Oh, this is so heartbreaking but beautiful. Thank you so much. This makes me think of my two dearest old girlfriends — since we were 11-12 years old. Pre-pandemic, we used to meet for dinner every couple of months at a place that was approximately midway in-between where each of us lived (we each lived about an hour away from each other). The establishment is known for its happy hour cocktails and duck fat fries, and we would just group text each other 🦆 🍟 🍸 whenever we wanted to set up a date.
One time we saw three older ladies dining and laughing near us and said, “That’ll be us in 30 years.”
One of our trio, Kristin, passed away in February 2020. She was only 54. Her memorial was the last social thing I attended before the pandemic shut everything down. The remaining two of us are still as close as ever, but the sense of love and loss are now intertwined. Next month we will attend Kristin’s mother’s 80th birthday celebration, the last of our surviving parents. We all called each other’s parents “mom” and “dad.” We treasure the time we have.
One of the reasons I still go to church is to around the last of the wonderful parents who saw us all through our youth. There are only a handful left, but I’m so comforted by their love and presence. They’re still rooting for me, and I can feel it. So sorry for the loss of your friend.
Ouch. Oh, this was heartbreaking. I've experienced this with my mother, but not yet with a peer. Thank you for sharing this. I'm the oldest of my close friends, but not of my wider friend group. Within that wider group there is one woman in her 70s who is midstage Alzheimers and has been retreating more and more out of embarrassment. That was the hardest stage to watch in Mom, when she knew something was wrong, knew she was slipping away. Love to all of us, let's just be kind to each other and to ourselves.🩵
Big luv to you, my friend. Sorry about your mom. I went through it, too, and it is hard to watch them recede from themselves, especially in those moments when they know it's happening but cannot name it.
Oh my. I wonder how disease, senility, dementia and the end of life will affect our lives. I remember when a dear college friend had traumatic brain injury after I graduated. I saw her that summer and she had no recollection of me.
What a beautiful piece. I'm in my late 60s and going through this with a lifelong friend. I had a hunch after her emails became super disjointed and she couldn't seem to remember how to text, after a decade of near-obsessive texting. The inability to choose food from a menu (or even to read a menu) is a sure sign. I'm so sorry, but we're all there, or heading there, with you.
Oh it's so hard, that slippage of a person through time to what? Their essence? It feels as though they disappear before we can grasp them. We want to pull them back, to shape them in the image of how we remember them but it is too late.
It is a reminder of how precious and unique each person is but also how we are connected. The leaves that are sisters on the branches of the same tree.
I love the unflinching way you serve the reality of the experience. I love the last line, 'let's remain ghost friends for all eternity.' Yes, that is a vow I keep with those who have gone before me, and those who have slipped beyond my grasp.
Beautiful, heart wrenching and oh too familiar as I recently was in California and met an old friend for lunch who is in early stages of cognitive iloss. After lunch she couldn't remember where she parked her car and we spent an hour driving around Petaluma until we located it.
True.. Life can be hard but we go on.... i am lucky to have had a friend for so long and it’s easy to be a friend to someone as good as mine. thank you for your comment.
Speaking as a near contemporary, let me say that this is utterly beautiful... and heartbreaking. One of my oldest friends, a brilliant writer and thinker, has just moved into a so-called memory care unit, so I am all the more affected by your account.
It seems almost blasphemous to talk about "art "in response, but the way you suspend our awareness of Camille's mental state makes the story's impact all the more forceful.
That was very evocative, Ellen. Thank you so much for sharing that get together with your friend. There was so much in what you wrote. Had I been in your shoes, I think it would have made me feel very sad. It was a very worthwhile essay and I'm glad to have read it.
Oh, this is so heartbreaking but beautiful. Thank you so much. This makes me think of my two dearest old girlfriends — since we were 11-12 years old. Pre-pandemic, we used to meet for dinner every couple of months at a place that was approximately midway in-between where each of us lived (we each lived about an hour away from each other). The establishment is known for its happy hour cocktails and duck fat fries, and we would just group text each other 🦆 🍟 🍸 whenever we wanted to set up a date.
One time we saw three older ladies dining and laughing near us and said, “That’ll be us in 30 years.”
One of our trio, Kristin, passed away in February 2020. She was only 54. Her memorial was the last social thing I attended before the pandemic shut everything down. The remaining two of us are still as close as ever, but the sense of love and loss are now intertwined. Next month we will attend Kristin’s mother’s 80th birthday celebration, the last of our surviving parents. We all called each other’s parents “mom” and “dad.” We treasure the time we have.
One of the reasons I still go to church is to around the last of the wonderful parents who saw us all through our youth. There are only a handful left, but I’m so comforted by their love and presence. They’re still rooting for me, and I can feel it. So sorry for the loss of your friend.
Thank you so much..ellen
Thank you so much for your comments. ellen
Ouch. Oh, this was heartbreaking. I've experienced this with my mother, but not yet with a peer. Thank you for sharing this. I'm the oldest of my close friends, but not of my wider friend group. Within that wider group there is one woman in her 70s who is midstage Alzheimers and has been retreating more and more out of embarrassment. That was the hardest stage to watch in Mom, when she knew something was wrong, knew she was slipping away. Love to all of us, let's just be kind to each other and to ourselves.🩵
Thank you and love to you..ellen
Big luv to you, my friend. Sorry about your mom. I went through it, too, and it is hard to watch them recede from themselves, especially in those moments when they know it's happening but cannot name it.
🩵
thank you so much for your comment and big luv back to you
Oh my. I wonder how disease, senility, dementia and the end of life will affect our lives. I remember when a dear college friend had traumatic brain injury after I graduated. I saw her that summer and she had no recollection of me.
We need to hold our friends tightly. 💕
Thank you for telling us your story.
Thank you so much..ellen
What a beautiful piece. I'm in my late 60s and going through this with a lifelong friend. I had a hunch after her emails became super disjointed and she couldn't seem to remember how to text, after a decade of near-obsessive texting. The inability to choose food from a menu (or even to read a menu) is a sure sign. I'm so sorry, but we're all there, or heading there, with you.
thank you so much for your comments. i think it was bettie davis that said, “Getting old ain't for sissies"
I kinda think the son deserves an apology.
he does and will get it.. thanks
I loved this heart-wrecking and joyful piece, so well depicted. What a beautiful friendship.
thank you..ellen
A painting come to life, heartbreaking and beautiful. The card! A totem pole of friendship over time. Thank you.
thank you..ellen
Oh it's so hard, that slippage of a person through time to what? Their essence? It feels as though they disappear before we can grasp them. We want to pull them back, to shape them in the image of how we remember them but it is too late.
It is a reminder of how precious and unique each person is but also how we are connected. The leaves that are sisters on the branches of the same tree.
I love the unflinching way you serve the reality of the experience. I love the last line, 'let's remain ghost friends for all eternity.' Yes, that is a vow I keep with those who have gone before me, and those who have slipped beyond my grasp.
Thank you so much for your beautiful comments...ellen
I know dementia well from my mother. And the shock of it. What a beautiful sad piece.
thank you
Beautiful and heartbreaking.
Beautiful, heart wrenching and oh too familiar as I recently was in California and met an old friend for lunch who is in early stages of cognitive iloss. After lunch she couldn't remember where she parked her car and we spent an hour driving around Petaluma until we located it.
Thank you so much for your comment. ellen
💕
Thank you for sharing this perfect story. You sound like such a good friend!
Thank you. ellen
Best one yet. Life is so rough sometimes.
True.. Life can be hard but we go on.... i am lucky to have had a friend for so long and it’s easy to be a friend to someone as good as mine. thank you for your comment.
Speaking as a near contemporary, let me say that this is utterly beautiful... and heartbreaking. One of my oldest friends, a brilliant writer and thinker, has just moved into a so-called memory care unit, so I am all the more affected by your account.
It seems almost blasphemous to talk about "art "in response, but the way you suspend our awareness of Camille's mental state makes the story's impact all the more forceful.
Thank yoju so much for your comment. ellen
That was very evocative, Ellen. Thank you so much for sharing that get together with your friend. There was so much in what you wrote. Had I been in your shoes, I think it would have made me feel very sad. It was a very worthwhile essay and I'm glad to have read it.
Thank you so much ellen
Scary, true, life .. You have a dear friend forever, regardless of conscience thought, or lack there of.
so true.. thank you for your comment... ellen