At 55, Anna Graham Hunter assures the 47-year-old, newly divorced version of herself that there's more and better sex coming her way than she might ever have dared to dream.
Jun 5, 2023Liked by Sari Botton, Anna Graham Hunter
Amen and hallelujah! This just makes me want to dance around and cheer.
My first lover after my marriage ended was a dear friend's husband. Not because he was cheating, but because she said to me randomly one night as we were sitting on my side porch drinking bourbon, "I think you and Rob should start sleeping together." In retrospect, she'd been historically poly before they met and he'd been profligate, so I think I was a bit of an attempt to stave off his historical tendency towards infidelity. Which, to be fair, worked. And the whole thing worked for me as well, coming off a 14 year emotionally exhausting and periodically abusive relationship where my ex-husband needed me to be the designated patient and sexually broken.
I didn't want a boyfriend. I had no emotional space for a boyfriend. And so, for two years, he'd come over every once in a while and we'd chat and have a bunch of really delicious sex and then he'd go back to his wife to do all the emotional bits that I didn't want to do. It was freaking glorious.
It was only after that ended and I tried to get back into monogamy that everything went to shit because, honestly, I still had a tremendous amount of work and healing to do, which was evidenced in the very poor choice of partner I made. He was emotionally unavailable, sexually judgmental, and dishonest. [SIGH]
Now, I'm 51, I have a consistent partner and the sex is transcendent, but we're also both older and a little cantankerous and independent. So, no cohabitation or combining finances or any of that business. And it suits me, and keeps me out of old emotional scripts, for which I am grateful.
I wish you all the sex and delight and freedom you can possibly enjoy forever and ever. I wish that for all of us.
Jun 5, 2023Liked by Sari Botton, Anna Graham Hunter
I loved this post. And about men? My husband died 2 years ago, and I feel free. I loved him but our relationship was fraught with so much unhealthy stuff. I am 72 and would love to find a sexual partner, but frankly, I’m not sure I have the courage. But I do take care of myself. 🥰
Jun 5, 2023·edited Jun 5, 2023Liked by Sari Botton, Anna Graham Hunter
Thank you so much for writing this with such directness and honesty. I have never read anything like it. I am 35 and married with a kid, so basically, as conventional as it gets. But I just love hearing stories about future possibilities that our culture has deemed impossible. I read this and thought: there's so much to look forward to!
Jun 5, 2023Liked by Sari Botton, Anna Graham Hunter
Love this! Just turned 57 and I'm wrestling with the idea of staying single, which I seem to love "too much" (the single part). Is something wrong with me... etc. So, thank you. I wish you'd turn this into a book, a memoir.
Jun 5, 2023Liked by Sari Botton, Anna Graham Hunter
Great piece! Wish more older women would speak up about their experiences with later-in-life sexual experimentation, especially as it relates to seeking and celebrating our own pleasure. Hope you'll keep writing and sharing your thoughts :)
Jun 5, 2023Liked by Sari Botton, Anna Graham Hunter
Good God, I am in love with your courage and your energy. And why DOES sex have to be the school of life? (Not that I don't love those folks, they have some excellent memes) But oh, solitude is like a warm bath and I'm not sure I would give that up, just yet :) Such a most excellent post, especially encouraging for someone whose heart was crushed by the big divo...Thanks for this one. 👏 👏 👏
Jun 5, 2023Liked by Sari Botton, Anna Graham Hunter
When you think about it, why not? In a world where humans display a terrifying propensity towards violence and cruelty, this attitude feels akin to nurture. In a more general sense, I love Oldster magazine. Well worth the annual subscription.
Jun 5, 2023Liked by Sari Botton, Anna Graham Hunter
Finally the truth - as much as media wants you to believe that no one will want to look at you after 40 there are TONS of young men, and women, who if you are strong, powerful, smart, and take nurturing care of yourself would love to come over and play. Sexy is in the mind, body and spirit - and there are many people who want to pick up on that frequency. Brava, you beautiful creature!
Jun 5, 2023Liked by Sari Botton, Anna Graham Hunter
This a dangerous post for me to read right now. 😂😂 I’m exactly 47. And this particular subject...is close to home, as they say. (And side story: My mom left my dad when she was 42 or 43 after I had just been born. She hooked up with my older sister’s 18-yr old guy friend.) 🫣
Amen and hallelujah! This just makes me want to dance around and cheer.
My first lover after my marriage ended was a dear friend's husband. Not because he was cheating, but because she said to me randomly one night as we were sitting on my side porch drinking bourbon, "I think you and Rob should start sleeping together." In retrospect, she'd been historically poly before they met and he'd been profligate, so I think I was a bit of an attempt to stave off his historical tendency towards infidelity. Which, to be fair, worked. And the whole thing worked for me as well, coming off a 14 year emotionally exhausting and periodically abusive relationship where my ex-husband needed me to be the designated patient and sexually broken.
I didn't want a boyfriend. I had no emotional space for a boyfriend. And so, for two years, he'd come over every once in a while and we'd chat and have a bunch of really delicious sex and then he'd go back to his wife to do all the emotional bits that I didn't want to do. It was freaking glorious.
It was only after that ended and I tried to get back into monogamy that everything went to shit because, honestly, I still had a tremendous amount of work and healing to do, which was evidenced in the very poor choice of partner I made. He was emotionally unavailable, sexually judgmental, and dishonest. [SIGH]
Now, I'm 51, I have a consistent partner and the sex is transcendent, but we're also both older and a little cantankerous and independent. So, no cohabitation or combining finances or any of that business. And it suits me, and keeps me out of old emotional scripts, for which I am grateful.
I wish you all the sex and delight and freedom you can possibly enjoy forever and ever. I wish that for all of us.
I loved this post. And about men? My husband died 2 years ago, and I feel free. I loved him but our relationship was fraught with so much unhealthy stuff. I am 72 and would love to find a sexual partner, but frankly, I’m not sure I have the courage. But I do take care of myself. 🥰
THIS. IS. EXCELLENT. 👏 👏 👏
Thank you so much for writing this with such directness and honesty. I have never read anything like it. I am 35 and married with a kid, so basically, as conventional as it gets. But I just love hearing stories about future possibilities that our culture has deemed impossible. I read this and thought: there's so much to look forward to!
Love this! Just turned 57 and I'm wrestling with the idea of staying single, which I seem to love "too much" (the single part). Is something wrong with me... etc. So, thank you. I wish you'd turn this into a book, a memoir.
Your love for your life and yourself shines through. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Great piece! Wish more older women would speak up about their experiences with later-in-life sexual experimentation, especially as it relates to seeking and celebrating our own pleasure. Hope you'll keep writing and sharing your thoughts :)
I love you for this! YES!
Good God, I am in love with your courage and your energy. And why DOES sex have to be the school of life? (Not that I don't love those folks, they have some excellent memes) But oh, solitude is like a warm bath and I'm not sure I would give that up, just yet :) Such a most excellent post, especially encouraging for someone whose heart was crushed by the big divo...Thanks for this one. 👏 👏 👏
When you think about it, why not? In a world where humans display a terrifying propensity towards violence and cruelty, this attitude feels akin to nurture. In a more general sense, I love Oldster magazine. Well worth the annual subscription.
Finally the truth - as much as media wants you to believe that no one will want to look at you after 40 there are TONS of young men, and women, who if you are strong, powerful, smart, and take nurturing care of yourself would love to come over and play. Sexy is in the mind, body and spirit - and there are many people who want to pick up on that frequency. Brava, you beautiful creature!
You are an inspiration. This post is making me rethink everything.
This a dangerous post for me to read right now. 😂😂 I’m exactly 47. And this particular subject...is close to home, as they say. (And side story: My mom left my dad when she was 42 or 43 after I had just been born. She hooked up with my older sister’s 18-yr old guy friend.) 🫣
Your courage to craft a life to your liking (and tell the truth with brilliant clarity!) is brave and inspiring! Bravo.💃🙏💐
I love EVERYTHING about this!
Thank you. This is perfect and this is my life. It’s get so tiring explaining it to people. Your essay is perfect! 💜💜💜💜💜💜