Oh Sari, thank you for this. Just last night I was sitting in our hot tub (thank you craigslist) in my back yard in Iowa. It was thirty something degrees and I was there with two wonderful thirty somethings. We sat in the comfortable hot water talking and sharing, I am 74. There really were no barriers to what we felt and shared. I have older friends and same age friends, but the friends I totally enjoy are my young friends. I have had a remarkable life as an organic farmer and activist and have been a mentor to many young women. Being a mentor is a two way street. I have learned as much if not more than I have given. I am grateful everyday for the life I have lived and continue to live.
When I turned 80 a few months ago, i took a month-long Octo-Odyysey across the Canada that's west of me to visit daughters (in their 50s) and grandkids (in their teens) and cousins and sibs (slightly younger) and a newfound colleagues and friend (my daughters' age) from a Masters of Fine Arts in Creative Non-Fiction that I completed last spring. Every couple of weeks I visit with my 95-year-old friend who lives a few kilometres down the road; he was the first to hire my husband when he arrived in Canada in the early 70's fleeing the Vietnam war. I have a lodger who is 28 and maintains trails and campgrounds for a local municipality. I have a downstairs renter who is doing what she describes as her last paying gig as a senior municipal employee. I was an empathetic ear to my previous single-mother tenant as she maneuvered her way through her daughter's adolescence, and a took a tough-love stance when her life was up-ended by the return of two failure-to-launch sons. I provide neighbourly support to tenants, mostly in family phase, as part of an unstaffed not-for-profit housing initiative that I founded in my very rural community in rugged Canadian Shield country. My 95-year-old friend says the 80s are the sweet spot: full permission to be self-directed and the body is still cooperating. That pretty closely describes my experience.
I'm near 70 and taking voice lessons from someone in his early 20s whose enthusiasm, smarts, sense of humor, encouragement, and fine tuning (pun intended) are an amazing, inspiring combination. I was literally jumping up and down with joy this week when he suggested a "correction" in one song and I was instantly able to comprehend and perform it. I started voice at 60: https://www.levraphael.com/healthyaging-levraphael.pdf
I’m married and voluntarily childless, because babies and small children do not interest me. But I like teenagers, because I love seeing them move from inner to outer worlds. I’m tutoring a bright young 16 year old girl whose feckless parents have zero interest in her intellectual growth. She wants to go to college; no one in her immediate or extended family has ever attended. She and I aren’t “friends” in the same way that we would be with our peers (I’m 66, so there’s a 50-year age gap), but she’s willing to share most of her life experiences with me, and I don’t pry into her secrets. I was a young wild one, and she listens when I ruefully warn her about my own stupidity. I admire her drive and I’m reminded that it was the pointed comments from older women who saved me from myself. I don’t think friendship is the right word for this relationship, but it’s closer than a mentorship. I hope it endures and grows as she matures.
Yes! I'm 72. I can't say I have any close friends who are a generation older than me, but many who are younger. One of the joys lately has been the ease with which those friendships have happened. Most of my younger friends are women, 20s to 80s overall. Those friendships have really helped me better relate to and connect with my own daughter and stepdaughter, 40 and 30.
Coming back to add that some of my older male friends can't get their heads around the idea that men and women, especially older men and younger women, can be friends without something going on. That's a shame.
I'm 62, and my children are 36,33, and 30. My wife and I have come to know and spend time with our children's friends. We get a great range of inter-generational perspectives this way, and get to spend time with people we'd otherwise never meet.
Hi Sari - Several years back, I had a personal blog where I highlighted and interviewed some pretty amazing individuals who inspired me, one of whom was Evelyne Aloha Bates (the interview was in 2019 - she was 89 at the time). She had been a docent at our Jupiter Lighthouse for 27 years. Part of being a docent at the Lighthouse was climbing to the top with the visitors and then back down. The climb to the top entailed 105 steps up and then 105 steps back down. After my visit and climb with her as our docent, I knew I just had to interview her and find out a little bit about her story. To say she was an inspiration is an understatement. Here is a link if you would like to see the last time she climbed the lighthouse (she was battling cancer at the time - in 2020).
I also had the opportunity to interview Sky Bergman, who's documentary "Lives Well Lived" (inspired by her 103 year old grandmother), I believe you will find interesting. You can learn more about her intergenerational project efforts at https://www.lives-well-lived.com/
This Monday, I am having lunch with a dear friend of mine who will be turning 95 this year. I am hoping she will allow me to share some of her wisdom of a "life well lived" that I can share with my own readers.
Thank you for all that you do with your Oldster Magazine. We are always learning from oldsters of all ages. : )
I began taking salsa lessons at 61. It quickly became an (healthy!) addiction. My partners ranged in age from teenagers to those in their 70s. Now, many of us go out regularly in my adopted part-time home of Oaxaca, and we've developed a wonderful community of men and women centered around our shared passion for dancing.
At age 70 I discovered burlesque. I’ve done two group acts with women who are in their 30s to 50s and am now in a class to develop my own act. The burlesque community I’m in is one of the most joyous, honest, body positive, and “now” embracing groups of people of whom I’ve ever had the pleasure of being a part.
And I am the crone amidst a circle of maidens and mothers in a tarot interpretation group. My experiences and insights from the long road I’ve traveled are honored by the group. Being together as we share our souls is a lovely reminder of how important good companions are to any trip.
I had been a college professor but relationships with my students had a built-in power dynamic that made genuine connection more difficult. Being with these new groups gives me the opportunity to be seen as who I am now, not what I did then.
My new burlesque act ends with the Megan Trainor song “I Love Me” - as empowering a song as I’ve ever heard and my new anthem!
You know, I very much feel like that is something missing in my life. My daughter is 24 and, though, I realize that might not be considered fair play in the world of engaging with those younger, we are close and I endlessly value her point of view on the world. But I do long for more relationships over a spectrum of ages. From the outside, it looks like that's whee so much joy is -- having that wide swath of ages among friends. Struggles with depression and anxiety that have only worsened since the pandemic have made routine, once easy social situations much harder for me so I especially do treasure the few friends who have been with me on my particular ride for decades. But it does look like there's so much juiciness to those free-flowing relationships that run the spectrum of ages...
Most of my friends are (up to 30 years or so) younger than me. At 81, I have fewer (and fewer each year) friends my age or older. I cherish and enjoy them all, especially the differences and attitudes of the various generations. My greatest hope for mankind lies in the generational change I see emerging, towards a more loving and inclusive society.
These were two of the most moving, human, necessary moments in my recent experience. Joni. Tracy. Intergenerational love. Respect. Thank you for putting a spotlight on that here. And yes. My friends, two. From seven (almost eight) years old to 92, my mom's best friend.
I am 66 years old and retired last September. I had 6 managers under me that were in their mid 30's and my peer director as well as my boss were also in their 30's ... I was old enough to be their mother! Several doctors who were also on my team were quite young. I had a great time with all of them and remain in contact after retirement. Joni Mitchell's performance immediately brought tears to my eyes. In college my roommate and I had her albums on repeat especially when we had had our hearts broken or had crushes from afar(Ha!). I introduced my own daughter to Joni right before she went away to college and we would sing her songs in the car together . Joni's "circle game " is the song that makes my chest hurt with emotion EVERY SINGLE TIME. Tracy Chapman's performance was also beautiful and triggers the same ache in that those days are long gone for me. Surprisingly, Miley Cyrus's song "Flowers" blew me away and I've had it on repeat since the Grammys. I wish that song had come out when I was a young woman . It should be the anthem for any woman !
I will be 61 on Monday. My mom was a nurse in a nursing home for thirty years! Her experience and our presence as visitors for those without family engendered a deep respect for elders and a keen curiosity to learn from them! I had a friend Lena who I visited every week and she lived to 102! My whole life I have enjoyed intergenerational friendships and it is a gift!
I am now 74 but in my 40s I found a group of 80+ year olds returning to university to get their B.A. I was intrigued by these students and they were the topic for my PhD thesis. Their reasons for going to school varied (fought in the war, no money, were female, etc.) but all of them were committed to lifelong learning. I still to this day remember the 25 people I interviewed as they became role models for me on ageing vibrantly and well.
I agree these relationships are important. I refuse to move to 55+ housing because there are no younger people around. I moved recently and now have two new friends who are half my age.
Oh Sari, thank you for this. Just last night I was sitting in our hot tub (thank you craigslist) in my back yard in Iowa. It was thirty something degrees and I was there with two wonderful thirty somethings. We sat in the comfortable hot water talking and sharing, I am 74. There really were no barriers to what we felt and shared. I have older friends and same age friends, but the friends I totally enjoy are my young friends. I have had a remarkable life as an organic farmer and activist and have been a mentor to many young women. Being a mentor is a two way street. I have learned as much if not more than I have given. I am grateful everyday for the life I have lived and continue to live.
When I turned 80 a few months ago, i took a month-long Octo-Odyysey across the Canada that's west of me to visit daughters (in their 50s) and grandkids (in their teens) and cousins and sibs (slightly younger) and a newfound colleagues and friend (my daughters' age) from a Masters of Fine Arts in Creative Non-Fiction that I completed last spring. Every couple of weeks I visit with my 95-year-old friend who lives a few kilometres down the road; he was the first to hire my husband when he arrived in Canada in the early 70's fleeing the Vietnam war. I have a lodger who is 28 and maintains trails and campgrounds for a local municipality. I have a downstairs renter who is doing what she describes as her last paying gig as a senior municipal employee. I was an empathetic ear to my previous single-mother tenant as she maneuvered her way through her daughter's adolescence, and a took a tough-love stance when her life was up-ended by the return of two failure-to-launch sons. I provide neighbourly support to tenants, mostly in family phase, as part of an unstaffed not-for-profit housing initiative that I founded in my very rural community in rugged Canadian Shield country. My 95-year-old friend says the 80s are the sweet spot: full permission to be self-directed and the body is still cooperating. That pretty closely describes my experience.
I'm near 70 and taking voice lessons from someone in his early 20s whose enthusiasm, smarts, sense of humor, encouragement, and fine tuning (pun intended) are an amazing, inspiring combination. I was literally jumping up and down with joy this week when he suggested a "correction" in one song and I was instantly able to comprehend and perform it. I started voice at 60: https://www.levraphael.com/healthyaging-levraphael.pdf
I’m married and voluntarily childless, because babies and small children do not interest me. But I like teenagers, because I love seeing them move from inner to outer worlds. I’m tutoring a bright young 16 year old girl whose feckless parents have zero interest in her intellectual growth. She wants to go to college; no one in her immediate or extended family has ever attended. She and I aren’t “friends” in the same way that we would be with our peers (I’m 66, so there’s a 50-year age gap), but she’s willing to share most of her life experiences with me, and I don’t pry into her secrets. I was a young wild one, and she listens when I ruefully warn her about my own stupidity. I admire her drive and I’m reminded that it was the pointed comments from older women who saved me from myself. I don’t think friendship is the right word for this relationship, but it’s closer than a mentorship. I hope it endures and grows as she matures.
Yes! I'm 72. I can't say I have any close friends who are a generation older than me, but many who are younger. One of the joys lately has been the ease with which those friendships have happened. Most of my younger friends are women, 20s to 80s overall. Those friendships have really helped me better relate to and connect with my own daughter and stepdaughter, 40 and 30.
Coming back to add that some of my older male friends can't get their heads around the idea that men and women, especially older men and younger women, can be friends without something going on. That's a shame.
I'm 62, and my children are 36,33, and 30. My wife and I have come to know and spend time with our children's friends. We get a great range of inter-generational perspectives this way, and get to spend time with people we'd otherwise never meet.
It's a great gift our children have given to us.
Hi Sari - Several years back, I had a personal blog where I highlighted and interviewed some pretty amazing individuals who inspired me, one of whom was Evelyne Aloha Bates (the interview was in 2019 - she was 89 at the time). She had been a docent at our Jupiter Lighthouse for 27 years. Part of being a docent at the Lighthouse was climbing to the top with the visitors and then back down. The climb to the top entailed 105 steps up and then 105 steps back down. After my visit and climb with her as our docent, I knew I just had to interview her and find out a little bit about her story. To say she was an inspiration is an understatement. Here is a link if you would like to see the last time she climbed the lighthouse (she was battling cancer at the time - in 2020).
https://www.wpbf.com/article/battling-cancer-longtime-volunteer-makes-one-more-climb-up-the-jupiter-lighthouse/34841672
I also had the opportunity to interview Sky Bergman, who's documentary "Lives Well Lived" (inspired by her 103 year old grandmother), I believe you will find interesting. You can learn more about her intergenerational project efforts at https://www.lives-well-lived.com/
This Monday, I am having lunch with a dear friend of mine who will be turning 95 this year. I am hoping she will allow me to share some of her wisdom of a "life well lived" that I can share with my own readers.
Thank you for all that you do with your Oldster Magazine. We are always learning from oldsters of all ages. : )
I began taking salsa lessons at 61. It quickly became an (healthy!) addiction. My partners ranged in age from teenagers to those in their 70s. Now, many of us go out regularly in my adopted part-time home of Oaxaca, and we've developed a wonderful community of men and women centered around our shared passion for dancing.
At age 70 I discovered burlesque. I’ve done two group acts with women who are in their 30s to 50s and am now in a class to develop my own act. The burlesque community I’m in is one of the most joyous, honest, body positive, and “now” embracing groups of people of whom I’ve ever had the pleasure of being a part.
And I am the crone amidst a circle of maidens and mothers in a tarot interpretation group. My experiences and insights from the long road I’ve traveled are honored by the group. Being together as we share our souls is a lovely reminder of how important good companions are to any trip.
I had been a college professor but relationships with my students had a built-in power dynamic that made genuine connection more difficult. Being with these new groups gives me the opportunity to be seen as who I am now, not what I did then.
My new burlesque act ends with the Megan Trainor song “I Love Me” - as empowering a song as I’ve ever heard and my new anthem!
You know, I very much feel like that is something missing in my life. My daughter is 24 and, though, I realize that might not be considered fair play in the world of engaging with those younger, we are close and I endlessly value her point of view on the world. But I do long for more relationships over a spectrum of ages. From the outside, it looks like that's whee so much joy is -- having that wide swath of ages among friends. Struggles with depression and anxiety that have only worsened since the pandemic have made routine, once easy social situations much harder for me so I especially do treasure the few friends who have been with me on my particular ride for decades. But it does look like there's so much juiciness to those free-flowing relationships that run the spectrum of ages...
Most of my friends are (up to 30 years or so) younger than me. At 81, I have fewer (and fewer each year) friends my age or older. I cherish and enjoy them all, especially the differences and attitudes of the various generations. My greatest hope for mankind lies in the generational change I see emerging, towards a more loving and inclusive society.
These were two of the most moving, human, necessary moments in my recent experience. Joni. Tracy. Intergenerational love. Respect. Thank you for putting a spotlight on that here. And yes. My friends, two. From seven (almost eight) years old to 92, my mom's best friend.
I am 66 years old and retired last September. I had 6 managers under me that were in their mid 30's and my peer director as well as my boss were also in their 30's ... I was old enough to be their mother! Several doctors who were also on my team were quite young. I had a great time with all of them and remain in contact after retirement. Joni Mitchell's performance immediately brought tears to my eyes. In college my roommate and I had her albums on repeat especially when we had had our hearts broken or had crushes from afar(Ha!). I introduced my own daughter to Joni right before she went away to college and we would sing her songs in the car together . Joni's "circle game " is the song that makes my chest hurt with emotion EVERY SINGLE TIME. Tracy Chapman's performance was also beautiful and triggers the same ache in that those days are long gone for me. Surprisingly, Miley Cyrus's song "Flowers" blew me away and I've had it on repeat since the Grammys. I wish that song had come out when I was a young woman . It should be the anthem for any woman !
I will be 61 on Monday. My mom was a nurse in a nursing home for thirty years! Her experience and our presence as visitors for those without family engendered a deep respect for elders and a keen curiosity to learn from them! I had a friend Lena who I visited every week and she lived to 102! My whole life I have enjoyed intergenerational friendships and it is a gift!
I am now 74 but in my 40s I found a group of 80+ year olds returning to university to get their B.A. I was intrigued by these students and they were the topic for my PhD thesis. Their reasons for going to school varied (fought in the war, no money, were female, etc.) but all of them were committed to lifelong learning. I still to this day remember the 25 people I interviewed as they became role models for me on ageing vibrantly and well.
I agree these relationships are important. I refuse to move to 55+ housing because there are no younger people around. I moved recently and now have two new friends who are half my age.