Maybe being middle aged is like being middle class, everyone always thinking they're middle class whether they make $40k or $240k, and thinking they're middle aged whether they're 37 or 57? Maybe it's just one of those slippery-by-nature categories. I do like what people sometimes say about 40--that it's the old age of youth--and 50--that it's the youth of old age. Those feel like more reliable, weight-bearing sentiments.
As a chiropractor I hear this all the time! So many patients will say, "Well, I just turned 40, or 50, so my body is falling apart." I spend my day countering the cultural paradigm that age and back pain are not necessarily related! It's as if their minds eye holds this magic number and beyond that they are destined for discomfort. Not true.
Amen, sister! Try my yoga classes--either yoga in a chair or yoga on the mat--on Burnalong. 99% of Americans who take take yoga do so to relieve lower back pain (including me). It's the spine's best friend. See you in class! Margaret Mandell
The Feldenkrais Method is also highly recommended. I discovered it when I was in my 30s and had lower back pain for the first time. By chance I ran into a hands-on Feldenkrais practitioner who said, "Would you like to see what I do?" He moved me gently while I lay on a table, and afterwards the pain vanished. I was so amazed I eventually took practitioner training. There is a 1:1 hands-on modality (Functional Integration) and a verbally guided, do-it-yourself modality (Awareness Through Movement, in live or Zoom classes or via recordings). There are many recorded, gentle movement sessions online, called "lessons" rather than therapy or exercise, because holding yourself in good alignment is a matter of learning. It makes being older so much more pleasurable and interesting.
I should say, the pain vanished and STAYED GONE. In my 70s, my low back now hurts when I first get up most mornings (a new mattress is in the works), but as soon as I stand and walk around a little, it feels fine.
FYI, yoga is not for everyone! It's messed me up many times. For me and that lower back, the trick is physical therapy + limiting sugar and caffeine intake.
So sorry to hear that, Tiffany. Glad you found what works for you. LOL about the sugar and caffeine, the scourge of the Standard American Diet, unfortunately!
I would like to put in a good word for Pilates -- on YouTube, The Girl With The Pilates Mat is my favorite (although, talking about age, Rachel Lawrence is a "girl" in the way that that the superheroines of my early '60s comics, like the married Hawkgirl and Invisible Girl, were "girls"; even at 11, that didn't make sense to me).
Also, I like Essentrics, Miranda Esmonde-White's exercises as seen in her PBS show "Classical Stretch."
These exercises are aimed at older people -- women, particularly, though as a man, I think they're gentle and great.
There's yoga and then there's yoga. Older people need what I'd call in my ignorance "gentle yoga." Some can mess up your body and some can heal your body. Everyone's body is different, so expecting even people in their teens and twenties to do a certain posture the same way is insane.
Thanks Gwen. It's about necessity. I'm a vet and waiting around for nurses to be free to help ends up in a lot of wasted time. My comfortable limit is really about 25 kg, however, if I have to, 30 is doable. We live in the snake capital of Tasmania and I have dogs that think they are fun chew toys. My dogs have been bitten several times, always when my husband isn't home. I've had to pick up my dogs and carry them inside and get them on a drip and get antivenene into them as fast as possible all on my own. Once I had to do it as my dog was literally dying before my eyes (he was paralysed for 3 weeks, but I nursed him back) When I can no longer lift them I'll have to scale down to smaller breeds.
Oh I’ve always wanted to visit your neck of the woods - but snakes.... I’m not the fainting kind but confronted with a venomous snake ?--- I’m sure it’s fear of things that have different locomotion - whatever - deadly fear here.
Also, when I read/hear Tasmania - I think of Richard Flanagan -- Narrow Road to the Deep North - such a wonderful writer. Anyway, you’re still my shero -- carry on. ;)
This is a super easy fix that is likely a result of an electrolyte imbalance. I can't just give you a quick suggestion here in case there is more happening but if you want to email me I can offer a suggestion. (If you didn't see my comment above I am a practicing chiropractor for almost 30 years), this is very common.
YES, what *is* that? I had that just the other day as I was (trying) to admire my calf muscle - or where it used to be. It's akin to that odd feeling that you've somehow sprained your ankle during the night, ha! Onwards right? Another fantastic Substack btw!
My lower back froze when I was in my mid-30s! Yikes! Luckily it happened that early so I could take steps to heal and strengthen it. The Egoscue Method saved my back and even though there's been aches and pain over the years, it never went back to that debilitating state.
Amen, sister! Try my yoga classes--either yoga in a chair or yoga on the mat--on Burnalong. 99% of American take yoga to relieve lower back pain (including me). It's the spine's best friend. See you in class! Margaret Mandell
I know I'm not in the middle of my chronological life anymore, but I'm still in the middle of things, still in the middle of my work, among family and friends, amid life's great pageant. Maybe the real end of middle age is when you begin to withdraw from all or some of the above, by choice or by circumstance.
Ouch, the word "withdraw" is almost the same as the root of "retire", to pull away. I push back against the notion that "old age" is a time of pulling back, becoming less involved, sitting on the sidelines. I encourage people to "transition" in old age with a new type of energy. A relaxed self-acceptance, a continuing desire to learn and explore the world in a different way.
Tell that to the gallery owner who loved my work but said, "let's face it, you're not 25 and blonde" and then sent me on my way (The woman was 20 years older than me).
Recently I saw “Past Lives” a very tender and wise film about a young Korean-American woman playwright torn between a visiting Korean childhood sweetheart and her white-American writer husband. All in their 20’s. All in Manhattan--like me.
I identified so keenly with each that when I walked out of the theater I had to remind myself that I was 85.
Twice.
Let’s split the difference and say I’m now “middle-aged”.
First, my favorite joke. What are the three stages of life? Childhood, adulthood, and "you look wonderful!" Sari's story is a perfect example of a life stage being conferred by someone else's perception of her. Middle age is especially thorny because when you get to the "compared to what?" part it is about no-longer-young AND not-yet-old, given the bookends. Since middle age for me is so far in the rear view mirror, I have only one differentiator and it's the fear factor. If you're terrified about growing older and especially about losing your looks, you're middle aged no matter how old you are. It can be a miserable, fear-governed time of life with a lot of time spent staring in the mirror. Old age is the opposite--freedom from fear, studious avoidance of mirrors, acknowledgement of diminished capacity both physical and mental, and acceptance of mortality, with increasing gratitude for every minute of every day. But that's just me.
I love those. Its not the fear of the mirror though,at least for me. It's the series of warnings that come from my body and, even harder, from the illnesses and losses of people I love that waken my fear. The fear is surmountable. I feel that I'm doing better in this dance with mortality..well, some days are better than others
I usually do thirds-0-30, 30-60, 60-90. Mostly because I like how it divides and feels slightly magical and fits the Maiden/Mother/Crone kind of model. At 54 I am, as another commenter shared, in the youth of my old age, or at the curve of that middle section where the Crone years are coming up. Since I've gone through menopause, I qualify cronewise, but it's all confusing. Middle of my life? Past the midpoint certainly, and some of that is scary and some of that is a relief.
Bill McKibben has organized climate activists over 60, who have the time, expertise, and resources to contribute to the movement. The organization is called The Third Act. Check it out!
One of my sisters and I are both in our 40s, and we already embrace the crone haha. But I like how you lay it out in thirds. I will pass that along to her :)
I like the thirds idea too, though as a woman without kids, 'maiden/mother/crone' feels very exclusionary, and basically makes my demographic completely invisible for 30 years!!!
At 66, I have to ask, why do we need these labels at all? My mind and body are still strong, My face is comparatively unwrinkled (without any medical intervention), my hair is happily silvering. I feel much younger in my soul. Am I elderly? Am I a senior citizen? Am I still middle aged?
The labels do hurt. Sometimes a bit, and sometimes more. Starting a new job at 59, and it feels like a charitable gift instead of a statement of my value and worth to the job and what it entails.
I was 28 when, in a newspaper profile of me, a book editor wrote: "His face, no longer so fleshy, sags toward middle age." (I had recently lost 40 pounds, and I was very upset by this comment.) But he was right. If I live until 90 -- my father is 97, my mother died at 85 -- then I can divide my life into thirds in which "middle" is 30-59.
I have been saying I'm an old man publicly -- in my writing online, any time I'm interviewed -- since I turned 60. But it was also a way of trying to elicit, "No, you're not old!" from other people to satisfy my vanity.
It helps that gray hair is trendy, lucky us! "Like a lot of Gen Xers, I still don’t quite feel like a grownup. I never have." That's me at 58. I don't know if I'll ever grow up.
I have long had this schema in my head, admittedly skewed by my own experience as a woman in good health and good shape:
Teens and 20s is "young."
Around 30 you transition to the "middle-aged young."
Early 40s is the "old young."
Late 40s is the transition to "middle age."
Mid-60s is the transition to the "young old."
"Young old" can last till your mid-70s depending on health.
After that you can't stave off "old" anymore. But for some there's a whole decade of active "middle-aged old."
Mid- to late 80s, if you're still around, you become one of the "old old."
For the record, I'm 77 and am still doing karate which I've studied for 50 years. I'm also involved in the Feldenkrais Method, which can transform the experience of being old. But it's still "old." I was rather shocked to discover that for all our medical progress, "three score and ten" is still the basic helping. Anything after that is gravy. More people are getting more gravy, is all. And it isn't always good gravy.
It's really upsetting to me when people say the term "middle-aged" starts in your 40s. What does that make me at 68...elderly?? I feel YOUNG. A label is just a label, of course, but I can't help but cringe when I hear certain words that bring up all sorts of (negative) images for people.
I think of "elder" as an extremely positive word, but "elderly" as...well, older than just plain "old." My very spry parents didn't start seeming "elderly" until maybe age 78-80.
I had a single friend in his early 50s recently tell me he couldn't date women in their 60s, and I was all, "Dude, I'm going to be 60 next year, do I seem that too old to you?" Most of my work cohort for the last few years has been 15-20 years my junior at least, including my boss. I played with the mortality calculators recently; if I continue on my trajectory, I might make 89, which is quite senior. There's no term for 2/3 aged that isn't just "senior" or "old." I recently decided that I would just say fuck it and take the discount.
Yeah, take the discount. PS When I was 32, the guy I was dating—who was 36—told me I was too old for him. 😂 (See the comedy sketch I linked to at the bottom of the piece.
Ok, WHAT??? 32 is too old?? Ok, that is insane. 32 is very young....what an asshole thing to say. I'm sorry, that is just terrible treatment. (Don't worry - I've let many men get away with saying terrible things to me, about my appearance, over the years. I put up with it because of two things: I never really felt lovable, and I am not good at retorts. I'm working on both of these things now!)
This is such an issue. The 55 year old men all seem to have their dating range set at 35-55 (if that) but wonʻt look at a woman in their 60s. They have no idea what they are missing LOL!
GenX person here. Can we just, like, designate more life stages? "Middle age" doesn't mean shit to most of us, and it's not broad enough to cover the whole enchilada. For that matter, I hate all the "maiden, mother, crone" shit. Any woman who makes it to age 50 is a QUEEN. For the rest of her life. YOU'RE WELCOME!
I mean, you do you, know? The idea is to throw out outdated (and Patriarchal-ish) judgements about how women can and should live our lives and be respected by society.
I’m on the cusp of 70, just two weeks away from no longer being able to deny old age. If I don’t think about it, how old or at what stage of life I am doesn’t matter. My mind, body and attitude all allow me to fully participate in life as if nothing has aged (just back this morning from 10 days of daily hiking in the Italian Alps followed by a week of daily cycling in central France). Photos are the truth bomb, however. I avoid having pictures of me taken as if it matters that I’ve become as wizened as Gandalf. Inevitably, something physically, mentally and/or emotionally will give out, but until then, I’ll keep on keeping on, age be damned.
I tend to think that “middle aged” describes people who’ve got a good amount of adulthood - adult experiences and responsibilities - under their belt, but who aren’t yet facing the possibilities of physical decline that come later in life. Note that I said “possibility” of physical decline, since actual decline comes for people at different rates, depending on a lot of factors, including luck. So, something like 40-65 is middle aged, to me.
I know that a lot of people resist the categories of middle aged and old (or older) because they “feel young” but I wonder if that’s because they feel vibrant and alive and open to new experiences, ideas, and people. But I think middle aged and old people can feel that way too! I don’t “feel young” because I’m very aware of my long history, the many chapters and experiences of my life (I’m 54) but I do feel like a vibrant and open middle aged person heading towards, I hope, a vibrant and open old age!
In 2019, my husband and I went to a Courtney Barnett and Kurt Vile concert. I was 38, my husband 42. We had a joint to smoke, but no lighter, so we went up to some people outside the show and asked for a light and shared our joint. (I had never done this in my life, lol). We were talking to one of the women, who was very young--maybe 23? She and I are just chatting and then she says, "You guys are such cool old people." COOL OLD PEOPLE. My husband just chuckled as I squeezed his arm to putty. We still say it to each other all the time. And I wasn't even 40 yet!!!
Kurt Vile seems, like, somewhat old to me because he's been around a while.
I first saw him in 2009 at this little daylong event at Fort Tilden Beach in Rockaway. Then he seemed young. By the time I saw him in Central Park ten years later, he no longer seemed young. I consider him middle-aged.
When I turned 60, my office mates threw a party for me. As we clinked champagne glasses, I made the innocuous-to-me comment that I was now 2/3 done with my life. Pin-drop silence, then protests. But think about it -- 30, 60, 90. Maybe use those parameters -- although we need a better term for the last 1/3.
I’ll know when exactly the middle-portion of my life was right after I’ve died.
But, living, I noticed an abrupt change between 40 and 41. Where things falling apart in body and mind became rapid. I’m 43. I don’t feel young anymore.
With this came the realization that even if other people live to 60, 70, 80, 90 -- ... there’s nothing guaranteeing *I* will.
The stage of life I’m in now is a markéd stage for me. I don’t know that I have a fitting name for it yet.
Yes, these subtle shifts in the 40s, and for some of us, in the 30s, remind me of why I am insistent that this magazine is relevant not only to very old people.
Maybe being middle aged is like being middle class, everyone always thinking they're middle class whether they make $40k or $240k, and thinking they're middle aged whether they're 37 or 57? Maybe it's just one of those slippery-by-nature categories. I do like what people sometimes say about 40--that it's the old age of youth--and 50--that it's the youth of old age. Those feel like more reliable, weight-bearing sentiments.
Oh, I've never heard that about 40 and 50. That resonates!
The early 40s can be the most amazing time of life for a woman.
Yes. When I write about a woman at the height of her power - she's always late 40's early 50's --- It was certainly mine.
Thank you for this- holding on to it 😄❤️
I am finding this to be true 🥹 very liberating indeed!
Totally agree!
I'd never heard that about the 40s and 50s. It makes perfect sense!
Oh wow 🤩 I love the idea of 50 being the youth of old age! I’m going with that!
I like those, Catherine!
This is perfect.
You’re only as young as your lower back…
Oh, shit. My lower back is a MESS.
As a chiropractor I hear this all the time! So many patients will say, "Well, I just turned 40, or 50, so my body is falling apart." I spend my day countering the cultural paradigm that age and back pain are not necessarily related! It's as if their minds eye holds this magic number and beyond that they are destined for discomfort. Not true.
Amen, sister! Try my yoga classes--either yoga in a chair or yoga on the mat--on Burnalong. 99% of Americans who take take yoga do so to relieve lower back pain (including me). It's the spine's best friend. See you in class! Margaret Mandell
The Feldenkrais Method is also highly recommended. I discovered it when I was in my 30s and had lower back pain for the first time. By chance I ran into a hands-on Feldenkrais practitioner who said, "Would you like to see what I do?" He moved me gently while I lay on a table, and afterwards the pain vanished. I was so amazed I eventually took practitioner training. There is a 1:1 hands-on modality (Functional Integration) and a verbally guided, do-it-yourself modality (Awareness Through Movement, in live or Zoom classes or via recordings). There are many recorded, gentle movement sessions online, called "lessons" rather than therapy or exercise, because holding yourself in good alignment is a matter of learning. It makes being older so much more pleasurable and interesting.
Thanks for this!
I should say, the pain vanished and STAYED GONE. In my 70s, my low back now hurts when I first get up most mornings (a new mattress is in the works), but as soon as I stand and walk around a little, it feels fine.
FYI, yoga is not for everyone! It's messed me up many times. For me and that lower back, the trick is physical therapy + limiting sugar and caffeine intake.
So sorry to hear that, Tiffany. Glad you found what works for you. LOL about the sugar and caffeine, the scourge of the Standard American Diet, unfortunately!
Pilates
I would like to put in a good word for Pilates -- on YouTube, The Girl With The Pilates Mat is my favorite (although, talking about age, Rachel Lawrence is a "girl" in the way that that the superheroines of my early '60s comics, like the married Hawkgirl and Invisible Girl, were "girls"; even at 11, that didn't make sense to me).
Also, I like Essentrics, Miranda Esmonde-White's exercises as seen in her PBS show "Classical Stretch."
These exercises are aimed at older people -- women, particularly, though as a man, I think they're gentle and great.
There's yoga and then there's yoga. Older people need what I'd call in my ignorance "gentle yoga." Some can mess up your body and some can heal your body. Everyone's body is different, so expecting even people in their teens and twenties to do a certain posture the same way is insane.
Making note of all of these. Thanks, Richard.
A higher truth has never been spoken. This hit hard.
LOVE this! So true.
I'm 58, female and can still dead lift a 30 kg dog. How old does that make me?
YOU - are my shero!
Thanks Gwen. It's about necessity. I'm a vet and waiting around for nurses to be free to help ends up in a lot of wasted time. My comfortable limit is really about 25 kg, however, if I have to, 30 is doable. We live in the snake capital of Tasmania and I have dogs that think they are fun chew toys. My dogs have been bitten several times, always when my husband isn't home. I've had to pick up my dogs and carry them inside and get them on a drip and get antivenene into them as fast as possible all on my own. Once I had to do it as my dog was literally dying before my eyes (he was paralysed for 3 weeks, but I nursed him back) When I can no longer lift them I'll have to scale down to smaller breeds.
Oh I’ve always wanted to visit your neck of the woods - but snakes.... I’m not the fainting kind but confronted with a venomous snake ?--- I’m sure it’s fear of things that have different locomotion - whatever - deadly fear here.
Also, when I read/hear Tasmania - I think of Richard Flanagan -- Narrow Road to the Deep North - such a wonderful writer. Anyway, you’re still my shero -- carry on. ;)
So funny! I once read that after 45 you can put your back out reaching for a slice of pizza, lol
A fun (not really) new thing: muscles in my calves and feet start cramping and spasming when I’m lying perfectly still, doing nothing to provoke it.
This is a super easy fix that is likely a result of an electrolyte imbalance. I can't just give you a quick suggestion here in case there is more happening but if you want to email me I can offer a suggestion. (If you didn't see my comment above I am a practicing chiropractor for almost 30 years), this is very common.
YES, what *is* that? I had that just the other day as I was (trying) to admire my calf muscle - or where it used to be. It's akin to that odd feeling that you've somehow sprained your ankle during the night, ha! Onwards right? Another fantastic Substack btw!
Glad to know it's not just me! Thank you, Speranza! <3
So true... and might I add the hips!
My lower back froze when I was in my mid-30s! Yikes! Luckily it happened that early so I could take steps to heal and strengthen it. The Egoscue Method saved my back and even though there's been aches and pain over the years, it never went back to that debilitating state.
Amen, sister! Try my yoga classes--either yoga in a chair or yoga on the mat--on Burnalong. 99% of American take yoga to relieve lower back pain (including me). It's the spine's best friend. See you in class! Margaret Mandell
Say it ain’t so
So true. I had my first lower back pain free night last night after months of pain. It's messed up!
I know I'm not in the middle of my chronological life anymore, but I'm still in the middle of things, still in the middle of my work, among family and friends, amid life's great pageant. Maybe the real end of middle age is when you begin to withdraw from all or some of the above, by choice or by circumstance.
Ouch, the word "withdraw" is almost the same as the root of "retire", to pull away. I push back against the notion that "old age" is a time of pulling back, becoming less involved, sitting on the sidelines. I encourage people to "transition" in old age with a new type of energy. A relaxed self-acceptance, a continuing desire to learn and explore the world in a different way.
Tell that to the gallery owner who loved my work but said, "let's face it, you're not 25 and blonde" and then sent me on my way (The woman was 20 years older than me).
Oh ugh. As an artist, I feel this. Sorry you had that experience.
Yuck!
This makes sense to me, Bethanne.
Recently I saw “Past Lives” a very tender and wise film about a young Korean-American woman playwright torn between a visiting Korean childhood sweetheart and her white-American writer husband. All in their 20’s. All in Manhattan--like me.
I identified so keenly with each that when I walked out of the theater I had to remind myself that I was 85.
Twice.
Let’s split the difference and say I’m now “middle-aged”.
You've got it, Irwin. I want to see "Past Lives"!
First, my favorite joke. What are the three stages of life? Childhood, adulthood, and "you look wonderful!" Sari's story is a perfect example of a life stage being conferred by someone else's perception of her. Middle age is especially thorny because when you get to the "compared to what?" part it is about no-longer-young AND not-yet-old, given the bookends. Since middle age for me is so far in the rear view mirror, I have only one differentiator and it's the fear factor. If you're terrified about growing older and especially about losing your looks, you're middle aged no matter how old you are. It can be a miserable, fear-governed time of life with a lot of time spent staring in the mirror. Old age is the opposite--freedom from fear, studious avoidance of mirrors, acknowledgement of diminished capacity both physical and mental, and acceptance of mortality, with increasing gratitude for every minute of every day. But that's just me.
I love those. Its not the fear of the mirror though,at least for me. It's the series of warnings that come from my body and, even harder, from the illnesses and losses of people I love that waken my fear. The fear is surmountable. I feel that I'm doing better in this dance with mortality..well, some days are better than others
Elizabeth, have you read Abigail Thomas's "Still Life at 80"?
No but it is on my list. I love Thomas.
It's amazing.
I love that joke, Peggy. And your perspective on this.
So true! I'm loving being in my 60s!
I usually do thirds-0-30, 30-60, 60-90. Mostly because I like how it divides and feels slightly magical and fits the Maiden/Mother/Crone kind of model. At 54 I am, as another commenter shared, in the youth of my old age, or at the curve of that middle section where the Crone years are coming up. Since I've gone through menopause, I qualify cronewise, but it's all confusing. Middle of my life? Past the midpoint certainly, and some of that is scary and some of that is a relief.
Ahhh I think in terms of maiden/mother/crone, too! When I see a badass older woman, I think, “crone goals!”
Julie, I have sometimes called my "old age" (60 to death) MY THIRD AGE. It comes with its own unique set of parameters for being, learning, loving.
I've heard others use that phrase.
Bill McKibben has organized climate activists over 60, who have the time, expertise, and resources to contribute to the movement. The organization is called The Third Act. Check it out!
This makes a lot of sense. Thank you.
I think for many, "middle aged" has come to mean the middle third of one's life. But then I haven't hit 60 yet.
One of my sisters and I are both in our 40s, and we already embrace the crone haha. But I like how you lay it out in thirds. I will pass that along to her :)
I like the thirds idea too, though as a woman without kids, 'maiden/mother/crone' feels very exclusionary, and basically makes my demographic completely invisible for 30 years!!!
Totally! An imperfect system!
And also? I’m sure it was meant to mark menarche (possible motherhood) and menopause which is not an even amount of years
I am also 54 and like the way you have framed this. Thank you.
At 66, I have to ask, why do we need these labels at all? My mind and body are still strong, My face is comparatively unwrinkled (without any medical intervention), my hair is happily silvering. I feel much younger in my soul. Am I elderly? Am I a senior citizen? Am I still middle aged?
No, I am just me.
I like that. You're right, we don't need the labels. But they're there, so I'm asking what people think of them...
The labels do hurt. Sometimes a bit, and sometimes more. Starting a new job at 59, and it feels like a charitable gift instead of a statement of my value and worth to the job and what it entails.
I was 28 when, in a newspaper profile of me, a book editor wrote: "His face, no longer so fleshy, sags toward middle age." (I had recently lost 40 pounds, and I was very upset by this comment.) But he was right. If I live until 90 -- my father is 97, my mother died at 85 -- then I can divide my life into thirds in which "middle" is 30-59.
I have been saying I'm an old man publicly -- in my writing online, any time I'm interviewed -- since I turned 60. But it was also a way of trying to elicit, "No, you're not old!" from other people to satisfy my vanity.
At 72, I am old. My father is super-old.
It helps that gray hair is trendy, lucky us! "Like a lot of Gen Xers, I still don’t quite feel like a grownup. I never have." That's me at 58. I don't know if I'll ever grow up.
Same.
Amen sister!
I have long had this schema in my head, admittedly skewed by my own experience as a woman in good health and good shape:
Teens and 20s is "young."
Around 30 you transition to the "middle-aged young."
Early 40s is the "old young."
Late 40s is the transition to "middle age."
Mid-60s is the transition to the "young old."
"Young old" can last till your mid-70s depending on health.
After that you can't stave off "old" anymore. But for some there's a whole decade of active "middle-aged old."
Mid- to late 80s, if you're still around, you become one of the "old old."
For the record, I'm 77 and am still doing karate which I've studied for 50 years. I'm also involved in the Feldenkrais Method, which can transform the experience of being old. But it's still "old." I was rather shocked to discover that for all our medical progress, "three score and ten" is still the basic helping. Anything after that is gravy. More people are getting more gravy, is all. And it isn't always good gravy.
Wow, karate. Love this.
It's really upsetting to me when people say the term "middle-aged" starts in your 40s. What does that make me at 68...elderly?? I feel YOUNG. A label is just a label, of course, but I can't help but cringe when I hear certain words that bring up all sorts of (negative) images for people.
I think of "elder" as an extremely positive word, but "elderly" as...well, older than just plain "old." My very spry parents didn't start seeming "elderly" until maybe age 78-80.
I think 68yo's are old but not elderly.
I had a single friend in his early 50s recently tell me he couldn't date women in their 60s, and I was all, "Dude, I'm going to be 60 next year, do I seem that too old to you?" Most of my work cohort for the last few years has been 15-20 years my junior at least, including my boss. I played with the mortality calculators recently; if I continue on my trajectory, I might make 89, which is quite senior. There's no term for 2/3 aged that isn't just "senior" or "old." I recently decided that I would just say fuck it and take the discount.
Yeah, take the discount. PS When I was 32, the guy I was dating—who was 36—told me I was too old for him. 😂 (See the comedy sketch I linked to at the bottom of the piece.
Ok, WHAT??? 32 is too old?? Ok, that is insane. 32 is very young....what an asshole thing to say. I'm sorry, that is just terrible treatment. (Don't worry - I've let many men get away with saying terrible things to me, about my appearance, over the years. I put up with it because of two things: I never really felt lovable, and I am not good at retorts. I'm working on both of these things now!)
See the comedy sketch that I linked to at the bottom of the post...
That comedy sketch is priceless! I had never seen it, and it made me laugh so much. Thanks for including it.
The best, right?
HA!
This is such an issue. The 55 year old men all seem to have their dating range set at 35-55 (if that) but wonʻt look at a woman in their 60s. They have no idea what they are missing LOL!
GenX person here. Can we just, like, designate more life stages? "Middle age" doesn't mean shit to most of us, and it's not broad enough to cover the whole enchilada. For that matter, I hate all the "maiden, mother, crone" shit. Any woman who makes it to age 50 is a QUEEN. For the rest of her life. YOU'RE WELCOME!
Love QUEEN. Thank you.
What is the male equivalent for "maiden, mother, crone." What if you're not a parent?
I think I was a queen at age 30.
I mean, you do you, know? The idea is to throw out outdated (and Patriarchal-ish) judgements about how women can and should live our lives and be respected by society.
I’m on the cusp of 70, just two weeks away from no longer being able to deny old age. If I don’t think about it, how old or at what stage of life I am doesn’t matter. My mind, body and attitude all allow me to fully participate in life as if nothing has aged (just back this morning from 10 days of daily hiking in the Italian Alps followed by a week of daily cycling in central France). Photos are the truth bomb, however. I avoid having pictures of me taken as if it matters that I’ve become as wizened as Gandalf. Inevitably, something physically, mentally and/or emotionally will give out, but until then, I’ll keep on keeping on, age be damned.
Here’s to age be damned James 🥂
I tend to think that “middle aged” describes people who’ve got a good amount of adulthood - adult experiences and responsibilities - under their belt, but who aren’t yet facing the possibilities of physical decline that come later in life. Note that I said “possibility” of physical decline, since actual decline comes for people at different rates, depending on a lot of factors, including luck. So, something like 40-65 is middle aged, to me.
I know that a lot of people resist the categories of middle aged and old (or older) because they “feel young” but I wonder if that’s because they feel vibrant and alive and open to new experiences, ideas, and people. But I think middle aged and old people can feel that way too! I don’t “feel young” because I’m very aware of my long history, the many chapters and experiences of my life (I’m 54) but I do feel like a vibrant and open middle aged person heading towards, I hope, a vibrant and open old age!
In 2019, my husband and I went to a Courtney Barnett and Kurt Vile concert. I was 38, my husband 42. We had a joint to smoke, but no lighter, so we went up to some people outside the show and asked for a light and shared our joint. (I had never done this in my life, lol). We were talking to one of the women, who was very young--maybe 23? She and I are just chatting and then she says, "You guys are such cool old people." COOL OLD PEOPLE. My husband just chuckled as I squeezed his arm to putty. We still say it to each other all the time. And I wasn't even 40 yet!!!
Oh, my good. COOL OLD PEOPLE. At 38 and 42. I guess it is all relative!
Exactly! My four year old told me yesterday he hadn't had a granola bar "in years" and I laughed...so, what, before he was born?!
That is hilarious.
Kurt Vile seems, like, somewhat old to me because he's been around a while.
I first saw him in 2009 at this little daylong event at Fort Tilden Beach in Rockaway. Then he seemed young. By the time I saw him in Central Park ten years later, he no longer seemed young. I consider him middle-aged.
Hah I went to see him a few years ago.
I guess he's like the Wayne Newton of our age group.
I just looked and he is 43--one year older than I am. A cool old person then too! ;)
I think I need to add a "COOL OLD PERSON" tee shirt in the Oldster Etsy shop.
When I turned 60, my office mates threw a party for me. As we clinked champagne glasses, I made the innocuous-to-me comment that I was now 2/3 done with my life. Pin-drop silence, then protests. But think about it -- 30, 60, 90. Maybe use those parameters -- although we need a better term for the last 1/3.
Maybe call the last 1/3 the Victory Lap years?
Fantastic.
I’ll know when exactly the middle-portion of my life was right after I’ve died.
But, living, I noticed an abrupt change between 40 and 41. Where things falling apart in body and mind became rapid. I’m 43. I don’t feel young anymore.
With this came the realization that even if other people live to 60, 70, 80, 90 -- ... there’s nothing guaranteeing *I* will.
The stage of life I’m in now is a markéd stage for me. I don’t know that I have a fitting name for it yet.
Yes, these subtle shifts in the 40s, and for some of us, in the 30s, remind me of why I am insistent that this magazine is relevant not only to very old people.
My 30s had the subtle shifts. I am not experiencing my 40s as subtle.
I hear you.