Nobody tells us how quickly we start aging postmenopausal! It's like overnight you gain 15 pounds, your hair falls out, your face starts melting, and your skin is splotches and dry to boot. And where are all these bruises coming from??
So true! The changes happen so fast! That bioidentical hormone replacement therapy helps, but it doesn’t make all those changes disappear. It just helps with some of the symptoms that come along with menopause.
At ninety-two, with mobility now all but gone, aches and pains becoming more acute, and a growing sense of alienation from a world in tatters, I still say this. Here's to old age, with its added perspective on life itself, growing curiosity about what lies ahead, and he many gifts long-term memory offers. I still find old age a great adventure, maybe because I've reached this conclusion. Life is at its best when lived for the sake of giving to others, not taking from them.
After just turning 73 years young, I still feel I I'm in my 30s with a few more aches and pains, more grey hair, and a bit more wrinkles. When I look in the mirror, I see more and more of my grandmother. Yikes, how did that happen? I will not surrender to old age, however. Great article.
my body reminds me of my ae: 85. After a diagnosis of brain tumors, I no longer can type, walk well. Tumors gone now, fortunate4y, but pain and mobility problems exist. So I am happy to see myself in the mirror...still alive. Friends take me to events, and I am busy and well entertained, but I cannot drive.. a loss. My retirement hobby was plants, mainly native plants, so I cannot walk the woods any more and find these treasures. My husband of 64 years died during my recuperation, so nobody to dress up for. Looks don't bother me, just the physical restrictions.
It's true: aged bodies can rebel. It sounds like you've had a happy life and are having it still. To be "busy and well entertained" is great at any age!
We went to our granddaughter's wedding this weekend. We were the oldest people there, the oldest people at the reception...possibly the oldest people in Lexington, KY! I think for the very first time, I allowed being 74 to be the pleasure it is. The pleasure is better than either the surprise or the "anticipatory grieving" Irwin Epstein mentioned.
That sounds lovely. I, too, have had times when I've exulted in my age. On a kayak trip down the Hudson River, I, as an " elder," got to serve myself first!
Absolutely loved this piece but, as Bryan Adams once sang, "It Cuts like a Knife" lol ...
Relate to everything here hugely. For at least 5 years, I honestly, truly believed that I just looked tired but now those car window reflections (oh, cruellest of all!) show the harsh reality. I may spend some time googling facial fillers later, after a particularly frightening viewing, feeling very sad indeed (then, fiercely ashamed) but also knowing in my heart that I can neither afford or justify them. I really, really appreciate reading this today. It somehow helps to know that we are all in this together and also, a reminder to acknowledge all the good things that come with aging. P.S.And also, BTW Catherine Hiller? You are still beautiful!!
Oh, Sue, thank you for loving the piece and for liking my face! I'm vain enough to appreciate both. You might look into fillers if one or two lines bother you especially. They do work, and some last a few years.
Behind my bathroom mirror I have this clipped scrap of newspaper taped to the edge of a glass shelf that holds my magnifying mirror: “What do you do with time? When is time used well? And when is it squandered? (Aging) makes me respect time more - no one is entitled to it, and it’s a privilege to age. It’s a privilege to grow old. Not everyone gets to do that…I have a lot of friends who are no longer with us…It puts things in perspective pretty quickly. “
That’s from actor Laura Linney at age 49 (now 60).
My mom, when she was in her late 80’s, was on a small step stool trying to get something from the top shelf in her bedroom and fell. Backwards onto the bed (not hurt) and when she relayed the story to us later, stated her first thought was “when did I get old”?
And now in my early 70’s am wondering what will be my “when did I get old” moment. Hope I can channel some Dick Van Dyke!
as an 89 year old, the deeper surprise is the gradual and sometimes now gradual loss of functioning . The number is the first shock but the later shocks are more physical.
It's certainly true that how one feels is more important than how one looks. And filling your life with things you enjoy takes the sting out of getting old and the physical deficits it can bring. In old age, we usually have more time for pleasure.
This was a great read. Thank you so much for sharing this. I turned 50 this year and I’m still astonished that I’m 50. The years really do blur, especially if you have kids. It’s the same with them too. One minute they are small and the next minute they’re grown people! I turned 50 and my son turned 18 this year, and I still can’t get over it. I also went into menopause three years ago, so the changes have been intense and a bit overwhelming. One thing that I’ve been trying to remember is instead of saying I am 50 years old, I am saying I’ve been alive for 50 years. Yes, I’m still aging, but something about remembering that I’ve been alive for this long makes it feel more like a privilege and gift, rather than a problem.
Even still, it is hard to see the signs of aging and embrace them in a positive way, especially in America. I think having a 13-year-old daughter is helping me navigate this with more awareness and grace. 🩵✨
Honestly, Marcia, from my viewpoint, 50 year old women are hot! It is certainly true that one's children remind us of our age. In my case, how is it possible that I have sons of 40, 45, and 50?
I am 73 chronologically. I recently had to go through a battery of medical tests only to find out I'm perfectly fine. Not only am I perfectly fine, my doctor said I am physically/biologically much younger than my 73 years. When I asked exactly HOW much younger physically/biologically she declined to give me a number so I decided I'm about 50. The downside to that decision is now when I catch sight of myself in an unexpected mirror or shop window I'm truly shocked to see my pretend 50-year-old-self looks like someone in her 70's. It's a conundrum.
Young to mid-life people love to imagine that older or old-old people are something they will never become. We all do it. Now that I'm 64, l look at that inability to acknowledge such a basic fact of life and feel a bit annoyed - you think you're different than me? l want to say. Yet at the same time, l too am surprised to look in the mirror and note how fast life is zipping by. I look at death as a transition to a life in spirit, a continuation of life in our "real" form, but still, fear and anticipation of one's own bodily death is at the bottom of this shock at being older or pretending we will never be, isn't it? I suppose when we're young it helps to have some protection from that thought, via denial. The young do know intellectually I suppose but that is very different from knowing experientially. With experiential knowing via the mirror etc we must begin to accept it and understand that whatever we are here to do, we better do it now. Thank you for writing about this.
Youre welcome! Somehow, I needed to write about this. I don't exactly believe mid-life people think they won't get old, but it is irrelevant to them, as, perhaps, it should be. Of course, they should be laying down healthy habits to carry them happily to and through their old age.
No Catherine, I did but I thought it was implicit in your piece. I don’t think it’s a “thing” though “anticipatory grieving” is. Either way it doesn’t prepare us for the reality. 🤷🏽
Nobody tells us how quickly we start aging postmenopausal! It's like overnight you gain 15 pounds, your hair falls out, your face starts melting, and your skin is splotches and dry to boot. And where are all these bruises coming from??
you got it right and more so
Great piece! I’m 50 and some days I feel 13 and other days I feel 80. Aging is a wild ride!
It really is…
So true! The changes happen so fast! That bioidentical hormone replacement therapy helps, but it doesn’t make all those changes disappear. It just helps with some of the symptoms that come along with menopause.
The facial recognition app on my phone no longer recognizes me!
That's a great comedy one-liner, but I don't believe it! We're talking about how many years? Maybe you changed your hairstyle or your eyebrows?
oy!
At ninety-two, with mobility now all but gone, aches and pains becoming more acute, and a growing sense of alienation from a world in tatters, I still say this. Here's to old age, with its added perspective on life itself, growing curiosity about what lies ahead, and he many gifts long-term memory offers. I still find old age a great adventure, maybe because I've reached this conclusion. Life is at its best when lived for the sake of giving to others, not taking from them.
Cheers to that, Paul!!
I love your joyful perspective even if you aren't very mobile. A mobile mind and a warm heart are what matters!
After just turning 73 years young, I still feel I I'm in my 30s with a few more aches and pains, more grey hair, and a bit more wrinkles. When I look in the mirror, I see more and more of my grandmother. Yikes, how did that happen? I will not surrender to old age, however. Great article.
Thank you. Old and bold is my motto!
my body reminds me of my ae: 85. After a diagnosis of brain tumors, I no longer can type, walk well. Tumors gone now, fortunate4y, but pain and mobility problems exist. So I am happy to see myself in the mirror...still alive. Friends take me to events, and I am busy and well entertained, but I cannot drive.. a loss. My retirement hobby was plants, mainly native plants, so I cannot walk the woods any more and find these treasures. My husband of 64 years died during my recuperation, so nobody to dress up for. Looks don't bother me, just the physical restrictions.
It's true: aged bodies can rebel. It sounds like you've had a happy life and are having it still. To be "busy and well entertained" is great at any age!
We went to our granddaughter's wedding this weekend. We were the oldest people there, the oldest people at the reception...possibly the oldest people in Lexington, KY! I think for the very first time, I allowed being 74 to be the pleasure it is. The pleasure is better than either the surprise or the "anticipatory grieving" Irwin Epstein mentioned.
I love that perspective, Liz.
Me too!
That sounds lovely. I, too, have had times when I've exulted in my age. On a kayak trip down the Hudson River, I, as an " elder," got to serve myself first!
Love this. I am 58, going on 8 …. The inner child is coming out stronger as l age 🤗🤣🙏
Hooray for you! My grandkids bring out the hidden child in me, and I sometimes hear myself telling them, "No fair!"
🤣🥰🙏🏼
Absolutely loved this piece but, as Bryan Adams once sang, "It Cuts like a Knife" lol ...
Relate to everything here hugely. For at least 5 years, I honestly, truly believed that I just looked tired but now those car window reflections (oh, cruellest of all!) show the harsh reality. I may spend some time googling facial fillers later, after a particularly frightening viewing, feeling very sad indeed (then, fiercely ashamed) but also knowing in my heart that I can neither afford or justify them. I really, really appreciate reading this today. It somehow helps to know that we are all in this together and also, a reminder to acknowledge all the good things that come with aging. P.S.And also, BTW Catherine Hiller? You are still beautiful!!
Oh, Sue, thank you for loving the piece and for liking my face! I'm vain enough to appreciate both. You might look into fillers if one or two lines bother you especially. They do work, and some last a few years.
Thank you for this-so relatable!
Behind my bathroom mirror I have this clipped scrap of newspaper taped to the edge of a glass shelf that holds my magnifying mirror: “What do you do with time? When is time used well? And when is it squandered? (Aging) makes me respect time more - no one is entitled to it, and it’s a privilege to age. It’s a privilege to grow old. Not everyone gets to do that…I have a lot of friends who are no longer with us…It puts things in perspective pretty quickly. “
That’s from actor Laura Linney at age 49 (now 60).
Thanks, Nora. Thanks Laura!
Really great perspective. Thank you for sharing it.
My mom, when she was in her late 80’s, was on a small step stool trying to get something from the top shelf in her bedroom and fell. Backwards onto the bed (not hurt) and when she relayed the story to us later, stated her first thought was “when did I get old”?
And now in my early 70’s am wondering what will be my “when did I get old” moment. Hope I can channel some Dick Van Dyke!
At this point, I'm embracing "old"! Well, old and bold, that is. What are the other options?
I agree. Part of a “boomer” generation that will not go quietly.
as an 89 year old, the deeper surprise is the gradual and sometimes now gradual loss of functioning . The number is the first shock but the later shocks are more physical.
It's certainly true that how one feels is more important than how one looks. And filling your life with things you enjoy takes the sting out of getting old and the physical deficits it can bring. In old age, we usually have more time for pleasure.
This was a great read. Thank you so much for sharing this. I turned 50 this year and I’m still astonished that I’m 50. The years really do blur, especially if you have kids. It’s the same with them too. One minute they are small and the next minute they’re grown people! I turned 50 and my son turned 18 this year, and I still can’t get over it. I also went into menopause three years ago, so the changes have been intense and a bit overwhelming. One thing that I’ve been trying to remember is instead of saying I am 50 years old, I am saying I’ve been alive for 50 years. Yes, I’m still aging, but something about remembering that I’ve been alive for this long makes it feel more like a privilege and gift, rather than a problem.
Even still, it is hard to see the signs of aging and embrace them in a positive way, especially in America. I think having a 13-year-old daughter is helping me navigate this with more awareness and grace. 🩵✨
"One thing that I’ve been trying to remember is instead of saying I am 50 years old, I am saying I’ve been alive for 50 years." Love this.
Honestly, Marcia, from my viewpoint, 50 year old women are hot! It is certainly true that one's children remind us of our age. In my case, how is it possible that I have sons of 40, 45, and 50?
Incredible!
Pro Tip: Make sure you flip your magnifying makeup mirror back to normal before judging your reflection! That 5X side is quite jarring! 😁
😂
Even at 1.5 x, it's alarming! And dim lighting has become newly appealing.
I am 73 chronologically. I recently had to go through a battery of medical tests only to find out I'm perfectly fine. Not only am I perfectly fine, my doctor said I am physically/biologically much younger than my 73 years. When I asked exactly HOW much younger physically/biologically she declined to give me a number so I decided I'm about 50. The downside to that decision is now when I catch sight of myself in an unexpected mirror or shop window I'm truly shocked to see my pretend 50-year-old-self looks like someone in her 70's. It's a conundrum.
There's NO downside to good health, so be glad all the tests came out well! After all, what's more important: how you feel or how you look?
Young to mid-life people love to imagine that older or old-old people are something they will never become. We all do it. Now that I'm 64, l look at that inability to acknowledge such a basic fact of life and feel a bit annoyed - you think you're different than me? l want to say. Yet at the same time, l too am surprised to look in the mirror and note how fast life is zipping by. I look at death as a transition to a life in spirit, a continuation of life in our "real" form, but still, fear and anticipation of one's own bodily death is at the bottom of this shock at being older or pretending we will never be, isn't it? I suppose when we're young it helps to have some protection from that thought, via denial. The young do know intellectually I suppose but that is very different from knowing experientially. With experiential knowing via the mirror etc we must begin to accept it and understand that whatever we are here to do, we better do it now. Thank you for writing about this.
Youre welcome! Somehow, I needed to write about this. I don't exactly believe mid-life people think they won't get old, but it is irrelevant to them, as, perhaps, it should be. Of course, they should be laying down healthy habits to carry them happily to and through their old age.
Thoughtful and sad. Anticipatory aging is about as useless as anticipatory grieving. They’re each weak soup.
Did I mention "anticipatory aging"? I'm puzzled!
No Catherine, I did but I thought it was implicit in your piece. I don’t think it’s a “thing” though “anticipatory grieving” is. Either way it doesn’t prepare us for the reality. 🤷🏽