This is 68: Jeweler Barbara Klar Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire
"When I was younger I thought I knew everything, but now I realize I know nothing."
From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”
Here, Woodstock, NY-based jewelry designer Barbara Klar responds. - Sari Botton
How old are you?
I just turned 68.
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
I remember my mother always saying, “I will be forever 29 in my own mind.” I’ve adopted that. Twenty-nine was my last really care-free year because I was scared about the seriousness of turning 30 and becoming a full-fledged adult making serious life choices. I like that edge of wondering what is going to come next in life and don’t want to lose that.
The older I get the less I know. But yet I know who I am now and that is priceless; it is the jewel in the crown on the path well-traveled.
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
I think I was born 90 years old. I’ve always felt old and wise for my age. A few months ago, on SNL, Kate McKinnon made her farewell from the show with a sketch getting aboard an alien spaceship and leaving earth. She said something like, “Farewell, earth, you’ve been good to me, but I guess I’ve always felt like an alien here anyway.” I laughed and thought, “Me too.”
What do you like about being your age?
I like the not giving a sh*t. I just don’t care about much anymore except creativity, love, and beauty. To me, that is all there is. I don’t care about being understood. I care about communicating and listening.
What is difficult about being your age?
I think it’s really difficult to age as a mature woman. I often feel invisible and overlooked. Men seem so much more respected in their aging process. Yet I do think that’s changing ever so slightly. In Europe, wisdom and age are revered. I love old people and love to hear their stories. There is so much wisdom to impart.
Twenty-nine was my last really care-free year because I was scared about the seriousness of turning 30 and becoming a full-fledged adult making serious life choices.
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
First of all, I never thought I’d live this long. This surprises me. In my youth, I took to heart “live fast, die young.” I’ve always lived on the edge financially and juggled my security. But what I DO love is that I never have to retire, I get to do what I love from almost anywhere now and my skills keep getting better and stronger.
What has aging given you? Taken away from you?
Aging has given me freedom and peace of mind. I am more observant and less self-involved. It has also taken away my drive and ambition. “I yam what I yam” as Popeye used to say. You either get it or you don’t and that’s all good.
Getting old is not for the weak of heart, physically. Joints hurt, eyesight deteriorates and all that fun stuff. I used to listen to my elders sit around and talk about their aches and pains. I was horrified! Now I’m doing that with my friends, which makes us crazy when we catch ourselves mimicking our parents!
I never thought I’d live this long. This surprises me. In my youth, I took to heart “live fast, die young.” I’ve always lived on the edge financially and juggled my security.
How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?
It’s so funny to me that wisdom only comes with age. I’d like to have my old body with the ability to retain everything I’ve learned so far. When I was younger I thought I knew everything, but now I realize I know nothing. The older I get the less I know. But yet I know who I am now and that is priceless; it is the jewel in the crown on the path well-traveled.
What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?
I was never one for celebrating milestones because I’ve always felt so out of step with my peers or high school friends. Most of my close friends are artists, musicians, painters and creatives and I think the beauty in our friendship has been our fringe relationship with society. I like to say, “I always come in through the back door, because I was never welcomed at the front door.” However, as a cancer survivor, I need to keep telling my friends I love them and hugging them as hard as they’ll allow. I love Valentine’s Day. Love is all there is and I want to express it every chance I get. I hope that comes through my work too.
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
I do not have a favorite age. Every age has been full of gifts and challenges, disappointments and winning moves. If I have a morning where I can open my eyes, arise from bed, and look forward with wonder to my day, that is my favorite age.
I love tough old broads who never give up and won’t quit. I get tired sometimes and wonder to myself, “why bother, nobody else gives a sh*t.” But then I look around me and see all these women who are still keeping on keeping on. That gives me hope and inspiration.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?
I adore Jane Fonda and Gloria Steinem. They inspire me. They are wise and a little bit spicey. I love tough old broads who never give up and won’t quit. I get tired sometimes and wonder to myself, “why bother, nobody else gives a sh*t.” But then I look around me and see all these women who are still keeping on keeping on. That gives me hope and inspiration.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
Five years ago I finally stopped dyeing my hair. It was usually my partners who wanted me to dye my hair because THEY felt old with my silver hair. Now I am happily single and I was sick of the maintenance so I embraced my inner crone. I love it. Style-wise, beauty-wise I still love fashion and street style. I love to see what the kids are doing and wearing. I want to look hip but not young. I want to be me.
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
I refuse to act or look my age. I always want to keep learning and never stop being inquisitive. I think learning and exploring keeps us young.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
I’m not really a birthday celebrator! Most of my friends are and I love to celebrate theirs, but for me it’s always been a self-reflective time: What has the last year been like for me? Where do I want to go in the next year? Am I content or happy? These are the deep and meaningful questions I ask myself once a year.
I love love my Barbara Klar necklace!
What a treasure-trove of answers! And what gorgeous jewelery she makes -- elegant yet unexpected.