Yes! I’ve had to do lots of unlearning. This Chair Rocks was a good start for me. I changed so much else in my life just as I was entering my seventies— A year into th pandemic I retired from almost 50 years as a child and adult psychiatrist, my father died at 99, we moved to Amherst from the Boston area, my husband (my first marriage at 62 who has post-polio) became more disabled, and we got our first dog as adults. Oh and I turned serious attention to my poetry. Oh and aging seems to involve reworking all my childhood trauma. AND I’m happier than I’ve ever been interspersed with a lot of crying. SARI THANK YOU FOR OLDSTER!!
Hello and good morning, Sari, it's always a good day when I wake up to your post.
I would love to fill out an Oldster interview/survey form at my ripe age of 77 years younger than I'll ever be again. (I'm in an MFA Creative Writing program, living separately from my hubby of nearly 50 years and a have a few thoughts...
One is as I present my writing in workshops most of my peers in the program are significantly younger than I am. There are so many concepts and words they take for granted that weren't around in the last 1/2 of the 20th century (which is the period I write about) and many terms have been invented or coined since the 2000's.
I've thought of compiling a list of words/phrases that define the top ten or so words in different critically growing areas of study, words that have made their way into common use since 1970 and beyond (when I graduated college). Do you know of any such book?
And what would be the top ten words you would like to see listed based on talking to people about Oldster/ageism?
Anyone else reading this comment is welcome to contribute ...or write to me at pacogen@gmail.com.
LOVE this stack, and I la la la la LOVE Ashton Applewhite - thank you for amplifying her powerful pro aging platform Sari! Dissolving indoctrinated internalized ageist beliefs is where I live through the Don't Be Caged By Your Age podcast - recognizing how the stories we tell ourselves about aging is what prevents us from aging well + and hearing folks 65+ share how they found pathways to fuel their passion, purpose and pocketbooks helps flip the limiting narratives in our minds. BTW: We're having the same surreal "camp fire" experience in Boston - you can actually taste the smoke. Sending all the good vibes to our friends in Ontario Canada!
I'm 80 and don't use a cane, even though I suffer from vestibular issues. I don't look or act my age, but as they say, "the body knows the score." I plan to live to 100 as my mother did. So I've unlearned a lot of myths about "old age." I've also had to unlearn what I was taught about manners and etiquette. I'm two years a widow and have no family, so I've had to unlearn everything I knew about depending on other people. I depended on my partner so much, just for self confidence sometimes. Now I have to face life alone,
Unlearning is a fascinating topic, and one I think about a lot. I'm currently trying to unlearn perfectionism, which I know to be damaging in many ways, but boy, it still bites me in the butt pretty frequently.
I'm also experiencing something like a crash course in biases around jobs and how work does/doesn't define us. When I was unable to land another corporate writing/editing job in my 50s after a year-long search, and switched to pet sitting and ushering, I realized that the so-called "knowledge work" I'd been taught to seek out and strive for wasn't more important or "better" than service/gig work (Covid taught us this, too, of course). It's also been pretty shocking to experience the marked difference in how people view & treat me when I tell them what I do today versus when I had a corporate job title. Watching their reactions is like watching my former self. I unconsciously soaked up way too many of society's values around job status/socioeconomic class. I am very glad to be unlearning that crap.
Those are just two examples. I could go on and on about this topic. Thanks for bringing it up and for all you do at Oldster.
Oof. Unlearning. Such an important part of life. I think I’m in the process of doing some unlearning and pressing up against my desire not to at a shifting stage in my life.
Wonderful post and succinct way to articulate combining our past selves with our present ones. I am unlearning selfishness or maybe UN-selfishness? It hit me recently that as a writer/artist at this stage, I need to be "selfish:" however, when it comes to family I can be unselfish, in that I can focus on their younger person issues without expecting reciprocation. I suppose this stems from a few times being called selfish by a mother who used that word to manipulate my guilt so I'd jump into her narcissistic maelstrom. ANYWAY...that was a long time ago. I'm over it, really.
I suppose we unlearn our expectations at this age, of both our former and present selves. Bravo! I love the inspiration!
Love Ashton Applewhite and can’t wait to hear her on Encore Creativity masterclasses on August 17 - look under upcoming master classes. It’s free! https://encorecreativity.org/masterclasses/.
So glad not to be stupid, poor, anxious, and beautiful anymore. Youthfulness has downsides that make walking with a cane seem pretty benign, by comparison.
Here's the correct link for the Alexis Mera Damen's interview with me: https://www.meramagazine.com/p/sari-botton-writer-author
Yes! I’ve had to do lots of unlearning. This Chair Rocks was a good start for me. I changed so much else in my life just as I was entering my seventies— A year into th pandemic I retired from almost 50 years as a child and adult psychiatrist, my father died at 99, we moved to Amherst from the Boston area, my husband (my first marriage at 62 who has post-polio) became more disabled, and we got our first dog as adults. Oh and I turned serious attention to my poetry. Oh and aging seems to involve reworking all my childhood trauma. AND I’m happier than I’ve ever been interspersed with a lot of crying. SARI THANK YOU FOR OLDSTER!!
<3
Hello and good morning, Sari, it's always a good day when I wake up to your post.
I would love to fill out an Oldster interview/survey form at my ripe age of 77 years younger than I'll ever be again. (I'm in an MFA Creative Writing program, living separately from my hubby of nearly 50 years and a have a few thoughts...
One is as I present my writing in workshops most of my peers in the program are significantly younger than I am. There are so many concepts and words they take for granted that weren't around in the last 1/2 of the 20th century (which is the period I write about) and many terms have been invented or coined since the 2000's.
I've thought of compiling a list of words/phrases that define the top ten or so words in different critically growing areas of study, words that have made their way into common use since 1970 and beyond (when I graduated college). Do you know of any such book?
And what would be the top ten words you would like to see listed based on talking to people about Oldster/ageism?
Anyone else reading this comment is welcome to contribute ...or write to me at pacogen@gmail.com.
Thank so much for your work, Sari!!
Patty
LOVE this stack, and I la la la la LOVE Ashton Applewhite - thank you for amplifying her powerful pro aging platform Sari! Dissolving indoctrinated internalized ageist beliefs is where I live through the Don't Be Caged By Your Age podcast - recognizing how the stories we tell ourselves about aging is what prevents us from aging well + and hearing folks 65+ share how they found pathways to fuel their passion, purpose and pocketbooks helps flip the limiting narratives in our minds. BTW: We're having the same surreal "camp fire" experience in Boston - you can actually taste the smoke. Sending all the good vibes to our friends in Ontario Canada!
Thanks, Ande!
I'm 80 and don't use a cane, even though I suffer from vestibular issues. I don't look or act my age, but as they say, "the body knows the score." I plan to live to 100 as my mother did. So I've unlearned a lot of myths about "old age." I've also had to unlearn what I was taught about manners and etiquette. I'm two years a widow and have no family, so I've had to unlearn everything I knew about depending on other people. I depended on my partner so much, just for self confidence sometimes. Now I have to face life alone,
<3
Unlearning is a fascinating topic, and one I think about a lot. I'm currently trying to unlearn perfectionism, which I know to be damaging in many ways, but boy, it still bites me in the butt pretty frequently.
I'm also experiencing something like a crash course in biases around jobs and how work does/doesn't define us. When I was unable to land another corporate writing/editing job in my 50s after a year-long search, and switched to pet sitting and ushering, I realized that the so-called "knowledge work" I'd been taught to seek out and strive for wasn't more important or "better" than service/gig work (Covid taught us this, too, of course). It's also been pretty shocking to experience the marked difference in how people view & treat me when I tell them what I do today versus when I had a corporate job title. Watching their reactions is like watching my former self. I unconsciously soaked up way too many of society's values around job status/socioeconomic class. I am very glad to be unlearning that crap.
Those are just two examples. I could go on and on about this topic. Thanks for bringing it up and for all you do at Oldster.
Glad this resonated!
We have all been using assistive technologies since we were born. Just different types in different seasons of life.
Good point!
Oof. Unlearning. Such an important part of life. I think I’m in the process of doing some unlearning and pressing up against my desire not to at a shifting stage in my life.
Love this Stack, Sari.
Thanks, Holly!
love Ashton. A good conversation.
Wonderful post and succinct way to articulate combining our past selves with our present ones. I am unlearning selfishness or maybe UN-selfishness? It hit me recently that as a writer/artist at this stage, I need to be "selfish:" however, when it comes to family I can be unselfish, in that I can focus on their younger person issues without expecting reciprocation. I suppose this stems from a few times being called selfish by a mother who used that word to manipulate my guilt so I'd jump into her narcissistic maelstrom. ANYWAY...that was a long time ago. I'm over it, really.
I suppose we unlearn our expectations at this age, of both our former and present selves. Bravo! I love the inspiration!
Yes to all of this. Glad to hear!
Love Ashton Applewhite and can’t wait to hear her on Encore Creativity masterclasses on August 17 - look under upcoming master classes. It’s free! https://encorecreativity.org/masterclasses/.
Thank you for Beth Spencer’s Created with Human Intelligence badge!
it’s the best! Grateful to her for it.
I love that you're human. Hurray for typos 😊🙏🏻
<3
So glad not to be stupid, poor, anxious, and beautiful anymore. Youthfulness has downsides that make walking with a cane seem pretty benign, by comparison.
Amen.
Thank you again, Sari! Enjoyed our chat and I’m glad you appreciated the questions! ❤️
Watched the interview live and thoroughly enjoyed it — especially her candor and authenticity.
I wanted to comment however that I think older people take a big risk when they are irreverent. I think irreverence is reserved for youth.
Maybe it’s the last frontier for oldsters like us. 🤷🏼♂️
Thanks, Irwin. I love irreverence in everyone and think Oldsters should stake their fair claim to it!
That’s a great way to put it. A “fair claim” not a sole claim. We deserve a share of it.
Exactly.