The effect on your sleep must be devastating. Like you, I entered menopause in my mid-40s. I’ve been taking hormones ever since. At 74, I’m bracing myself to go off them on my doctor’s advice. Previous attempts failed because lack of sleep did me in. Maybe the next will succeed. But I would rather bear the risks of taking hormones at my age than be a screaming, sleep-deprived wraith.
Good luck with that, Rona. I'm ingesting a candy store's worth of melatonin and indica gummies each night before bed, and it's helping me sleep until at least 5/5:30am most days.
Gummies or under the tongue CBD drops are very helpful in general choose your problem find the right gummie. I am a big supporter of more CBD anchored drug research.
Really believe that cannabis has all kinds of yet to be embraced by the medical world great properties. Probably won't be sold over the counter as the Pharmaceutical giants will privatize it somehow. Ain't that life?
My mom is just starting to go through menopause now & this is helpful for me to read so I can sympathize with her ❤️
Interestingly, menopausal hot flashes seem similar to the kind of flushing attacks I get from my mast cell disease. I’ve been getting flushing attacks since middle school and I’m 29 now! I don’t sweat, and they are somewhat more predictable in response to certain MCAS triggers like heat and exercise and high histamine foods, but the extreme embarrassing redness and feelings of burning up from the inside seem similar. It feels like a sudden forest fire in my body. Only Benadryl and Prednisone can put it out. Though deep breathing helps, while I’m waiting for them to kick in. Also sucking on ice cubes and putting ice packs on pressure points. I often try to wear high-necked shirts and dresses, to hide the flash of redness on my chest that I can see others stare at in surprise. And layers, layers, always. I point a small fan at me at all times too! OPOLAR is a brand that has some good fans; I recharge mine each night.
Just wanted to mention my experience, not to take any attention away from the specific suffering of menopause, which needs more discussion in public spaces! But in case any other readers come here thinking, well, I’m definitely not menopausal but I feel like I have flashes of heat too. Mast Cell Activation Syndrome is often undiagnosed. I try to do my part in talking about it in case someone undiagnosed is reading.
Thanks for sharing about this, Ariana! It has been suggested to me, because of various other issues, that I might have MCAS. One day I might actually look into it medically...
The first time I had a hot flash was on the train going to work in Washington, DC. I said out loud why is it so $<^× hot on this train!!??? It was winter and I started peeling off layers. I literally felt like I was going to pass out. Then after it happened a couple more times, the reality sunk in. Oh so thaaaaat's what my mom was going through. I am SOOOO lucky that the over the counter stuff works for me. I truly feel terrible for my fellow hot flashers that can't alleviate the suffering.
This is a well timed essay- I am getting ready to visit a new gynecologist about my perimenopause slog. I am taking HRT and an anti anxiety med- which gives me the flop sweats sometimes. Now the battle is muscular pain and brain fog. The hot flashes aren’t as frequent as yours, but when they come, unbidden- it is just as you described- still a strange feeling to have your body’s thermostat get hijacked for a time.
I think all of us having these should take The Cult’s “Fire Woman” as background music for when they happen. Or perhaps Prodigy’s “Firestarter.” It’s no wonder so many fantasy tales of midlife witchcraft/ sorcery involve the witch having incendiary powers- it literally feels like a ball of fire is forming in your body. I’m glad I do not have this supernatural power- there’d be a lot of ash left in my grumpy wake. I hope they become less frequent for you sooner than later, Sari.
Sari, wow. This is the best description I have ever heard of hot flashes and it sucks so much that you have to endure this, it's difficult to even know how to respond knowing this is in your life every day. You're being called to the ultimate in surrender because you have no control over this phenomenon. Bravo for being curious and allowing that curiosity to help get you through.
Thank you for sharing this. Deep and sincere thanks. I have been dealing with this for six years now, so nothing like the author, but.... My mother didn't have any hot flashes, night sweats - nary a one. And at my age I really don't have any elders to ask. While I don't have outward symptoms they can be so bad, so frequent, and so intense that I get nauseous–and frankly there have been times I considered suicide over the years. HRT failed for me the first time (I couldn't afford a specialist and my doctor had no training in this). I am sensitive to the hormones and for whatever reason they started me on cyclical as though I was in perimenopause. They couldn't offer me an alternative. Finally, I had a mental health therapist that took pity on me and prescribed me gabapentin for 'anxiety' (which I certainly had). This was an imperfect solution for me. Not a great one, but at least my night sweats turned into only about 4-5 and I could sleep between them. My day hot flashes subsided similarly, short, and not so intense. I still constantly have a fan on me, on my bedside, at my desk. Although this saved my life it's not for everyone - it doesn't work at all for the therapist who prescribed them. Now I am trying HRT again since I have a new doctor. I am hopeful, although I am only three days in. I have more information now and she has other medical alternatives/meds to try if this doesn't work. All I can suggest to anyone suffering? Keep trying. Keep asking. And when someone mentions this to me? They don't get a laugh. They get a hug, sympathy, and a shoulder to cry on!
My mother didn't have any menopausal symptoms either. My hot flashes and night sweats were severe for a number of years. Interestingly, I read Anthony Williams' book, "Medical Medium" (as well as his other books) and he has a different take on the cause of these symptoms. He claims they have nothing to do with hormones. You might want to read his books. I only wish his books had been available when I was going through the terrible symptoms. I was 46 when they began, 49 when I had my last period and the flashes and night sweats continued for years after. Now 74, the symptoms have long since been gone, thank God!
Super Flasher! The momentum of your essay is similar to the way a hot flash feels! Taken on an excellent ride I can’t get off. Gratefully, I read you by choice. Thanks for all the wonderful words, Sari.
Oh yes, mine started at 46 through natural menopause...I guess if anything is natural about it. I'm 51 now and they are particularly bad for some reason. Now, my psychologist recently floated the idea that they have evolved into panic attacks. Especially when they happen to us in public and when we are speaking. 🫣
She recommended finding time for even brief meditation because we need to calm our nervous systems down. I am still trying to put it into practice. Ha ha ha
The worst!!! No one can understand unless they experience it. One minute you’re fine; the next minute you’re so desperate for relief you’d dive into a pile of snow on the sidewalk. I had one when I was in an indoor mall taking a shortcut to the subway station. I was suddenly so hot and sweaty that I dashed into the nearest women’s clothing store, grabbed a random item off a rack and raced into a dressing room where I immediately stripped (coat, boots, skirt, tights, sweater, silk blouse (soaked ), and sat down in my underwear waving my blouse around so it might dry or create a breeze. Poor sales girl “How’s it going in there? Need anything?” I would have asked her to hose me down but she didn’t have a hose and I was too embarrassed to open the door. I finally cooled down enough to get dressed, get home on the T, and joke with my husband who also had first hand experience with hot flashes for several months from a cancer med he took. It’s nice to share with somebody who understands.
sandpaper sex, pasty skin, the thickening waistband or hot flashes forever. My mother said she went through menopause on one day! The generation of women who took a vow of silence on the topic!
I'm a man married to the same woman for over four decades. Two-plus of have have brought on her hot flashes, and on reading this, I am left once again to ponder how it can possibly be that women, and women only, have to bear EVERYTHING difficult connected with child-bearing, the monthly curse, and these damned flashes of hers...and yours. My sympathy.
I never experienced hot flashes anything like the kind you describe, although I have them (still! and especially when the weather is hot, go figure). Hats off to you for handling them with such a gracious and mindful attitude — though I'm sure that's not always easy.
Loved and related to every minute of this. No HRT for my sweating soul either. For me there was once a double whammy of Albert Brooks-ing through an off-site where I also, in hazy menopausal fashion, lost my words. If I have the courage, I will one day write what I decided to do for my “atrophying” lady parts. In the meantime, here’s to getting a lot of reading done on my kindle at 3 am.
OK, it has a name! Super-flasher. I am that, but with extra sweating thanks to an odd side effect of a medication that I'm taking. And living in humid Washington DC. The sweat starts dripping from my forehead as if I've been caught in a downpour. It can be winter, it doesn't matter. Everyone else is sitting around in sweaters, I'm stripped down to a tank top, removing by glasses to mop the sweat under my eyes.
My husband tries to make me feel better my calling it a "power surge." I'm glad that these days we are talking about it, so I don't feel like a complete freak.
I'm still flashing after my 2nd cup of coffee every morning. One minute my fluffy robe feels incredibly cozy the next I just hate that thing I'm wearing! Years ago my doc prescribed antidepressants to lessen the hot flashes and mood swings. That was not good in the long run. I was afraid of HRT. Does medical insurance even cover that now? Too late for me. RIght now I am grateful for every single day, hot flashes or not, at 72. Does the opposite sex ever feel anything like this? One of my husband's friends actually tried to gauge his wife's hot flashes with an infrared noncontact thermometer, the kind you use to tell if an engine is overheating!
"One of my husband's friends actually tried to gauge his wife's hot flashes with an infrared noncontact thermometer, the kind you use to tell if an engine is overheating!" - OMG that is hilarious!
It’s “nice” to hear someone else is going through this trauma. I’ve been on a 24 a day hot flash routine for 12 years. Some days are more tolerable than others. I’ve tried a half dozen prescriptions that have worse side effects than the flashes and I’m currently working with a Naturopathic doctor and an acupuncturist who have provided some relief. Interestingly my two sisters have no symptoms and we are all in our 60’s. I guess I got everyone’s?!!
The effect on your sleep must be devastating. Like you, I entered menopause in my mid-40s. I’ve been taking hormones ever since. At 74, I’m bracing myself to go off them on my doctor’s advice. Previous attempts failed because lack of sleep did me in. Maybe the next will succeed. But I would rather bear the risks of taking hormones at my age than be a screaming, sleep-deprived wraith.
Good luck with that, Rona. I'm ingesting a candy store's worth of melatonin and indica gummies each night before bed, and it's helping me sleep until at least 5/5:30am most days.
Gummies or under the tongue CBD drops are very helpful in general choose your problem find the right gummie. I am a big supporter of more CBD anchored drug research.
One of my gummies also has CBD and CBN.
Really believe that cannabis has all kinds of yet to be embraced by the medical world great properties. Probably won't be sold over the counter as the Pharmaceutical giants will privatize it somehow. Ain't that life?
Sorry for the typos: "Two-plus of have have..." WTF? But you catch my drift.
If it’s not a typo tripping us up, it’s autocorrect.
My mom is just starting to go through menopause now & this is helpful for me to read so I can sympathize with her ❤️
Interestingly, menopausal hot flashes seem similar to the kind of flushing attacks I get from my mast cell disease. I’ve been getting flushing attacks since middle school and I’m 29 now! I don’t sweat, and they are somewhat more predictable in response to certain MCAS triggers like heat and exercise and high histamine foods, but the extreme embarrassing redness and feelings of burning up from the inside seem similar. It feels like a sudden forest fire in my body. Only Benadryl and Prednisone can put it out. Though deep breathing helps, while I’m waiting for them to kick in. Also sucking on ice cubes and putting ice packs on pressure points. I often try to wear high-necked shirts and dresses, to hide the flash of redness on my chest that I can see others stare at in surprise. And layers, layers, always. I point a small fan at me at all times too! OPOLAR is a brand that has some good fans; I recharge mine each night.
Just wanted to mention my experience, not to take any attention away from the specific suffering of menopause, which needs more discussion in public spaces! But in case any other readers come here thinking, well, I’m definitely not menopausal but I feel like I have flashes of heat too. Mast Cell Activation Syndrome is often undiagnosed. I try to do my part in talking about it in case someone undiagnosed is reading.
Thanks for sharing about this, Ariana! It has been suggested to me, because of various other issues, that I might have MCAS. One day I might actually look into it medically...
The first time I had a hot flash was on the train going to work in Washington, DC. I said out loud why is it so $<^× hot on this train!!??? It was winter and I started peeling off layers. I literally felt like I was going to pass out. Then after it happened a couple more times, the reality sunk in. Oh so thaaaaat's what my mom was going through. I am SOOOO lucky that the over the counter stuff works for me. I truly feel terrible for my fellow hot flashers that can't alleviate the suffering.
Thanks for letting me know you get it, Gloria.
This is a well timed essay- I am getting ready to visit a new gynecologist about my perimenopause slog. I am taking HRT and an anti anxiety med- which gives me the flop sweats sometimes. Now the battle is muscular pain and brain fog. The hot flashes aren’t as frequent as yours, but when they come, unbidden- it is just as you described- still a strange feeling to have your body’s thermostat get hijacked for a time.
I think all of us having these should take The Cult’s “Fire Woman” as background music for when they happen. Or perhaps Prodigy’s “Firestarter.” It’s no wonder so many fantasy tales of midlife witchcraft/ sorcery involve the witch having incendiary powers- it literally feels like a ball of fire is forming in your body. I’m glad I do not have this supernatural power- there’d be a lot of ash left in my grumpy wake. I hope they become less frequent for you sooner than later, Sari.
Thank you, Jen. I hope you get relief from all the perimenopause symptoms, too.
Sari, wow. This is the best description I have ever heard of hot flashes and it sucks so much that you have to endure this, it's difficult to even know how to respond knowing this is in your life every day. You're being called to the ultimate in surrender because you have no control over this phenomenon. Bravo for being curious and allowing that curiosity to help get you through.
Thanks, Donna. I've made peace with it (mostly).
Thank you for sharing this. Deep and sincere thanks. I have been dealing with this for six years now, so nothing like the author, but.... My mother didn't have any hot flashes, night sweats - nary a one. And at my age I really don't have any elders to ask. While I don't have outward symptoms they can be so bad, so frequent, and so intense that I get nauseous–and frankly there have been times I considered suicide over the years. HRT failed for me the first time (I couldn't afford a specialist and my doctor had no training in this). I am sensitive to the hormones and for whatever reason they started me on cyclical as though I was in perimenopause. They couldn't offer me an alternative. Finally, I had a mental health therapist that took pity on me and prescribed me gabapentin for 'anxiety' (which I certainly had). This was an imperfect solution for me. Not a great one, but at least my night sweats turned into only about 4-5 and I could sleep between them. My day hot flashes subsided similarly, short, and not so intense. I still constantly have a fan on me, on my bedside, at my desk. Although this saved my life it's not for everyone - it doesn't work at all for the therapist who prescribed them. Now I am trying HRT again since I have a new doctor. I am hopeful, although I am only three days in. I have more information now and she has other medical alternatives/meds to try if this doesn't work. All I can suggest to anyone suffering? Keep trying. Keep asking. And when someone mentions this to me? They don't get a laugh. They get a hug, sympathy, and a shoulder to cry on!
I'm so sorry for what you've been through, Dawn. Thank you for sharing about it here. I hope the new round of HRT is effective for you!
My mother didn't have any menopausal symptoms either. My hot flashes and night sweats were severe for a number of years. Interestingly, I read Anthony Williams' book, "Medical Medium" (as well as his other books) and he has a different take on the cause of these symptoms. He claims they have nothing to do with hormones. You might want to read his books. I only wish his books had been available when I was going through the terrible symptoms. I was 46 when they began, 49 when I had my last period and the flashes and night sweats continued for years after. Now 74, the symptoms have long since been gone, thank God!
Super Flasher! The momentum of your essay is similar to the way a hot flash feels! Taken on an excellent ride I can’t get off. Gratefully, I read you by choice. Thanks for all the wonderful words, Sari.
Awww, thanks!
Oh yes, mine started at 46 through natural menopause...I guess if anything is natural about it. I'm 51 now and they are particularly bad for some reason. Now, my psychologist recently floated the idea that they have evolved into panic attacks. Especially when they happen to us in public and when we are speaking. 🫣
I get that panic attack feeling with them sometimes.
She recommended finding time for even brief meditation because we need to calm our nervous systems down. I am still trying to put it into practice. Ha ha ha
The worst!!! No one can understand unless they experience it. One minute you’re fine; the next minute you’re so desperate for relief you’d dive into a pile of snow on the sidewalk. I had one when I was in an indoor mall taking a shortcut to the subway station. I was suddenly so hot and sweaty that I dashed into the nearest women’s clothing store, grabbed a random item off a rack and raced into a dressing room where I immediately stripped (coat, boots, skirt, tights, sweater, silk blouse (soaked ), and sat down in my underwear waving my blouse around so it might dry or create a breeze. Poor sales girl “How’s it going in there? Need anything?” I would have asked her to hose me down but she didn’t have a hose and I was too embarrassed to open the door. I finally cooled down enough to get dressed, get home on the T, and joke with my husband who also had first hand experience with hot flashes for several months from a cancer med he took. It’s nice to share with somebody who understands.
I've done similar!
As I tell everyone Menopause is NEVER
over!!! It’s always something girlies:
sandpaper sex, pasty skin, the thickening waistband or hot flashes forever. My mother said she went through menopause on one day! The generation of women who took a vow of silence on the topic!
There's a reason they are called The Silent Generation! Lol.
I'm a man married to the same woman for over four decades. Two-plus of have have brought on her hot flashes, and on reading this, I am left once again to ponder how it can possibly be that women, and women only, have to bear EVERYTHING difficult connected with child-bearing, the monthly curse, and these damned flashes of hers...and yours. My sympathy.
💕
I never experienced hot flashes anything like the kind you describe, although I have them (still! and especially when the weather is hot, go figure). Hats off to you for handling them with such a gracious and mindful attitude — though I'm sure that's not always easy.
Thanks!
Loved and related to every minute of this. No HRT for my sweating soul either. For me there was once a double whammy of Albert Brooks-ing through an off-site where I also, in hazy menopausal fashion, lost my words. If I have the courage, I will one day write what I decided to do for my “atrophying” lady parts. In the meantime, here’s to getting a lot of reading done on my kindle at 3 am.
Glad/sad to know you get it, Blair! Sooooo much middle-of-the-night reading these days... <3
OK, it has a name! Super-flasher. I am that, but with extra sweating thanks to an odd side effect of a medication that I'm taking. And living in humid Washington DC. The sweat starts dripping from my forehead as if I've been caught in a downpour. It can be winter, it doesn't matter. Everyone else is sitting around in sweaters, I'm stripped down to a tank top, removing by glasses to mop the sweat under my eyes.
My husband tries to make me feel better my calling it a "power surge." I'm glad that these days we are talking about it, so I don't feel like a complete freak.
I'm still flashing after my 2nd cup of coffee every morning. One minute my fluffy robe feels incredibly cozy the next I just hate that thing I'm wearing! Years ago my doc prescribed antidepressants to lessen the hot flashes and mood swings. That was not good in the long run. I was afraid of HRT. Does medical insurance even cover that now? Too late for me. RIght now I am grateful for every single day, hot flashes or not, at 72. Does the opposite sex ever feel anything like this? One of my husband's friends actually tried to gauge his wife's hot flashes with an infrared noncontact thermometer, the kind you use to tell if an engine is overheating!
My husband has occasionally had them!
"One of my husband's friends actually tried to gauge his wife's hot flashes with an infrared noncontact thermometer, the kind you use to tell if an engine is overheating!" - OMG that is hilarious!
It’s “nice” to hear someone else is going through this trauma. I’ve been on a 24 a day hot flash routine for 12 years. Some days are more tolerable than others. I’ve tried a half dozen prescriptions that have worse side effects than the flashes and I’m currently working with a Naturopathic doctor and an acupuncturist who have provided some relief. Interestingly my two sisters have no symptoms and we are all in our 60’s. I guess I got everyone’s?!!
"Nice" to hear about your situation, too. Sorry you're also suffering!