This is 55: Kevin Sampsell Responds to The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire
"There are way more cool, progressive, and interesting people over the age of 50 now than there ever have been."
From the time I was 10, I’ve been obsessed with what it means to grow older. I’m curious about what it means to others, of all ages, and so I invite them to take “The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire.”
Here, writer, publisher, collage artist, and bookseller Kevin Sampsell responds. - Sari Botton
How old are you?
55 years old
Is there another age you associate with yourself in your mind? If so, what is it? And why, do you think?
You can’t escape age, so I don’t really play that game. But sometimes I feel like I’m 21 and sometimes I feel 100.
Do you feel old for your age? Young for your age? Just right? Are you in step with your peers?
I feel young for my age, actually. I see others who are my age who seem like they’ve been ground down by life—by all the decades of ups and downs behind them.
What I think happens is you play this game when you’re younger where you think of an age and what year it will be when you reach that age. I’m sure that I did that kind of math when I was in my 20s, like: Oh my God. It’ll be the year 2017 when I turn 50. I’ll be so old and the world will be so futuristic! Well, half of that sentence feels like it came true anyway.
When I was younger, like in my 20s, I think I always saw 50 as being the age you become an “old person.” In fact, I thought 55 was retirement age! Maybe it was? Did it change at some point?
What do you like about being your age?
One of the great things about getting older is you learn that you can’t control as much as you think and you learn to let go of needless worrying. You learn not to give a f*ck. There is also less concern for societal expectations, in regards to how we’re expected to perform certain roles or traits. There’s less bullshit and a greater belief in blunt honesty. We don’t want to waste anyone’s time, much less our own.
Another thing: I think there’s a part of society that wants to forget about you when you get past a certain age, but that can also be a freeing thing. You can take more unexpected chances or detours in your life because people aren’t watching you.
What is difficult about being your age?
I feel about 10% more tired with each passing birthday. It sucks that your body vessel kind of breaks down slowly no matter what. It seems like there’s a new ache or pain every other month. For me, it was a neck arthritis thing, followed by an ulnar nerve issue in my elbow, and then after having a big dental operation, I had vertigo for a few months.
Besides all those annoyances, I try to stay in good physical shape, so I’ve had to be more mindful of what I put in my body as I/it ages. I have to actually think about cholesterol and high blood pressure. Lately, I’ve had to cut down on baked goods. I mean, I love myself a bakery! But maybe having one or two doughnuts, scones, or muffins a week is better than one or two a day. Haha.
As I get older, I want to be able to look back and know I did important and valuable work in everything–writing, publishing, bookselling, collaging, and being a dad and friend.
What is surprising about being your age, or different from what you expected, based on what you were told?
When I was younger, like in my 20s, I think I always saw 50 as being the age you become an “old person.” In fact, I thought 55 was retirement age! Maybe it was? Did it change at some point? Anyway, if someone said, “That 50-year-old man,” I would imagine a head full of dusty hair, stiff slacks, and a glass of buttermilk or prune juice. Maybe when I was younger, there were fewer older role models than there are now. Maybe this is generational thinking on my part, but I think younger people these days really do appreciate some of us older folks who’ve grown up around punk, around hip-hop, and around evolving gender and culture ideas. There are way more cool, progressive, and interesting people over the age of 50 now than there ever have been.
What has aging given you? Taken away from you?
It’s given me so many memories, stories, and friendships. The other day, someone at work said that I’ve introduced more authors at Powell’s than anyone else and I hadn’t even thought about that before, but it’s absolutely true. And I’ll just say: If you hang around someplace long enough, you’ll meet everyone who comes through, and you’ll have memorable experiences with a lot of them. Most of my memories and stories come from the little nugget of passion I had for reading as a young adult–and that growing passion has aged and become an all-encompassing, lifelong commitment in literature. As I get older, I want to be able to look back and know I did important and valuable work in everything–writing, publishing, bookselling, collaging, and being a dad and friend.
What has it taken away? Well, I didn’t experience the death of people close to me very often when I was younger, but we all get to an age when your friends and family start dying. It becomes almost a weekly or daily thing. It’s sad but it also puts time in perspective. It’s taught me to cherish everyone in my life and to try to show them appreciation and love while we’re all breathing and sharing this world together.
How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?
I’m pleasantly surprised by how little I’ve changed in some ways. I have many of the same interests and desires. But the experience of aging has taught me a lot in the wisdom department and given me more confidence for sure. I’d like to imagine 25-year-old me (the age when I moved to Portland and started doing Future Tense Books) would think 55-year-old me was pretty cool. But that younger me probably would be surprised to see all these hundreds of collages I’ve made the last few years.
I didn’t experience the death of people close to me very often when I was younger, but we all get to an age when your friends and family start dying. It becomes almost a weekly or daily thing. It’s sad but it also puts time in perspective.
What are some age-related milestones you are looking forward to? Or ones you “missed,” and might try to reach later, off-schedule, according to our culture and its expectations?
I started getting AARP stuff in the mail a couple of years ago and I kind of hate it, but I’m low-key looking forward to getting senior discounts at restaurants and movies when the time comes. Plus, I’ve had a good 401k going for over twenty years and after decades of barely getting by, I feel good that I have some added security for the future.
What has been your favorite age so far, and why? Would you go back to this age if you could?
I really liked my 40s. I feel like I was pretty prolific that decade and established myself more as a writer. I’m not into the idea of replaying a specific year or age, but if I did, I’d try to be more mindful and considerate of some loved ones that I hurt.
Is there someone who is older than you, who makes growing older inspiring to you? Who is your aging idol and why?
I’ve always seen David Lynch as a benchmark of the cool older guy. Not just with his films and his art, but also his look. That shock of white hair. I kind of want my hair to look like that, but it’s not thick enough. Feeling good about my hair has been a constant battle the last few years. I’ve thought about becoming a baseball cap kind of guy, but I’ve been advised against that.
Writing-wise, there are a lot of really cool older writers who will always be inspiring no matter what. People like Diane Williams, Sharon Olds, Padgett Powell, Sigrid Nunez, Percival Everett, and on and on.
What aging-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?
I got into biking a couple of years ago and that’s been nice in a lot of ways—exercise, less driving, more fun! During the first year of COVID, when I was unemployed, I found myself getting more winded and out of breath (often at the worst, least sexy times, if you know what I mean). I started going for runs first thing in the morning and it was a huge, wheezing struggle at first, but after a month or so, it became such a great routine. It did wonders for my lung capacity and stamina. I bike more and run less these days since going back to work, but I often look back on those few months of having a running routine quite fondly. I see why so many people love it.
Feeling good about my hair has been a constant battle the last few years. I’ve thought about becoming a baseball cap kind of guy, but I’ve been advised against that.
What’s an aging-related adjustment you refuse to make, and why?
I haven’t felt the need to color my hair. As my hair has gotten slowly grayer, I’ve learned that a lot of people like the salt and pepper look—and I appreciate it in others! Dare I say, it’s even sexy! And there’s a lot of cringy dudes out there with bad dye jobs. I remember hosting the author Thom Jones for his reading at Powell’s many years ago and besides being an odd character in general, he had a really dark black mop of hair that looked like it was still in the process of drying.
What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?
Because my birthday is on St. Patrick’s Day, I often don’t go out on my birthday. This year though, I came up with an idea to invite friends out to a food cart pod in Portland and it was great. All the food choices and the outside picnic tables (open air! Social distance!) made it a low-stress affair. I think I’ll start doing that from now on. Plus, you can bring your own cake.
Hi Kevin i must applaud and admire your delightful ageing expierence journey.Well i tried to define aging as--- just walking thru lifefe in FULL STRIDE.Be ready for more essence in living at all times.Good Luck
Thank you Kevin!