74 Comments

Great article, thank you. Now at 73, I remember my early 50's thinking, somewhat like you, that the word crone was distasteful, seemed brittle as it fell unwillingly from my tongue. I write this as I just got up, well about an hour ago. Now having my morning coffee, complete with maple syrup, and eqaul pinches of turmeric, cloves and cinnamon. Sixteen yummy ounces to be clear. This is my morning ritual, as I write, either responses or my own writing. And while doing so, the little aches and pains slide form my body. This is all followed by meditation and yoga. My day unfolds slowly, gracefully, but it still unfolds.Do i love every but of it? Of course not, but I wouldn't trade it for my younger self. My hair is finally showing some grey, my hios are spreading like ground cover over my own personal landscape. And I am most grateful to continue on my self discovery, longing to in my last breath, simply unzip this coat and fly. Be well, many blessings on your road

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I love this, the graceful unfolding and self-discovery. Blessings received. Thank you.

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You always unwind beautifilly some way or the other, you either discover it or repent on it.

Attaching my piece as well, hoping you will like it.

https://kallolpoetry.substack.com/p/maai-ferocious-as-much-as-loving

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This is gorgeously written. Thank you. Through some combination of personal and astrological temperament I find myself, despite any recurrent angst about my aging body, so happy overall to be marching into my crone-dom. It's taken a such a long time to get out from under the weight of so many burdens-- family of origin trauma, which led to adult trauma, societal mores and expectations, my own willfulness and impatience. I feel like this last third (half if I'm lucky) I get to actually enjoy myself and revel in the things and people that truly feed and delight me.

I wouldn't trade a fitter, faster, harder body for the poignant softness I feel for myself and other people these days, or the clarity of purpose I feel now that all that extraneous dross has started to fall away.

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This fills me with hope. I'm carrying those legacy burdens now and they are heavy. Love thinking of the dross falling away and the poignant softness to come. Thank you.

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"poignant softness..." A beautiful phrase! That is it exactly. (I am 70).

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The age happens for a reason, all your troubles lands you in the space you are now. Sit back and relax and watch everything unfold

https://kallolpoetry.substack.com/p/maai-ferocious-as-much-as-loving

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Ha! I loved & identified with this until I read 'approaching 50'. For me, that happened at 70. Here's to feisty women everywhere.

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Feisty women unite!

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Another magnificent essay here. Thank you. I believe "menopausal zest" was coined by anthropologist Margaret Mead, the ur-crone of us all.

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Thanks Janet. Love knowing that coinage!

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Actually, as I think more about it, I think her phrase was POST-menopausal zest. she wrote an influential column in Redbook magazine for women in the 1960s; it probably was there.

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Love, love, love this. Thank you so much for these insights so beautifully expressed, Diana. Age-wise I'm nearly where you are now, and although there are challenges I'm tackling them with gentleness, HRT and the kind of bold confidence that I've never seen in myself before. I suddenly have a 'don't care' attitude to all the things that used to so deeply concern me - how I look, how other people perceive me, whether to have tea, coffee or a steak to start my day. It's time for MY rules now. I'm me, and I'm just fine. 😘

(If I were to get a mid-life tattoo - not in my plans, Mum, if you're reading this 😉 - I feel it would have to read 'Romancing the crone'. EPIC post title!)

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Rebecca, thank you! Maybe I will get that tattoo 💖

Just starting the HRT now and trying to embody gentleness AND boldness.

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🙌 You've got this, Diana! BIG TIME! 🥳

(Oooooh, I think I'll use that - I hereby christen my time of life 'BIG TIME'! Maybe THAT needs to be a tattoo too...!)

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Thank you for this. It's beautiful, and it feels good to be looking towards the future with calm hope and beautiful expectations. I'm 41, and currently building fantasies around my Crone years.

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Here's to calm hope. Sending you wise woman energy for your 40s and beyond!

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Love this and especially your last line 'A fire within me burns at night, igniting the bed with the light of transformation'. Fellow 49 year old here, hitting the big 5-0 next month. Been reflecting on this topic a lot. I see mid-life as a potent portal of transformation when our values shift from an outer-world focus on education, career, family, achievement etc to a focus on the inner work of self-development, spirituality and wisdom. It's a time when any and all unresolved issues seem to surface, sometimes in the guise of physical symptoms, sometimes in the guise of emotional turmoil, calling us to address and release what's no longer serving us and burn it off in the furnace of menopause. I am actually just writing a blog on this myself to put out on my birthday next month 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom 🙏

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Vicky, yes! Love the "potent portal of transformation". Let's burn away what no longer serves us in the menopausal furnace. Happy early bday to you (mine is in 2 weeks) 💖

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Happy birthday to you too, and here's to making middle aged women more visible in this world 😀

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This is one of the most empowering, strong and beautifully written pieces I’ve ever read. Thank you for your wisdom and gifts.

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CeCe, thank you for your kind words. I'm not actually feeling wise today so knowing this resonates means a lot ❤️

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A much needed read for for everyone––women and men, too.

Thank you for sharing your journey toward embracing crone-dom. By grit, there is grace and freedom and beauty on this side of the gate.

Warmly,

Renée Eli

reneeeliphd.substack.com

reneeeli.org

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Grit, grace, and freedom- my new mantra 💗

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I turned 48 this weekend. I now aspire to embody The Crone. All that wisdom and experience-just on the other side of the next hot flash!

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LOL Kelley! Wisdom forged in the fire 🔥

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I am moved by your resolve to find a way to love your crone self, which us females have been taught so well to dread. I say amen! and yes yes yes! I was terrified of it too, for years, but am beginning to love being a crone, a healthy, vibrant, playful and surprising older woman who delights in all the gifts of being free of hormonal swoops and the desire to impress. The years after menopause have been my absolute happiest and steadiest. Now I know how to be childlike without the confines of being a child who's utterly dependent on adults. Estrogen and progesterine made me forget my child self far too often. I can tell from how & what you write that you are in for some big fat joy!

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Katie, I love this! I'm excited to meet my child self again, to be playful and surprising in my crone years. Your writing reminds me of Mary Ruefle's wonderful essay "Pause," which ends with old age being a kind of freedom, a great gift. Thank you for sharing your joy!

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Love this, Diana. I'm ready to be a Crone (or, perhaps I'm already there?). As one who was greeted with her first hot flash right before her 48th birthday, I know how the beginning feels like a spiral (my hot flashes would come every few minutes...all effing day, a truly special hell). Aside from Shining-style periods, that was my only symptom, so I think I got off easy. I spoke to Dr. Rebecca Dunsmoor-Su (for my paused podcast) and got the skinny on HRT. I'm on a low dose and, girl, life is good! Wearing white jeans with no fear, in the zero-fux zone of life, feeling truly me. Menopause is still viewed as a pre-death, as something to hide or to not admit...and we've got to stop that. It should be viewed as a rebirth. This is a beautiful phase of life, as made clear by you and your amazing friends. Thank you, Diana. xo

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Ahh I love this-- a rebirth, and white jeans with no fear! I want to try that low dose. Going to listen to your podcast. Thank you Sandra ❤️

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You are too kind, Diana. Thank you. To make it easier, here's a link: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/menopause-with-dr-rebecca-dunsmoor-su/id1526725555?i=1000513381993

My GP didn't want me on HRT because I have sparkly boobs. But Rebecca (and my GYN) pointed out that our hearts take us out more than our boobies. HRT protects the heart. (Always go to an expert...our GPs don't know it all/enough.) So many myths to bust! xo

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wonderful, going to listen and learn :)

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Wonderful job, Diana! I have a meditation ritual wherein I envision walking through the woods, coming to a stream, crossing it and going into a hut. There sits a woman I knew from very, very young, who died twenty years ago at 89. If things are going downhill for me, if my gut is in a knot, she has unspoken counsel-- her merely being there is enough...just as it was when she lived. A woman f scantest formal education a d very little material wealth, she was, to use a cliché, a force of nature. I mention this to suggest that some men --one anyhow-- get their power from where they got their existence. Women. I am also blessed that my gorgeous, snow-capped spouse, who went through menopause 20years ago, does a great job of keeping me from wandering into psychological traffic.

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Many thanks, Syd. Your wise woman meditation is powerful indeed. I've been calling on my ancestors for guidance since I can't think my way through this transition in any rational sense. And your wife is definitely a crone goddess ❤️👑

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Heads up that Barbara G. Walker is kinda known for making up etymology to suit the goals of her own writing. I’m not sure if she happens to be right in this case but she can be wildly inaccurate. I remember starting to use the Woman’s Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets for something in high school and then finding out she did this :(

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ahh good to know. I'll be sad if she made up the "crown" origin :(

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I think it might not be the real etymology. Fell down a rabbit hole and looked in the OED. Most online sources that use the crown definition quote Walker or Pinkola-Estes and it looks like there are other 70s essays (maybe one by Ursula LeGuin?) that say this, but it’s not backed up with linguistic research anywhere I could find. Still, the image of the paddle board picnic is a lovely one to start my day :) Thanks for your graciousness!

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I can tell that you will crone quite well.

Croning right along ahead of you at 67.

It's mostly good. Seeking wisdom can be intentional

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Thanks, Diane. Sending good things for your croning journey

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In June there will be for me and others born in 53 a new decade the 70’s has arrived

Every day it is getting closer no more Jack Benny 39 ha ha 69 the new age

Ahhh May my body ache less my teeth hang in my friends be patient with the metamorphosis crone. It’s coming it’s already here.

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Sending blessings for the 70s, for metamorphosis and crone power

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