of the writing and it really helps to hear that it's worth it! Thank you Christy.
Meredith Maran brings her whole vivid self to the page and I have to continue the conversation. Ordered!
Rona, I’m a fan and grateful your apt description of the process. If not the whole self, why bother? Amiright?
absolutely fuckin wonderful. Kudos to Hanoi Jane on CNN last night letting her freak flag be gray. thinking of coloring mine Snow White for fun! Cant wait for your book. thinking of calling mine "dirty old lady"!
Didn’t see Jane but will check her out now. Thanks, sister-Dirty Ole Lady!
I loved this piece! It hooked me right in at the beginning and held me all the way through. Thank you for sharing!
What a beautifully written essay. I am 35 and haven't done much genuine aging yet. I never saw those hippie years. Even still this piece was captivating. Your juicy descriptions brought me into a world that is not mine (though aspects of it will become mine, will become everyones). Thanks for your work!
Oh, this makes me so happy, Rae! If I was only talking to the "real" Oldsters, 70 and up, who remember Woodstock because they were there, it would be so disappointing. Thank you!
at 77 i've wondered if i would live long enough to have white hair like my parents and brother had. mine has always been an much-envied ash blonde. so i've dyed it silver and love it!
brilliant, engaging writing.
Thanks for the kind words, Felice!
I read your first book when it first came out and your voice, thoughts and observations have stayed with me all this time. The Semitic hair…big, curly, thick, uncontrollable….is now half of how I’ve identified myself my entire life.
I turn 60 in June.
I’m not fond of the fact that there are necessary losses I have to endure, manage, compartmentalize and let go of as I the years go by.
There are sharp AHA! moments when I realize the story I’ve been telling myself for my entire life are possibly WRONG! I made up MY perspective of myself, built a life around those be
beliefs and now I’m SHOCKED by the ‘possibility’ I’ve been wrong this whole time.
Fuck, I get it. I couldn’t see this anytime except right now. No going back, reliving, retelling or responding differently now.
Today my new awareness provides me the opportunity to make choices that haven’t been available to me…..because of ME!
OY….
No if only’s, no coulda or shoulda.
Accept, be grateful and choose mindfully.
Thank you for sharing your experiences that I’ve kept alive inside me all this time♥️
NM
Better late than never, as "they" say, and now "we" say...Thanks for your response, much appreciated.
I always tell my 26 year old how lucky their generation is now that that there are at least some places where gender identity has become more fluid. Long hair. Short hair. Lace and satin one day, black leather and badass another day. Maybe both at the same time. Whatever you want to be, however you want to present your self and your body. Life in a female body can be perilous at times but we can hope for a time of full freedom for all.
Lovely and thrilling piece. Hair is everything!!
Thanks for your sweet comment, Stacy.
Love a sexoir, spectacular word. Genius
Haha! Thanks, Trish!