This is 56: Robert Lucy Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire
"As a young person I couldn’t imagine the happiness that I have found in later life with my husband and my dog and my work."
From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”
Here, painter Robert Lucy responds. - Sari Botton
How old are you?
56
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
I vaguely imagine myself an eternal 37. It’s a magical number for me and I remember feeling in the prime of life physically. It seems like an age that my spirit feels connected to.
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
I’ve always felt on a different plane from that of my peers. My life has been different from the people that I grew up with. I watched as they married and had children and then as their children had children. In many ways I still feel like a child who stayed home with his coloring books and didn’t participate in the conventional stages of life.
What do you like about being your age?
I love being my age. My life continues to get better and I feel ever closer to some kind of essential self. I don’t worry about what people think of me anymore. Coming out as gay in the early 80’s was a terrifying process and now it’s a non issue. As a young person I couldn’t imagine the happiness that I have found in later life with my husband and my dog and my work.
My life has been different from the people that I grew up with. I watched as they married and had children and then as their children had children. In many ways I still feel like a child who stayed home with his coloring books and didn’t participate in the conventional stages of life.
What is difficult about being your age?
Aging and mortality have become very large topics of thought and conversation. My father had a long, slow decline and a difficult death. Witnessing that and talking to friends about their parents’ experiences makes me anxious about the aging process. Old age was something that I really gave very little thought until a few years ago, but now I have periods where thoughts of old age can really get me down. I don’t feel afraid of death, but I do sometimes feel afraid of old age.
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
When I was a child, I would look at my Grandmother and think the SHE is old, like her WHOLE self. But now I realize that whatever is peering through our eyes stays essentially the same as our bodies wither away.
I love being my age. My life continues to get better and I feel ever closer to some kind of essential self. I don’t worry about what people think of me anymore.
What has aging given you? Taken away from you?
I went to a small school from 7th-12th grade, so I had about 85 people that I spent ages 12 to 18 years old with. It’s cool to watch those people’s life stories play out.
In regards to my own life, I always compared myself unfavorably to artists with extraordinary talent who made lots of money and a big name for themselves. It has only been in the last few years that I’ve been able to take pride in my artistic career. I see the beauty and success in my body of work. I made my own way and have had tremendous freedom. My life and artistic career don’t need to be compared with any other.
How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?
I’ve been an artist for my whole life. The longer I live and the more I give to my craft, the more rewarding it gets. Deeper and richer. I feel extraordinarily fortunate to have discovered the thing that I most love to do at a young age and to have spent my life doing it. I have moments of wishing that I had the financial security that comes with a more traditional path, but mostly I just feel grateful to have had the opportunity to express myself through painting for more than thirty five years.
What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?
I met the love of my life at 41. Growing up when I did, and where I did, I never imagined that I would be able to fall in love with a man and eventually marry him. That has been the most fulfilling thing in my life.
My father had a long, slow decline and a difficult death. Witnessing that and talking to friends about their parents’ experiences makes me anxious about the aging process.
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
Each chapter of my life has been rich and meaningful with challenges sprinkled throughout. Sometimes I wish that I could push a HOLD button because it seems to go by so fast and I’m enjoying where I am, but I really see life as a carnival ride and I want to try to enjoy and get the most out of the ride until the end.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?
Louise Bourgeois. I had the privilege of meeting her once. She made deep, meaningful art for her whole long life and her work just kept getting better and better. She was fearless and her work always seemed to come straight from her core.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
Like my parents, my hair turned gray, then white, early. As my coloring has faded, the colors that suit me change. I enjoy wearing color now. My glasses have become a permanent accessory, which I rather enjoy. When I see myself without them now I don’t look like myself to myself.
Health wise I have been pretty fortunate. I grew up in a sports-oriented culture, so I played sports when I was younger. Now I take a daily walk which is something that I love.
I met the love of my life at 41. Growing up when I did, and where I did, I never imagined that I would be able to fall in love with a man and eventually marry him. That has been the most fulfilling thing in my life.
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
I really hope that I don’t start talking about my health/aches and pains all the time. I find that so boring.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
I like my birthday, and my birthday is in my favorite month, October. My husband Chris and I give each other nice celebrations. We both love a party, but my ideal way to celebrate my birthday is to take a short road trip somewhere with Chris and our dog Sally and stay in a hotel for a couple of nights and eat all the carbs that I want.
Love this. And I'm intrigued that so many people profiled by Sari say they are not afraid of death, but instead, they fear old age. I wonder what it would be like to live in a society where we would be treasured and revered the older we became. Getting old in America is rightly scary.
Chris and I went to High School together and sang in a ecumenical youth choir as well. I sure hope I get the opportunity to meet you one day. I love your artwork. Your talent is to be cherished. I only wish I had half of it. Your answers were very thoughtful.