I have remarkably good "gut" instincts and the two times that I didn't follow my good gut instincts, were the two most disastrous times in my life causing me and other people harm and hurt, and I regret it to this day. I can't change the past, but I ALWAYS listen to my gut instincts now and while I've made mistakes moving forward, they have been mistakes that I can live with. :)
Jun 10, 2022·edited Jun 10, 2022Liked by Sari Botton
I deeply regret impulsively leaving my beautiful pink Spanish house with the tile roof and the wood floors and the ocean breezes & a lemon tree up on a hill in Santa Monica three blocks from the ocean.
I then spent 20 miserable years on the East Coast in a climate that does not agree with me, and I've suffered terribly. Regrets? I've had a few. But this was the stupidest thing I've ever done.
I plan to move back to California before the cold comes but it's going to take some mighty magic to find a place to live that I can afford. I trust the universe has my back because I know I'm supposed to be there.🌊🐬☀️🌈🙏🎵
I regret not having kids sooner. I was 41 when I gave birth to our son Patrick. Within weeks I knew I had made a terrible mistake to wait so long. I had thought being a mother would be limiting, but instead I found it opened me up. We tried to have a second child but I suffered a miscarriage after a miscarriage. I was so mad at myself. All those years of good eggs going to waste and now I only had duds left. We ended up adopting and so managed to be a family of four after all, but as a 65 year mother of a teenage, I am tired! Should’ve started earlier!
I wish I'd known: It's okay to be a beginner. I wish I'd known it was okay to say "I don't understand, can you tell me more?" I wish I'd realized that people actually like to give advice to young people. I was trying to stay afloat in the movie business where it was intensely competitive and there was (at the time) no training. I felt like I had to pretend I knew what was going on and learn as I went. Even before that, I'd always felt naiveté was embarrassing. I think I was overly influenced by the idea of "fake it 'till you make it"; and by Rogers and Hammerstien's advice to whistle a happy tune. I spent so much of my life being afraid NOT to already know things. If I could talk to my younger self, I'd just say: "Ask for help." The insight didn't come to me until I was in my fifties and got a job doing knowledge translations (from scientists to decision makers), so that the scientists work could be understood by decision-makers in a way that lead to actionable choices. Even in that position, it took me a full year before I realized my actual job was to say, "Can you explain that again? Because I couldn't understand it, and if I can't understand it my audience won't." Not understanding and asking questions was, ultimately, my whole job.
Jun 10, 2022·edited Jun 10, 2022Liked by Sari Botton
I hadn’t learned how to work with my ADD, and I 86’d some good things in my life(relationships, jobs, creative projects, places I lived), a habitual reaction to my restlessness. I regret the ways in which that destruction hurt others. I’ve learned to channel this hunger for novelty into writing and other pursuits, but it’s taken me decades to figure that out. That said, many good things were created in the fever of impulsivity, and I am grateful for them—like my three beautiful daughters. Thanks for the spark!
Mine is a real estate one, too. When I first moved the city for law school in 2001, there was an open one-bedroom in my aunt's building near the promenade in Brooklyn Heights. My dad offered to help me buy it and I turned him down because I didn't want to live in Brooklyn. Brooklyn Heights was "too far" from the city in my opinion. LOL. I think about that all the time. I am with you -- I love living in the HV for many reasons, but also miss being in the city. I still somewhat get my fix with commuting in for work twice a week, but it's not the same.
I regret not buying an original piece of art by Miles Davis. We saw him perform in Redondo Beach in 1989, a sublime concert in an intimate setting. He was dabbling in painting and had a few pieces for sale at the entrance. $200!! I hesitated and before i knew it the valet had our car ready and we left. It pains me to even write this. *Sigh*
I regret not supporting my kids when they were bullied, just telling them to "ignore it" which was something my mother taught me. It doesn't work and it teaches the kid they are not worth supporting. Writing my second novel now about learning to love oneself. Congrats on your memoir!
I actually don’t have any regrets in my life. Sure, my life has truly sucked at times. And I’ve made some poor decisions. But I’m human, no one is perfect. I like to approach my life with curiosity and openness and discover things about life that I hadn’t anticipated. Dwelling on the past isn’t helpful. What is done is done. I could have left my bad marriage earlier than spending 28 years with a man I was fundamentally incompatible with, but if I had left earlier I might have wondered if I had done enough to save the marriage. I could have taken fewer risks while dating in midlife and perhaps not been raped, but now I’m in a wonderful relationship with someone who I happened to also meet online. I guess in thinking about regret and having the perspective of being 66 years old and seeing how f…cked up our country has become with our democracy on the brink, our seas rising and the horrible gun violence that we’re in danger of becoming immune to… I regret that I voted for Ralph Nader instead of Al Gore in the Bush/Gore race. That was a very stupid decision I made. (I truly think our two party system has to go.) I can only imagine how the trajectory of our nation would have been different if Gore had been awarded the presidency. We have no idea, but looking at the big picture I think it could only have been better than what we’re living through now.
Many regrets in my long life, but like you I really regret leaving the far more urban city apartment, (in Oakland CA) for the suburban North Bay. The only affordable option for my sister and I was a mobile home. My sister passed last year and the heartache for city life returned. Mainly because I always felt less isolated in the city I think. Of course now it would be impossible to find anything affordable in the old hood, so here I stay for the time being.
I could have kept the log cabin, five acres at the base of the Bitterroot Mountains, Montana in my divorce from my first husband. We paid $30,000, probably worth at least half a mill now.
I was so in love with Andy Williams.
And so excited for your book. I'll make sure our local bookstore, Fact and Fiction has it.
September 1986: I chose to drive a stolen motorcycle and crashed within minutes a couple of miles away from my home. I almost died of my injuries. And that was just the splash debut!
Nevertheless, I view my subsequent wayward life as a massive Bonus Round.
I should have waited in line longer during my first week in college for that work study job in the library. After a poor career choices in radio and wine retail, about 20 years later I started work in a public library. If I fell into library work then, I could be retired by now with fewer crazy bosses.
Apart from the decisions to marry husband No. 1 and 2, I regret not pursuing a creative writing path in my college years. Instead, I took the practical route becoming an accountant and CPA. Later in life I pursued my creative dreams, obtaining my MFA at 66. Yay, me! I also regret delaying retirement until age 70. Sometimes your ego gets in the way, hard to let go of the highly respectable, what you know and do very well. An Oldster, I now cherish every day I work with words, putting my thoughts onto paper. Or maybe the things I have to say are only available to me now, at this stage of life. Thanks for letting me share. Xoxo
I regret my terrible rebound relationship with a toxic abuser while separated from my ex-husband that had ugly consequences with a very long tail. I also regret leaving my stable place of employment back in 2011 to go into business with a friend without have done the research or had any real game plan. Ended in bankruptcy and destroyed the friendship. But my current life is amazing so I guess maybe those huge blunders were all part of the process?
I have remarkably good "gut" instincts and the two times that I didn't follow my good gut instincts, were the two most disastrous times in my life causing me and other people harm and hurt, and I regret it to this day. I can't change the past, but I ALWAYS listen to my gut instincts now and while I've made mistakes moving forward, they have been mistakes that I can live with. :)
I deeply regret impulsively leaving my beautiful pink Spanish house with the tile roof and the wood floors and the ocean breezes & a lemon tree up on a hill in Santa Monica three blocks from the ocean.
I then spent 20 miserable years on the East Coast in a climate that does not agree with me, and I've suffered terribly. Regrets? I've had a few. But this was the stupidest thing I've ever done.
I plan to move back to California before the cold comes but it's going to take some mighty magic to find a place to live that I can afford. I trust the universe has my back because I know I'm supposed to be there.🌊🐬☀️🌈🙏🎵
Stayed in very mediocre relationships too long for security, never really felt loved. Now alone at nearly 60.
I regret not having kids sooner. I was 41 when I gave birth to our son Patrick. Within weeks I knew I had made a terrible mistake to wait so long. I had thought being a mother would be limiting, but instead I found it opened me up. We tried to have a second child but I suffered a miscarriage after a miscarriage. I was so mad at myself. All those years of good eggs going to waste and now I only had duds left. We ended up adopting and so managed to be a family of four after all, but as a 65 year mother of a teenage, I am tired! Should’ve started earlier!
I wish I'd known: It's okay to be a beginner. I wish I'd known it was okay to say "I don't understand, can you tell me more?" I wish I'd realized that people actually like to give advice to young people. I was trying to stay afloat in the movie business where it was intensely competitive and there was (at the time) no training. I felt like I had to pretend I knew what was going on and learn as I went. Even before that, I'd always felt naiveté was embarrassing. I think I was overly influenced by the idea of "fake it 'till you make it"; and by Rogers and Hammerstien's advice to whistle a happy tune. I spent so much of my life being afraid NOT to already know things. If I could talk to my younger self, I'd just say: "Ask for help." The insight didn't come to me until I was in my fifties and got a job doing knowledge translations (from scientists to decision makers), so that the scientists work could be understood by decision-makers in a way that lead to actionable choices. Even in that position, it took me a full year before I realized my actual job was to say, "Can you explain that again? Because I couldn't understand it, and if I can't understand it my audience won't." Not understanding and asking questions was, ultimately, my whole job.
I hadn’t learned how to work with my ADD, and I 86’d some good things in my life(relationships, jobs, creative projects, places I lived), a habitual reaction to my restlessness. I regret the ways in which that destruction hurt others. I’ve learned to channel this hunger for novelty into writing and other pursuits, but it’s taken me decades to figure that out. That said, many good things were created in the fever of impulsivity, and I am grateful for them—like my three beautiful daughters. Thanks for the spark!
Mine is a real estate one, too. When I first moved the city for law school in 2001, there was an open one-bedroom in my aunt's building near the promenade in Brooklyn Heights. My dad offered to help me buy it and I turned him down because I didn't want to live in Brooklyn. Brooklyn Heights was "too far" from the city in my opinion. LOL. I think about that all the time. I am with you -- I love living in the HV for many reasons, but also miss being in the city. I still somewhat get my fix with commuting in for work twice a week, but it's not the same.
I regret not buying an original piece of art by Miles Davis. We saw him perform in Redondo Beach in 1989, a sublime concert in an intimate setting. He was dabbling in painting and had a few pieces for sale at the entrance. $200!! I hesitated and before i knew it the valet had our car ready and we left. It pains me to even write this. *Sigh*
I regret not supporting my kids when they were bullied, just telling them to "ignore it" which was something my mother taught me. It doesn't work and it teaches the kid they are not worth supporting. Writing my second novel now about learning to love oneself. Congrats on your memoir!
I actually don’t have any regrets in my life. Sure, my life has truly sucked at times. And I’ve made some poor decisions. But I’m human, no one is perfect. I like to approach my life with curiosity and openness and discover things about life that I hadn’t anticipated. Dwelling on the past isn’t helpful. What is done is done. I could have left my bad marriage earlier than spending 28 years with a man I was fundamentally incompatible with, but if I had left earlier I might have wondered if I had done enough to save the marriage. I could have taken fewer risks while dating in midlife and perhaps not been raped, but now I’m in a wonderful relationship with someone who I happened to also meet online. I guess in thinking about regret and having the perspective of being 66 years old and seeing how f…cked up our country has become with our democracy on the brink, our seas rising and the horrible gun violence that we’re in danger of becoming immune to… I regret that I voted for Ralph Nader instead of Al Gore in the Bush/Gore race. That was a very stupid decision I made. (I truly think our two party system has to go.) I can only imagine how the trajectory of our nation would have been different if Gore had been awarded the presidency. We have no idea, but looking at the big picture I think it could only have been better than what we’re living through now.
Many regrets in my long life, but like you I really regret leaving the far more urban city apartment, (in Oakland CA) for the suburban North Bay. The only affordable option for my sister and I was a mobile home. My sister passed last year and the heartache for city life returned. Mainly because I always felt less isolated in the city I think. Of course now it would be impossible to find anything affordable in the old hood, so here I stay for the time being.
I could have kept the log cabin, five acres at the base of the Bitterroot Mountains, Montana in my divorce from my first husband. We paid $30,000, probably worth at least half a mill now.
I was so in love with Andy Williams.
And so excited for your book. I'll make sure our local bookstore, Fact and Fiction has it.
Regrets? Ding! Gen X? Ding! Late bloomer? Ding!
September 1986: I chose to drive a stolen motorcycle and crashed within minutes a couple of miles away from my home. I almost died of my injuries. And that was just the splash debut!
Nevertheless, I view my subsequent wayward life as a massive Bonus Round.
Congrats on the book, lady. Bloom on.
I should have waited in line longer during my first week in college for that work study job in the library. After a poor career choices in radio and wine retail, about 20 years later I started work in a public library. If I fell into library work then, I could be retired by now with fewer crazy bosses.
Apart from the decisions to marry husband No. 1 and 2, I regret not pursuing a creative writing path in my college years. Instead, I took the practical route becoming an accountant and CPA. Later in life I pursued my creative dreams, obtaining my MFA at 66. Yay, me! I also regret delaying retirement until age 70. Sometimes your ego gets in the way, hard to let go of the highly respectable, what you know and do very well. An Oldster, I now cherish every day I work with words, putting my thoughts onto paper. Or maybe the things I have to say are only available to me now, at this stage of life. Thanks for letting me share. Xoxo
I regret my terrible rebound relationship with a toxic abuser while separated from my ex-husband that had ugly consequences with a very long tail. I also regret leaving my stable place of employment back in 2011 to go into business with a friend without have done the research or had any real game plan. Ended in bankruptcy and destroyed the friendship. But my current life is amazing so I guess maybe those huge blunders were all part of the process?