I read this this morning with 61 arriving tomorrow. I am full of feelings I can't even name right now because they are so knotted up. 50 to 55 looked much like Lisa's current life, though it was with my mom rather than my dad. It was a terrible, painful time. My beloved mother. With her daughter taking care of her and with my own adolescent daughter starting to spread her wings. I thought I'd never be able to breathe again. And now, here, today, staring 61 right in the face, the fear and prayer for pivot is exactly where I am. It's too late, I think. Is it too late? It's too late. But IS it too late? It is a constant hum in my head. Is irrelevance a choice or a fate I should just resign to? How much longer am I going to fucking equivocate, I yell at myself. How much more time do you think you have to float through if you don't simply want to float through for the rest of your days? The fantasies of youth that I held on to for far too long -- a storied career in I had no idea what, a life of travel no matter how incapacitating my fear of flying, a large, boisterous group of friends irregardless of how profound my social anxiety -- I was well into my 40's and delighting in my own daughter, watching her start to venture out a bit when I realized: oh, wait. What is MY life? What fills ME up? What had I been thinking for so long before I was smacked with love blindness when I had my daughter? Then came my mom's decline -- as my daughter was starting to feel her strength, my mother's was leaving her. And....where was I in all this? Where am I still? It remains unclear.
I feel all of this so much, but it's never too late - right? I'm leaning a bit more into the notion that maybe the floating is fine. Maybe this is just who I am and, instead of taking my cues from a go-go culture, it's FINE - nice even! - to float. Happy Birthday!
Lisa, this response felt like a real balm to me. Thank you. I know that sometimes, if I can move the frame through which I see the world, see MYSELF, even a millimeter over to one side, things can feel so very different. And I feel like you gave me a gentle reminder of that. So, yes, at least for the moment, for this second, embracing the float feels like a good way to hold this moment. Thank you for that. And thank you for writing this piece that really moved me. xx
Maybe floating through, and helping kids spread their wings, is "MY life" sometimes? That's how it feels to me. But I also chafe at the idea that I never wrote an amazing YA novel and turned down various opportunities to possibly become rich or famous or at least sort of known in the book world or have a part in some HBO series, whatever. All the Many Things.
Would I trade any of those for the love and experience of co-raising my stepdaughter, of raising my son?
And I still miss the travel and boisterous friends, too. I'm sorry you have the additional load of fear of flying + social anxiety to burden you. Happy birthday and your boisterous invisible friends on the Internet are cheering you on!!
I can't tell you how wonderful this was to read. Sometimes I convince myself that most of my feelings are so unrelatable that It just pushes me further away from others. And then something happens once in a while -- like a read an essay that I connect with so much it moves me to comment. And then a few others respond to THAT. In other words, thank you, Tiffany...and Patricia and Sari and Lisa. This essay really hit me hard, Lisa. And, Sari, this whole site has saved me through some real times over the past couple of years. To all of you, though..thank you so.
Oh my goodness, Susan, your comments here, "How much longer am I going to fucking equivocate?" and "Oh wait: what is MY life?".. I feel it, I feel it.
Who or what am I/we? How do we ever know if we've hit the nail on the head? Well, if this 55 year old can be so audacious as to offer a 61 year old some insight, I'd say, "Be the most absolute, extreme and true version of You that you can be." It's why we are all made unique single-edition entities in the first place. Stop looking for relevance vs irrelevance. You're already as 'relevant' as it's possible to be. Live today as the inimitable Susan Gross - no one else can, nor ever has, nor ever will.
Emma....this was such a thoughtful and interesting comment. I'm still mulling it over in my brain, looking at it from side to side, angle by angle. It's always wonderful when something kicks me (metaphorically speaking, of course) and gives me a possibility I hadn't considered before. When I think about it, I realize that until shortly before my mom died, I was very much my truly authentic self. It had always included a natural inclination to be very extreme in my physical appearance in the world which always felt like such a natural and true reflection of me. And it gave me such deep, deep pleasure, only done for my own delight. I loved going out into the world and feeling utterly like myself from the inside out, outside in. Then that last year of my mom's life having to leave NYC suddenly, covid...I don't know, when I finally stopped vibrating from all of that, I feel like so much of me had dissolved, well...I'm still trying to sift through all the shards that dropped off me like slivers of glass and I didn't even know it was happening. So now, here I am, feeling only like a piece of myself and it's...scary. It sure is something. Thank you for all your words, though -- thank you to EVERYONE for the words. It has made me seen both very heard and very seen. XOXO
I can so identify...I had a few year stretch where I had a brush with breast cancer (luckily minor, but still involving surgery, radiation), my daughter was suffering deep distress in her high school years (cutting, furiously rejecting any help), my husband and I were at odds, my mother had a series of strokes and became demented, revealed that she had been sexually molested by her father ( with me managing all this from afar and flying in every few weeks or months...).Just when this run of struggles was getting better - daughter off to a happy freshman year at college, my husband and I getting calmer and closer again, my mother in a good place, he suffered a massive stroke and became significantly disabled, Shortly after that, while he was in recovery, my mother went into decline and dementia and died, I got a new boss from hell, and my.mom died.
Through all this, I was the primary breadwinner, and had to travel a lot for a stressful job - and then had to make sure I kept that job because it provided our health insurance as well as all of our income after my husband's stroke. The crowning blow was when I got a new boss from hell and was fired, with my husband still not on Medicare! (Luckily I was hired by someone else 3 days later- another story- but the panic of seeing the handwriting on the wall was acute)
It's 10 years since the stroke, and after many years of building a new life for myself, as well as managing my husband's care I am in a better place than I've been probably ever. Not only has my family kept evolving until my kids are happy and launched and my husband in a good situation in which he is also happy, but I have moved into a new life with new friendships, interests and activities I love. We both made it onto Medicare so I could retire (a huge gift!). And while my financial means are less than they've been in a long time, I finally have time and peace for self reflection and understanding, without guilt, of how my own upbringing and limitations kept me from being as open hearted as I could have been with my family - while I still have the time and energy to remedy things by bringing more honesty and love to our relationships, and my relationships with others.
Think of your situation as a bottleneck - you have been and maybe still are limited and constrained by curcumstance- but it's not necessary to stay there! You can move into the warmth and rewards of a new era where it's not about clawing forward as a young person, but making choices as an older person to shape your next era, where the constraints of that bottleneck have lifted and you have a new liberty to make your own reality .Not to sugarcoat - sometimes it's lonely when friends are all coupled up and I may never be again, or when I can't afford adventures I'd love to have. But I have such a strong feeling of being like myself in my 20s with all the choices yet to be made - only with more wisdom and less anxiety. It's a good time of life - and it's ahead of you.
I turned 60 this year, but both of my parents are long gone. Instead I'm caring for my partner, diagnosed with Parkinson's (and related dementia) at 54. "How am I 60? Also, I'm only 60." Exactly. Thank you for this.
I woke up this morning sad that I cannot take long hikes as I did 10 or even 5 years ago. These days I swim or kayak which I love. Aging is humbling at times. I relate to the caregiving. My mother passed last year. Dad died in 2017. So that responsibility is over. Now I’m in that period where I can be selfish again. But hoping I don’t have to caregive my brother, or worse he caregive me in thr near future.
But I’m grateful to be alive, and grateful I had it in me to raise my daughter and care for my parents.
I want to be inspiring but today I just feel a little sad.
Every word. Thank you for this. Last night, I visited with a learning community that began 23 years ago. I was the youngest member back then. Everyone was a good 10 to 20 years older than me. I felt new, green and privileged to be part of a community of wise people. I was 42.
When I first started seeing everyone age, I wanted it to stop.
At 65, seeing them last night...one in a wheelchair, one with a cane, one no longer comes due to dementia and lots of aches and pains, my own neck killing me...I felt love for us. Here we are. These lives we've lived. Gratitude for all we've been through together.
I'm less afraid. I've lost so many people. My parents, my sister, good friends. Cared for my mom as you cared for your dad. Sat with palliative care people and felt appreciation for these strangers who became a lifeline. Still here.
Looking at many in the younger gen and their disdain for Boomers (Zadie Smith said on Ezra Klein's podcast:
"The kind of discourse, a violent discourse, that goes between old and young people is one of the most delusional things in contemporary discourse. You are literally fighting the person you're about to become.
You're covering in contempt, when you say, OK, Boomer or whatever it is, do you not imagine that there will be a phrase for you very, very soon? It's such a strange war to begin, because you're about to enter it as the victim of it, like so soon, sooner than you can even begin to imagine.”
Mostly, I feel a love for my cohort of aging people walking through it all together. 65 has been easier than 60. It's the acceptance of everything you described. I kept waiting for acceptance. And then something happened that knocked me to my knees and I had no choice. I dropped the rope.
Anyway, this honest blog got to me. Thanks.
From The Ezra Klein Show: Zadie Smith on Populists, Frauds and Flip Phones, Sep 17, 2024
"I dropped the rope." Wow - thanks for every word of THIS comment and thank you to Zadie whom I admire for saying these things. I think I now understand that acceptance is key, you're right. Appreciate this so much xo
I love your essay! It was funny, and true. I have some good news for you though, when you hit 70 it gets better. Once you let go of the trying to be 40 again. If you have friends and a home and those flowers and animals, that is life and you have time to enjoy all of it. Your care of your father will come to an end.The things that you worried over, you will stop worrying. You will realize that is a waste of your time. I work in my garden, a lot. Nature seems closer than ever and thrive in that idea that you are part of nature, your aging body is normal, rest it when it asks for rest. Feed it what it wants, when it wants. I get the stomach and booze issue, dammit! Now it just takes one glass of wine, sipped slowly, because I just don't want to upset the balance my body has chosen. What is wrong with that? I also believe we have just begun to appreciate the benefits of the cannabis plant. I expect pharmaceutical companies will capitalize on that in the near future. Good for tummy upset, good for relaxing and chronic pain. Better than upping your pharmaceuticals. You can grow your own, 6 plants in CA. Many have switched from alcohol to pot. It's good stuff for what ails ya, particularly if you can grow your own. This is just my experience and a lot of people reading this will be horrified! Old people who smoke pot!!! I figure it's nature's gift to the aging.
I turned 60 last month. It was a relief for me because the decade of my 50s was full of upheaval. Now, after the end of a 30 year marriage, the winding up of a family business, the launching of the kids, and a move to a brand new town to start afresh.....now things are looking up. I have the aging parents (happily in a beautiful retirement home) and the aches & pains of my own aging. But I also have a new partner, a new job (because grey divorce is expensive), and some wonderful new friends. As one of them said last night at our Canadian Thanksgiving dinner, "these are the people I choose to grow old with". How lucky am I to have such choices!
Love this. It seems to be the case that it isn't about numbers so much as circumstances. There will always be tough times and better times. I guess you need one to give meaning to the other. But let's not define our lives by a number 😊
Oh! But you can be a kid again. Age is just a number. I do stupid kid shit all the time, and I doubt that I’ll ever reach an age where I’ll even think “I can never be a kid again.”
First thing in the morning reading this and now typing with damp eyes because it is just too good, too spot on perfect. I am very slowly recovering from (incredibly) my first bout of Covid and it's been debilitating. Now, I emerge more vulnerable and feeling fragile - a shocking, in-your-face wake up call. I am (a good, I thought) 64. Everything written here so brilliantly rings true - the thing is, I feel so stuck at the moment. I don't have the funds or the inclination to go and "talk" to someone but I am also aware that the all the usual things I do to shift myself are not working as they once did. I am still sick and hoping that this feeling will lift as the virus releases its grip. This is why I value this Substack so hugely: not only for the quality of the writing but for the comments and sense of community. I do not know how so many of our mothers managed to navigate life without good friends and support xo
I too am recovering from my first bout of COVID and found this writing to be so spot on. I just finished a year of flying back and forth across the country to care for my mom who died in July during one for the few breaks I took to fly home and rest. I’m still not myself - whatever that is now. Sobering and truthful. It feels comforting to be in such good company. Best as you recover Sue - I’m right here with you.
This made me sad. I’m right there, in the sandwich. Just lost my dad, who didn’t want the grandkids to see him ill or deceased, so we had to house them off-site while he went through hospice. Mom is doing alright, despite having an ostemy bag, a pacemaker, two femurs, and vision loss… but will need me to see her through another shoulder replacement soon. And I’m solo parenting two daughters who are with me 100% of the time. I’m 50. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll even make it to 60. I had my kids late, so I’ll be older than most when they fledge. This left me with the heaviest of sighs.
Why did I relate so much to all of this and I’m only 41?? 😬 It must be the 80 year old Dad. But thank you, because being in the thick of caretaking and knowing more is coming, makes me so grateful to know that others are in it too and that there will be freedom beyond.
I am 60. I stand in reverence to your ode to 60 today.... (I almost wrote "ode 260." As some days it feels like 260).
Never again 30 in my leather mini skirt with 5 inch heels ... but we can certainly give it a whirl.
Bless you for taking care of your parents. I know the heartbreak of it all. In the midst of frantically caring for my Mom three hours away, I will not soon forget her husband standing over her rented hospital bed amidst her beloved baby grand piano, blue couch and art collection screaming, "You're useless! It's useless!" So I learned Love comes in Wolving Sheep's clothing or is it Wolving Sheep come in Love's clothing?
Life lessons still - come pouring in at 60.
Fake it to you make it has never been more depressing .. can't fake it, so we'll take it and work on loving most parts of it.
Thank you for imparting the Ode to 60 today. xoxo Happy Birthday!
I read this this morning with 61 arriving tomorrow. I am full of feelings I can't even name right now because they are so knotted up. 50 to 55 looked much like Lisa's current life, though it was with my mom rather than my dad. It was a terrible, painful time. My beloved mother. With her daughter taking care of her and with my own adolescent daughter starting to spread her wings. I thought I'd never be able to breathe again. And now, here, today, staring 61 right in the face, the fear and prayer for pivot is exactly where I am. It's too late, I think. Is it too late? It's too late. But IS it too late? It is a constant hum in my head. Is irrelevance a choice or a fate I should just resign to? How much longer am I going to fucking equivocate, I yell at myself. How much more time do you think you have to float through if you don't simply want to float through for the rest of your days? The fantasies of youth that I held on to for far too long -- a storied career in I had no idea what, a life of travel no matter how incapacitating my fear of flying, a large, boisterous group of friends irregardless of how profound my social anxiety -- I was well into my 40's and delighting in my own daughter, watching her start to venture out a bit when I realized: oh, wait. What is MY life? What fills ME up? What had I been thinking for so long before I was smacked with love blindness when I had my daughter? Then came my mom's decline -- as my daughter was starting to feel her strength, my mother's was leaving her. And....where was I in all this? Where am I still? It remains unclear.
I feel all of this so much, but it's never too late - right? I'm leaning a bit more into the notion that maybe the floating is fine. Maybe this is just who I am and, instead of taking my cues from a go-go culture, it's FINE - nice even! - to float. Happy Birthday!
Lisa, this response felt like a real balm to me. Thank you. I know that sometimes, if I can move the frame through which I see the world, see MYSELF, even a millimeter over to one side, things can feel so very different. And I feel like you gave me a gentle reminder of that. So, yes, at least for the moment, for this second, embracing the float feels like a good way to hold this moment. Thank you for that. And thank you for writing this piece that really moved me. xx
Happy 61st tomorrow, Susan. 🎂
Thank you, Sari!! xo
Thank you I thought this was just me :)
Such a feeling a relief knowing a person isn't floating around alone...x
Maybe floating through, and helping kids spread their wings, is "MY life" sometimes? That's how it feels to me. But I also chafe at the idea that I never wrote an amazing YA novel and turned down various opportunities to possibly become rich or famous or at least sort of known in the book world or have a part in some HBO series, whatever. All the Many Things.
Would I trade any of those for the love and experience of co-raising my stepdaughter, of raising my son?
And I still miss the travel and boisterous friends, too. I'm sorry you have the additional load of fear of flying + social anxiety to burden you. Happy birthday and your boisterous invisible friends on the Internet are cheering you on!!
I can't tell you how wonderful this was to read. Sometimes I convince myself that most of my feelings are so unrelatable that It just pushes me further away from others. And then something happens once in a while -- like a read an essay that I connect with so much it moves me to comment. And then a few others respond to THAT. In other words, thank you, Tiffany...and Patricia and Sari and Lisa. This essay really hit me hard, Lisa. And, Sari, this whole site has saved me through some real times over the past couple of years. To all of you, though..thank you so.
Oh my goodness, Susan, your comments here, "How much longer am I going to fucking equivocate?" and "Oh wait: what is MY life?".. I feel it, I feel it.
Who or what am I/we? How do we ever know if we've hit the nail on the head? Well, if this 55 year old can be so audacious as to offer a 61 year old some insight, I'd say, "Be the most absolute, extreme and true version of You that you can be." It's why we are all made unique single-edition entities in the first place. Stop looking for relevance vs irrelevance. You're already as 'relevant' as it's possible to be. Live today as the inimitable Susan Gross - no one else can, nor ever has, nor ever will.
Emma....this was such a thoughtful and interesting comment. I'm still mulling it over in my brain, looking at it from side to side, angle by angle. It's always wonderful when something kicks me (metaphorically speaking, of course) and gives me a possibility I hadn't considered before. When I think about it, I realize that until shortly before my mom died, I was very much my truly authentic self. It had always included a natural inclination to be very extreme in my physical appearance in the world which always felt like such a natural and true reflection of me. And it gave me such deep, deep pleasure, only done for my own delight. I loved going out into the world and feeling utterly like myself from the inside out, outside in. Then that last year of my mom's life having to leave NYC suddenly, covid...I don't know, when I finally stopped vibrating from all of that, I feel like so much of me had dissolved, well...I'm still trying to sift through all the shards that dropped off me like slivers of glass and I didn't even know it was happening. So now, here I am, feeling only like a piece of myself and it's...scary. It sure is something. Thank you for all your words, though -- thank you to EVERYONE for the words. It has made me seen both very heard and very seen. XOXO
I can so identify...I had a few year stretch where I had a brush with breast cancer (luckily minor, but still involving surgery, radiation), my daughter was suffering deep distress in her high school years (cutting, furiously rejecting any help), my husband and I were at odds, my mother had a series of strokes and became demented, revealed that she had been sexually molested by her father ( with me managing all this from afar and flying in every few weeks or months...).Just when this run of struggles was getting better - daughter off to a happy freshman year at college, my husband and I getting calmer and closer again, my mother in a good place, he suffered a massive stroke and became significantly disabled, Shortly after that, while he was in recovery, my mother went into decline and dementia and died, I got a new boss from hell, and my.mom died.
Through all this, I was the primary breadwinner, and had to travel a lot for a stressful job - and then had to make sure I kept that job because it provided our health insurance as well as all of our income after my husband's stroke. The crowning blow was when I got a new boss from hell and was fired, with my husband still not on Medicare! (Luckily I was hired by someone else 3 days later- another story- but the panic of seeing the handwriting on the wall was acute)
It's 10 years since the stroke, and after many years of building a new life for myself, as well as managing my husband's care I am in a better place than I've been probably ever. Not only has my family kept evolving until my kids are happy and launched and my husband in a good situation in which he is also happy, but I have moved into a new life with new friendships, interests and activities I love. We both made it onto Medicare so I could retire (a huge gift!). And while my financial means are less than they've been in a long time, I finally have time and peace for self reflection and understanding, without guilt, of how my own upbringing and limitations kept me from being as open hearted as I could have been with my family - while I still have the time and energy to remedy things by bringing more honesty and love to our relationships, and my relationships with others.
Think of your situation as a bottleneck - you have been and maybe still are limited and constrained by curcumstance- but it's not necessary to stay there! You can move into the warmth and rewards of a new era where it's not about clawing forward as a young person, but making choices as an older person to shape your next era, where the constraints of that bottleneck have lifted and you have a new liberty to make your own reality .Not to sugarcoat - sometimes it's lonely when friends are all coupled up and I may never be again, or when I can't afford adventures I'd love to have. But I have such a strong feeling of being like myself in my 20s with all the choices yet to be made - only with more wisdom and less anxiety. It's a good time of life - and it's ahead of you.
Thanks for this - I love the bottleneck analogy!
The constant hum of IS it too late plays on in my head as well, alongside an ever increasing desire to float through. Thanks for this.
I just turned 80, and still have not figured any of it out.
You don't have to! It will always remain a mystery cause no one really knows anything! We just guess a lot.
I turned 60 this year, but both of my parents are long gone. Instead I'm caring for my partner, diagnosed with Parkinson's (and related dementia) at 54. "How am I 60? Also, I'm only 60." Exactly. Thank you for this.
I woke up this morning sad that I cannot take long hikes as I did 10 or even 5 years ago. These days I swim or kayak which I love. Aging is humbling at times. I relate to the caregiving. My mother passed last year. Dad died in 2017. So that responsibility is over. Now I’m in that period where I can be selfish again. But hoping I don’t have to caregive my brother, or worse he caregive me in thr near future.
But I’m grateful to be alive, and grateful I had it in me to raise my daughter and care for my parents.
I want to be inspiring but today I just feel a little sad.
Every word. Thank you for this. Last night, I visited with a learning community that began 23 years ago. I was the youngest member back then. Everyone was a good 10 to 20 years older than me. I felt new, green and privileged to be part of a community of wise people. I was 42.
When I first started seeing everyone age, I wanted it to stop.
At 65, seeing them last night...one in a wheelchair, one with a cane, one no longer comes due to dementia and lots of aches and pains, my own neck killing me...I felt love for us. Here we are. These lives we've lived. Gratitude for all we've been through together.
I'm less afraid. I've lost so many people. My parents, my sister, good friends. Cared for my mom as you cared for your dad. Sat with palliative care people and felt appreciation for these strangers who became a lifeline. Still here.
Looking at many in the younger gen and their disdain for Boomers (Zadie Smith said on Ezra Klein's podcast:
"The kind of discourse, a violent discourse, that goes between old and young people is one of the most delusional things in contemporary discourse. You are literally fighting the person you're about to become.
You're covering in contempt, when you say, OK, Boomer or whatever it is, do you not imagine that there will be a phrase for you very, very soon? It's such a strange war to begin, because you're about to enter it as the victim of it, like so soon, sooner than you can even begin to imagine.”
Mostly, I feel a love for my cohort of aging people walking through it all together. 65 has been easier than 60. It's the acceptance of everything you described. I kept waiting for acceptance. And then something happened that knocked me to my knees and I had no choice. I dropped the rope.
Anyway, this honest blog got to me. Thanks.
From The Ezra Klein Show: Zadie Smith on Populists, Frauds and Flip Phones, Sep 17, 2024
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ezra-klein-show/id1548604447?i=1000669798309
This material may be protected by copyright.
"I dropped the rope." Wow - thanks for every word of THIS comment and thank you to Zadie whom I admire for saying these things. I think I now understand that acceptance is key, you're right. Appreciate this so much xo
Beautifully put, and thank you SO much for the Zadie Smith quote and link to the podcast!
I just blow them off. I think it's funny. They WILL become boomers. They have no choice!
I thought it was just me!
I love your essay! It was funny, and true. I have some good news for you though, when you hit 70 it gets better. Once you let go of the trying to be 40 again. If you have friends and a home and those flowers and animals, that is life and you have time to enjoy all of it. Your care of your father will come to an end.The things that you worried over, you will stop worrying. You will realize that is a waste of your time. I work in my garden, a lot. Nature seems closer than ever and thrive in that idea that you are part of nature, your aging body is normal, rest it when it asks for rest. Feed it what it wants, when it wants. I get the stomach and booze issue, dammit! Now it just takes one glass of wine, sipped slowly, because I just don't want to upset the balance my body has chosen. What is wrong with that? I also believe we have just begun to appreciate the benefits of the cannabis plant. I expect pharmaceutical companies will capitalize on that in the near future. Good for tummy upset, good for relaxing and chronic pain. Better than upping your pharmaceuticals. You can grow your own, 6 plants in CA. Many have switched from alcohol to pot. It's good stuff for what ails ya, particularly if you can grow your own. This is just my experience and a lot of people reading this will be horrified! Old people who smoke pot!!! I figure it's nature's gift to the aging.
I love to hear that at 70 it gets better, especially if you don’t fight it. <3
I turned 60 last month. It was a relief for me because the decade of my 50s was full of upheaval. Now, after the end of a 30 year marriage, the winding up of a family business, the launching of the kids, and a move to a brand new town to start afresh.....now things are looking up. I have the aging parents (happily in a beautiful retirement home) and the aches & pains of my own aging. But I also have a new partner, a new job (because grey divorce is expensive), and some wonderful new friends. As one of them said last night at our Canadian Thanksgiving dinner, "these are the people I choose to grow old with". How lucky am I to have such choices!
Love this. It seems to be the case that it isn't about numbers so much as circumstances. There will always be tough times and better times. I guess you need one to give meaning to the other. But let's not define our lives by a number 😊
This is lovely
I love this.
I cried when I turned 60, first time doing that. My sadness said, 'I can never be a kid again'. Now at 75, I love the perspective and the acceptance.
Oh! But you can be a kid again. Age is just a number. I do stupid kid shit all the time, and I doubt that I’ll ever reach an age where I’ll even think “I can never be a kid again.”
same!
For once I have no words. Except for "me too."
First thing in the morning reading this and now typing with damp eyes because it is just too good, too spot on perfect. I am very slowly recovering from (incredibly) my first bout of Covid and it's been debilitating. Now, I emerge more vulnerable and feeling fragile - a shocking, in-your-face wake up call. I am (a good, I thought) 64. Everything written here so brilliantly rings true - the thing is, I feel so stuck at the moment. I don't have the funds or the inclination to go and "talk" to someone but I am also aware that the all the usual things I do to shift myself are not working as they once did. I am still sick and hoping that this feeling will lift as the virus releases its grip. This is why I value this Substack so hugely: not only for the quality of the writing but for the comments and sense of community. I do not know how so many of our mothers managed to navigate life without good friends and support xo
I too am recovering from my first bout of COVID and found this writing to be so spot on. I just finished a year of flying back and forth across the country to care for my mom who died in July during one for the few breaks I took to fly home and rest. I’m still not myself - whatever that is now. Sobering and truthful. It feels comforting to be in such good company. Best as you recover Sue - I’m right here with you.
Thank you so much xo
This made me sad. I’m right there, in the sandwich. Just lost my dad, who didn’t want the grandkids to see him ill or deceased, so we had to house them off-site while he went through hospice. Mom is doing alright, despite having an ostemy bag, a pacemaker, two femurs, and vision loss… but will need me to see her through another shoulder replacement soon. And I’m solo parenting two daughters who are with me 100% of the time. I’m 50. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll even make it to 60. I had my kids late, so I’ll be older than most when they fledge. This left me with the heaviest of sighs.
<3
Why did I relate so much to all of this and I’m only 41?? 😬 It must be the 80 year old Dad. But thank you, because being in the thick of caretaking and knowing more is coming, makes me so grateful to know that others are in it too and that there will be freedom beyond.
Re: Purpose
Watch the animated movie called 'Soul' and you'll see how purpose relates to doing nothing. You are closer than you think to understanding purpose!
I am 60. I stand in reverence to your ode to 60 today.... (I almost wrote "ode 260." As some days it feels like 260).
Never again 30 in my leather mini skirt with 5 inch heels ... but we can certainly give it a whirl.
Bless you for taking care of your parents. I know the heartbreak of it all. In the midst of frantically caring for my Mom three hours away, I will not soon forget her husband standing over her rented hospital bed amidst her beloved baby grand piano, blue couch and art collection screaming, "You're useless! It's useless!" So I learned Love comes in Wolving Sheep's clothing or is it Wolving Sheep come in Love's clothing?
Life lessons still - come pouring in at 60.
Fake it to you make it has never been more depressing .. can't fake it, so we'll take it and work on loving most parts of it.
Thank you for imparting the Ode to 60 today. xoxo Happy Birthday!
It's hard to express all the ways I love this. Clear-eyed, honest, true, and loving. Thank you, Lisa.