Fifty-four-year-old filmmaker Brooke Berman on refusing to let gendered ageism sideline her from making her passion project, "Ramona at Midlife," now on the film festival circuit.
I keep thinking women over 50 are the new group of interesting and unheard outsiders whose stories people want to hear but realizing this may be fantasy?! ha! This sounds amazing. Congratulations, I can't wait to see.
Thank you! Wonderful story of passionate resilience in the face of prejudice. Let's hear from women over 60 (me), 70, 80, 90, and 100 too! Congratulations! I look forward to seeing the film.
These experiences of ageism can really knock the breath out of you. I encountered it while earning my MFA, during which I turned 60. So important to keep going. Looking forward to seeing Ramona!
Such a slap in the face, particularly when the gendered ageism is at the hands of a younger woman. Never had I felt so invisible, surprised and angry. Thank you for writing this!
Like the upcoming book, It's Not You, It's Capitalism, this piece could be subtitled, It's Not You, It's Gendered Ageism. As Berman rightly says, no amount of career coaching, vision boarding, positive thinking, etc. is going to change it. The esp sad thing is, it's not just men doing it to women -- it's women doing it to women. It's society and culture and 2023.
Love this piece and love that you are making it happen in spite of what you have been up against. I work in the corporate world, where I don’t tell anyone how old I am or I’ll never see a promotion again or will gently be shown the door when I turn 65 (which is not so far away; and, sadly, I can likely only get away with this because I’m told that I “look great for my age”). Personally, I find poetic justice simply in the fact that I can now say “menopause” out loud without shame. Unfortunately, this is progress but I’ll take it.
From a male, 78. With age the pretenses and doubts can begin to fall off, the protective response to all those horrible sexist, expectations can fall away. Who cares what they think! Doing, writing, singing, whatever is meaningful to you will be loved and appreciated by those of us looking for what's real… its about the you that comes through. You are what is valuable!
"Who cares what they think!" uhhh, anyone who wants a book contract, an agent, a publisher, representation, etc. But many of us just give the whole system the middle finger and walk away, creating our own alternate cultural, artistic realities. Which pay shit,incidentally!
Sep 25, 2023·edited Sep 25, 2023Liked by Sari Botton
Awesome, Brooke!
From where I sit, 40 seems so young.
Being the late bloomer that I am because I didn't believe in myself and I had so much against me despite my enormous gifts, the message that comes through loud and clear to me in this piece is that A) The cavalary ISN'T coming and B) I AM THE CAVALRY!
I may be in the minority here, but I find this post depressing (probably not the takeaway that was intended). I'm a 57-year-old writer who has started writing screenplays in the last year. My first one was a quarterfinalist in the CineStory screenwriting competition. I'll be going to their screenwriters retreat in two weeks to meet with mentors to talk about how to navigate the industry...after reading this, I feel like it may be all for naught. Ugh. This world.
Hi, Terry. Former unproduced (but almost produced several times) screenwriter here. I used to use this as a reference point for Hollywood hierarchy: Envision a totem pole, beautifully carved. The part right above the ground is the screenwriter. The carved part buried below the earth? That's the female screenwriter. We are almost invisible, even in the room. BUT! But but but! There is always an exception to the rule. So be that. Go in with the awareness that it's an uphill battle, understand the game, and score anyway. Who says my experience will be yours? Who says you won't have an easy road all the way to the screen? You get to have your own experience, completely different than anyone else's. Better, even. If you aren't inclined to direct, find someone who loves your writing that is and go off and make your movie. Don't wait. Don't ask for permission. Just do it. I let myself be too much inside the system, partnered with people I thought were brave and bold, and weren't. Was offered terrible deals I turned down. All of that I can live with. All I can say is have fun. Do it your way. Have a wonderful experience. Heed the warnings you hear, but don't let them limit you. You get to have it your way. And congrats on your achievements already!!! xo
Sep 25, 2023·edited Sep 25, 2023Liked by Sari Botton
God, I love this so much...thank you. I often ask myself, "am I nuts for trying to do this at my age?" But I am having fun writing. And so far, the folks I've met, the other creative women have been awesome. Thank you for the heartfelt pep talk! xx
I think the great part about being GenX is that we sort of refuse to grow up or fully acknowledge our age in what we are "supposed" to do. (Also, being over 50 and running out of fux to give is fabulous). You are not nuts, Terry, you are fucking brave and bold and clearly talented! So take every opportunity you can, make every opportunity you can and run with it, having an absolute blast along the way! Wishing you HUGE and happy success!!! Please keep me posted! xo
Hollywood groupthink is always fascinating to me. Every couple of years, a film comes out centered on "older" actors, and Hollywood is always shocked and surprised when those movies make money. 🙄
This is why I wrote my book, "YES YOU CAN - How to Make a Movie for Almost No Money." Because women, girls, and POC don't get the support young white men do. Thrilled you made Ramona at Midlife and I can't wait to see it.
I keep thinking women over 50 are the new group of interesting and unheard outsiders whose stories people want to hear but realizing this may be fantasy?! ha! This sounds amazing. Congratulations, I can't wait to see.
No, it's not a fantasy ~
it's the truth. TELL IT, SISTER!
I like this way of thinking!
Me too!
Thank you! Wonderful story of passionate resilience in the face of prejudice. Let's hear from women over 60 (me), 70, 80, 90, and 100 too! Congratulations! I look forward to seeing the film.
These experiences of ageism can really knock the breath out of you. I encountered it while earning my MFA, during which I turned 60. So important to keep going. Looking forward to seeing Ramona!
So sorry you encountered that. <3
Thanks for this post, Sari...it gives all of us oldsters hope. Amazing quote: "I have to be the one who says yes-to myself."
Yes! This is a powerful and thought-provoking statement.
I'm 53 and just completed my first book which is due to be published soon.
Cheers to us!
Did you have any trouble finding an agent and publisher? Is your book fiction or nonfiction?
Such a slap in the face, particularly when the gendered ageism is at the hands of a younger woman. Never had I felt so invisible, surprised and angry. Thank you for writing this!
The worst is, she wasn’t a younger woman! She was my age!
So upsetting! Silly me, thinking all women supported and encouraged one another. Imagine if we did.
many do.
Yes. Many do! A lot of women helped me make this film, including my producing partner who is under 30!
That’s encouraging.
Even worse!
Like the upcoming book, It's Not You, It's Capitalism, this piece could be subtitled, It's Not You, It's Gendered Ageism. As Berman rightly says, no amount of career coaching, vision boarding, positive thinking, etc. is going to change it. The esp sad thing is, it's not just men doing it to women -- it's women doing it to women. It's society and culture and 2023.
Love this piece and love that you are making it happen in spite of what you have been up against. I work in the corporate world, where I don’t tell anyone how old I am or I’ll never see a promotion again or will gently be shown the door when I turn 65 (which is not so far away; and, sadly, I can likely only get away with this because I’m told that I “look great for my age”). Personally, I find poetic justice simply in the fact that I can now say “menopause” out loud without shame. Unfortunately, this is progress but I’ll take it.
Damn, that must feel so lonely not being able to own your age and time of life. Keep chanting "menopause" whenever possible.
From a male, 78. With age the pretenses and doubts can begin to fall off, the protective response to all those horrible sexist, expectations can fall away. Who cares what they think! Doing, writing, singing, whatever is meaningful to you will be loved and appreciated by those of us looking for what's real… its about the you that comes through. You are what is valuable!
Yes, exactly. And with age, one can also appreciate how precious the present moment is. Why waste time *not* doing the thing you love?
"Who cares what they think!" uhhh, anyone who wants a book contract, an agent, a publisher, representation, etc. But many of us just give the whole system the middle finger and walk away, creating our own alternate cultural, artistic realities. Which pay shit,incidentally!
Brava, Brooke! Thank you for calling gendered ageism what it is and for not giving up. And thank you Sari for another fantastic piece.
<3
"The only response is to create. And then create more." Love this, Brooke and Sari! I cannot wait to see this film!
Awesome, Brooke!
From where I sit, 40 seems so young.
Being the late bloomer that I am because I didn't believe in myself and I had so much against me despite my enormous gifts, the message that comes through loud and clear to me in this piece is that A) The cavalary ISN'T coming and B) I AM THE CAVALRY!
I may be in the minority here, but I find this post depressing (probably not the takeaway that was intended). I'm a 57-year-old writer who has started writing screenplays in the last year. My first one was a quarterfinalist in the CineStory screenwriting competition. I'll be going to their screenwriters retreat in two weeks to meet with mentors to talk about how to navigate the industry...after reading this, I feel like it may be all for naught. Ugh. This world.
It is 100% not for naught. Create your work and don’t take no for an answer. I don’t. Also the labs are amazing for finding mentors and collaborators.
Hi, Terry. Former unproduced (but almost produced several times) screenwriter here. I used to use this as a reference point for Hollywood hierarchy: Envision a totem pole, beautifully carved. The part right above the ground is the screenwriter. The carved part buried below the earth? That's the female screenwriter. We are almost invisible, even in the room. BUT! But but but! There is always an exception to the rule. So be that. Go in with the awareness that it's an uphill battle, understand the game, and score anyway. Who says my experience will be yours? Who says you won't have an easy road all the way to the screen? You get to have your own experience, completely different than anyone else's. Better, even. If you aren't inclined to direct, find someone who loves your writing that is and go off and make your movie. Don't wait. Don't ask for permission. Just do it. I let myself be too much inside the system, partnered with people I thought were brave and bold, and weren't. Was offered terrible deals I turned down. All of that I can live with. All I can say is have fun. Do it your way. Have a wonderful experience. Heed the warnings you hear, but don't let them limit you. You get to have it your way. And congrats on your achievements already!!! xo
Love this; have fun, do it your way
Thanks Brooke! ..."Create your work and don't take no for an answer". - need to get that embroidered on a pillow. xx
Love this post, Brooke, and am so excited for the success of Ramona!!! (Member of Studio 54 as well.). xo
God, I love this so much...thank you. I often ask myself, "am I nuts for trying to do this at my age?" But I am having fun writing. And so far, the folks I've met, the other creative women have been awesome. Thank you for the heartfelt pep talk! xx
I think the great part about being GenX is that we sort of refuse to grow up or fully acknowledge our age in what we are "supposed" to do. (Also, being over 50 and running out of fux to give is fabulous). You are not nuts, Terry, you are fucking brave and bold and clearly talented! So take every opportunity you can, make every opportunity you can and run with it, having an absolute blast along the way! Wishing you HUGE and happy success!!! Please keep me posted! xo
Will do! Your encouragement is so appreciated. I'm screenshotting your comment and making it my wallpaper on my phone! ;)
xx
LOVE it, Terry! You've just made my day. Now, if you'll only remember me in your Oscar speech... LOL. ❤ xo
BRAVA! Always female, always judged.
Hollywood groupthink is always fascinating to me. Every couple of years, a film comes out centered on "older" actors, and Hollywood is always shocked and surprised when those movies make money. 🙄
This is why I wrote my book, "YES YOU CAN - How to Make a Movie for Almost No Money." Because women, girls, and POC don't get the support young white men do. Thrilled you made Ramona at Midlife and I can't wait to see it.
Where can we find your book, Courtney?
Thank you so much for asking, Sari. It’s on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Yes-You-Can-Movie-Almost/dp/B0CJ4FJQK1
Just ordered the ebook. Thanks!
Oh, fun! Hope you love it! Xo