"I try hard these days to listen closely to my body instead of telling it to pull itself together. It’s one thing to be tough, but I’ve no desire to be stupid."
“Aging is failure” is as brutal a “mind-fuck” as one can imagine. Congratulations on separating that unhappy coupling. And psst, if you can deal with loss, your 80’s can be fun as well.
It appears to be part of the deal. And as I said in a previous comment, “anticipatory grieving” is weak soup. The real deal is a doozie. Do we have a choice?🤷🏽.
I celebrate the 42nd anniversary of turning 25 this coming year. A word of advice to anyone over 60, is that the correct pronunciation is sexty. I gave up drinking 2 years ago this coming March. I was what I termed a professional drinker, niw retired. After a heart attack at 49, a triple bypass at age 63 and cancer at age 65, I enjoy being active, playing in three musical groups, and writing a substack—This Is Not Music!
I still work, and may keep doing that in some form for awhile. Freedom 85 is calling, but I have no interest in picking up.
There is too much to do. I am blessed with a marriage to my soul mate for 46 years, and a favourite daughter who is a strong creative young woman who inspires me.
My three rules of a long relationship is 1. Lower your expectations, 2) Have a great sense of humour, and 3) and this may be the most important, Who do we hate this week?
A common enemy will bring you together.
You can easily say the reverse is just as true, in that a common love can also bring you together, except it’s not as funny.
I remind myself often to let go. Worrying doesn’t help. Caring does.
I just got to know you through this post, and I celebrate you—and look forward to hearing more about the radical, indie, revolution you are cooking up for literary fiction!
I am about to turn 58 and felt everyone of your words, especially about the mother I was when my kids were young children and not always having the patience needed to navigate that time of parenting. The permission slip you have given yourself to age naturally and without shame is what all women need to sit with and grab onto to give them one less thing to obsess over. The giving up of consumption of alcohol is probably the smartest advice and appreciate hearing your non-negotiable health habits. Your article inspires me and validates how I am feeling about my own aging and thank you for being so candid and honest.
I also hate celebrating my birthday and this line was really a wake-up call for me "Have you ever thought that your friends might want to celebrate you?” I certainly have never thought of it this way.
“complaining about elements of your childhood over 50 is not cool”—had not realized I agree with this until I read it. I guess I feel like whoever is still angry should go ahead and face it and cry it out. I too am excited about the coming years!
"As long as I understand that my death will be a version of things working out for me, then I’m okay." Gorgeous.
That was one of two lines I read out loud to my wife, a sure sign of how good this was.
I sat up straight when I read that line. Great advice.
Thank you
“Aging is failure” is as brutal a “mind-fuck” as one can imagine. Congratulations on separating that unhappy coupling. And psst, if you can deal with loss, your 80’s can be fun as well.
"...if you can deal with loss, your 80s can be fun as well." Thank you, you just saved me from a problem I now don't need to have.
<3
No worries. Happy to help.
So great to hear! And yes, I am learning to deal with loss.
It appears to be part of the deal. And as I said in a previous comment, “anticipatory grieving” is weak soup. The real deal is a doozie. Do we have a choice?🤷🏽.
I celebrate the 42nd anniversary of turning 25 this coming year. A word of advice to anyone over 60, is that the correct pronunciation is sexty. I gave up drinking 2 years ago this coming March. I was what I termed a professional drinker, niw retired. After a heart attack at 49, a triple bypass at age 63 and cancer at age 65, I enjoy being active, playing in three musical groups, and writing a substack—This Is Not Music!
I still work, and may keep doing that in some form for awhile. Freedom 85 is calling, but I have no interest in picking up.
There is too much to do. I am blessed with a marriage to my soul mate for 46 years, and a favourite daughter who is a strong creative young woman who inspires me.
My three rules of a long relationship is 1. Lower your expectations, 2) Have a great sense of humour, and 3) and this may be the most important, Who do we hate this week?
A common enemy will bring you together.
You can easily say the reverse is just as true, in that a common love can also bring you together, except it’s not as funny.
I remind myself often to let go. Worrying doesn’t help. Caring does.
Love this.
I just got to know you through this post, and I celebrate you—and look forward to hearing more about the radical, indie, revolution you are cooking up for literary fiction!
Thank you!
I am about to turn 58 and felt everyone of your words, especially about the mother I was when my kids were young children and not always having the patience needed to navigate that time of parenting. The permission slip you have given yourself to age naturally and without shame is what all women need to sit with and grab onto to give them one less thing to obsess over. The giving up of consumption of alcohol is probably the smartest advice and appreciate hearing your non-negotiable health habits. Your article inspires me and validates how I am feeling about my own aging and thank you for being so candid and honest.
So great to hear it resonated, and thanks for responding. Wishing you the best.
“I’m here until I’m done learning.” Such a great sentiment!
Thank you!
Love this insightful interview (once again!) Putting both books on my TBR and will be looking for Eleanor Anstruther’s name on the Booker Prize list!
Ha! My ambition knows no bounds! And thank you.
I also hate celebrating my birthday and this line was really a wake-up call for me "Have you ever thought that your friends might want to celebrate you?” I certainly have never thought of it this way.
It really woke me up...
One of my favorites in this series!
Happy to hear that! Thanks for reading.
“complaining about elements of your childhood over 50 is not cool”—had not realized I agree with this until I read it. I guess I feel like whoever is still angry should go ahead and face it and cry it out. I too am excited about the coming years!
🙌
I loved this interview and will go out to read everything Eleanor has written, pre-Booker Prize. Thank you for this interview!
Hooray! And thank you.
Eleanor, you are very encouraging. I would love to bump into you. You have grit and wisdom. Thank you.
Thanks so much 😌
Love this one! I instantly want to be her friend.
Ha! and hello!
This one was especially good! Thank you!
Beautiful. Too many gems to count!
A good one