Mar 2, 2022Liked by Sari Botton, Naz Riahi (she/her)
This is a thought-provoking piece, and it resonated with me, esp the para about the ex-husband and your "selfishness." IMO, it's not possible to be "a woman who lives, truly and wholly for herself and the work of her mind" and be in a committed relationship with another live-in romantic partner. Partnership implies that you will think of the other at least some, if not most, of the time, and be willing to make sacrifices of time and money and presence. I think one reason the "living apart together" movement has gained steam recently is that it's the only way women can truly live for themselves and have any hope of sustaining a relationship.
When I visited Walden Pond, I thought about Thoreau going off by himself to live in his cabin, except for occasional trips into Concord for his mother to do his laundry. He’s hailed as a genius, but he was basically a man of privilege who had the luxury of sequestering himself to write.
Mar 3, 2022Liked by Sari Botton, Naz Riahi (she/her)
A wonderful piece. You’ve perfectly articulated that feeling that sits just beneath my consciousness, something I couldn’t put my finger on, something I wanted to name so as to acknowledge it. Thank you!
Mar 2, 2022Liked by Sari Botton, Naz Riahi (she/her)
Hi Naz, thank you so much for this piece. It really resonated with me. Thank you for your honestly in the last para - that its not all tied up, its still messy and unfocused, but we keep going on. Thank you.
Mar 2, 2022Liked by Sari Botton, Naz Riahi (she/her)
What a wonderful piece and a worthy quest. We have all seen that woman. Almost never when looking directly, but on certain days when the light is just so, in the liminal glimpse as we pass the mirror.
Mar 3, 2022Liked by Sari Botton, Naz Riahi (she/her)
Oh, to be fallible and have so much faith in such a beautiful idea. Being a woman, to me, has often felt like an existence of longing for peace while also longing for pieces of myself to come through and carry me through whatever it may be simultaneously. X
What a powerful essay that really got me thinking. I’m 52, never had kids. I’ve always been very much a loner, which means that I’ve only had 1 significant other that I wanted to be around for more than a few months. I’ve definitely been given the “you’re selfish” label many times over the years just because I didn’t choose to saddle myself to a man and/or have kids.
I don’t think I’ve ever even watched a movie in which the woman is alone and happy. We need more of those in our lives to show the generations below us that this is possible and more than ok. I’m still with my partner, who is also female, but she (outgoing, loves nature and people) is the opposite of me (loner, current homebody). We enjoy a quiet. pleasurable, contemplative existence but this piece has finally allowed me to realize that this is also more than ok.
Nov 29, 2023·edited Nov 29, 2023Liked by Sari Botton, Naz Riahi (she/her)
I love this. Thank you for writing about women. And speaking of biographies, after reading your piece about a man who had a cook, I am waiting passionately for your memoir.
Mar 7, 2022Liked by Sari Botton, Naz Riahi (she/her)
Wonderful piece Naz. Thank you for writing it. You might be interested to see that in "Inventing Anna," streaming on Netflix (Shonda Rhimes), the journalist, who is married and pregnant, lives for her story, for her work, and has the full support of her husband. Such a departure from so many film and tv portrayals of women devoted to their work/art and their resentful husbands where we are supposed to identify with his resentment, not her devotion.
Mar 6, 2022Liked by Sari Botton, Naz Riahi (she/her)
Naz - thank you for so powerfully, thoughtfully, vulnerability sharing your chapter of the storybook we all have a chapter in. Thank you for yet another masterful piece!
This is a thought-provoking piece, and it resonated with me, esp the para about the ex-husband and your "selfishness." IMO, it's not possible to be "a woman who lives, truly and wholly for herself and the work of her mind" and be in a committed relationship with another live-in romantic partner. Partnership implies that you will think of the other at least some, if not most, of the time, and be willing to make sacrifices of time and money and presence. I think one reason the "living apart together" movement has gained steam recently is that it's the only way women can truly live for themselves and have any hope of sustaining a relationship.
When I visited Walden Pond, I thought about Thoreau going off by himself to live in his cabin, except for occasional trips into Concord for his mother to do his laundry. He’s hailed as a genius, but he was basically a man of privilege who had the luxury of sequestering himself to write.
Indeed we do exist and we are growing in numbers though mostly and happily without relationships.
A wonderful piece. You’ve perfectly articulated that feeling that sits just beneath my consciousness, something I couldn’t put my finger on, something I wanted to name so as to acknowledge it. Thank you!
Hi Naz, thank you so much for this piece. It really resonated with me. Thank you for your honestly in the last para - that its not all tied up, its still messy and unfocused, but we keep going on. Thank you.
What a wonderful piece and a worthy quest. We have all seen that woman. Almost never when looking directly, but on certain days when the light is just so, in the liminal glimpse as we pass the mirror.
Oh, to be fallible and have so much faith in such a beautiful idea. Being a woman, to me, has often felt like an existence of longing for peace while also longing for pieces of myself to come through and carry me through whatever it may be simultaneously. X
What a powerful essay that really got me thinking. I’m 52, never had kids. I’ve always been very much a loner, which means that I’ve only had 1 significant other that I wanted to be around for more than a few months. I’ve definitely been given the “you’re selfish” label many times over the years just because I didn’t choose to saddle myself to a man and/or have kids.
I don’t think I’ve ever even watched a movie in which the woman is alone and happy. We need more of those in our lives to show the generations below us that this is possible and more than ok. I’m still with my partner, who is also female, but she (outgoing, loves nature and people) is the opposite of me (loner, current homebody). We enjoy a quiet. pleasurable, contemplative existence but this piece has finally allowed me to realize that this is also more than ok.
I love this. Thank you for writing about women. And speaking of biographies, after reading your piece about a man who had a cook, I am waiting passionately for your memoir.
Thank you. I needed this cogent, honest, and resonant reflection. I know what living for oneself feels like. Good and bad.
Wonderful piece Naz. Thank you for writing it. You might be interested to see that in "Inventing Anna," streaming on Netflix (Shonda Rhimes), the journalist, who is married and pregnant, lives for her story, for her work, and has the full support of her husband. Such a departure from so many film and tv portrayals of women devoted to their work/art and their resentful husbands where we are supposed to identify with his resentment, not her devotion.
Naz - thank you for so powerfully, thoughtfully, vulnerability sharing your chapter of the storybook we all have a chapter in. Thank you for yet another masterful piece!