This is 63: Author Lisa Braxton Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire
"The world is not all about me, as I once saw it, but about what I have to give and what I can do to make it a better place."
From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”
Here, Lisa Braxton, author of the memoir Dancing Between the Raindrops: A Daughter’s Reflections on Love and Loss, responds. - Sari Botton
Lisa Braxton is the author of the award-winning memoir, Dancing Between the Raindrops: A Daughter’s Reflections on Love and Loss, published by Sea Crow Press. She is also the author of the award-winning novel, The Talking Drum. She is on the executive board of the Writers Room of Boston, and a writing instructor at Grub Street Center for Creative Writing. She serves as president of the Greater Boston Section of the National Council of Negro Women and is a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.
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How old are you?
63
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
I also associate myself with the age of 23. When I was 23, I left my home state of Connecticut and took a job at a newspaper in Richmond, Virginia. Aside from college, it was my first time living for an extended period of time away from home. I rented my first apartment, purchased my first car, fell head over heels with a guy I thought I would marry (I did not). And was in the best physical shape of my life.
I don’t feel the stress of trying to climb the career ladder or finding a husband to spend my life with. I got married at the age of 52 and it’s worked out well. I’m at a good place in my career and have achieved the success I was hoping to have.
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
Generally, I don’t feel my age unless I’m having a day in which my joints hurt. I was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer in 2019, had a lumpectomy, and take medication designed to lessen the chance of recurrence. The medication strips estrogen from my body. A side effect is arthritis. Generally, I feel out of step with my peers because most of them don’t exercise. I’m at the YMCA at least three times a week doing weight-resistance training, cardio and aqua classes in the pool. I also have a Pembroke Welsh corgi that I like to take to the park to walk for an hour or so at least twice a week. These activities help alleviate joint, hip and back pain.
What do you like about being your age?
I don’t feel the stress of trying to climb the career ladder or finding a husband to spend my life with. I got married at the age of 52 and it’s worked out well. I’m at a good place in my career and have achieved the success I was hoping to have. I’m not obsessed with whether or not men find me attractive.
What is difficult about being your age?
Health challenges. Waking up in the morning after a restful sleep and having neck pain or knee pain or foot pain for no reason or all. Looking in the mirror and seeing grey hairs sprouting around my scalp. Being at the age where your parents begin dying off. My mother passed away in 2020 and my father in 2022. They were married for 65 years when Mom died. It’s weird not having them around.
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
When I was much younger, I thought that when you got to be my age you’d be miserable, you wouldn’t have friends to hang out with, you wouldn’t have any energy and that you would be relegated to wearing shapeless pants with an elastic waist band. However, I still dress fashionably, have a nice social circle and have the energy for walks and exercise.
Generally, I don’t feel my age unless I’m having a day in which my joints hurt. I was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer in 2019, had a lumpectomy, and take medication designed to lessen the chance of recurrence. The medication strips estrogen from my body. A side effect is arthritis.
What has aging given you? Taken away from you?
Aging has given me confidence to be myself, to not be self-conscious like I used to be, to wear polka dots and tie dye if I want to.
Aging has presented health issues, but its manageable.
How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?
I now reflect on who I am, and am proud of what I’ve accomplished and feel the desire to reach out, to help others. The world is not all about me, as I once saw it, but about what I have give and what I can do to make it a better place.
What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?
I look forward to retiring and spending focused time working on my next novel and also investigating some writing retreats outside of the country where I could teach some classes and the hosts would pay all expenses.
When I was much younger, I thought that when you got to be my age you’d be miserable, you wouldn’t have friends to hang out with, you wouldn’t have any energy and that you would be relegated to wearing shapeless pants with an elastic waist band. However, I still dress fashionably, have a nice social circle and have the energy for walks and exercise.
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
My favorite age is 3. I was a daddy’s girl. I was small enough that my dad could pick me up and put me on his shoulders. I miss that.
I would go back to that age for one day. I’d spend one day with Mom and Dad, make new memories, tell them how much I missed them and then mentally adjust to the fact that they had to make their way back to heaven.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?
Carmen Fields. She is an Emmy award winning broadcast news journalist in Boston and a trailblazer. She began her career in the 1970s, one of the first African Americans on Boston’s local news stations. Recently she wrote a book about her father’s career as a territory big band leader and trombonist based in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The book has won high praise and she’s been on a lengthy book tour sharing her father’s story with the public.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
All of my dresses are now below the knee. I no longer play tennis, squash or racquetball. I’ve taken pickleball lessons and find that appealing
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
Can’t think of any. I try to make as few adjustments as I have to.
I would go back to age 3 for one day. I’d spend one day with Mom and Dad, make new memories, tell them how much I missed them and then mentally adjust to the fact that they had to make their way back to heaven.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
Birthdays are a gift. Waking up each day is a gift. I celebrate by doing whatever I want. I’m not into presents as much as I used to be. At some point someone’s going to have to clean out our home and I don’t want to burden them with a lot of stuff. I prefer experiences. For my most recent birthday I took a narrated sight-seeing boat tour with my husband on the Providence River in Rhode Island and had a meal at a popular Italian restaurant. I also wore a t-shirt that said, “Birthday Queen” so everyone I passed by would know it was my birthday and acknowledge it.
My goodness how I love reading these posts. They light a warm fire in my heart. Thank you 🙏
It sounds like Lisa Braxton has grown into 63 as a wise, optimistic, independent-minded woman who sees the world as an opportunity to be a helper. Lovely.