At ninety-two, with mobility now all but gone, aches and pains becoming more acute, and a growing sense of alienation from a world in tatters, I still say this. Here's to old age, with its added perspective on life itself, growing curiosity about what lies ahead, and he many gifts long-term memory offers. I still find old age a great adventure, maybe because I've reached this conclusion. Life is at its best when lived for the sake of giving to others, not taking from them.
I first thought I had to complain that you wrote my story and feelings precisely. Slight differences apply: you are a woman, and I am a man. In this regard, it is irrespective. Also, you are 78, and I am closer to 81.
Less than a year ago, I was celebrated here on Substack for starting at 80. But I didn’t land here from the moon. I still have to continue my life as it used to be at 79 and fight against procrastination at 81.
I also read the million replies and truly enjoyed them. So getting old can be entertaining.
Nobody tells us how quickly we start aging postmenopausal! It's like overnight you gain 15 pounds, your hair falls out, your face starts melting, and your skin is splotches and dry to boot. And where are all these bruises coming from??
So true! The changes happen so fast! That bioidentical hormone replacement therapy helps, but it doesn’t make all those changes disappear. It just helps with some of the symptoms that come along with menopause.
my body reminds me of my ae: 85. After a diagnosis of brain tumors, I no longer can type, walk well. Tumors gone now, fortunate4y, but pain and mobility problems exist. So I am happy to see myself in the mirror...still alive. Friends take me to events, and I am busy and well entertained, but I cannot drive.. a loss. My retirement hobby was plants, mainly native plants, so I cannot walk the woods any more and find these treasures. My husband of 64 years died during my recuperation, so nobody to dress up for. Looks don't bother me, just the physical restrictions.
It's true: aged bodies can rebel. It sounds like you've had a happy life and are having it still. To be "busy and well entertained" is great at any age!
We went to our granddaughter's wedding this weekend. We were the oldest people there, the oldest people at the reception...possibly the oldest people in Lexington, KY! I think for the very first time, I allowed being 74 to be the pleasure it is. The pleasure is better than either the surprise or the "anticipatory grieving" Irwin Epstein mentioned.
That sounds lovely. I, too, have had times when I've exulted in my age. On a kayak trip down the Hudson River, I, as an " elder," got to serve myself first!
My mom, when she was in her late 80’s, was on a small step stool trying to get something from the top shelf in her bedroom and fell. Backwards onto the bed (not hurt) and when she relayed the story to us later, stated her first thought was “when did I get old”?
And now in my early 70’s am wondering what will be my “when did I get old” moment. Hope I can channel some Dick Van Dyke!
I wanted to respond to your question and needed to give this some thought.
The other option for me is being open and receptive, not something I intentionally sought out.
Pre Covid I found an interest in the enneagram and took some courses. Once we were in the midst of the pandemic the woman running some of the courses asked if anyone was interested in getting together, via the dreaded Zoom, and “being” together. I said yes and we would meet about once a month then to connect, support and bolster each other through the unknowns at the time.
As Covid went on we morphed into looking at gender issues, White privilege, indigenous issues, LGBQ, disability concerns and a host of other concerns. We use all sorts of media (film, podcasts, books)to discuss for each meeting and we ended up calling our group On Being White.
The same 9 people, now friends, are still together almost 5 years on. Once a year in the summer we meet in person for a potluck and campfire.
I’m amazed, at 73, how I see the world through a different lens now. Very thankful I said yes and was open to see what might unfold.
Old, hmmm, ok.
Bold? Well I can have conversations with others I would not have had 5 years ago and more confidence in calling something out if I have the opportunity.
After just turning 73 years young, I still feel I I'm in my 30s with a few more aches and pains, more grey hair, and a bit more wrinkles. When I look in the mirror, I see more and more of my grandmother. Yikes, how did that happen? I will not surrender to old age, however. Great article.
Between 70 and 80 the body begins to fall apart more rapidly. By 75, my wife, most of our friends, and I have all had serious diagnoses, but modern medicine has kept almost all of us alive. I will be 80 in three months. The statistics show that if a person makes it to 80 and is basically healthy they have better than a 50% chance of living passed 85. Of course, if you don't make it to 80 your chances are much worse. We realize that good health can disappear in a flash, with a fall, a lump, or a headache. Of course, those things could mean nothing fifteen minutes later but ya never know
I guess failing health is one of the sad surprises about getting old, but, again, why should it be a surprise? We've witnessed our grandparents and our parents. And now we may be the age they were when they started to fail . . .
Even older people don't accept the idea! I have an aunt who is 75 and is in particularly good shape (was a personal trainer, etc.), and she still believes she will never get old and infirm! (She knows logically that she will, but she does not "believe" it.)
as an 89 year old, the deeper surprise is the gradual and sometimes now gradual loss of functioning . The number is the first shock but the later shocks are more physical.
It's certainly true that how one feels is more important than how one looks. And filling your life with things you enjoy takes the sting out of getting old and the physical deficits it can bring. In old age, we usually have more time for pleasure.
This was a great read. Thank you so much for sharing this. I turned 50 this year and I’m still astonished that I’m 50. The years really do blur, especially if you have kids. It’s the same with them too. One minute they are small and the next minute they’re grown people! I turned 50 and my son turned 18 this year, and I still can’t get over it. I also went into menopause three years ago, so the changes have been intense and a bit overwhelming. One thing that I’ve been trying to remember is instead of saying I am 50 years old, I am saying I’ve been alive for 50 years. Yes, I’m still aging, but something about remembering that I’ve been alive for this long makes it feel more like a privilege and gift, rather than a problem.
Even still, it is hard to see the signs of aging and embrace them in a positive way, especially in America. I think having a 13-year-old daughter is helping me navigate this with more awareness and grace. 🩵✨
Honestly, Marcia, from my viewpoint, 50 year old women are hot! It is certainly true that one's children remind us of our age. In my case, how is it possible that I have sons of 40, 45, and 50?
No Catherine, I did but I thought it was implicit in your piece. I don’t think it’s a “thing” though “anticipatory grieving” is. Either way it doesn’t prepare us for the reality. 🤷🏽
Thank you for your article! I turn 70 in May and you hit on many of the thoughts that have run through my mind. You look fabulous for 78. I’ve spent the last 40 years in the SW sun so wrinkles are, well, plentiful! Americas population is 340,000,000 in 2024. So 100,000 Centenarians is still very small as a percentage: 0.03%. I won’t plan on it!
Living longer isn't always the best option -- I have a grandmother who is a centenarian, and I'd say this is not her best period of life by a long shot. I think it's OK to value quality over mere quantity. Her life was far better at 80 or even 90 than it is at 103, and I think it's OK to acknowledge that and the fact that aging is NOT easy. The outliers that our culture loves to highlight (the folks who are running marathons at 98 or what have you) are not remotely the norm.
Nice job, Catherine! Wisdom with a light touch. Wrinkles like a jack-in-the-box. Slight loss of balance like someone slipped a mickey into our wine. Or skim milk.
Absolutely loved this piece but, as Bryan Adams once sang, "It Cuts like a Knife" lol ...
Relate to everything here hugely. For at least 5 years, I honestly, truly believed that I just looked tired but now those car window reflections (oh, cruellest of all!) show the harsh reality. I may spend some time googling facial fillers later, after a particularly frightening viewing, feeling very sad indeed (then, fiercely ashamed) but also knowing in my heart that I can neither afford or justify them. I really, really appreciate reading this today. It somehow helps to know that we are all in this together and also, a reminder to acknowledge all the good things that come with aging. P.S.And also, BTW Catherine Hiller? You are still beautiful!!
Oh, Sue, thank you for loving the piece and for liking my face! I'm vain enough to appreciate both. You might look into fillers if one or two lines bother you especially. They do work, and some last a few years.
Car window reflections are exaggerated and represent the worst possible lighting conditions -- we don't actually look THAT bad. But we also don't look as good as our mirror reflections in rooms that have the most flattering overhead light, haha!
Behind my bathroom mirror I have this clipped scrap of newspaper taped to the edge of a glass shelf that holds my magnifying mirror: “What do you do with time? When is time used well? And when is it squandered? (Aging) makes me respect time more - no one is entitled to it, and it’s a privilege to age. It’s a privilege to grow old. Not everyone gets to do that…I have a lot of friends who are no longer with us…It puts things in perspective pretty quickly. “
That’s from actor Laura Linney at age 49 (now 60).
At ninety-two, with mobility now all but gone, aches and pains becoming more acute, and a growing sense of alienation from a world in tatters, I still say this. Here's to old age, with its added perspective on life itself, growing curiosity about what lies ahead, and he many gifts long-term memory offers. I still find old age a great adventure, maybe because I've reached this conclusion. Life is at its best when lived for the sake of giving to others, not taking from them.
I love your joyful perspective even if you aren't very mobile. A mobile mind and a warm heart are what matters!
Catherine,
I first thought I had to complain that you wrote my story and feelings precisely. Slight differences apply: you are a woman, and I am a man. In this regard, it is irrespective. Also, you are 78, and I am closer to 81.
Less than a year ago, I was celebrated here on Substack for starting at 80. But I didn’t land here from the moon. I still have to continue my life as it used to be at 79 and fight against procrastination at 81.
I also read the million replies and truly enjoyed them. So getting old can be entertaining.
Cheers to that, Paul!!
Nobody tells us how quickly we start aging postmenopausal! It's like overnight you gain 15 pounds, your hair falls out, your face starts melting, and your skin is splotches and dry to boot. And where are all these bruises coming from??
Great piece! I’m 50 and some days I feel 13 and other days I feel 80. Aging is a wild ride!
It really is…
you got it right and more so
So true! The changes happen so fast! That bioidentical hormone replacement therapy helps, but it doesn’t make all those changes disappear. It just helps with some of the symptoms that come along with menopause.
Yes, HRT helps, but we cannot expect it to stop aging in its tracks! If we start taking it at 50, we will still have aged significantly by 70!
The facial recognition app on my phone no longer recognizes me!
That's a great comedy one-liner, but I don't believe it! We're talking about how many years? Maybe you changed your hairstyle or your eyebrows?
You don’t have to believe it!
oy!
my body reminds me of my ae: 85. After a diagnosis of brain tumors, I no longer can type, walk well. Tumors gone now, fortunate4y, but pain and mobility problems exist. So I am happy to see myself in the mirror...still alive. Friends take me to events, and I am busy and well entertained, but I cannot drive.. a loss. My retirement hobby was plants, mainly native plants, so I cannot walk the woods any more and find these treasures. My husband of 64 years died during my recuperation, so nobody to dress up for. Looks don't bother me, just the physical restrictions.
It's true: aged bodies can rebel. It sounds like you've had a happy life and are having it still. To be "busy and well entertained" is great at any age!
We went to our granddaughter's wedding this weekend. We were the oldest people there, the oldest people at the reception...possibly the oldest people in Lexington, KY! I think for the very first time, I allowed being 74 to be the pleasure it is. The pleasure is better than either the surprise or the "anticipatory grieving" Irwin Epstein mentioned.
I love that perspective, Liz.
Me too!
That sounds lovely. I, too, have had times when I've exulted in my age. On a kayak trip down the Hudson River, I, as an " elder," got to serve myself first!
My mom, when she was in her late 80’s, was on a small step stool trying to get something from the top shelf in her bedroom and fell. Backwards onto the bed (not hurt) and when she relayed the story to us later, stated her first thought was “when did I get old”?
And now in my early 70’s am wondering what will be my “when did I get old” moment. Hope I can channel some Dick Van Dyke!
At this point, I'm embracing "old"! Well, old and bold, that is. What are the other options?
I wanted to respond to your question and needed to give this some thought.
The other option for me is being open and receptive, not something I intentionally sought out.
Pre Covid I found an interest in the enneagram and took some courses. Once we were in the midst of the pandemic the woman running some of the courses asked if anyone was interested in getting together, via the dreaded Zoom, and “being” together. I said yes and we would meet about once a month then to connect, support and bolster each other through the unknowns at the time.
As Covid went on we morphed into looking at gender issues, White privilege, indigenous issues, LGBQ, disability concerns and a host of other concerns. We use all sorts of media (film, podcasts, books)to discuss for each meeting and we ended up calling our group On Being White.
The same 9 people, now friends, are still together almost 5 years on. Once a year in the summer we meet in person for a potluck and campfire.
I’m amazed, at 73, how I see the world through a different lens now. Very thankful I said yes and was open to see what might unfold.
Old, hmmm, ok.
Bold? Well I can have conversations with others I would not have had 5 years ago and more confidence in calling something out if I have the opportunity.
Not bad for an old geezer!
I agree. Part of a “boomer” generation that will not go quietly.
After just turning 73 years young, I still feel I I'm in my 30s with a few more aches and pains, more grey hair, and a bit more wrinkles. When I look in the mirror, I see more and more of my grandmother. Yikes, how did that happen? I will not surrender to old age, however. Great article.
Thank you. Old and bold is my motto!
Between 70 and 80 the body begins to fall apart more rapidly. By 75, my wife, most of our friends, and I have all had serious diagnoses, but modern medicine has kept almost all of us alive. I will be 80 in three months. The statistics show that if a person makes it to 80 and is basically healthy they have better than a 50% chance of living passed 85. Of course, if you don't make it to 80 your chances are much worse. We realize that good health can disappear in a flash, with a fall, a lump, or a headache. Of course, those things could mean nothing fifteen minutes later but ya never know
I guess failing health is one of the sad surprises about getting old, but, again, why should it be a surprise? We've witnessed our grandparents and our parents. And now we may be the age they were when they started to fail . . .
Even older people don't accept the idea! I have an aunt who is 75 and is in particularly good shape (was a personal trainer, etc.), and she still believes she will never get old and infirm! (She knows logically that she will, but she does not "believe" it.)
as an 89 year old, the deeper surprise is the gradual and sometimes now gradual loss of functioning . The number is the first shock but the later shocks are more physical.
It's certainly true that how one feels is more important than how one looks. And filling your life with things you enjoy takes the sting out of getting old and the physical deficits it can bring. In old age, we usually have more time for pleasure.
This was a great read. Thank you so much for sharing this. I turned 50 this year and I’m still astonished that I’m 50. The years really do blur, especially if you have kids. It’s the same with them too. One minute they are small and the next minute they’re grown people! I turned 50 and my son turned 18 this year, and I still can’t get over it. I also went into menopause three years ago, so the changes have been intense and a bit overwhelming. One thing that I’ve been trying to remember is instead of saying I am 50 years old, I am saying I’ve been alive for 50 years. Yes, I’m still aging, but something about remembering that I’ve been alive for this long makes it feel more like a privilege and gift, rather than a problem.
Even still, it is hard to see the signs of aging and embrace them in a positive way, especially in America. I think having a 13-year-old daughter is helping me navigate this with more awareness and grace. 🩵✨
"One thing that I’ve been trying to remember is instead of saying I am 50 years old, I am saying I’ve been alive for 50 years." Love this.
Honestly, Marcia, from my viewpoint, 50 year old women are hot! It is certainly true that one's children remind us of our age. In my case, how is it possible that I have sons of 40, 45, and 50?
Incredible!
Thoughtful and sad. Anticipatory aging is about as useless as anticipatory grieving. They’re each weak soup.
Did I mention "anticipatory aging"? I'm puzzled!
No Catherine, I did but I thought it was implicit in your piece. I don’t think it’s a “thing” though “anticipatory grieving” is. Either way it doesn’t prepare us for the reality. 🤷🏽
Thank you for your article! I turn 70 in May and you hit on many of the thoughts that have run through my mind. You look fabulous for 78. I’ve spent the last 40 years in the SW sun so wrinkles are, well, plentiful! Americas population is 340,000,000 in 2024. So 100,000 Centenarians is still very small as a percentage: 0.03%. I won’t plan on it!
Even if you don't plan on it, you can still hope for it!
Living longer isn't always the best option -- I have a grandmother who is a centenarian, and I'd say this is not her best period of life by a long shot. I think it's OK to value quality over mere quantity. Her life was far better at 80 or even 90 than it is at 103, and I think it's OK to acknowledge that and the fact that aging is NOT easy. The outliers that our culture loves to highlight (the folks who are running marathons at 98 or what have you) are not remotely the norm.
Nice job, Catherine! Wisdom with a light touch. Wrinkles like a jack-in-the-box. Slight loss of balance like someone slipped a mickey into our wine. Or skim milk.
"Wisdom with a light touch." I love that!
Love this. I am 58, going on 8 …. The inner child is coming out stronger as l age 🤗🤣🙏
Hooray for you! My grandkids bring out the hidden child in me, and I sometimes hear myself telling them, "No fair!"
🤣🥰🙏🏼
Absolutely loved this piece but, as Bryan Adams once sang, "It Cuts like a Knife" lol ...
Relate to everything here hugely. For at least 5 years, I honestly, truly believed that I just looked tired but now those car window reflections (oh, cruellest of all!) show the harsh reality. I may spend some time googling facial fillers later, after a particularly frightening viewing, feeling very sad indeed (then, fiercely ashamed) but also knowing in my heart that I can neither afford or justify them. I really, really appreciate reading this today. It somehow helps to know that we are all in this together and also, a reminder to acknowledge all the good things that come with aging. P.S.And also, BTW Catherine Hiller? You are still beautiful!!
Oh, Sue, thank you for loving the piece and for liking my face! I'm vain enough to appreciate both. You might look into fillers if one or two lines bother you especially. They do work, and some last a few years.
Car window reflections are exaggerated and represent the worst possible lighting conditions -- we don't actually look THAT bad. But we also don't look as good as our mirror reflections in rooms that have the most flattering overhead light, haha!
Thank you for this-so relatable!
Behind my bathroom mirror I have this clipped scrap of newspaper taped to the edge of a glass shelf that holds my magnifying mirror: “What do you do with time? When is time used well? And when is it squandered? (Aging) makes me respect time more - no one is entitled to it, and it’s a privilege to age. It’s a privilege to grow old. Not everyone gets to do that…I have a lot of friends who are no longer with us…It puts things in perspective pretty quickly. “
That’s from actor Laura Linney at age 49 (now 60).
Thanks, Nora. Thanks Laura!
Really great perspective. Thank you for sharing it.