Reading this (which is wonderfully written, full stop), I just couldn't help thinking, Not everyone's childhood is a free, imaginative playscape of possibility, sadly. That some of us manage to maintain a hold of our imaginations is as much a survival tactic and a triumph of will as anything. And then we grow up, and that small, glowing ember of imaginative fire that should have been free to rage through our childhoods but wasn't (because of family trauma or illness or poverty or war or any of the many things that can steal a childhood) finds a home in a life that we are finally able to protect and make safe enough for it to burn, hot and fierce.
I wouldn't go back to my childhood for anything. I'm not getting heavier and more burdened as I age. Instead, I'm settling into my ability to bear my burdens with grace, and make a safe space for the imaginative child I was deep underneath all the heaviness she had to carry. It's making me lighter and lighter-- this process of using my hard won, adult skills to make space for her-- so that someday, when the tether snaps, we'll just fly away.
Wonderfully said! Also, this concept of being safe to imagine has come up at least five times before breakfast today, so I'm going to take that as some homework from the universe.
yes! I had trouble relating to this post, the idea of staying 13 feels like punishment (a thing many--probably most--kids are all too familiar with). What a blessing to have had a childhood that felt so safe!
If I could have my 24 year old body, I'd happily rest at 56. ;)
With each decade or so I keep learning and relearning what childlike means at each age; it never ceases to amaze me how I can still retain the childlike qualities or even retrieve them, yet it will always be full of surprises too - never exactly like they used to be! Always good though :-)
Well said. My childhood was pretty typical, all things considered, but I relate with what you wrote enough that I teared up reading those last couple of sentences. I wouldn’t go back to being 13 for anything, unless I could do so knowing what I know now.
My 13yo is depressed. Her dad abandoned us. But I’m a very buoyant and optimistic person. We’ve got to deal with the fallout of abandonment. My optimism has been called “spiritual bypassing,” but it’s not. I embrace the tragicomedy of life. I was abused as a child and I swore the best revenge would be to live well! I’m a bit of a pleasure hound, as a result. I love every age (it’s just fabulous to be alive). I’m sad my daughters got jilted, but our quality of life is good because I insist on it. Refuse to wallow or accept the poorer alternatives. We spend loads of time in nature and concocting stories, songs, and art. We’re all just muddling through... making the best of life, which ain’t easy.
I so relate to most of what you shared - my "golden years" lasted only through about age 8, when family crises turned everything upside down and led into profound multiple traumas for me, into Complex PTSD, from which I have spent my entire adult life (at age 68 now) seeking to understand and heal from - to create what should have been mine from age 8 onward - so no I would not like to go back there to live, yet I have gained so much freedom and insight into my past that I am more and more simply getting to finally live my life and not just survive it... this means much more playfulness and humor and exploration of my creativeness in all aspects of my richer life now!
Thank you for writing this so I didn't have to. I think the idea of childhood as this magical, carefree time is an illusion. Children have real problems and danger and lurking threat is all around them. As a child I couldn't wait to grow up. I couldn't stand that I had no agency, that it was someone else who told me when to wake and when to sleep, what I would eat, and when I would eat it. I never lost my childhood sense of wonder, and I have lived a very unorthodox life, indeed. It's taken me decades to get over the trauma of childhood. I was an adult at age 4, I had to be, I just had none of the perks.
I'm seventy-two now, but I have such a strong memory of going to a counselor when I was in my early twenties and a question he asked me during a session. "What is your favorite children's story?" "That's easy," I answered. "Peter Pan." He laughed. "That figures. You don't want to grow up." I felt proud of that for some reason. I'm still like that today. My husband points it out when I want to watch the latest Disney movie or exclaim over something in wonder. "You're still that little girl," he says affectionately. I hope I never lose that part of me.
I think crone-hood is closer to childhood than characterized. They both have a kind of freedom that can get lost or denied in between. Free to be is what we really want at any stage.
I prefer 'childlike' to 'childish ' .. Childish to me is the temper tratrum, the mini fits, the throwing of food ... while childlike is watching the dancing clouds, the blowing on a dandillion, the jumping in puddles ... the things we Crones are still able to do without distressing the neighbors!!
I love being older but I also mourn many aspects of my youth. Sadly my body isn't always on the same page as my mind these days. Lol. What's true is that we can embrace both. I agree that it's not a foregone conclusion that we have to become jaded and cynical as we age and that we can still be committed to adventure, learning, and wonder. For me, the wonder is deeper as I age. As a child I was in a hurry to get to the next thing. In mid life I appreciate the preciousness of time and stop to marvel more at the small things. A sunrise, a flower, the taste of morning coffee, the sound of the dove in a nearby tree, the exploration in making a new recipe. Aging is inevitable. There is wonder and beauty to be found in every age.
Yes! I resonate with your words and spirit of both acceptance of and appreciation of wherever we are in our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual development no matter our numerical age - I too appreciate the simpler things in life so much more deeply and thoughtfully and yes, I am still exploring the world and my inner worlds more clearly and wisely than ever before! AS well, I am opening to my creativity in numerous ways, both artistic and "practical", both of necessity and simply choice...the wonder of each day never ends...in surprising and down to earth ways! :-)
I love that quote! And I'm working on it! My husband and I will be in Spain all summer looking for our next place. Then we're moving to Germany for a year (for my husband's job) before we head back to Spain.
What a beautifully written piece! I must push back a bit on the character of Wendy. As Barrie says, "Wendy was grown up. You need not be sorry for her. She was one of the kind that likes to grow up. In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than other girls."
Thanks for posting this! It was a good reminder to me to be myself - which is young at heart! even when I live amongst a lot of "old people" who have consigned themselves to being negative and "old" in not a wise or childlike way, unfortunately - I try to not spend time with them when they are determined to be negative, but since I live in govt housing, it is challenging to find kindred spirits - nonetheless I have! just a few who make it pleasant and fun to hang out with :-)
One of the highlights of Christmas for me this year was playing with my grandnephew's paddle ball one-person game - a long stick with a ball hanging by a string on one end and the paddle has 5 holes of varying placements along the stick where you try to wing the ball into the holes for varying scores. It kept me occupied for a couple hours of fun and laughter! ... in general both grandnephews had me laughing and being playful in various ways for most of the day! Reminded me to try to get around more young children to encourage the eternal child within when she forgets how to play - I am 68 yrs young and don't plan to "get old" anytime soon :-) PS pickup sticks and jacks too!!!
Wonderfully written piece. It beautifully captures the essence of growing older without necessarily growing up. As someone who considers themselves a middle-aged girl, I often find myself oscillating between different ages—the youthful exuberance of 18, the financially responsible 35, the no effs to give anymore of 62. However, I agree with Asha Sanaker that childhood isn't an innocent time for those of us who grew up in dysfunctional homes. Having survived those challenges has made me more determined to focus on the magic of the world, whether I'm at my chronological age or emotional one.
My mom was a great role model for this. She passed 3 years ago at age 88 in a single day, and was still running around town the day before shopping and telling strangers how cute their babies were. She told me that when the world tries to convince you that you're old, you can't succumb. She said when you think you're old, that's when you are. But not until.
Madeline L'Engle wrote, "Maturity is the fulfillment of childhood, not a diminishing. It is an affirmation of life, not a denial, it is entering into our essential selves." Would that we all could see it as such.
Besides fantasy and science fiction, I think curiosity keeps me young in my soul. As someone who loves nature, calls herself an animist, I see wonder running parallel with the brutality of nature. In other words, I love observing plants and animals, taking note of their unique qualities, but I understand there can be danger lurking underneath (I am not Snow White trying to pet a full grown male deer or touch certain plants because they are “pretty”).
I love science, magic and all the questions unanswered. And my curiosity battles with my anxiety, which I didn’t really start to develop until you guessed it- puberty. Story also allows us to ask questions, even if we are not into science, for example. It is the quality of curiosity, of asking why, of experiment and making mistakes and messes that helps us stay younger in our mindsets, at least in my opinion.
I have a deep love for fantasy stories, but I didn’t want to stay in a Neverland, Narnia, Middle Earth, etc over and over- I wanted to see what fueled it, its ecosystem, what could it become? Not for grown up colonizing capitalist reasons- but for the pure imagination of possibility. We have so many wonderful things in our civilization today due to someone dreaming with no profit or power motive- it started as just a pure exercise of imagination. Just as art can be untethered to grown up reasons and be enjoyable to make and appreciate.
Like you said, children see possibilities of fun, discovery and adventure. Grown ups see possible disappointments, liabilities, potential power plays and profit margins. Imagine a world where we let our inner child hold hands with the adult in all things we do.
As the Lost Boys cried in Hook,” “ Bangarang!”
And a side note, my 16 year old is playing Captain Hook in his theater class’s production of Peter Pan. So much fun to play the villain, isn’t it? I secretly loved being the bad guy when pretending with other kids.
Reading this (which is wonderfully written, full stop), I just couldn't help thinking, Not everyone's childhood is a free, imaginative playscape of possibility, sadly. That some of us manage to maintain a hold of our imaginations is as much a survival tactic and a triumph of will as anything. And then we grow up, and that small, glowing ember of imaginative fire that should have been free to rage through our childhoods but wasn't (because of family trauma or illness or poverty or war or any of the many things that can steal a childhood) finds a home in a life that we are finally able to protect and make safe enough for it to burn, hot and fierce.
I wouldn't go back to my childhood for anything. I'm not getting heavier and more burdened as I age. Instead, I'm settling into my ability to bear my burdens with grace, and make a safe space for the imaginative child I was deep underneath all the heaviness she had to carry. It's making me lighter and lighter-- this process of using my hard won, adult skills to make space for her-- so that someday, when the tether snaps, we'll just fly away.
There's no reason why the utopia of childhood imagination and wonder can't begin later in life. This is very beautifully said!
Well said, Asha. I relate.
Wonderfully said! Also, this concept of being safe to imagine has come up at least five times before breakfast today, so I'm going to take that as some homework from the universe.
yes! I had trouble relating to this post, the idea of staying 13 feels like punishment (a thing many--probably most--kids are all too familiar with). What a blessing to have had a childhood that felt so safe!
If I could have my 24 year old body, I'd happily rest at 56. ;)
I agree. I also wouldn't go back to my childhood, and I feel that it's only now that I've 40 I'm finally learning to be free like a child.
With each decade or so I keep learning and relearning what childlike means at each age; it never ceases to amaze me how I can still retain the childlike qualities or even retrieve them, yet it will always be full of surprises too - never exactly like they used to be! Always good though :-)
Well said. My childhood was pretty typical, all things considered, but I relate with what you wrote enough that I teared up reading those last couple of sentences. I wouldn’t go back to being 13 for anything, unless I could do so knowing what I know now.
My 13yo is depressed. Her dad abandoned us. But I’m a very buoyant and optimistic person. We’ve got to deal with the fallout of abandonment. My optimism has been called “spiritual bypassing,” but it’s not. I embrace the tragicomedy of life. I was abused as a child and I swore the best revenge would be to live well! I’m a bit of a pleasure hound, as a result. I love every age (it’s just fabulous to be alive). I’m sad my daughters got jilted, but our quality of life is good because I insist on it. Refuse to wallow or accept the poorer alternatives. We spend loads of time in nature and concocting stories, songs, and art. We’re all just muddling through... making the best of life, which ain’t easy.
<3
Beautifully said!
I so relate to most of what you shared - my "golden years" lasted only through about age 8, when family crises turned everything upside down and led into profound multiple traumas for me, into Complex PTSD, from which I have spent my entire adult life (at age 68 now) seeking to understand and heal from - to create what should have been mine from age 8 onward - so no I would not like to go back there to live, yet I have gained so much freedom and insight into my past that I am more and more simply getting to finally live my life and not just survive it... this means much more playfulness and humor and exploration of my creativeness in all aspects of my richer life now!
Thank you for writing this so I didn't have to. I think the idea of childhood as this magical, carefree time is an illusion. Children have real problems and danger and lurking threat is all around them. As a child I couldn't wait to grow up. I couldn't stand that I had no agency, that it was someone else who told me when to wake and when to sleep, what I would eat, and when I would eat it. I never lost my childhood sense of wonder, and I have lived a very unorthodox life, indeed. It's taken me decades to get over the trauma of childhood. I was an adult at age 4, I had to be, I just had none of the perks.
I'm seventy-two now, but I have such a strong memory of going to a counselor when I was in my early twenties and a question he asked me during a session. "What is your favorite children's story?" "That's easy," I answered. "Peter Pan." He laughed. "That figures. You don't want to grow up." I felt proud of that for some reason. I'm still like that today. My husband points it out when I want to watch the latest Disney movie or exclaim over something in wonder. "You're still that little girl," he says affectionately. I hope I never lose that part of me.
That is so beautiful. I hope to never lose that part of me too!
I think crone-hood is closer to childhood than characterized. They both have a kind of freedom that can get lost or denied in between. Free to be is what we really want at any stage.
I love that.
I'm quite happy being an adult, because it grants me certain freedoms. A grown-up, however - that's not for me.
I like the distinction.
Me too!!!!
I prefer 'childlike' to 'childish ' .. Childish to me is the temper tratrum, the mini fits, the throwing of food ... while childlike is watching the dancing clouds, the blowing on a dandillion, the jumping in puddles ... the things we Crones are still able to do without distressing the neighbors!!
What a lovely reminder on a Monday morning to see the joys and embrace childlike curiosity thank you🤍
I love being older but I also mourn many aspects of my youth. Sadly my body isn't always on the same page as my mind these days. Lol. What's true is that we can embrace both. I agree that it's not a foregone conclusion that we have to become jaded and cynical as we age and that we can still be committed to adventure, learning, and wonder. For me, the wonder is deeper as I age. As a child I was in a hurry to get to the next thing. In mid life I appreciate the preciousness of time and stop to marvel more at the small things. A sunrise, a flower, the taste of morning coffee, the sound of the dove in a nearby tree, the exploration in making a new recipe. Aging is inevitable. There is wonder and beauty to be found in every age.
This is so beautiful!
Yes! I resonate with your words and spirit of both acceptance of and appreciation of wherever we are in our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual development no matter our numerical age - I too appreciate the simpler things in life so much more deeply and thoughtfully and yes, I am still exploring the world and my inner worlds more clearly and wisely than ever before! AS well, I am opening to my creativity in numerous ways, both artistic and "practical", both of necessity and simply choice...the wonder of each day never ends...in surprising and down to earth ways! :-)
At Zynga we had a poster with this quote:
“You don’t stop playing because you aged.
You ages because you stopped playing. “
Move to Spain. Getting a visa is easy now.
I love that quote! And I'm working on it! My husband and I will be in Spain all summer looking for our next place. Then we're moving to Germany for a year (for my husband's job) before we head back to Spain.
Ah then you're fulfilling your dreams! Good!
Holler when you're in Spain
What a beautifully written piece! I must push back a bit on the character of Wendy. As Barrie says, "Wendy was grown up. You need not be sorry for her. She was one of the kind that likes to grow up. In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than other girls."
Good point! I ultimately chose to grow up too, but I'm keeping that childlike wonder with me as I do (just as she kept Neverland with her!)
Me too, Elle. I'm an optimistic and a happy person. I chose to take that into future, as I have in the past. Life really is what you make it.
Thanks for posting this! It was a good reminder to me to be myself - which is young at heart! even when I live amongst a lot of "old people" who have consigned themselves to being negative and "old" in not a wise or childlike way, unfortunately - I try to not spend time with them when they are determined to be negative, but since I live in govt housing, it is challenging to find kindred spirits - nonetheless I have! just a few who make it pleasant and fun to hang out with :-)
One of the highlights of Christmas for me this year was playing with my grandnephew's paddle ball one-person game - a long stick with a ball hanging by a string on one end and the paddle has 5 holes of varying placements along the stick where you try to wing the ball into the holes for varying scores. It kept me occupied for a couple hours of fun and laughter! ... in general both grandnephews had me laughing and being playful in various ways for most of the day! Reminded me to try to get around more young children to encourage the eternal child within when she forgets how to play - I am 68 yrs young and don't plan to "get old" anytime soon :-) PS pickup sticks and jacks too!!!
I love this so much!!!!!
I just saw that ball-in-the-holes game for sale in a retro store! I almost bought it, but my kids said “nah.” Maybe I’ll go back!
Yes, do go back or order on Amazon! :-)
Wonderfully written piece. It beautifully captures the essence of growing older without necessarily growing up. As someone who considers themselves a middle-aged girl, I often find myself oscillating between different ages—the youthful exuberance of 18, the financially responsible 35, the no effs to give anymore of 62. However, I agree with Asha Sanaker that childhood isn't an innocent time for those of us who grew up in dysfunctional homes. Having survived those challenges has made me more determined to focus on the magic of the world, whether I'm at my chronological age or emotional one.
My mom was a great role model for this. She passed 3 years ago at age 88 in a single day, and was still running around town the day before shopping and telling strangers how cute their babies were. She told me that when the world tries to convince you that you're old, you can't succumb. She said when you think you're old, that's when you are. But not until.
This is the best thing ever. She's my hero!
And mine! : )
Yes, everything belongs. Perhaps we mistake change for aging and forget that each nano-second is totally unique and new
Madeline L'Engle wrote, "Maturity is the fulfillment of childhood, not a diminishing. It is an affirmation of life, not a denial, it is entering into our essential selves." Would that we all could see it as such.
Besides fantasy and science fiction, I think curiosity keeps me young in my soul. As someone who loves nature, calls herself an animist, I see wonder running parallel with the brutality of nature. In other words, I love observing plants and animals, taking note of their unique qualities, but I understand there can be danger lurking underneath (I am not Snow White trying to pet a full grown male deer or touch certain plants because they are “pretty”).
I love science, magic and all the questions unanswered. And my curiosity battles with my anxiety, which I didn’t really start to develop until you guessed it- puberty. Story also allows us to ask questions, even if we are not into science, for example. It is the quality of curiosity, of asking why, of experiment and making mistakes and messes that helps us stay younger in our mindsets, at least in my opinion.
I have a deep love for fantasy stories, but I didn’t want to stay in a Neverland, Narnia, Middle Earth, etc over and over- I wanted to see what fueled it, its ecosystem, what could it become? Not for grown up colonizing capitalist reasons- but for the pure imagination of possibility. We have so many wonderful things in our civilization today due to someone dreaming with no profit or power motive- it started as just a pure exercise of imagination. Just as art can be untethered to grown up reasons and be enjoyable to make and appreciate.
Like you said, children see possibilities of fun, discovery and adventure. Grown ups see possible disappointments, liabilities, potential power plays and profit margins. Imagine a world where we let our inner child hold hands with the adult in all things we do.
As the Lost Boys cried in Hook,” “ Bangarang!”
And a side note, my 16 year old is playing Captain Hook in his theater class’s production of Peter Pan. So much fun to play the villain, isn’t it? I secretly loved being the bad guy when pretending with other kids.