Reading this (which is wonderfully written, full stop), I just couldn't help thinking, Not everyone's childhood is a free, imaginative playscape of possibility, sadly. That some of us manage to maintain a hold of our imaginations is as much a survival tactic and a triumph of will as anything. And then we grow up, and that small, glowing ember of imaginative fire that should have been free to rage through our childhoods but wasn't (because of family trauma or illness or poverty or war or any of the many things that can steal a childhood) finds a home in a life that we are finally able to protect and make safe enough for it to burn, hot and fierce.
I wouldn't go back to my childhood for anything. I'm not getting heavier and more burdened as I age. Instead, I'm settling into my ability to bear my burdens with grace, and make a safe space for the imaginative child I was deep underneath all the heaviness she had to carry. It's making me lighter and lighter-- this process of using my hard won, adult skills to make space for her-- so that someday, when the tether snaps, we'll just fly away.
I'm seventy-two now, but I have such a strong memory of going to a counselor when I was in my early twenties and a question he asked me during a session. "What is your favorite children's story?" "That's easy," I answered. "Peter Pan." He laughed. "That figures. You don't want to grow up." I felt proud of that for some reason. I'm still like that today. My husband points it out when I want to watch the latest Disney movie or exclaim over something in wonder. "You're still that little girl," he says affectionately. I hope I never lose that part of me.
I think crone-hood is closer to childhood than characterized. They both have a kind of freedom that can get lost or denied in between. Free to be is what we really want at any stage.
I prefer 'childlike' to 'childish ' .. Childish to me is the temper tratrum, the mini fits, the throwing of food ... while childlike is watching the dancing clouds, the blowing on a dandillion, the jumping in puddles ... the things we Crones are still able to do without distressing the neighbors!!
I love being older but I also mourn many aspects of my youth. Sadly my body isn't always on the same page as my mind these days. Lol. What's true is that we can embrace both. I agree that it's not a foregone conclusion that we have to become jaded and cynical as we age and that we can still be committed to adventure, learning, and wonder. For me, the wonder is deeper as I age. As a child I was in a hurry to get to the next thing. In mid life I appreciate the preciousness of time and stop to marvel more at the small things. A sunrise, a flower, the taste of morning coffee, the sound of the dove in a nearby tree, the exploration in making a new recipe. Aging is inevitable. There is wonder and beauty to be found in every age.
What a beautifully written piece! I must push back a bit on the character of Wendy. As Barrie says, "Wendy was grown up. You need not be sorry for her. She was one of the kind that likes to grow up. In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than other girls."
Thanks for posting this! It was a good reminder to me to be myself - which is young at heart! even when I live amongst a lot of "old people" who have consigned themselves to being negative and "old" in not a wise or childlike way, unfortunately - I try to not spend time with them when they are determined to be negative, but since I live in govt housing, it is challenging to find kindred spirits - nonetheless I have! just a few who make it pleasant and fun to hang out with :-)
One of the highlights of Christmas for me this year was playing with my grandnephew's paddle ball one-person game - a long stick with a ball hanging by a string on one end and the paddle has 5 holes of varying placements along the stick where you try to wing the ball into the holes for varying scores. It kept me occupied for a couple hours of fun and laughter! ... in general both grandnephews had me laughing and being playful in various ways for most of the day! Reminded me to try to get around more young children to encourage the eternal child within when she forgets how to play - I am 68 yrs young and don't plan to "get old" anytime soon :-) PS pickup sticks and jacks too!!!
Wonderfully written piece. It beautifully captures the essence of growing older without necessarily growing up. As someone who considers themselves a middle-aged girl, I often find myself oscillating between different ages—the youthful exuberance of 18, the financially responsible 35, the no effs to give anymore of 62. However, I agree with Asha Sanaker that childhood isn't an innocent time for those of us who grew up in dysfunctional homes. Having survived those challenges has made me more determined to focus on the magic of the world, whether I'm at my chronological age or emotional one.
My mom was a great role model for this. She passed 3 years ago at age 88 in a single day, and was still running around town the day before shopping and telling strangers how cute their babies were. She told me that when the world tries to convince you that you're old, you can't succumb. She said when you think you're old, that's when you are. But not until.
Madeline L'Engle wrote, "Maturity is the fulfillment of childhood, not a diminishing. It is an affirmation of life, not a denial, it is entering into our essential selves." Would that we all could see it as such.
Besides fantasy and science fiction, I think curiosity keeps me young in my soul. As someone who loves nature, calls herself an animist, I see wonder running parallel with the brutality of nature. In other words, I love observing plants and animals, taking note of their unique qualities, but I understand there can be danger lurking underneath (I am not Snow White trying to pet a full grown male deer or touch certain plants because they are “pretty”).
I love science, magic and all the questions unanswered. And my curiosity battles with my anxiety, which I didn’t really start to develop until you guessed it- puberty. Story also allows us to ask questions, even if we are not into science, for example. It is the quality of curiosity, of asking why, of experiment and making mistakes and messes that helps us stay younger in our mindsets, at least in my opinion.
I have a deep love for fantasy stories, but I didn’t want to stay in a Neverland, Narnia, Middle Earth, etc over and over- I wanted to see what fueled it, its ecosystem, what could it become? Not for grown up colonizing capitalist reasons- but for the pure imagination of possibility. We have so many wonderful things in our civilization today due to someone dreaming with no profit or power motive- it started as just a pure exercise of imagination. Just as art can be untethered to grown up reasons and be enjoyable to make and appreciate.
Like you said, children see possibilities of fun, discovery and adventure. Grown ups see possible disappointments, liabilities, potential power plays and profit margins. Imagine a world where we let our inner child hold hands with the adult in all things we do.
As the Lost Boys cried in Hook,” “ Bangarang!”
And a side note, my 16 year old is playing Captain Hook in his theater class’s production of Peter Pan. So much fun to play the villain, isn’t it? I secretly loved being the bad guy when pretending with other kids.
Reading this (which is wonderfully written, full stop), I just couldn't help thinking, Not everyone's childhood is a free, imaginative playscape of possibility, sadly. That some of us manage to maintain a hold of our imaginations is as much a survival tactic and a triumph of will as anything. And then we grow up, and that small, glowing ember of imaginative fire that should have been free to rage through our childhoods but wasn't (because of family trauma or illness or poverty or war or any of the many things that can steal a childhood) finds a home in a life that we are finally able to protect and make safe enough for it to burn, hot and fierce.
I wouldn't go back to my childhood for anything. I'm not getting heavier and more burdened as I age. Instead, I'm settling into my ability to bear my burdens with grace, and make a safe space for the imaginative child I was deep underneath all the heaviness she had to carry. It's making me lighter and lighter-- this process of using my hard won, adult skills to make space for her-- so that someday, when the tether snaps, we'll just fly away.
I'm seventy-two now, but I have such a strong memory of going to a counselor when I was in my early twenties and a question he asked me during a session. "What is your favorite children's story?" "That's easy," I answered. "Peter Pan." He laughed. "That figures. You don't want to grow up." I felt proud of that for some reason. I'm still like that today. My husband points it out when I want to watch the latest Disney movie or exclaim over something in wonder. "You're still that little girl," he says affectionately. I hope I never lose that part of me.
I think crone-hood is closer to childhood than characterized. They both have a kind of freedom that can get lost or denied in between. Free to be is what we really want at any stage.
I'm quite happy being an adult, because it grants me certain freedoms. A grown-up, however - that's not for me.
I prefer 'childlike' to 'childish ' .. Childish to me is the temper tratrum, the mini fits, the throwing of food ... while childlike is watching the dancing clouds, the blowing on a dandillion, the jumping in puddles ... the things we Crones are still able to do without distressing the neighbors!!
What a lovely reminder on a Monday morning to see the joys and embrace childlike curiosity thank you🤍
I love being older but I also mourn many aspects of my youth. Sadly my body isn't always on the same page as my mind these days. Lol. What's true is that we can embrace both. I agree that it's not a foregone conclusion that we have to become jaded and cynical as we age and that we can still be committed to adventure, learning, and wonder. For me, the wonder is deeper as I age. As a child I was in a hurry to get to the next thing. In mid life I appreciate the preciousness of time and stop to marvel more at the small things. A sunrise, a flower, the taste of morning coffee, the sound of the dove in a nearby tree, the exploration in making a new recipe. Aging is inevitable. There is wonder and beauty to be found in every age.
At Zynga we had a poster with this quote:
“You don’t stop playing because you aged.
You ages because you stopped playing. “
Move to Spain. Getting a visa is easy now.
What a beautifully written piece! I must push back a bit on the character of Wendy. As Barrie says, "Wendy was grown up. You need not be sorry for her. She was one of the kind that likes to grow up. In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than other girls."
Thanks for posting this! It was a good reminder to me to be myself - which is young at heart! even when I live amongst a lot of "old people" who have consigned themselves to being negative and "old" in not a wise or childlike way, unfortunately - I try to not spend time with them when they are determined to be negative, but since I live in govt housing, it is challenging to find kindred spirits - nonetheless I have! just a few who make it pleasant and fun to hang out with :-)
One of the highlights of Christmas for me this year was playing with my grandnephew's paddle ball one-person game - a long stick with a ball hanging by a string on one end and the paddle has 5 holes of varying placements along the stick where you try to wing the ball into the holes for varying scores. It kept me occupied for a couple hours of fun and laughter! ... in general both grandnephews had me laughing and being playful in various ways for most of the day! Reminded me to try to get around more young children to encourage the eternal child within when she forgets how to play - I am 68 yrs young and don't plan to "get old" anytime soon :-) PS pickup sticks and jacks too!!!
Wonderfully written piece. It beautifully captures the essence of growing older without necessarily growing up. As someone who considers themselves a middle-aged girl, I often find myself oscillating between different ages—the youthful exuberance of 18, the financially responsible 35, the no effs to give anymore of 62. However, I agree with Asha Sanaker that childhood isn't an innocent time for those of us who grew up in dysfunctional homes. Having survived those challenges has made me more determined to focus on the magic of the world, whether I'm at my chronological age or emotional one.
My mom was a great role model for this. She passed 3 years ago at age 88 in a single day, and was still running around town the day before shopping and telling strangers how cute their babies were. She told me that when the world tries to convince you that you're old, you can't succumb. She said when you think you're old, that's when you are. But not until.
Yes, everything belongs. Perhaps we mistake change for aging and forget that each nano-second is totally unique and new
Madeline L'Engle wrote, "Maturity is the fulfillment of childhood, not a diminishing. It is an affirmation of life, not a denial, it is entering into our essential selves." Would that we all could see it as such.
Besides fantasy and science fiction, I think curiosity keeps me young in my soul. As someone who loves nature, calls herself an animist, I see wonder running parallel with the brutality of nature. In other words, I love observing plants and animals, taking note of their unique qualities, but I understand there can be danger lurking underneath (I am not Snow White trying to pet a full grown male deer or touch certain plants because they are “pretty”).
I love science, magic and all the questions unanswered. And my curiosity battles with my anxiety, which I didn’t really start to develop until you guessed it- puberty. Story also allows us to ask questions, even if we are not into science, for example. It is the quality of curiosity, of asking why, of experiment and making mistakes and messes that helps us stay younger in our mindsets, at least in my opinion.
I have a deep love for fantasy stories, but I didn’t want to stay in a Neverland, Narnia, Middle Earth, etc over and over- I wanted to see what fueled it, its ecosystem, what could it become? Not for grown up colonizing capitalist reasons- but for the pure imagination of possibility. We have so many wonderful things in our civilization today due to someone dreaming with no profit or power motive- it started as just a pure exercise of imagination. Just as art can be untethered to grown up reasons and be enjoyable to make and appreciate.
Like you said, children see possibilities of fun, discovery and adventure. Grown ups see possible disappointments, liabilities, potential power plays and profit margins. Imagine a world where we let our inner child hold hands with the adult in all things we do.
As the Lost Boys cried in Hook,” “ Bangarang!”
And a side note, my 16 year old is playing Captain Hook in his theater class’s production of Peter Pan. So much fun to play the villain, isn’t it? I secretly loved being the bad guy when pretending with other kids.