Sorayya, what is it about terrifying medical crises that catapult us into an examination of everything else in our lives from relationships to fundamental questions of identity? Is it the complete and utter loss of control over our bodies, that life can be snuffed out like a candle in a nanosecond? You have written magnificently about such moments in your life with your husband and I, for one, felt every heartbeat. Thank you for that, and to Sari for bringing it to us.
I recently came across this writing through MemoirLand and it's absolutely beautifully written. I'm currently going through a bit of a health crisis myself and hearing about the misdiagnosis hit a bit too close to home. "The patient knows best" was a line that particularly struck with me as I've been struggling with insisting to my doctor that something's wrong only to be told nothing comes up on my tests. As much as I appreciate doctors, the healthcare system is becoming nearly impossible to navigate and with doctors being unable to separate their prejudices and try to look at problems differently, it's always a hassle to get them to understand that I know something's not right within my own body.
Thanks so much. I wish you all the best with your health. The patient knows best line stays with me too and -- although a bit late -- over the subsequent years helped me to advocate for myself and my family in the medical system. The system is broken, but I hope you are still able to find the answers you need. Be well.
I'm so glad this article started with the picture of Sorayya and her husband together after 36 years of marriage. Reading with worry about his illness, the misdiagnosis, the tribulations they went through, all the confusion, my mind held in place that picture, knowing he'd survive and they'd be together.
But the essay also made me think of all the times doctors get it wrong or partly wrong. We think of them as so wise and well-educated, but they are often making guesses, ignoring things they don't want to believe, denying that they really don't understand. And of course, we are all at the mercy of the insurance companies who often decide who gets what treatment and who may be denied life saving measures. A sorry state for sure.
Meanwhile, I hope that Sorayya and her family will remain well.
Thanks for reading and your good wishes, Anne. Sari gets all the credit for the photo placement!
I think our experience with the medical system over these many years makes me think that medicine is more an art than science. Doctors don't, in fact, know everything, despite all their education. It's a difficult thing to live with and flies against what we're led to believe. Maybe this thinking is my way of making peace with what happened. It's true that if Naeem had received care much earlier, things could have been otherwise. But a friend of ours once said, there's no guarantee the end result would have been better, which I also think of every now and again.
I anticipated it! That's why I put the more recent photo up top, and the earlier one in the body of the piece. Then I worried I'd kill anyone's suspense. But better not to freak people out unnecessarily, especially in these times.
Beautiful, aching piece. It has me thinking of things, like how I've met my partner 'late' in life, as we're both in our forties now. I might write a few thoughts about this later, actually.
That may be true in Pakistan, but I think not running in the airport is more universally sound advice. And your travels in plain old Geneseo County were so much more compelling.
But who eats carrot cake in London? And did the server offer a pour of custard “cream” on it? You left me hanging on that precipice. Beautifully done.
I would eat carrot cake anywhere. It is one of my favourite cakes. I'm not sure I've ever had it with custard cream, though. Now I feel like I ought to. However, carrot cake with brown butter icing is sublime. Cream cheese icing probably comes a close second.
You’d be wise to avoid the custard. Me too on the carrot cake, but even the cream cheese frosting can be excessive and I sometimes off most. But brown butter icing is intriguing. Adding custard is an abomination.
Alright. What's up with all this talk about carrot cake? Is it because we think we're eating a vegetable? Or that it is just freaking delicious? Spoiler alert: Sari is going to publish a piece of mine soon called "Rethinking Motherhood." And guess what? Carrot cake is involved. Just sayin'.
Trust me on this. It’s been awhile since I lived in the UK and it’s possible that they ‘be stopped doing it. But it was ghastly what they would add custard cream to. And sometimes servers would before you stopped them. I may be showing my age here. It was definitely after Victoria.
Sorayya, what is it about terrifying medical crises that catapult us into an examination of everything else in our lives from relationships to fundamental questions of identity? Is it the complete and utter loss of control over our bodies, that life can be snuffed out like a candle in a nanosecond? You have written magnificently about such moments in your life with your husband and I, for one, felt every heartbeat. Thank you for that, and to Sari for bringing it to us.
Thank you for your response. Perhaps the concrete possibility of death puts everything around and inside us in sharp(est) focus?
Thank you, Sorayya Khan, for writing. And thank you, Sari, for publishing!
I recently came across this writing through MemoirLand and it's absolutely beautifully written. I'm currently going through a bit of a health crisis myself and hearing about the misdiagnosis hit a bit too close to home. "The patient knows best" was a line that particularly struck with me as I've been struggling with insisting to my doctor that something's wrong only to be told nothing comes up on my tests. As much as I appreciate doctors, the healthcare system is becoming nearly impossible to navigate and with doctors being unable to separate their prejudices and try to look at problems differently, it's always a hassle to get them to understand that I know something's not right within my own body.
Beautiful piece of writing.
Thanks so much. I wish you all the best with your health. The patient knows best line stays with me too and -- although a bit late -- over the subsequent years helped me to advocate for myself and my family in the medical system. The system is broken, but I hope you are still able to find the answers you need. Be well.
Heart-stopping!
Thank you for reading the piece!
I'm so glad this article started with the picture of Sorayya and her husband together after 36 years of marriage. Reading with worry about his illness, the misdiagnosis, the tribulations they went through, all the confusion, my mind held in place that picture, knowing he'd survive and they'd be together.
But the essay also made me think of all the times doctors get it wrong or partly wrong. We think of them as so wise and well-educated, but they are often making guesses, ignoring things they don't want to believe, denying that they really don't understand. And of course, we are all at the mercy of the insurance companies who often decide who gets what treatment and who may be denied life saving measures. A sorry state for sure.
Meanwhile, I hope that Sorayya and her family will remain well.
Thanks for reading and your good wishes, Anne. Sari gets all the credit for the photo placement!
I think our experience with the medical system over these many years makes me think that medicine is more an art than science. Doctors don't, in fact, know everything, despite all their education. It's a difficult thing to live with and flies against what we're led to believe. Maybe this thinking is my way of making peace with what happened. It's true that if Naeem had received care much earlier, things could have been otherwise. But a friend of ours once said, there's no guarantee the end result would have been better, which I also think of every now and again.
Anne, you are making me feel better about not switching the order of the photos. 💕
OMG, that was beautiful.
Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing this story!
Thank you for reading it!
Beautiful piece, Sorayya. You captured my attention and I read it all the way to the end. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks so much for reading!
Wow. Amazing writing.
Thank you!
This is gorgeous. Thank you for sharing, Sorayya and Sari.
So many thanks!
I’m so glad you had the photo and the header at the beginning of this so I knew he survived. Such beautiful writing. Such a poignant story.
I'm glad Sari Botton put the photo there . . . I hadn't anticipated that worry. Thank you!
I anticipated it! That's why I put the more recent photo up top, and the earlier one in the body of the piece. Then I worried I'd kill anyone's suspense. But better not to freak people out unnecessarily, especially in these times.
Yes, good move! I kept going back to that photo, as I read, to reassure myself that he survived. Lovely piece, Sorayya.
Exactly!!
Beautiful, aching piece. It has me thinking of things, like how I've met my partner 'late' in life, as we're both in our forties now. I might write a few thoughts about this later, actually.
Thank you. Do write and share!
I did! Thank you for inspiring this post.
https://open.substack.com/pub/breadbutterwords/p/25-good-years?r=2sqbv&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Love it!
Thank you!
Beautiful piece.
Thank you!
Beautiful, lyrical and heartbreaking.
Thank you--and not always easy to write!
That may be true in Pakistan, but I think not running in the airport is more universally sound advice. And your travels in plain old Geneseo County were so much more compelling.
But who eats carrot cake in London? And did the server offer a pour of custard “cream” on it? You left me hanging on that precipice. Beautifully done.
I would eat carrot cake anywhere. It is one of my favourite cakes. I'm not sure I've ever had it with custard cream, though. Now I feel like I ought to. However, carrot cake with brown butter icing is sublime. Cream cheese icing probably comes a close second.
You’d be wise to avoid the custard. Me too on the carrot cake, but even the cream cheese frosting can be excessive and I sometimes off most. But brown butter icing is intriguing. Adding custard is an abomination.
Since you are a carrot cake afficianado, I shall accept your advice!
Thank you. Amazingly, that piece of carrot cake was the best I've ever had. No custard cream, thank goodness!
Alright. What's up with all this talk about carrot cake? Is it because we think we're eating a vegetable? Or that it is just freaking delicious? Spoiler alert: Sari is going to publish a piece of mine soon called "Rethinking Motherhood." And guess what? Carrot cake is involved. Just sayin'.
🍰
Trust me on this. It’s been awhile since I lived in the UK and it’s possible that they ‘be stopped doing it. But it was ghastly what they would add custard cream to. And sometimes servers would before you stopped them. I may be showing my age here. It was definitely after Victoria.