Wow, it's really refreshing to hear from a "work-to-live" not "live-to-work" person working for The Times! I have been working the same media job for my entire adult life, too, and my peers (in their 30s) always ask, are you STILL working there? And they always send me job descriptions for open roles elsewhere, as if I couldn't possibly be content just doing what I've been doing. The truth is, I am not a ladder climber, and I get by just fine, even in the soul-sucking media vortex of NYC. I've reinvented my job an infinite number of times to keep things fresh and stay in step with whatever's going on. Equanimity is important. Like Dan, I find that meditation, exercise, and making morning smoothies of my own design does help to start the day on the right foot, and everything else just happens as it does.
I feel this at 39 yo: “for the first, say, 25 years of my adult life part of me thought that I wasn’t “living up to my potential,”” although for me it’s been more about letting go of societal expectations of success (which I’m *so* good at but make me so very unhappy) and embracing what I do care about. Thank Dan!
Inspiring interview! I’m 40 so I’m looking ten years ahead. I was just reading Cheryl Strayed’s Dear Sugar collection Tiny Beautiful Things, and she was writing in one column about how life is all about choices, and how choosing one path means sacrificing the alternative path. She describes the alternate path as being a ‘ghost ship’ we almost took but didn’t. It’s a sister path we might have taken. It sounds like Dan took the right path. Good for him. I love the ‘work to live’ versus ‘live to work.’ I’m the same way.
Cheryl is the best! And I very much relate that that idea of the ghost ships we didn't take. Especially as a Libra who consistently has difficulty choosing between two paths.
It’s good to read someone who is thoughtful and balanced, but still admits to be always trying to figure out how to choose a path. The hard part is that really, you can blend some of the choices, but there are always thing you have to skip or leave behind. (Although, these days, with the internet, you can keep your job and live in France).
What I remember about my 50s is that I had to give up basketball. I could’t guard anyone without fouling them. Professionally, I had a productive decade as my kids left home and gave me more time to work and think.
It was probably two or three years ago, as I was well passed my 75th birthday that I finally accepted that I was no longer a young man who was full of potential.
But, as Chris Smither sings: “But I've got plenty left, I've set my sight on
Don't wait up, leave the light on, I'll be home soon.”
My favorite part of this is when Dan says he is consciously hanging on to what he has (which is super impressive) and realizing his ambition is for life, not work. This is great and also hard to do I feel living in NYC and surrounded by NYT journalists and where at parties when you say you're a journalist, you're asked, "Do you have a book yet?" So, good for you, Dan! I also have held on to that dream of writing a book and so far failed. Now after throwing off the coastal-ambitious-outer-status symbols and living in the Midwest my thinking is: Book schmook! Start a Substack, it is so much cooler. 😍
It’s interesting you suggest that. I’m open to the idea but I’m not sure I’m the kind of writer who has something of substance to say on a regular basis in that way. I’d like to try to dive into something and see where it goes. I’ve noodled but not committed.
That's cool - I think Substack is a good space for noodling and experimenting. And my Substack has a small-but-growing community, but the more it grows the more social media and traditional publishing seem unnecessary, which is really surprising, and freeing.
Like other readers, I am grateful for these lines. “I think for the first, say, 25 years of my adult life part of me thought that I wasn’t “living up to my potential,” that I was letting things pass me by. But I was (and am) doing the things that bring me joy.” Me too. Thank you for putting this in print.
Jun 14, 2023·edited Jun 14, 2023Liked by Sari Botton
Oh my gosh this 50-year old man is ME! 🤪😂🥰✨🎸🙏🏻 Aside from being a NYT editor...and all the great travel...and, OK, a few other things...he is a lot like me. (Or: He is the me I want to be.) Thank you for sharing this gem of a person with us.
Jun 14, 2023·edited Jun 14, 2023Liked by Sari Botton
I was struck by the similarities of how you look at your life, with how I do, complete with some of regret, and reworking/rehashing/whatever we want to call it...wondering about all the "what ifs" when we look back on our life. I'm trying to overcome those, and the shoulda/woulda/couldas right now. I think I'm about where you got to after "40-plus years"....really making an effort to let go of some things that are weighing on me, too! Your interview was informative and it was comforting to read the answers you provided. And even though we are quite different, you, a man living in New York, and me, a woman (not quite 50 yet) living in a small, West Coast town, it sounds like we could probably relate on many levels. Thanks for doing the Oldster questionnaire. :)
Oh, my goodness! This is why the questionnaire exists, and Oldster more broadly: so people can see themselves in each other's experiences, and also learn from each other's experiences with getting older. So glad this resonated for you, Heather.
I would like to submit to Oldster its next t-shirt: "That 'Zero Fux' Thing is REAL" (or some such version thereof), because it is. Keep doing what you're doing, Dan. It seems you're doing it right. xo
Wow, it's really refreshing to hear from a "work-to-live" not "live-to-work" person working for The Times! I have been working the same media job for my entire adult life, too, and my peers (in their 30s) always ask, are you STILL working there? And they always send me job descriptions for open roles elsewhere, as if I couldn't possibly be content just doing what I've been doing. The truth is, I am not a ladder climber, and I get by just fine, even in the soul-sucking media vortex of NYC. I've reinvented my job an infinite number of times to keep things fresh and stay in step with whatever's going on. Equanimity is important. Like Dan, I find that meditation, exercise, and making morning smoothies of my own design does help to start the day on the right foot, and everything else just happens as it does.
Equanimity is my word of the year!
🙌🏼
👏👏👏👏
Amen to that 🙏
I feel this at 39 yo: “for the first, say, 25 years of my adult life part of me thought that I wasn’t “living up to my potential,”” although for me it’s been more about letting go of societal expectations of success (which I’m *so* good at but make me so very unhappy) and embracing what I do care about. Thank Dan!
👍👍
Thanks for including the recipe for the smoothie that makes you glow. I'll try it!
Report back!
Inspiring interview! I’m 40 so I’m looking ten years ahead. I was just reading Cheryl Strayed’s Dear Sugar collection Tiny Beautiful Things, and she was writing in one column about how life is all about choices, and how choosing one path means sacrificing the alternative path. She describes the alternate path as being a ‘ghost ship’ we almost took but didn’t. It’s a sister path we might have taken. It sounds like Dan took the right path. Good for him. I love the ‘work to live’ versus ‘live to work.’ I’m the same way.
Michael Mohr
‘Sincere American Writing’
https://michaelmohr.substack.com/
Cheryl is the best! And I very much relate that that idea of the ghost ships we didn't take. Especially as a Libra who consistently has difficulty choosing between two paths.
One of my favorite youngsters talks to Oldster.
😍
😘
This was my favorite interview thus far! Thank you for sharing so honestly. I’m 46. A lot resonated.
It’s good to read someone who is thoughtful and balanced, but still admits to be always trying to figure out how to choose a path. The hard part is that really, you can blend some of the choices, but there are always thing you have to skip or leave behind. (Although, these days, with the internet, you can keep your job and live in France).
What I remember about my 50s is that I had to give up basketball. I could’t guard anyone without fouling them. Professionally, I had a productive decade as my kids left home and gave me more time to work and think.
It was probably two or three years ago, as I was well passed my 75th birthday that I finally accepted that I was no longer a young man who was full of potential.
But, as Chris Smither sings: “But I've got plenty left, I've set my sight on
Don't wait up, leave the light on, I'll be home soon.”
Love this, Dan. Very inspiring and helpful to hear! RIP the City section.
He seems nice.
What a mensch!
My favorite part of this is when Dan says he is consciously hanging on to what he has (which is super impressive) and realizing his ambition is for life, not work. This is great and also hard to do I feel living in NYC and surrounded by NYT journalists and where at parties when you say you're a journalist, you're asked, "Do you have a book yet?" So, good for you, Dan! I also have held on to that dream of writing a book and so far failed. Now after throwing off the coastal-ambitious-outer-status symbols and living in the Midwest my thinking is: Book schmook! Start a Substack, it is so much cooler. 😍
It’s interesting you suggest that. I’m open to the idea but I’m not sure I’m the kind of writer who has something of substance to say on a regular basis in that way. I’d like to try to dive into something and see where it goes. I’ve noodled but not committed.
That's cool - I think Substack is a good space for noodling and experimenting. And my Substack has a small-but-growing community, but the more it grows the more social media and traditional publishing seem unnecessary, which is really surprising, and freeing.
So much resonance with this article as I round the bend into my 50s next week 😊
Like other readers, I am grateful for these lines. “I think for the first, say, 25 years of my adult life part of me thought that I wasn’t “living up to my potential,” that I was letting things pass me by. But I was (and am) doing the things that bring me joy.” Me too. Thank you for putting this in print.
This is so inspiring! And can I say how refreshing it is for someone to say they are a "work to live" person not a "live to work" person? AMEN.
It's SO refreshing here in late-stage capitalism.
Oh my gosh this 50-year old man is ME! 🤪😂🥰✨🎸🙏🏻 Aside from being a NYT editor...and all the great travel...and, OK, a few other things...he is a lot like me. (Or: He is the me I want to be.) Thank you for sharing this gem of a person with us.
Thank you so much for the incredibly kind words. I'm really touched.
I was struck by the similarities of how you look at your life, with how I do, complete with some of regret, and reworking/rehashing/whatever we want to call it...wondering about all the "what ifs" when we look back on our life. I'm trying to overcome those, and the shoulda/woulda/couldas right now. I think I'm about where you got to after "40-plus years"....really making an effort to let go of some things that are weighing on me, too! Your interview was informative and it was comforting to read the answers you provided. And even though we are quite different, you, a man living in New York, and me, a woman (not quite 50 yet) living in a small, West Coast town, it sounds like we could probably relate on many levels. Thanks for doing the Oldster questionnaire. :)
Oh, my goodness! This is why the questionnaire exists, and Oldster more broadly: so people can see themselves in each other's experiences, and also learn from each other's experiences with getting older. So glad this resonated for you, Heather.
Even down to the type of smoothie he makes each morning! 😂🙏🏻
I would like to submit to Oldster its next t-shirt: "That 'Zero Fux' Thing is REAL" (or some such version thereof), because it is. Keep doing what you're doing, Dan. It seems you're doing it right. xo
😂