I finished reading Carvell Wallace's book a few nights ago ---stayed up till nearly 2 am to do so--- and have been recommending it to everyone. It's a memoir and a wisdom teaching. Check out this absolute wow of a passage:
“To be a man as I learned it was to be contained, held within, under control. Unripped and unbroken. Everything I learned about the body early on was about control and containment. Men were not to leak or make too much noise or express too much or lose a grip on anything. Not on your body. Not on anyone else’s. This makes the world a fundamentally terrifying and destabilizing place for men because what the earth is, at its spiritual core, is a thing uncontained. It is liquid and explosive, the chaos of leaves and rivers, mountains of lava, fecund and overflowing.
To be a man as manhood was taught to me is to be fiercely at odds with the earth, which is to say it is fiercely at odds with the divine. It is to be in battle with the divine because to be a man is to be in control and the divine is the complete opposite of control. This is why men are so violent and angry and destructive to ourselves and to you and to the world. We teach each other to hate what we cannot control, and nothing, literally nothing, can be truly controlled.
Look at the earth, how it insists itself upon our buildings and shopping malls and golf courses and hiking trails. Look at how we have tried for centuries to overwhelm the earth and instead the earth has overwhelmed us, calmly, innocently, and with all the tender savagery of a stream running down a gentle slope. What is a body for in the midst of that kind of simple and inevitable passing?”
Carvell was a student in a writing class I taught at NYU a very long time ago. I was in my 40's and back in school. Classrooms were laboratories where you could try things out—practices you were experiencing as a student, could be “played” with in the classes you taught. I kept a teaching journal and even if I didn’t have physical evidence of the impact he had on all of us in that time and space, he was memorable as the best teacher in the room.
The thing that popped out for me in this interview was this, "I love a lot of people and am loved by a lot of people..." I am often aware that I am surrounded by love but I don't think I ever remember how many people I love, too ! It rounds that feeling out quite nicely and I'm grateful to have had it brought to my attention. Great interview! Happy 50th, Carvell! (I loved turning 50 :)
I love everything about this! I have never ever felt my age, whatever that means. He really surmised it well that we can feel 9 and 70 all at once. Also, his birthday pampering day sounds lovely! :) So glad you shared him with us, Sari. Going to grab his book now! :)
Oh, Carvell! I'm about halfway through Another Word for Love and it's SO GOOD. And this is so good as well. Reading it, I can't figure out if we're vaguely the same person or siblings or I just wish there weren't a continent between us so we could be friends. Yes to prioritizing sleep! And finally liking yourself (but then saying it out loud and feeling that grain of doubt, like you've jinxed yourself by admitting it.) And always feeling older than you are, but also always your childhood self. I will always be an 85 year old woman on the inside and a very precocious toddler at the very same time, which is very timey-whimey.
Here's to having kids finally aging out and insanely loving who they've become but also being like, OK! Time to get some shit done! And that ambivalence to marriage-- that's a whole-ass thing. Like, it seems like we're supposed to, but maybe we don't want to (again)? But maybe there's reason to? Or maybe, as you note, we should just say fuck the whole thing and buy land with friends and call it good.
I'm just really glad you're alive and in the world. <3
Loved the interview. And Carvell was adorable in the image he thought he was ugly. There must be something about that age that makes us all feel a little awkward, I felt the same way, only I really was an ugly kid. Happy 50th to Carvell, the best is yet to come, if you remember to breathe deeply and stay in the moment once in a while.
I really enjoyed this open and honest assessment of a man's life on the brink of 50. I'm now on the brink of 70 and remembered back to 50 and what all I got done and learned about myself. I consider the 50's the power decade, both in terms of self-empowerment and the power to take your hard-won education and life experience to the next level. By the 60's, it's all about wisdom earned and walking the talk. I don't know what the 70's will bring yet, but I'm fixing to take the leap (not that I have much choice). I look forward to reading Carvell's memoir.
I absolutely LOVED this take. Feeling all the same things as I am about to turn 50. Gonna get Carvell's memoir. And I really want him to check out my music. And also be invited to his 50th. :) Pretty please!!! xx
I’m going to have to read this book and I expect his others will be on my reading list. Great interview; funny but deep. I particularly liked bringing in the photos through time and his thoughts on those. It’s funny; I think I’m reverse aging… I felt old inside as a kid but feel younger inside as I age outside. There has to be a word for that, or we should invent one. It’s a thing.
Out of an essay of incredibly beautiful thoughts, this is my favorite: "I love a lot of people and am loved by a lot of people and we try to give each other plenty of opportunities to express that love." And those smiles on your kid's faces speak volumes about what kind of dad you are. And, I got married (for the first time) at 47. It's fucking great. So who knows!? And happy birthday!!
Thank you, Carvell, for your honesty and growing confidence. Everywhere I turn now, I see how capitalism makes money by keeping us off-kilter. Thinkers like you and Sari lead us down a better path.
I finished reading Carvell Wallace's book a few nights ago ---stayed up till nearly 2 am to do so--- and have been recommending it to everyone. It's a memoir and a wisdom teaching. Check out this absolute wow of a passage:
“To be a man as I learned it was to be contained, held within, under control. Unripped and unbroken. Everything I learned about the body early on was about control and containment. Men were not to leak or make too much noise or express too much or lose a grip on anything. Not on your body. Not on anyone else’s. This makes the world a fundamentally terrifying and destabilizing place for men because what the earth is, at its spiritual core, is a thing uncontained. It is liquid and explosive, the chaos of leaves and rivers, mountains of lava, fecund and overflowing.
To be a man as manhood was taught to me is to be fiercely at odds with the earth, which is to say it is fiercely at odds with the divine. It is to be in battle with the divine because to be a man is to be in control and the divine is the complete opposite of control. This is why men are so violent and angry and destructive to ourselves and to you and to the world. We teach each other to hate what we cannot control, and nothing, literally nothing, can be truly controlled.
Look at the earth, how it insists itself upon our buildings and shopping malls and golf courses and hiking trails. Look at how we have tried for centuries to overwhelm the earth and instead the earth has overwhelmed us, calmly, innocently, and with all the tender savagery of a stream running down a gentle slope. What is a body for in the midst of that kind of simple and inevitable passing?”
Stunningly beautiful.
Wow! That is profound writing.
Love this! I’m nearly finished with the audio version. It’s perfection.
Carvell was a student in a writing class I taught at NYU a very long time ago. I was in my 40's and back in school. Classrooms were laboratories where you could try things out—practices you were experiencing as a student, could be “played” with in the classes you taught. I kept a teaching journal and even if I didn’t have physical evidence of the impact he had on all of us in that time and space, he was memorable as the best teacher in the room.
Amazing!
The thing that popped out for me in this interview was this, "I love a lot of people and am loved by a lot of people..." I am often aware that I am surrounded by love but I don't think I ever remember how many people I love, too ! It rounds that feeling out quite nicely and I'm grateful to have had it brought to my attention. Great interview! Happy 50th, Carvell! (I loved turning 50 :)
OMG me too!!
I love everything about this! I have never ever felt my age, whatever that means. He really surmised it well that we can feel 9 and 70 all at once. Also, his birthday pampering day sounds lovely! :) So glad you shared him with us, Sari. Going to grab his book now! :)
<3
Oh, Carvell! I'm about halfway through Another Word for Love and it's SO GOOD. And this is so good as well. Reading it, I can't figure out if we're vaguely the same person or siblings or I just wish there weren't a continent between us so we could be friends. Yes to prioritizing sleep! And finally liking yourself (but then saying it out loud and feeling that grain of doubt, like you've jinxed yourself by admitting it.) And always feeling older than you are, but also always your childhood self. I will always be an 85 year old woman on the inside and a very precocious toddler at the very same time, which is very timey-whimey.
Here's to having kids finally aging out and insanely loving who they've become but also being like, OK! Time to get some shit done! And that ambivalence to marriage-- that's a whole-ass thing. Like, it seems like we're supposed to, but maybe we don't want to (again)? But maybe there's reason to? Or maybe, as you note, we should just say fuck the whole thing and buy land with friends and call it good.
I'm just really glad you're alive and in the world. <3
Loved the interview. And Carvell was adorable in the image he thought he was ugly. There must be something about that age that makes us all feel a little awkward, I felt the same way, only I really was an ugly kid. Happy 50th to Carvell, the best is yet to come, if you remember to breathe deeply and stay in the moment once in a while.
Amazing how critical of ourselves we can be for things that those viewing us don’t at all see.
I really enjoyed this open and honest assessment of a man's life on the brink of 50. I'm now on the brink of 70 and remembered back to 50 and what all I got done and learned about myself. I consider the 50's the power decade, both in terms of self-empowerment and the power to take your hard-won education and life experience to the next level. By the 60's, it's all about wisdom earned and walking the talk. I don't know what the 70's will bring yet, but I'm fixing to take the leap (not that I have much choice). I look forward to reading Carvell's memoir.
Nice!
I absolutely LOVED this take. Feeling all the same things as I am about to turn 50. Gonna get Carvell's memoir. And I really want him to check out my music. And also be invited to his 50th. :) Pretty please!!! xx
"Dad's married to the grind." Right on! I enjoyed this one a lot
Ditto...especially when I saw the family snap reflecting abundant joy.
I *just* listened to Carvell's interview on Death, Sex, and Money yesterday, and was taken by his honestly, reflection, and deep sense of self: https://slate.com/podcasts/death-sex-money/2024/07/sex-parties-and-shakespeare-interview-love-carvell-wallace. Thanks for sharing your words in writing and other spaces.
Oh, I'll check it out!
I’m going to have to read this book and I expect his others will be on my reading list. Great interview; funny but deep. I particularly liked bringing in the photos through time and his thoughts on those. It’s funny; I think I’m reverse aging… I felt old inside as a kid but feel younger inside as I age outside. There has to be a word for that, or we should invent one. It’s a thing.
Yes, I often say I've lived live in reverse, being too grown up when I was young, and finding playful youthfulness much older.
I've said the same...living life backwards. In youth it feels wrong...but from the vantage of newly 60, it seems just right.
One of the best books I've read in recent years. What a beautiful man.
Out of an essay of incredibly beautiful thoughts, this is my favorite: "I love a lot of people and am loved by a lot of people and we try to give each other plenty of opportunities to express that love." And those smiles on your kid's faces speak volumes about what kind of dad you are. And, I got married (for the first time) at 47. It's fucking great. So who knows!? And happy birthday!!
Thank you, Carvell, for your honesty and growing confidence. Everywhere I turn now, I see how capitalism makes money by keeping us off-kilter. Thinkers like you and Sari lead us down a better path.
Love your interview Carvell Wallace. Single or hitched, either way, you’re a prize.
Yes! I fully agree.
Throw a party. You deserve it. And maybe read my book “Men as Friends”. Love is all there is and there’s only one kind.