Tracy, ditto! I'm currently reading The Korean Vegan, with its amazing stories of family. One of my sons and I both read cookbooks when we can't sleep. I guess the recipes are little, soothing vignettes. I never cook from the books -- simply imagine a different life.
I can't believe you said this: the reactions I get when I burst out into a bit of a song tell me that it might be a wee bit inappropriate? but I sing everywhere! (former theater geek and choirgirl :) I've recorded MP3s of me singing for friends who are down in the dumps — at the very least, maybe they can giggle?
I had a boss at the library who, when we would hear a snippet of a phrase, would turn and look at me as we burst into related show tunes. I felt so seen. (She once challenged me to sing the entire introduction to Secondhand Rose in my PR office, and I did it too — thanks, Barbara Streisand! :)
During the pandemic I created a massive playlist called "Love" which is currently at 350-400 songs, about love gained and love lost, from the Great American Songbook, Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald to Beyoncé, Rod Stewart and Taylor Swift. During lockdown, I played it every day and sang my heart out for hours. The emotion expressed in those songs, and the sound of my voice, helped me feel less alone.
I have an old friend who actually does sing professionally, and I definitely do not. But when we call each other, whether it’s a voicemail or one of us picks up, we begin singing whatever song pops into our heads. This is been going on for nearly forty years and I love him so for this.
How sweet. I have an old friend with whom I always sing, on the rare occasions I see her. For years we harmonized together on We Make a Beautiful Pair from Shenandoah. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZJV3qG6LVg
I've been in love with that song since there was a production of Shenandoah at my elementary school! I wasn't even in it, it was put on by a class ahead of me.
That is fabulous! My late friend used to call me up and sing The Beatles "Birthday" extremely non-professionally on my voicemail, and I swear it was the best birthday present ever…
Shutting off the TV; trying to surf again at 72; going for a long, hard swim; snd then having a hot apple fritter and a cup of tea. Finally, just doing something, anything for someone else to escape the prison house of the Self. .
Loved getting to know you a bit better through this. (And is it weird to say that I love your bangs?!) Singing is indeed wonderful and so is acupuncture and yoga. For me, the antidote to despair is #1) nature and #2) meditation. Thank you for touching in with us about this. I think we're all floundering, and we need to talk about it.
I needed this today. When I am stressed I tend to shut down. Its a long story but I couldn't bring myself to tackle my to do list today. Itcan wait till tomorrow. So I watched a delightful movie (Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris), listened to the rain falling outside, and had some tea. Everything else can keep.
Sari, this newsletter makes me happy; it feels like connection. I confront stress (I don't combat it, or win, or anything but recognize it and name it, which helps at bit) by playing drums, by writing, by walking, by yoga, by gettting regular Thai massage, and lately getting back into the community pool (which was closed today for maintenance, argh) Also meditation. What about an Oldster online karaoke get together? I'd love to hear you sing.
Oh, that would be fun! I was also thinking about an in-person Oldster karaoke event. For my book party, I hired a friend who works at Sid Gold's to play piano karaoke! Thanks for letting me now this post was uplifting, and for sharing what you're doing to get through this time. <3
I love this post. I just had such a dispiriting talk with my 19 year old son, who says nothing means anything, it's all going to hell, and there isn't anything that any of us can do to change/fix/stop/improve any of it, from the war to the environment. I tell myself that behind his angry assertions of nihilism is in fact deep deep grief and a sense of powerlessness (that we all feel, on some level?) And so I try to sing, and read (so much poetry these days; it makes more sense than almost anything else) and petting my cats, walking outside, all those little things we do...I tell myself that maybe if my kid sees me trying to make my own tiny corner of the world "better," maybe eventually it will rub off on him. Because my heart breaks for his pain--for the pain of all those young people confronting this moment when so many seem intent on showing their ugliest angriest selves. Sigh.
It's shitty. Like an extra pocket of shitty in the garment of global shittiness that we're all being forced to wear. And when he rails like that, of course, who among us would say "nah, it's all great, actually..." I mean, on some level, he and his generational cohort aren't wrong. It's the absence of hope, I guess. I'm freaking sixty. Aren't *I* the person who is supposed to be running short on hope, while all those young'uns are optimistic? The world is upside down and inside out. Thx for this space.
Oh Sari to survive this impossible moment! Is it me, or is it a years-long moment? I am daily managing the anxiety, wrestling a sane reaction to an insane world. I admire your ability to burst joyfully into song, though the thought terrifies me. I would evaporate on the spot. (I do sing to myself, though, and enjoy it.) Reading, writing, baking, music, gasping at the gorgeous great outdoors - these are helpful distractions. Rez Dogs is making me very happy, in a melancholic sort of way (we finish it tonight, though, which will be very sad- what's next?). I am tentatively imagining travel, in a terrified, world-at-war, plague-state sort of way. My cute husband is making a nice dinner, Bill Withers is grooving on the speakers - I suppose I've got nothing to complain about, though the world burns and burns ....
Years-long for sure. And yes. Also baking and baking to bill withers even better. I think a big part of how we get through is talking about how we get through.❤️
More meditation (there's a great meditative synagogue in Seattle that does a daily group meditation online; I'm making a point of making time for that half-hour of self-care); more early-morning walks; more baking of new things (an exercise that requires attention and engagement by multiple senses); more needlework (same); more deliberate listening and deliberate kindness. And also a LOT of reruns of RuPaul's Drag Race, because joy and art are crucial. And I am finally getting my booster on Sunday, so there's a bit of peace of mind on the way; I'll take it.
You betcha! It's Bet Alef Meditative Synagogue; betalef-dot-org is the URL. I think they're physically in North Seattle (Greenlake-ish?) but I am strictly virtual 'til I can, you know, be less immuno-compromised and stuff.
Thx so much! I checked the web site. It looks fascinating! A meditative synagogue! Who knew. And with a Czech Torah. Love it. Thx for sharing. Greenlake is far for me so I too will be online.
I walk home from work five days a week (it’s a couple of miles) and at least two days a week I walk to work as well. The activity, the fresh air, the Vit D are all hugely helpful.
I’m reading real paper books more-- fiction mostly. And instead of burying myself in endless news and reading up on the history of the Middle East conflict, I’ve been looking for novels by Israeli and Palestinian authors. Fiction encourages empathy and understanding without overwhelm.
Finally, I’ve basically stopped drinking in order to protect the quality of my sleep. Sleeping enough and on a consistent schedule means everything. There’s nothing else I do that matters as much.
Sari, you nailed Blue Bayou that night! I too am singing - with abandon at my piano and with ensemble blending joy in a choir. I balance on a foam roller between my dogs on the floor and don’t look at the talking heads on tv. I get the news only in print as much as possible. I read literary fiction or watch Columbo, whichever feels better. And I read poems online every morning, then walk in gratitude most days. Thank you for the endless inspiration of Oldster.
Thank you, Denise! Glad to know you're singing, too. I've been thinking of joining a chorus. I also want to start reading poetry in the mornings. I'm so glad to know you find Oldster inspiring! Thank you for telling me. <3
When the world becomes too much for me, I do what you do, and: I deliberately practice being a Pollyanna by reframing things; I count my blessings (I just heard that my great-grandson is OK...he lives in Lewiston, Maine, an hour away from me, and he often hangs out at that bowling alley); I go out into nature to watch the sunset, the surf, and the shore birds at Ocean Point; I sing the Hare Krishna chant loudly, over and over again, sitting in my car or in a public park; I do some drumming ( West African and Native American) either alone or in a drum circle; I read women's memoirs (love Abigail Thomas!), daily inspirations, Alan Cohen, Anne Lamott, Iyanla Vanzant; I have no TV and no smartphone but when I turn on my desktop computer I look for old comics and comedies on YouTube... Roseanne, Carol Burnett, Charlie Chaplin, Monty Python, Far Side, Peanuts, The Simpsons; I do some chair tai chi, some isometrics, and some Box Square Breathing; eat some organic veggies and Fair Traded dark chocolate; I listen to Abraham-Hicks (to get back into the vortex), Brene Brown, Byron Katie, Joe Dispenza, uplifting podcasts, videos, TedTalks; I write letters, call or email my loved ones and friends; and I talk to God (prayer), then listen (meditation). Writing and talking about the stress is always healing. Thanks for asking!
Hey Sari, longtime listener, firsttime caller here… I feel like Oldster saves my (emotional) life every week, so you know, THANKS for that shit, man. I also cope by singing a lot; however I couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it, as they say, but just the act of singing along to loved songs brings joy, and I NEED THAT…. Sorry, neighbors.
Awww, Yvette, thank you so much for letting me know that you're getting that out of Oldster. It means so much to me. And I love that you sing for YOU, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. <3
I’m reminding myself to pay attention only to things within my control. I donate what I can to those with the skill and energy to make change happen on a grander scale. Then I practice radical kindness with myself and others, hoping for a ripple effect. I like telling strangers how great they look and lavishing appreciation on service workers.
I’m also singing, mostly made up songs to make my husband laugh. And I’m learning to draw. This is “inktober” where we are invited to do a drawing a day, like poetry month in April or novel month in.. the month that happens. I also have little tidying binges where I can feel like I’m getting something done, even if just straightening out one shelf or one drawer. And now that the weather is turning, I’m making soup from roots to feel more rooted.
Thank you for asking this question, Sari. It’s been wonderful to hear your self care actions and read through what others are doing. I’m getting some new ideas. I’m so glad I found Oldster. Next week I’m giving a talk on mental health in retirement. Oldster will be on my list of resources.
Swimming. I swim. Not for exercise but to feel my body in the water. To connect with something bigger and more powerful than me. To look up at the sky and the clouds and the trees and to remind myself that we're all just here for a fleeting second and there is beauty and peace in nature and outside of our human-made suffering. I checked out a Pema Chodron book from the library. She has a way of helping me have perspective and calm. I love on the people around me and ask for love in return. Thank you for asking the question. It's hard to breath these days and I want so much more for humanity.
This was such a welcome find to see in my inbox today. The world has seemed even more terrible than usual for a very, VERY long time - no need to remind everyone with a list but it has been years without any real respite. I get up early to read poetry, listen to Tara Brach's or Jack Kornfield talks and try to get outside, even though the charm of a wooly bear caterpillar shuffling across the pavement can bring me to tears. I read about how mystics coped with The Plague years, and feel humbled thinking of mothers sending their (very young) sons off to war - then and now. Age brings a new deeper understanding of so many things and that's sometimes frightening to hold. Thank goodness for today which includes a cheerful terrier always ready to play, hot tea in a beautiful cup, toast with marmalade, a tribe of close, hilarious friends and someone I love who holds my hand as I fall asleep.
When I am stressed I read cookbooks, and when I am really stressed I reread Laurie Colwin and Ruth Reichl.
Oh, yes. Both true balms.
Tracy, ditto! I'm currently reading The Korean Vegan, with its amazing stories of family. One of my sons and I both read cookbooks when we can't sleep. I guess the recipes are little, soothing vignettes. I never cook from the books -- simply imagine a different life.
Love Laurie Colwin! Nigel Slater is also very calming ...
I can't believe you said this: the reactions I get when I burst out into a bit of a song tell me that it might be a wee bit inappropriate? but I sing everywhere! (former theater geek and choirgirl :) I've recorded MP3s of me singing for friends who are down in the dumps — at the very least, maybe they can giggle?
I had a boss at the library who, when we would hear a snippet of a phrase, would turn and look at me as we burst into related show tunes. I felt so seen. (She once challenged me to sing the entire introduction to Secondhand Rose in my PR office, and I did it too — thanks, Barbara Streisand! :)
During the pandemic I created a massive playlist called "Love" which is currently at 350-400 songs, about love gained and love lost, from the Great American Songbook, Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald to Beyoncé, Rod Stewart and Taylor Swift. During lockdown, I played it every day and sang my heart out for hours. The emotion expressed in those songs, and the sound of my voice, helped me feel less alone.
Librarians are my SUPER HEROES!
Just love picturing you making an impromptu concert behind the scenes. Best workplace I ever had ‘72-74 college.
They are! And they're some of the most beautifully eccentric people you'll ever meet. They were my tribe, and I loved my time there :)
I have an old friend who actually does sing professionally, and I definitely do not. But when we call each other, whether it’s a voicemail or one of us picks up, we begin singing whatever song pops into our heads. This is been going on for nearly forty years and I love him so for this.
How sweet. I have an old friend with whom I always sing, on the rare occasions I see her. For years we harmonized together on We Make a Beautiful Pair from Shenandoah. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZJV3qG6LVg
I had never heard that song! Oh it's so lovely!
I've been in love with that song since there was a production of Shenandoah at my elementary school! I wasn't even in it, it was put on by a class ahead of me.
I love that.
That is fabulous! My late friend used to call me up and sing The Beatles "Birthday" extremely non-professionally on my voicemail, and I swear it was the best birthday present ever…
Maybe we have the same friend? Regardless, they are treasures.
I’d love to hear it! Do you have it in Spotify?
It's on Amazon Music -- I've made the playlist public. I hope you can click on this?https://music.amazon.com/user-playlists/eb3abd7dd54649e2a15b62f6afbce3a4sune?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&ref=dm_sh_xfE3nMxBAmdnEPYIrSfZVcbpe
Sweet! Thank you!
Shutting off the TV; trying to surf again at 72; going for a long, hard swim; snd then having a hot apple fritter and a cup of tea. Finally, just doing something, anything for someone else to escape the prison house of the Self. .
“Just doing something, anything for someone else to escape the prison house of the Self.” I love how you put that. And can so relate.
Loved getting to know you a bit better through this. (And is it weird to say that I love your bangs?!) Singing is indeed wonderful and so is acupuncture and yoga. For me, the antidote to despair is #1) nature and #2) meditation. Thank you for touching in with us about this. I think we're all floundering, and we need to talk about it.
<3
Thank you for this and for the kind words about the bangs. <3
1000x this . . . Floundering. So sad and need to talk about it.
I needed this today. When I am stressed I tend to shut down. Its a long story but I couldn't bring myself to tackle my to do list today. Itcan wait till tomorrow. So I watched a delightful movie (Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris), listened to the rain falling outside, and had some tea. Everything else can keep.
I love that you gave yourself the day. What you did sounds divine.
I too watched that film on a low, gray day. Wonderful little film.
Sari, this newsletter makes me happy; it feels like connection. I confront stress (I don't combat it, or win, or anything but recognize it and name it, which helps at bit) by playing drums, by writing, by walking, by yoga, by gettting regular Thai massage, and lately getting back into the community pool (which was closed today for maintenance, argh) Also meditation. What about an Oldster online karaoke get together? I'd love to hear you sing.
Oh, that would be fun! I was also thinking about an in-person Oldster karaoke event. For my book party, I hired a friend who works at Sid Gold's to play piano karaoke! Thanks for letting me now this post was uplifting, and for sharing what you're doing to get through this time. <3
I love this post. I just had such a dispiriting talk with my 19 year old son, who says nothing means anything, it's all going to hell, and there isn't anything that any of us can do to change/fix/stop/improve any of it, from the war to the environment. I tell myself that behind his angry assertions of nihilism is in fact deep deep grief and a sense of powerlessness (that we all feel, on some level?) And so I try to sing, and read (so much poetry these days; it makes more sense than almost anything else) and petting my cats, walking outside, all those little things we do...I tell myself that maybe if my kid sees me trying to make my own tiny corner of the world "better," maybe eventually it will rub off on him. Because my heart breaks for his pain--for the pain of all those young people confronting this moment when so many seem intent on showing their ugliest angriest selves. Sigh.
Oh, I can’t imagine how hard and confusing this time must be for your son and his cohort. Must be so painful to witness their pain. <3
It's shitty. Like an extra pocket of shitty in the garment of global shittiness that we're all being forced to wear. And when he rails like that, of course, who among us would say "nah, it's all great, actually..." I mean, on some level, he and his generational cohort aren't wrong. It's the absence of hope, I guess. I'm freaking sixty. Aren't *I* the person who is supposed to be running short on hope, while all those young'uns are optimistic? The world is upside down and inside out. Thx for this space.
Oh Sari to survive this impossible moment! Is it me, or is it a years-long moment? I am daily managing the anxiety, wrestling a sane reaction to an insane world. I admire your ability to burst joyfully into song, though the thought terrifies me. I would evaporate on the spot. (I do sing to myself, though, and enjoy it.) Reading, writing, baking, music, gasping at the gorgeous great outdoors - these are helpful distractions. Rez Dogs is making me very happy, in a melancholic sort of way (we finish it tonight, though, which will be very sad- what's next?). I am tentatively imagining travel, in a terrified, world-at-war, plague-state sort of way. My cute husband is making a nice dinner, Bill Withers is grooving on the speakers - I suppose I've got nothing to complain about, though the world burns and burns ....
I deleted a line about how many years long the dark moment has been!
Years-long for sure. And yes. Also baking and baking to bill withers even better. I think a big part of how we get through is talking about how we get through.❤️
Yes!
More meditation (there's a great meditative synagogue in Seattle that does a daily group meditation online; I'm making a point of making time for that half-hour of self-care); more early-morning walks; more baking of new things (an exercise that requires attention and engagement by multiple senses); more needlework (same); more deliberate listening and deliberate kindness. And also a LOT of reruns of RuPaul's Drag Race, because joy and art are crucial. And I am finally getting my booster on Sunday, so there's a bit of peace of mind on the way; I'll take it.
I would love to know about this group. I’m Jewish and live in the Seattle area. 🙏🙏
You betcha! It's Bet Alef Meditative Synagogue; betalef-dot-org is the URL. I think they're physically in North Seattle (Greenlake-ish?) but I am strictly virtual 'til I can, you know, be less immuno-compromised and stuff.
Thx so much! I checked the web site. It looks fascinating! A meditative synagogue! Who knew. And with a Czech Torah. Love it. Thx for sharing. Greenlake is far for me so I too will be online.
I walk home from work five days a week (it’s a couple of miles) and at least two days a week I walk to work as well. The activity, the fresh air, the Vit D are all hugely helpful.
I’m reading real paper books more-- fiction mostly. And instead of burying myself in endless news and reading up on the history of the Middle East conflict, I’ve been looking for novels by Israeli and Palestinian authors. Fiction encourages empathy and understanding without overwhelm.
Finally, I’ve basically stopped drinking in order to protect the quality of my sleep. Sleeping enough and on a consistent schedule means everything. There’s nothing else I do that matters as much.
suggestion: Novelist - Amos Oz
Those are such excellent ideas Asha! Very accessible and sensible, they speak to me. Thanks for sharing.
Sari, you nailed Blue Bayou that night! I too am singing - with abandon at my piano and with ensemble blending joy in a choir. I balance on a foam roller between my dogs on the floor and don’t look at the talking heads on tv. I get the news only in print as much as possible. I read literary fiction or watch Columbo, whichever feels better. And I read poems online every morning, then walk in gratitude most days. Thank you for the endless inspiration of Oldster.
Thank you, Denise! Glad to know you're singing, too. I've been thinking of joining a chorus. I also want to start reading poetry in the mornings. I'm so glad to know you find Oldster inspiring! Thank you for telling me. <3
"Walk in gratitude". I love that!
When the world becomes too much for me, I do what you do, and: I deliberately practice being a Pollyanna by reframing things; I count my blessings (I just heard that my great-grandson is OK...he lives in Lewiston, Maine, an hour away from me, and he often hangs out at that bowling alley); I go out into nature to watch the sunset, the surf, and the shore birds at Ocean Point; I sing the Hare Krishna chant loudly, over and over again, sitting in my car or in a public park; I do some drumming ( West African and Native American) either alone or in a drum circle; I read women's memoirs (love Abigail Thomas!), daily inspirations, Alan Cohen, Anne Lamott, Iyanla Vanzant; I have no TV and no smartphone but when I turn on my desktop computer I look for old comics and comedies on YouTube... Roseanne, Carol Burnett, Charlie Chaplin, Monty Python, Far Side, Peanuts, The Simpsons; I do some chair tai chi, some isometrics, and some Box Square Breathing; eat some organic veggies and Fair Traded dark chocolate; I listen to Abraham-Hicks (to get back into the vortex), Brene Brown, Byron Katie, Joe Dispenza, uplifting podcasts, videos, TedTalks; I write letters, call or email my loved ones and friends; and I talk to God (prayer), then listen (meditation). Writing and talking about the stress is always healing. Thanks for asking!
What great things you read, watch, and listen to. And I love your practice.
OMG I cannot fathom what you went through, waiting for news today. Huge hugs! ‘Surreal’ doesn’t begin to cover it.
Hey Sari, longtime listener, firsttime caller here… I feel like Oldster saves my (emotional) life every week, so you know, THANKS for that shit, man. I also cope by singing a lot; however I couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it, as they say, but just the act of singing along to loved songs brings joy, and I NEED THAT…. Sorry, neighbors.
Awww, Yvette, thank you so much for letting me know that you're getting that out of Oldster. It means so much to me. And I love that you sing for YOU, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. <3
I’m reminding myself to pay attention only to things within my control. I donate what I can to those with the skill and energy to make change happen on a grander scale. Then I practice radical kindness with myself and others, hoping for a ripple effect. I like telling strangers how great they look and lavishing appreciation on service workers.
I’m also singing, mostly made up songs to make my husband laugh. And I’m learning to draw. This is “inktober” where we are invited to do a drawing a day, like poetry month in April or novel month in.. the month that happens. I also have little tidying binges where I can feel like I’m getting something done, even if just straightening out one shelf or one drawer. And now that the weather is turning, I’m making soup from roots to feel more rooted.
Thank you for asking this question, Sari. It’s been wonderful to hear your self care actions and read through what others are doing. I’m getting some new ideas. I’m so glad I found Oldster. Next week I’m giving a talk on mental health in retirement. Oldster will be on my list of resources.
Thank you, it means so much to me that you’d use Oldster as a resource in that way.
“ I like telling strangers how great they look and lavishing appreciation on service workers.” 💚U!!!
Isn’t it just so much fun??? It’s also great to age into ‘suspicion of dementia’ instead of ‘that beeech be SO high’ when I startle strangers.
I live where it’s rainy and grey for 6-8 months and ladies in colorful raincoats always spark my gratitude. Their smiles are as great as sunshine too.
Swimming. I swim. Not for exercise but to feel my body in the water. To connect with something bigger and more powerful than me. To look up at the sky and the clouds and the trees and to remind myself that we're all just here for a fleeting second and there is beauty and peace in nature and outside of our human-made suffering. I checked out a Pema Chodron book from the library. She has a way of helping me have perspective and calm. I love on the people around me and ask for love in return. Thank you for asking the question. It's hard to breath these days and I want so much more for humanity.
Oh, yes, swimming. I might need to join the Y this year, for their pool. Pema Chodron is a balm. <3
This was such a welcome find to see in my inbox today. The world has seemed even more terrible than usual for a very, VERY long time - no need to remind everyone with a list but it has been years without any real respite. I get up early to read poetry, listen to Tara Brach's or Jack Kornfield talks and try to get outside, even though the charm of a wooly bear caterpillar shuffling across the pavement can bring me to tears. I read about how mystics coped with The Plague years, and feel humbled thinking of mothers sending their (very young) sons off to war - then and now. Age brings a new deeper understanding of so many things and that's sometimes frightening to hold. Thank goodness for today which includes a cheerful terrier always ready to play, hot tea in a beautiful cup, toast with marmalade, a tribe of close, hilarious friends and someone I love who holds my hand as I fall asleep.
💕