Lani V. Cox addresses her 16-year-old self, a girl who underwent plastic surgery at her mother's urging and emerged determined to never let others dictated how she looked.
Lani, this beautiful piece left me in a puddle of tears. Yes, yes, it ends "happy," but your writing made me feel like I was going through this with you (super powerful). And "Yes" to NEVER letting others dictate how you look, act, write, speak, or express the wonder of "you" in this world. I loved reading your "Letter to My Younger Self#3." Thank you for your authenticity-stunning.
What a touching post I feel love for that young girl and sadness. This is such a reminder of the unintentional wounds we experienced when our mothers tried too hard to make us fit some beauty standard we were never going to fit. My mom's words and actions around food led me to an eating disorder. As a mother, I look back on some of the things I said and later regreted to my two girls. Do we say those things out of fear of what will happen if society rejects us because of our looks? It is a survival instinct or as you say, what our lizard brains tell us? Thanks for the reminder that there's room for us all.
I'm glad you picked up on my mother's actions with compassion. And I remember your essay on your mother-daughter relationship surrounding food. And to answer your question, I think we are fueled by fear, probably more so than we realize in our day to day lives. Thanks for your words, Amy.
First of all, you already had won points for reading and commenting, but to say you'd love to read more AND quote from Ueland, my goodness, you're hitting it out of the park. Thank youuuu! xo
Wow, I am really touched by your beautiful writing that made your journey, my journey as well! Thank you for being real in a world where people are always trying to change into the next best thing!
Lani this such a poignant and vulnerable essay. As someone whose mother gave her diet pills at 10(!!!) and also valued outward appearances above all, this really resonated with me. I want to reach through time and comfort your 16 year old self too.
Ahhh, yes, magic pills and plastic surgery share the same 'quick fix' theme, don't they? I can't imagine how taking those pills made you feel. We can hug each other! Thank you for your kind words. xo
I really like this piece. Struck quite a memory chord with me and will serve as a reminder to my granddaughter that she is beautiful and doesnt need to try to fit in. And by the way, I never realized that you had a chin implant, and I spent time with that teen-age girl, who had a wicked wit, didn’t pull punches, and always made me laugh or think!!!
Awww, you always read what I write, and that means so much to me. Yes, I kept it a secret and was really ashamed of the whole ordeal. Thanks, Mrs. A. You are the best, but you already knew that, didn't you? :P
what a wonderful piece! thank you Lani Cox. so relatable - mothers/daughters-the pressure to be what is determined as beautiful in society- and the beauty of growing into oneself. I applaud you!
As the daughter of a mother who tried to persuade me over the course of 20 years (like right into my 30s) to get my lips reduced by cosmetic surgery, I understand. I think my mom would still like me to do it, that’s the irony.
Yes, my mom's latest battle is to get my eyebrows tattooed. I've never had much, and as I age, even less. It's a pretty minor thing and quite common, so we'll see. They mean well, don't they? Sigh. Thanks for reading and commenting!
This is so beautiful and true. Thank you, Lani!
Wow, Cheryl Strayed read something I wrote. Thank you!
Lani, this beautiful piece left me in a puddle of tears. Yes, yes, it ends "happy," but your writing made me feel like I was going through this with you (super powerful). And "Yes" to NEVER letting others dictate how you look, act, write, speak, or express the wonder of "you" in this world. I loved reading your "Letter to My Younger Self#3." Thank you for your authenticity-stunning.
Thank you, Mary. That means a lot to me. Your comment has made me tear up! :P Hugs.
What a touching post I feel love for that young girl and sadness. This is such a reminder of the unintentional wounds we experienced when our mothers tried too hard to make us fit some beauty standard we were never going to fit. My mom's words and actions around food led me to an eating disorder. As a mother, I look back on some of the things I said and later regreted to my two girls. Do we say those things out of fear of what will happen if society rejects us because of our looks? It is a survival instinct or as you say, what our lizard brains tell us? Thanks for the reminder that there's room for us all.
I'm glad you picked up on my mother's actions with compassion. And I remember your essay on your mother-daughter relationship surrounding food. And to answer your question, I think we are fueled by fear, probably more so than we realize in our day to day lives. Thanks for your words, Amy.
Poignant reminder to honor everyone's natural physicality w/out judgment. Our culture doesn't make it easy.
No, it doesn't. We like to learn the hard way, but I wish we didn't.
I love this so much! Beautiful writing. And so true. I would love to read a book by this woman. As Brenda Ueland says, “Strength to your sword arm!”
First of all, you already had won points for reading and commenting, but to say you'd love to read more AND quote from Ueland, my goodness, you're hitting it out of the park. Thank youuuu! xo
Wow, I am really touched by your beautiful writing that made your journey, my journey as well! Thank you for being real in a world where people are always trying to change into the next best thing!
What a lovely thing to say. Thank you, Sue. xo
I so identify with this story. Pillow and all. Thank you for writing it.
Awww, thank you. That means a lot. xo
Lani this such a poignant and vulnerable essay. As someone whose mother gave her diet pills at 10(!!!) and also valued outward appearances above all, this really resonated with me. I want to reach through time and comfort your 16 year old self too.
Ahhh, yes, magic pills and plastic surgery share the same 'quick fix' theme, don't they? I can't imagine how taking those pills made you feel. We can hug each other! Thank you for your kind words. xo
I really like this piece. Struck quite a memory chord with me and will serve as a reminder to my granddaughter that she is beautiful and doesnt need to try to fit in. And by the way, I never realized that you had a chin implant, and I spent time with that teen-age girl, who had a wicked wit, didn’t pull punches, and always made me laugh or think!!!
Awww, you always read what I write, and that means so much to me. Yes, I kept it a secret and was really ashamed of the whole ordeal. Thanks, Mrs. A. You are the best, but you already knew that, didn't you? :P
You are welcome. I get it. :) I am an author and I feel it's so important to be relatable. Love your voice.:)
"There’s room for all of us to be beautiful." Nice. thank you.
I'm glad it resonated with you too. xo
what a wonderful piece! thank you Lani Cox. so relatable - mothers/daughters-the pressure to be what is determined as beautiful in society- and the beauty of growing into oneself. I applaud you!
Thanks so much. You said the magic word 'relatable' and that means a lot. xo
As the daughter of a mother who tried to persuade me over the course of 20 years (like right into my 30s) to get my lips reduced by cosmetic surgery, I understand. I think my mom would still like me to do it, that’s the irony.
Yes, my mom's latest battle is to get my eyebrows tattooed. I've never had much, and as I age, even less. It's a pretty minor thing and quite common, so we'll see. They mean well, don't they? Sigh. Thanks for reading and commenting!
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Right on. Always be you. Positive energy ✊🏾☀️
Thank you, George.
Beautiful, chilling, beautiful. Such a great read - thank you.
Thanks, Rebecca. xo
All I can say is wow. Haunting story. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you. The whole incident is so ancient history it feels surreal...