Catch Me a Catch
Is it too much for 84-year-old Elaine Soloway to ask her children to introduce her to an eligible bachelor—the old fashioned way?
Lately I’ve been thinking: it would be so nice to meet a new mate.
It’s been a long time. My second husband died in November, 2012. I was 74, and have been single since then. I’ll be 85 in August.
Maybe it’s a result of all that pandemic isolation, but recently I realized that I miss holding hands crossing the street. I miss spooning. I miss being adored. I miss having a man in my life.
I like partnership. My first marriage lasted 30 years. We got divorced in 1993, when I was 55. I married my second husband in 1998 at the age of 60, and we stayed together for 14 years, until he died.
I’m ready for someone new—and to maybe even get married again. But in my mid-80s, how would I find a husband? Don’t suggest online dating. I’ve tried it. At my years, the field is as empty as a rained-out ballgame.
I like partnership. My first marriage lasted 30 years. We got divorced in 1993, when I was 55. I married my second husband in 1998 at the age of 60, and we stayed together for 14 years, until he died.
I have a better idea: let’s bypass the high-tech method of mate finding and turn to one more traditional, aka matchmaking. Why not hand the task over to those qualified to do the picking?
It’s not only inertia that has me suggesting the radical step of arranged marriage, still practiced in many cultures and faiths, but also the success of the practice. While the divorce rate in the U.S. is around 40 or 50 percent, one study suggests the divorce rate for arranged marriages is just 4 percent. Four percent! A smidgen of marriages.
In the best of these agreements, rather than a hired matchmaker it’s the parents who do the investigating and pinpointing. Sadly, my long-gone folks can’t be disturbed. Instead, how about other relatives closest to me: my kids!
After all, my two have known me for more than 50 years. Admittedly, some of those years were viewed from crib and highchair. But the same two watched me navigate many decades beyond toddlerhood.
My offspring are aware of how I prefer living. Because of that, they may be surprised by this request. “But Mom,” they might say, “we thought you were content in your single life? Why would you want to adjust it in any way for a mate?”
These are legitimate queries. And doesn’t that prove that this wise duo is qualified to do the culling? With their knowledge of this old gal’s lifestyle, they are ten steps ahead of any online dating sites or uninformed brokers.
Let’s bypass the high-tech method of mate finding and turn to one more traditional, aka matchmaking. Why not hand the task over to those qualified to do the picking?
My children, based in Los Angeles and Boston, could easily audition potential suitors over Zoom. Because my kids are in creative fields, they are adept at auditioning people, and would have no trouble employing those skills for contenders.
Naturally, I’d have the final say before their guy and I would step steadily toward the altar. But based on their likely desire to find someone solid, who would be financially stable enough to pay his fair share, I’m feeling pretty good about who they’d likely choose.
Of course, I’d have a few prerequisites. Must love dogs would top the list, with a preference for a gent who already has one. This is nonnegotiable since Doris, my 4-year-old rescue, will likely be trotting down the aisle alongside me.
Also on my list: health-minded, which would naturally help him to be healthy for his age. Active, too, like me. He can swim, play golf or tennis, bike, hike, or do some other endeavor that keeps him fit. A couch potato would not make a good match for me.
Surely my searchers know that he must be a newspaper reader, and be up-to-speed on current events. He does not have to be a techie; I’ve got that covered.
Their anointed-one would of course be liberal, because my kids are nonbinary. I can’t envision them selecting someone who doesn’t respect the pronouns and letters of the alphabet that identify them and their friends.
I care not what race or religion my arrangers propose. That certainly widens their prospects, and the variety would keep their pursuit more interesting.
I’d have a few prerequisites. Must love dogs would top the list, with a preference for a gent who already has one. This is nonnegotiable since Doris, my 4-year-old rescue, will likely be trotting down the aisle alongside me.
Now here’s something that could make their search a bit more complicated: I’d like their candidate to own a home with a backyard. Too greedy? Hear me out: I’ve been living in high rises for several decades. When my nostalgia kicks in, I think about two former residences that remain my favorites. One was a townhouse on Chicago’s Near South Side, the other a three-bedroom with a front porch on the Northwest side. Both had backyards.
Of course, it was my neighbors in those places who have made my memories heartfelt. But now with pooch, and a longing to eschew an elevator populated by young’uns glued to their cellulars, I’m hoping my kids find a guy who kept the house in the divorce (or in the wake of his partner’s passing, should he be a widower).
Fortunately, unlike in some traditional arranged marriages, if I don’t like their picks, I can reject them and send my matchmakers back to continue their searches. But I have a good feeling about this task that I envision for my nearest and dearest.
He does not have to be a techie; I’ve got that covered.
After all, it’s not only my future contentment that will be fueling their hunt, but also the lessening of their worry. At my advanced age, a possible fall or dire diagnosis would initiate a scramble for flights.
But what if my dear ones come up empty? Perhaps I’ll have to lower my expectations. Maybe not a spouse, but a best friend? If spooning is still part of the deal, I’ll welcome their pick.
Previously Elaine Soloway took The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.
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Oh Robert, so close… Thanks for reading and responding.
Sandra, you’ll have to check with my kids first. Thanks for reading and responding!