This is 92: Hilma Wolitzer Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire

"I loved being young, and I don’t terribly mind being an old woman, but I refuse to be an old girl—someone who’s coy about her age."

From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”

Here, author Hilma Wolitzer responds. - Sari Botton

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Hilma Wolitzer. Photo courtesy of the author.

Hilma Wolitzer is a recipient of Guggenheim and National Endowment for the Arts fellowships, an American Academy of Arts and Letters Award in Literature, and a Barnes & Noble Writers for Writers Award. She has taught at the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, New York University, Columbia University, and the Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference. Her first published story appeared when she was thirty-six, and her first novel eight years later. Her many stories and novels have drawn critical praise for illuminating the dark interiors of the American home. She lives in New York City.

How old are you?

92—and hurtling toward 93!

Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think? 

Sometimes, when a friend turns 70 or 80, I say (facetiously) that I wish I was that age again. But if wishes were horses, I’d gallop back to my 36th year, when my husband was alive and well, and our children still young enough to listen to us. I also published my first short story that year, although I thought I was over the hill.

Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?

The answers to all of those questions would be different at different moments. But like Goldilocks, I usually strive to find what feels just right.

If wishes were horses, I’d gallop back to my 36th year, when my husband was alive and well, and our children still young enough to listen to us. I also published my first short story that year, although I thought I was over the hill.

What do you like about being your age?

Senior citizen discounts and a seat on the bus don’t do it, but I love the growing generations of my family. I became a great-grandmother this year and holding that little boy is clearly an age-related thrill. And sometimes I’m invited to cut the line at the supermarket.

What is difficult about being your age?

Although it’s only a natural progression, the loss of contemporary friends is very difficult. My Rolodex (yes, I still use one!) has to be thinned out regularly. Also, my diminished mobility makes it harder to get out of the way quickly of kids on scooters or skateboards, bicycles on the sidewalk, and people looking down at their phones. 

What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?

No matter what I was ever told, it’s surprising to realize I’m this old. Yet I often forget my age completely, particularly when I’m writing or reading and lost in a fictional universe. Passing a mirror or trying to spring up from a chair is a shocking reminder.

I became a great-grandmother this year and holding that little boy is clearly an age-related thrill. And sometimes I’m invited to cut the line at the supermarket.

What has aging given you? Taken away from you?

I don’t believe that time-worn saw about the wisdom of the elderly—there’s still so much I don’t know. But I think I’ve learned to be more accepting, about death and about the physical changes that come with aging. And I’ve become more innovative, too—brighter light bulbs, hearing aids (when I can stand using them), and daily exercise for balance and strength.

The author, right, in the 1980s with her daughter, novelist Meg Wolitzer. Photo courtesy of the author.

How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?

I contain multitudes—all those decades and stages of experience, from childhood to widowhood, and my inner life and my imagination remain intact and constant. So I am still my familiar (cumulative) self.   

What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?  

It’s really nervy of me to “look forward” to anything in my 90’s, but I do. I read the newspaper ever morning with a mixture of intense interest, despair and (even) hope. I always want to know what happens next. But I’m realistic about time. “Later,” for me, might mean in an hour or by the next day. I’m measuring out my life with coffee spoons.

Aging and the pandemic conspired to make style/beauty very minor concerns and medical appointments less frequent. I don’t get manicures or pedicures anymore, and I haven’t bought any new clothing in about 3 years. In Covid lockdown, it was heaven to give up bras and shoes!

What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?

As I said earlier, I wouldn’t mind being 36 again. Who wouldn’t?

Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?

Hardly anyone I know is older than me, but among my nonagenarian friends, the writer Doris Grumbach and the actress Estelle Parsons stand out because of their artistic achievements, and their enduring and solid presence in the world.

Order the paperback edition of Hilma Wolitzer’s latest story collection, published earlier this week.

What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?

Aging and the pandemic conspired to make style/beauty very minor concerns and medical appointments less frequent. I don’t get manicures or pedicures anymore, and I haven’t bought any new clothing in about 3 years. In Covid lockdown, it was heaven to give up bras and shoes!

It’s really nervy of me to “look forward” to anything in my 90’s, but I do…I’m realistic about time. “Later,” for me, might mean in an hour or by the next day. I’m measuring out my life with coffee spoons.

What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?

I loved being young, and I don’t terribly mind being an old woman, but I refuse to be an old girl—someone who’s coy about her age.

What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?

I’m not sure why, but I never really liked celebrating my birthday as an adult. But when my kids and grandkids insisted on gathering for my 90th, I gave in. And I’m so glad I did. That was in January of 2020, a month or so before the pandemic hit, and the last time we’d all be together for a long while. You can imagine what I’ll wish for before I blow out the candles on my next birthday.