This is 74: Painter Bob Bechtol Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire
"After a lifetime of trying to ignore the inevitability of aging, I have an awakening comprehension of what this takes, and enormous empathy and respect for everybody getting on with it."
From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”
Here, fine art painter Bob Bechtol responds. -Sari Botton
Bob Bechtol is an artist (painter), living and working in Hudson Valley, NY. Find him on Instagram at @bobbechtol.art.
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How old are you?
74. I have a hard time wrapping my head around that fact, but I have documentation that verifies it.
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
It depends on which part of me is driving my bus at any given moment. Let’s say it fluctuates. I think that’s part and parcel of being an artist, by the way, somewhat loosely tethered ego states. I’m really just coming to terms with this whole septuagenarian thing — can’t say I’m associating with it all that much yet, but I’m working on it.
When I was 29, living a somewhat feral “starving artist” life, I realized I was going to live to be 30, and I determined to clean up my act. I wasn’t doing well, struggling with my mental and emotional state — self-medicating, drinking way too much, smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and generally numbing out. Jogging was starting to be a thing, and was touted as a remedy for depression and a good way to quit smoking, so I started doing that. It led to a lifelong exercise habit and was one of the best life choices I’ve made.
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
Younger, I’d say. My friends tend to be 15-20 years younger than me, and even though I’m slowing down some, I’ve mostly managed to keep up with them.
I’m in pretty good shape. When I was 29, living a somewhat feral “starving artist” life, I realized I was going to live to be 30, and I determined to clean up my act. I wasn’t doing well, struggling with my mental and emotional state — self-medicating, drinking way too much, smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and generally numbing out. Jogging was starting to be a thing, and was touted as a remedy for depression and a good way to quit smoking, so I started doing that. It led to a lifelong exercise habit and was one of the best life choices I’ve made. It has paid benefits as I get older. Nowadays swimming helps keeps me fit and my head screwed on.
What do you like about being your age?
I retired from my day job 10 years ago and have been able to focus on my art habit, getting a lot of work done. I like that. As I get older, I realize more and more how important it is to be engaged in some meaningful activity. Art-making can be something of a blessing and a curse at times, and I’ve had my struggles with that over the years, but these days it’s more like a blessing. I still make sense to myself in the studio.
What is difficult about being your age?
Other than voicing an opinion, nothing is getting easier. I’d say the most difficult aspect of it, along with the inevitable physical decline, is the loss of relevancy that also seems to be inevitable. As an older artist, the making of it helps with the staying busy/meaningfully engaged part, maybe not so much the relevancy.
I retired from my day job ten years ago and have been able to focus on my art habit, getting a lot of work done. I like that. As I get older, I realize more and more how important it is to be engaged in some meaningful activity. Art-making can be something of a blessing and a curse at times, and I’ve had my struggles with that over the years, but these days it’s more like a blessing.
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
I am continually surprised by the fact that I AM this age. As far as what I was told about what to expect, I don’t seem to have been listening. Which might not have been a bad thing. I may have missed some moves along the way but, conversely, I’ve left room for invention and discovery. Key to being me, I believe.
What has aging given you? Taken away from you?
Hopefully aging gives you perspective and some wisdom — you should learn a few things along the way — but it also takes away your time. If you can manage it, that combination calls you more and more to focus on your here and now. I used to do some rock climbing back in the day, and became familiar with a condition climbers call “gripped.” You suddenly become aware of just how precarious a situation you’ve put yourself in and start to panic. The best way out of that is to relax, take a few deep breaths and focus in on the rock in front of you. Forget about the empty space under your heels and the scary stuff ahead of you, sight your next hold and start moving. It was a good lesson. I remind myself of it in those moments now when I find myself awake in the middle of the night gripped by “the end is near” panic. Deep breaths, be here now.
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How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?
I think I’m more grounded, more accepting of myself. I’ve had enough wins and losses to understand and accept that I’m neither as good as I want to be nor as bad as I think I am. As for my identity, I also understand that it’s a moving target. I/we contain multitudes and I’m learning to roll with that.
What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?
At this stage of my game, more “big” birthdays would be great! If I missed any milestones it was likely by choice and too late to do anything about it now anyway. There’s lots I still hope to see and do, but I don’t feel I’ve missed all that much. I don’t have a bucket list.
I am continually surprised by the fact that I AM this age. As far as what I was told about what to expect, I don’t seem to have been listening. Which might not have been a bad thing. I may have missed some moves along the way but, conversely, I’ve left room for invention and discovery.
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
Gotta say my late 40s and 50s. It’s a long story but the short of it is that after a disastrous childhood and lost years trying to recover from it, I grew up enough to pass as a functioning adult. Moved to San Francisco at 46 with the love of my life, got married, got a job, and explored and enjoyed California, end to end. I was also working the tasting room at a winery in Carneros on weekends, and helping my winemaker cousin with his harvest and crush. I did a lot of backpacking, climbing, mountain biking and backcountry skiing. I even tried my hand at boogie boarding, with a notion to take up surfing. That didn’t go so well. I was like a decade late, and Ocean Beach in SF on an overhead-surf day was definitely NOT the place to start. Nothing like a near-death experience to dampen your enthusiasm.
If there was a midlife crisis in there, I didn’t notice it. Even with the cracked ribs, broken collarbone and shredded meniscus along the way, I’d happily do it all again.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?
I wouldn’t say I have an aging idol, per se, but I do pay more attention to the older folks around me now and how they’re handling their business. They’re looking back, as well — we recognize each other, fellow travelers. After a lifetime of trying to ignore the inevitability of aging, I have an awakening comprehension of what this takes (the shock is starting to wear off), and enormous empathy and respect for everybody getting on with it. It’s another stage in our lives and I find it, if not inspiring, at least comforting that I’m not alone with it. Good to have company … I just realized that I’m finally catching up with my peers.
At this stage of my game, more “big” birthdays would be great! If I missed any milestones it was likely by choice and too late to do anything about it now anyway. There’s lots I still hope to see and do, but I don’t feel I’ve missed all that much. I don’t have a bucket list.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
Not so recent, but I wear hats. My hair started to thin out in my mid-30s, flattening out on top. Luffing in the breeze. As a result, I started having it cut shorter. Nowadays I “cut” it with an electric shaver set for bald, thus the hats. I particularly like a short-brim, diamond-crown fedora. My younger self might’ve pulled that off with some irony, (although my wife would debate that) but nowadays I’m just an old man in a hat.
Just the other night I buzzed my rapidly graying goatee, didn’t shave it, just shortened it way down from its usual Colonel Sanders length. I had looked in the mirror and thought, “Do I really need to look older?”
Also, I’m trying to cut back on my already reduced beer intake. I like a good bar and a cold beer, but I don’t process the alcohol like I used to. Still enjoying the bars and beers but, sadly, staying productive is requiring some compromise. Not that big of a hardship really, I’m dozing off after a couple beers now anyway.
If you’re in New York’s mid-Hudson Valley or nearby, check out Bechtol’s current show, Casual Effects, at Available Items in Tivoli. More in this post:
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
My experience so far is that making adjustments is just part of the deal. I’ll keep moving as long as I can move, for example, but the hikes might be shorter and flatter than they used to be. The beers are lower ABV.
I like a good bar and a cold beer, but I don’t process the alcohol like I used to. Still enjoying the bars and beers but, sadly, staying productive is requiring some compromise. Not that big of a hardship really, I’m dozing off after a couple beers now anyway.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
I’m for it. I have no problem being the center of attention and birthdays are the perfect excuse! Besides, ignoring them doesn’t stop time, might as well enjoy yourself. Out to dinner works for the run-of-the-mill birthday, but the BIG ones, every 5 years now, necessitate a party, maybe some travel. 75 should be great.
A marvelous interview … I love his rock climbing analogy of feeling “gripped.”
What a wise and wonderful interview-- a realistic view of the toll aging takes but no diminishment of the still-wonderful joys of life that are yet to come. I too have nothing but empathy and respect for my fellow late-in-life travelers. As my 79 year old dad said before he died, "this aging thing is not for sissies."