I went from an able-bodied pregnant woman of 37 to a right half paralyzed person due to a massive stroke almost 34 years ago. I was supported while I tried to walk. Then I went through the wheelchair, hemi-walker, cane, and then the walking with obvious gait problems. I was supposed to use my cane when I was in my 60s, but my embarrassment made that almost too much to handle. After experiencing recrudescence at 70, I have to use one of my three canes every time I’m outside walking. The reaction of others, both old and young, still creates embarrassment in me. I go around saying positive things to people who have any disability.
For me it’s not how I will be perceived and treated by the public, it’s how I perceive myself. Going from young and agile, to older and arthritic and much less agile. As a former teacher of visually impaired children, and later of adults, I would pep talk my students into shedding shame over using a blind cane. Now I am on the other side, and need to pep talk myself.
Happy Birthday Francine, after hip and knee replacement at 81, I've started using Nordic walking sticks--I think I look hipper and more athletic, but then who cares? So maybe a purple cane with a silver handle--stay strong and enjoy your birthday.
Happy Birthday, Francine! And thanks for the generous shoutouts, Sari. Using a cane means grappling with our internalized ageism *and* ableism. That's a very heavy lift. I still forget mine regularly, whether at by my front door or hung on a some counter, and I wish it came with a third hand. But I move more, and more safely, which helps me see this progression as a win rather than a defeat.
Happy Birthday Francine. I’ve had a Fran of my own like you—so spirited and fully alive and present for everyone around her. That first picture of you in the restaurant with a look of joyful surprise reminded me so much of her. Before becoming a social worker she was an elementary school math teacher and her husband’s name was Stanley.😳Not the same.
I love that you call going to Manhattan “the city”. I did as a kid in Brooklyn. The joy you receive from all you do is I’m sure contagious to those around you. I loved witnessing that and can only imagine.
Fran would have hated using a cane and trading in her tennis racquet for it. She played until weeks before she died.
Be assured your spirit will live on. It already does. Frans rule!
Oh how I loved this interview! Your mom is intelligent and beautiful and it’s apparent how much you care about each other. That question: “who do you look up to that is older than you” - I think I’m choosing HER!
Oh, boy. I have used a cane occasionally since breaking my ankle about ten years ago. Then I took it out again when I tore my meniscus, and again with sacroiliac disorder, and again with an IT band injury. And now I have new arthritis in one hip! Hello, cane, my old friend. You make it easier to get around, but you make me feel old at the same time. People are more respectful about holding doors, seeing an outward indicator of disability. Dogs and toddlers are cautious, proving that they can count to two (legs), which means an additional skinny leg is concerning. My first cane, a fancy padded number, belonged to my mother- in-law, may her memory be a blessing. I was honored to inherit it, and bereft when I left it on top of my car while gassing up during a long trip, so it no doubt ended up in the middle of a highway. I hope someone rescued it and is using it. My new cane not only makes it easier to walk but it extends my reach, so I can pull things closer to me and push things away when necessary, plus whack cars if they stop in the middle of the crosswalk! I don't know what this new era of arthritis will bring, but I like to think that my progress down the street with my cane is not just slow but also stately, proving that I am, in fact, a queen.
My mother-in-law was in a wheelchair for the last few years of her life. People would totally ignore her, particularly serving staff, asking me what she wanted. I was constantly asking them to speak to her - saying she’s not deaf and she can’t speak for herself. It was demoralising for her and infuriating for me.
I had foot surgery 6 weeks ago and transitioned from a cast and knee scooter to a boot and crutches and then to just the boot. When I had similar problems over the years, I was just a person temporarily disabled but now that I am 70, I am seen as an old person. I have to just let it go.
I'm only 72, but my brain thinks I'm in my mid 50s. That being said, my body reminds me on a daily basis that I am 72, and I need to be more careful. I have a knee whose tendons nearby get really cranky sometimes (part of an inflammation process my body does). I have found a cane reduces the discomfort. Why should I care what others think when a cane keeps me mobile and lets me do what I want to do? The same thing when I get dizzy. A cane keeps me from falling. Falling hurts. Falling can cause broken bones or just major bruising. Why should I keep from using a cane until the dizziness stops when it will prevent pain?
Thanks to all of you for the Happy Birthday wishes! It's so nice to "meet" all of my daughter's lovely readers!
Happy birthday Francine!
Francine, you are beautiful and amazing.
I went from an able-bodied pregnant woman of 37 to a right half paralyzed person due to a massive stroke almost 34 years ago. I was supported while I tried to walk. Then I went through the wheelchair, hemi-walker, cane, and then the walking with obvious gait problems. I was supposed to use my cane when I was in my 60s, but my embarrassment made that almost too much to handle. After experiencing recrudescence at 70, I have to use one of my three canes every time I’m outside walking. The reaction of others, both old and young, still creates embarrassment in me. I go around saying positive things to people who have any disability.
Thank you for sharing that, Terri. <3
Wow, Terri, what a story of resilience. Of course, all those mobility issues whilst raising a child show strength of character, not just physicality.
For me it’s not how I will be perceived and treated by the public, it’s how I perceive myself. Going from young and agile, to older and arthritic and much less agile. As a former teacher of visually impaired children, and later of adults, I would pep talk my students into shedding shame over using a blind cane. Now I am on the other side, and need to pep talk myself.
💕
Happy Birthday Francine, after hip and knee replacement at 81, I've started using Nordic walking sticks--I think I look hipper and more athletic, but then who cares? So maybe a purple cane with a silver handle--stay strong and enjoy your birthday.
Happy Birthday, Francine! And thanks for the generous shoutouts, Sari. Using a cane means grappling with our internalized ageism *and* ableism. That's a very heavy lift. I still forget mine regularly, whether at by my front door or hung on a some counter, and I wish it came with a third hand. But I move more, and more safely, which helps me see this progression as a win rather than a defeat.
Yes, the ableism piece, too! <3
Happy Birthday Francine. I’ve had a Fran of my own like you—so spirited and fully alive and present for everyone around her. That first picture of you in the restaurant with a look of joyful surprise reminded me so much of her. Before becoming a social worker she was an elementary school math teacher and her husband’s name was Stanley.😳Not the same.
I love that you call going to Manhattan “the city”. I did as a kid in Brooklyn. The joy you receive from all you do is I’m sure contagious to those around you. I loved witnessing that and can only imagine.
Fran would have hated using a cane and trading in her tennis racquet for it. She played until weeks before she died.
Be assured your spirit will live on. It already does. Frans rule!
(If only)
🫶🙏🏻🎂🥳🎉
I think we’ve discussed this before, but there was also (briefly, in the ‘80s) a husband named Irwin. So many overlapping names…
My mother, vital to the end, used her cane to threaten us when she wanted to make a point. She came close but never connected. She made it to 96.
Oh how I loved this interview! Your mom is intelligent and beautiful and it’s apparent how much you care about each other. That question: “who do you look up to that is older than you” - I think I’m choosing HER!
Awww.
My cousin Fran is one class act❤️I cried and laughed through the Oldster interview. Sari you are amazing💕My Franny and I loved the interview😍
Thank you, Sharon!!! 😘
Oh, boy. I have used a cane occasionally since breaking my ankle about ten years ago. Then I took it out again when I tore my meniscus, and again with sacroiliac disorder, and again with an IT band injury. And now I have new arthritis in one hip! Hello, cane, my old friend. You make it easier to get around, but you make me feel old at the same time. People are more respectful about holding doors, seeing an outward indicator of disability. Dogs and toddlers are cautious, proving that they can count to two (legs), which means an additional skinny leg is concerning. My first cane, a fancy padded number, belonged to my mother- in-law, may her memory be a blessing. I was honored to inherit it, and bereft when I left it on top of my car while gassing up during a long trip, so it no doubt ended up in the middle of a highway. I hope someone rescued it and is using it. My new cane not only makes it easier to walk but it extends my reach, so I can pull things closer to me and push things away when necessary, plus whack cars if they stop in the middle of the crosswalk! I don't know what this new era of arthritis will bring, but I like to think that my progress down the street with my cane is not just slow but also stately, proving that I am, in fact, a queen.
👑
My mother-in-law was in a wheelchair for the last few years of her life. People would totally ignore her, particularly serving staff, asking me what she wanted. I was constantly asking them to speak to her - saying she’s not deaf and she can’t speak for herself. It was demoralising for her and infuriating for me.
Awful. So sorry.
Happy birthday to your mom and I love the pic of you dressed up as her in the 70s (great outfit!!)!
Thank you!
Loved the conversation between mother and daughter. Happy Birthday Francine! You are an inspiration.
I love what you do in the world, Sari. So lovely to see and hear your beautiful mom. Happy Birthday to Fran! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you. <3
I had foot surgery 6 weeks ago and transitioned from a cast and knee scooter to a boot and crutches and then to just the boot. When I had similar problems over the years, I was just a person temporarily disabled but now that I am 70, I am seen as an old person. I have to just let it go.
I'm only 72, but my brain thinks I'm in my mid 50s. That being said, my body reminds me on a daily basis that I am 72, and I need to be more careful. I have a knee whose tendons nearby get really cranky sometimes (part of an inflammation process my body does). I have found a cane reduces the discomfort. Why should I care what others think when a cane keeps me mobile and lets me do what I want to do? The same thing when I get dizzy. A cane keeps me from falling. Falling hurts. Falling can cause broken bones or just major bruising. Why should I keep from using a cane until the dizziness stops when it will prevent pain?