Thank you Jodi. My story. Your story. Different community. Different details. Different outcomes different lives. But, the same underlying misogyny, hatred of the feminine, fear of the power of women. The patriarchy in everyday action. Oh, granted it’s more blatant but patriarchal silencing is rampant. Watch the Supreme Torque in action. Women and men with guts and courage, time to Stand and Deliver.
Thank you for this. I had a similar experience with a beloved fifth grade teacher who verbally abused me. It came up in the alumni group and unlike you, I received a small shower of get over it. I've been over it, but the reasons why I went off to college and never lived in that town again were crystalized.
I’m sorry you’ve had to carry this all these years. So many of us from that era have kept quiet because of the very legitimate fears you had. If you had the bad outcome you anticipated might that have been even more traumatic. I too have felt that I became emotionally repressed and shut down. I started sharing some of my experiences during #metoo and it has made me willing to be more open. I even made a rather scorched earth statement on my 50th high school reunion page (I did not attend.) When I was raped by a serial rapist when I was 34 my case ended up breaking the case, but it was horribly bungled by the police. I was fired from my job where it happened at night and I sought no recourse. And the friendly journalist who was so nice to me betrayed me by painting me as the typical helpless victim instead of someone who kept her head and came out of it relatively unscathed. Even the DA made an oddly flirty call to me. I could have, and probably should have, sued the police and my employer but I was afraid my name would get out and I didn’t want that to be my “15 minutes of fame” and follow me the rest of my life. I just hope that now that our voices are being heard, young women will no longer need to keep silent. And that men with these tendencies will be the ones who are fearful for their reputations.
Oh Deb. This breaks my heart. I’m sorry for the way you were treated, but unfortunately not surprised. Scotch the earth. Be the fire. Burn it to the ground. This teacher was not the first, or the last to cross the line, bank on my silence or fright. But with the last, and it took 20 years and lots of work to let go of the anger, I decided that the next person who laid an inappropriate or unwanted hand on me had better be willing to kill me, because I will everything in my power, everything, to stop them. And I’ve made it a point to be there for other women, mostly younger, some not, including accompanying someone who’d been raped to the police station and insisting the police take the complaint. When a then boyfriend tried to kill me, 1979, the police wouldn’t take the complaint, saying I didn’t have enough bruises. I couldn’t stand up for myself then. I can now. We both can. Scorch the earth. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this essay. It wasn't a teacher in my case. It was the man I babysat for while his wife was in the next room. I was fourteen: the deli owner whose wife was making sandwiches nearby, fifteen, my boss at the restaurant when I was seventeen, another boss when I was twenty, twenty five. There was a sexual assault and countless incidents of inappropriate touching. The worse part is that I was raised to think it was ok. I'm like a million years old now and finally understand what it means to fight the patriarchy. BLTN.
I don't have kids, but it is my feeling that some of this is just in the nature of humans, the dominance of the weaker. But I also think a lot of it has to do with parenting and the village that raises the child. It's up to parents and adults in general, to teach and model kind behavior, love, and so on. That's a hard road, because we can mostly only pass on what we really know. It takes a lot of work to change who you were raised (intentionally, or unwittingly) to be. And yes. Never to late to fight the power.
you’re a truth telling big heart warrior who reminds me it’s ok for me to open my mouth and speak. and that it’s never “too late” to speak the truth. a beautiful piece of writing.
Jodi, I believe I read your original comment and encouraged you to speak out, even if you had a private group. I loved reading about the support you got from your original postBlessings and hope some healing will occur. Blessings to you.
What a tremendous writer you are, Jodi. Thank you for this very relatable piece. I could go on and on, but I'll just leave it at this– so I don't get worked up.
So many of the same stories - makes me angry, sad, ... wrote about my experience to the local paper . https://www.taosnews.com/opinion/my-turn/opinion-stop-the-secrecy-around-sexual-assault/article_b243fa6c-4f15-57d6-b95f-07ff49ebd106.html
powerful. thank you
Thank you Jodi. My story. Your story. Different community. Different details. Different outcomes different lives. But, the same underlying misogyny, hatred of the feminine, fear of the power of women. The patriarchy in everyday action. Oh, granted it’s more blatant but patriarchal silencing is rampant. Watch the Supreme Torque in action. Women and men with guts and courage, time to Stand and Deliver.
Thank you for this. I had a similar experience with a beloved fifth grade teacher who verbally abused me. It came up in the alumni group and unlike you, I received a small shower of get over it. I've been over it, but the reasons why I went off to college and never lived in that town again were crystalized.
Yeah, I get a headache almost immediately when I go back. Luckily, there is no reason to go back to that town again.
I’m sorry you’ve had to carry this all these years. So many of us from that era have kept quiet because of the very legitimate fears you had. If you had the bad outcome you anticipated might that have been even more traumatic. I too have felt that I became emotionally repressed and shut down. I started sharing some of my experiences during #metoo and it has made me willing to be more open. I even made a rather scorched earth statement on my 50th high school reunion page (I did not attend.) When I was raped by a serial rapist when I was 34 my case ended up breaking the case, but it was horribly bungled by the police. I was fired from my job where it happened at night and I sought no recourse. And the friendly journalist who was so nice to me betrayed me by painting me as the typical helpless victim instead of someone who kept her head and came out of it relatively unscathed. Even the DA made an oddly flirty call to me. I could have, and probably should have, sued the police and my employer but I was afraid my name would get out and I didn’t want that to be my “15 minutes of fame” and follow me the rest of my life. I just hope that now that our voices are being heard, young women will no longer need to keep silent. And that men with these tendencies will be the ones who are fearful for their reputations.
Oh Deb. This breaks my heart. I’m sorry for the way you were treated, but unfortunately not surprised. Scotch the earth. Be the fire. Burn it to the ground. This teacher was not the first, or the last to cross the line, bank on my silence or fright. But with the last, and it took 20 years and lots of work to let go of the anger, I decided that the next person who laid an inappropriate or unwanted hand on me had better be willing to kill me, because I will everything in my power, everything, to stop them. And I’ve made it a point to be there for other women, mostly younger, some not, including accompanying someone who’d been raped to the police station and insisting the police take the complaint. When a then boyfriend tried to kill me, 1979, the police wouldn’t take the complaint, saying I didn’t have enough bruises. I couldn’t stand up for myself then. I can now. We both can. Scorch the earth. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this essay. It wasn't a teacher in my case. It was the man I babysat for while his wife was in the next room. I was fourteen: the deli owner whose wife was making sandwiches nearby, fifteen, my boss at the restaurant when I was seventeen, another boss when I was twenty, twenty five. There was a sexual assault and countless incidents of inappropriate touching. The worse part is that I was raised to think it was ok. I'm like a million years old now and finally understand what it means to fight the patriarchy. BLTN.
I don't have kids, but it is my feeling that some of this is just in the nature of humans, the dominance of the weaker. But I also think a lot of it has to do with parenting and the village that raises the child. It's up to parents and adults in general, to teach and model kind behavior, love, and so on. That's a hard road, because we can mostly only pass on what we really know. It takes a lot of work to change who you were raised (intentionally, or unwittingly) to be. And yes. Never to late to fight the power.
Too many minor assaults to count. Makes it hard to trust men, TBH.
Very powerful story, Jodi. It’s shocking to me how much hold old cultural beliefs can have on us long after we thought we cast them off.
you’re a truth telling big heart warrior who reminds me it’s ok for me to open my mouth and speak. and that it’s never “too late” to speak the truth. a beautiful piece of writing.
I'm going to put that on my business card! Thank you!
Sincerely
Your local truth telling big heart warrior! ;-)
Jodi, I believe I read your original comment and encouraged you to speak out, even if you had a private group. I loved reading about the support you got from your original postBlessings and hope some healing will occur. Blessings to you.
What a tremendous writer you are, Jodi. Thank you for this very relatable piece. I could go on and on, but I'll just leave it at this– so I don't get worked up.
Powerful. Succinct. Thank you for sharing your voice.
Great piece, Jodi.
Oh, thanks Cindy! I appreciate that.